Ranting

Martha_VH

I have a problem. That's why I'm here. I have learned to stuff down my emotions with food. Mostly when I'm bored. But how I learned that I don't know.

First I want to say that I have great neighbors. They are friendly. And on really hot summer days, like today, they let us use their pool. They had some friends over. Then some friends of their friends came over. And they were female. They were thin, and tall, and had great bodies. That did not bother me. What did bug me is that when one went to take off her sundress her bathing suit was a thong that showed her butt. Another problem is that I don't find myself attractive, so when somebody else with a perfect body has her whole *kitten* hanging out there it makes me want to throw up. I don't, because then I know I'd have a whole other set of issues. But I want to, not even food, I think its all my emotions inside my gut just make me want to puke.

Any way, I want to lose weight, and feel better about myself. But I seriously lack motivation. I know what I need to do, I just have not been able to follow through this year. I can do it for about 3-4 days, but then I fall back off of the wagon.

Anyhow, I am just ranting to get these feelings out. Next step is to do a 30 day shred and yell at Jillian because I find that fun even on good days!