grief and dieting...how to continue

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ARGriffy
ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
When life throws he'll at you, how do you force yourself to care about what's going in your mouth when you find it hard to care about.... anything? I had a huge loss yesterday and feel numb. It's not that I want to binge, I just don't care. Help!

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  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    Deal with your grief and worry about the rest later.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,364 Member
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    I am sorry to hear of your loss, you have my condolences.

    Take some time out, be with family and friends. I know you say you feel numb but don't be afraid to let your emotions out.




  • mperrott2205
    mperrott2205 Posts: 737 Member
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    Your happiness comes above everything at a time like this. Have some you time and then come back to the grind when you're ready.
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
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    defmut3 wrote: »
    Your happiness comes above everything at a time like this. Have some you time and then come back to the grind when you're ready.


    Thanks, although very simple advice it's hard to give yourself a break. I fluctuate between wanting to comfort eat, and zero appetite and skipping meals. So healthy!
  • Kennesaw24
    Kennesaw24 Posts: 50 Member
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    Hi. First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand as our family has just gotten through a very devastating time. In fact, September was the first month everything has felt back to normal around here since January 2014. I encourage you to do the following, considering what I went through and how I feel about my weight gain today. 1) Give yourself a break. Try to stay on track, but don't bully yourself for not being able to keep your mind on yourself, your weight, your workouts. (It is hard to workout when you go to the gym and can't stop crying.) 2) Walking is the most under-rated activity -- do it if you can't do anything else. 2) When you are feeling self-pity and want to eat something "just because," try to keep in mind how you'll ultimately feel with a weight gain. If it's okay for the moment do it, but thinking about it might stop you.

    All I'm trying to say is be gentle on yourself and give yourself time to heal. Sometimes the most important thing is not connected to your weight, or how you feel in jeans. It's just taking the time to grieve and be with others and do the things you need to do to get through this time of sorrow. My prayers are with you this morning.
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,138 Member
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    I'm sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself. Don't put pressure on yourself to follow your normal routine. Eat when you can and focus on nourishment as opposed to weight loss. If you want to comfort eat, then so be it. If tomorrow you eat and go for a walk - that's fine. If the day after you stay in bed all day and can't stomach anything - that's fine too. You'll find a new equilibrium eventually and get back on track when you have the mental/emotional energy to devote to weight loss.
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
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    Thank you so much. This is like therapy when no one is texting me back!
  • sinbadfxdl
    sinbadfxdl Posts: 103 Member
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    It's a natural response. I'm sorry for your loss. If found it difficult also when I lost a family member earlier this year. Just remind yourself that getting healthy puts you in a good position to help others.
  • cyronius
    cyronius Posts: 157 Member
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    For me, when I lost my dad, waking up of a morning and knowing that I was still on track to improving my own health was one of the few positives in that period of time. That was enough to keep me going with it...
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Allow yourself to feel all of it. If you think of it, reforming eating patterns is an exercise in understanding the body and what it needs. It's honoring the body. When we experience a loss, it becomes an exercise in understanding our complicated feelings and what we need. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. Honour your feelings.
  • FattieBabs
    FattieBabs Posts: 542 Member
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    Lost my sister in January and basically gave up on trying to lose weight. Now starting again as feeling slightly better and feel I owe it to myself to stay healthy but it takes time. Don't beat yourself up, you have to do what feels right.
  • pondee629
    pondee629 Posts: 2,469 Member
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    Sorry for your loss.

    How does ruining your health make the current situation better? Sure it feels like nothing makes any difference anymore, but that is a false belief/feeling. Adding guilt over breaking you program to the grief you already have is a recipe for more and greater pain. Don't do that to yourself. Your "diet" isn't a diet, its a new lifestyle. Your grief will not be eased by falling back into your old lifestyle. Your grief will be eased by the passage of time and moving on with your life. You have started to make the right changes, this is no time to go back.
  • freesiasun5
    freesiasun5 Posts: 3,122 Member
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    Several years ago I had lost a lot of weight, then was handed a very tragic loss. I gained it all back.

    Fast forward to now, I've lost a lot of weight, and was handed a tragic loss last week. This time I'm trying to view the weight loss as something I can control. I can't control life's curveballs. I can't control how I grieve them. I can control what I put in my mouth.

    I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mental health might have to come before your physical health for a bit. If you slip, you can get back to where you were.
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
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    pondee629 wrote: »
    Sorry for your loss.

    How does ruining your health make the current situation better? Sure it feels like nothing makes any difference anymore, but that is a false belief/feeling. Adding guilt over breaking you program to the grief you already have is a recipe for more and greater pain. Don't do that to yourself. Your "diet" isn't a diet, its a new lifestyle. Your grief will not be eased by falling back into your old lifestyle. Your grief will be eased by the passage of time and moving on with your life. You have started to make the right changes, this is no time to go back.

    Totally right thank you. I have a dangerous habit of punishing myself by fasting so if I feel low, I feel I don't deserve to eat. I'm aware of this so most of the time can identify these crazy thoughts and eat but it's harder when my judgement is clouded in grief.
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
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    Well I have not lost her yet but it looms in the air. We found out last year before Christmas she had bladder cancer. It hit me so hard. I have b.e.d and had pretty much under control at this point. Well I just started to binge on things I ordinarily never did. (Not too bad tho cuz I stopped when I realized I don't want to be this way anymore and feel my feelings) it was like 2 or 3 days. But I got to where I dropped out of mfp for 3 months. Didn't exercise, log or eat healthy. Luckily someone sent me a message on mfp and I got a email. And it said we miss you come back! Well ive been back since. I realize my mom would want me healthy not fat n sick n miserable. Shed want me to get my act together! One thing always drove me and it was to make my mom proud. And in almost one year I have met that goal she compliments me on starting to look good don't screw it up (hey its a compliment from her trust me) I see her proud by the look 9n her face and if I can make her happ u in anyway I will. She now has cancer in her spine and I feel I will lose her bc she smokes still. But I hope when it comes the grief will not immobilize my goals. She jas said to me do not cry and be miserable enjoy your life! (My mom knows me best and I will be heartbroken)
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,138 Member
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    pondee629 wrote: »
    Sorry for your loss.

    How does ruining your health make the current situation better? Sure it feels like nothing makes any difference anymore, but that is a false belief/feeling. Adding guilt over breaking you program to the grief you already have is a recipe for more and greater pain. Don't do that to yourself. Your "diet" isn't a diet, its a new lifestyle. Your grief will not be eased by falling back into your old lifestyle. Your grief will be eased by the passage of time and moving on with your life. You have started to make the right changes, this is no time to go back.

    The OP only has 8lbs to lose, so she's hardly 'ruining her health' but giving herself some time to focus on her grief as opposed to weight loss. Plus losing those last few lbs often take significant effort which she just may not have right now. Her bereavement happened yesterday. In the days and weeks following a bereavement most people find their appetite goes all over the place and frankly their focus is elsewhere. That is a normative reaction to bereavement. Some people may find the routine of logging and exercising helpful because it's something they can control and it's familiar, others may find it more than they can handle for a period of time. And that's normal, it's not falling back into an old lifestyle.

    And seriously, grief is not always eased by the passage of time and nor do people 'move on'. It is not a linear process. People learn to live with their loss and find a new normal. That is not moving on with your life, it's a different process.
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
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    oh_happy_day wrote: »
    pondee629 wrote: »
    Sorry for your loss.

    How does ruining your health make the current situation better? Sure it feels like nothing makes any difference anymore, but that is a false belief/feeling. Adding guilt over breaking you program to the grief you already have is a recipe for more and greater pain. Don't do that to yourself. Your "diet" isn't a diet, its a new lifestyle. Your grief will not be eased by falling back into your old lifestyle. Your grief will be eased by the passage of time and moving on with your life. You have started to make the right changes, this is no time to go back.

    The OP only has 8lbs to lose, so she's hardly 'ruining her health' but giving herself some time to focus on her grief as opposed to weight loss. Plus losing those last few lbs often take significant effort which she just may not have right now. Her bereavement happened yesterday. In the days and weeks following a bereavement most people find their appetite goes all over the place and frankly their focus is elsewhere. That is a normative reaction to bereavement. Some people may find the routine of logging and exercising helpful because it's something they can control and it's familiar, others may find it more than they can handle for a period of time. And that's normal, it's not falling back into an old lifestyle.

    And seriously, grief is not always eased by the passage of time and nor do people 'move on'. It is not a linear process. People learn to live with their loss and find a new normal. That is not moving on with your life, it's a different process.

    Just thank you x
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
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    ARGriffy wrote: »
    When life throws he'll at you, how do you force yourself to care about what's going in your mouth when you find it hard to care about.... anything? I had a huge loss yesterday and feel numb. It's not that I want to binge, I just don't care. Help!

    Speak with a professional regarding how you feel
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,138 Member
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    ARGriffy wrote: »
    pondee629 wrote: »
    Sorry for your loss.

    How does ruining your health make the current situation better? Sure it feels like nothing makes any difference anymore, but that is a false belief/feeling. Adding guilt over breaking you program to the grief you already have is a recipe for more and greater pain. Don't do that to yourself. Your "diet" isn't a diet, its a new lifestyle. Your grief will not be eased by falling back into your old lifestyle. Your grief will be eased by the passage of time and moving on with your life. You have started to make the right changes, this is no time to go back.

    Totally right thank you. I have a dangerous habit of punishing myself by fasting so if I feel low, I feel I don't deserve to eat. I'm aware of this so most of the time can identify these crazy thoughts and eat but it's harder when my judgement is clouded in grief.

    It's important to eat enough to keep yourself sustained. I often suggest calorie dense smoothies which are easy to sip at and get some nutrients down, even if you don't have much appetite or feel nauseated. Your judgement will definitely be clouded and your body will likely be sending you all sorts of different signals to what it normally does.
  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
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    -Sending hugs your way-

    Please allow yourself to deal with your grief. In the grand scheme of things, calorie counting isn't that important. Let yourself feel, first and foremost. Deal with the rest as and when you're ready for it. No one needs extra pressure like tracking when you need to be very gentle with yourself right now.

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