Lost 105 lbs- need help with next goal so I don't go insane (TW eating disorder junk)

madpiratebippy

First, I just hit a big goal- 100 lbs down! Whoo! This is one that honestly, has been giving me mental issues for so long I figured I might just stay at 90-95 lbs down forever, but I got strep throat with a bonus sinus infection, and was unable to consume anything but tea and broth for a week. I was, to say the least, completely unpleasant and unhealthy. By the time I was well enough to give a fart about my weight again, I was 5 lbs below the 100 lbs lost mark.

I used to have serious eating disorder issues, of the I-am-a-perfectionist-control-freak bend. I was an ultra high achieving, humorless teenager. College at 15. Olympic coaches for sports. Parents with eating disorders themselves. If I let myself get too goal driven, or am not careful about the goals I set, I get really stupid thoughts in my head like this:

Hey, if we don't eat OR drink anything, I bet we can loose 5 lbs by the end of the week, especially if we work out two hours every day! That sounds like a GREAT idea!

I know this is not good for me. I KNOW IT. That sort of thinking is how I hit 330+ lbs in the first place, among other things. I'm at 225 right now, need to get a Dexcom because I really am crazy big boned and I don't know what a reasonable end goal weight is (last time I was checked, I was more muscular, but I was running at about 170-175lbs lean body mass. I should probably not go under 180 unless I've lost a LOT of muscle in the last few years) and I still need to loose some more weight.

I'm thinking of just concentrating on getting into onederland. Just 25 lbs, not 60. Not letting myself get overwhelmed, not thinking of the Big Picture and freaking myself out. Just get to 200, and then check in with what I want to do from there, but I am having a hard time giving myself permission to do that.

Does this sound reasonable? Anyone else have these sorts of issues, and can give me some advice about goal setting without driving myself completely insane?

misskarne

Are you working with a therapist on this? You'll find that a lot of people here aren't comfortable giving advice to someone in recovery from an eating disorder, and especially when you admit your thinking and relationship on food is not the best.

I wish you all the best of luck 100lbs is an amazing amount of weight to have lost. Congratulations!

dotsnider

Please see a professional!

LKArgh

You need a therapist and probably a physician too, so you can both set healthy goals and stay focused on these goals without going to extremes. You have acknowledged you are prone to disordered thinking, so talk with a specialist about it. You can get lots of ideas about what worked or did not work for others online, but, in my (completely non-professional) experience, trying to deal with a behavioural or psychological disorder is very different for different people, and what helps one person might actually make things worse for someone else.

ohmscheeks

Breaking massive projects/goals into smaller pieces, on a roadmap, is done by many successful people and companies...

Liftng4Lis

dotsnider wrote: »

Please see a professional!

+1

WBB55

I agree with the advice for professional advice.

But also know that all of your "lean" weight is not all muscle. As you continue to lose you will inevitably lose muscle, tendons, blood vessels, skin, connective tissue, etc. And you need more muscle to move around 300+ lbs every day. As you've lost weight, you don't need quite as much muscle just to walk and do daily activities. So don't necessarily think that you still have that 170 lbs of lean mass. But quite likely you have more than many people. Once you get below 200, maybe think about tracking your body fat percent (which you can estimate with tape measurer) or whatever other method you prefer (BodPod, Dexa, etc).

As you get closer to a healthy weight, weeklong fasts can start to do more longterm damage than they did when you were bigger, you simply don't have as much body fat to live on as an obese person. So get some advice from a nutritionist and specialist in the mental/emotional issue with food. Ok?

suzan06

I think getting to 200 is a great goal for now. Once you get there, you will be in a better place to figure out the path forward. And being at 200 might be the right place for awhile, that is ok!

I do agree with the others to start putting a plan in place now for some professional support. Therapist, discussion with your doctor, support group, etc. Get that ball rolling so that if you start to have trouble, you already have support in place.

madpiratebippy

Thanks for the suggestions on the professionals, guys, and I see where you are coming from, I have been there, done that. I usually just end up incredibly pissed off, or I have my time completely wasted. Like the nice nutritionist who told me to shoot for 60g of carbs/meal. She was a a freaking diabetes counsellor. Her advice made me need to double my meds the one day I took it. (right now, I've been doing great on 30g carbs/ day).

Most dietitians, nutritionists, etc are very well meaning and nice. But their advice will make me fat or kill me, depending on how bad it is. They're usually about 10 years behind or more on the current research. And to rub salt in the wound, they can't cook and the recipes they hand out are...well. At least they are simple to cook.

I've found them, at best, to be useless. It's not that I have never used their services.

MarcyKirkton

Yes, it's reasonable. I always break things down into achievable steps.

misskarne

madpiratebippy wrote: »

Thanks for the suggestions on the professionals, guys, and I see where you are coming from, I have been there, done that. I usually just end up incredibly pissed off, or I have my time completely wasted. Like the nice nutritionist who told me to shoot for 60g of carbs/meal. She was a a freaking diabetes counsellor. Her advice made me need to double my meds the one day I took it. (right now, I've been doing great on 30g carbs/ day).

Most dietitians, nutritionists, etc are very well meaning and nice. But their advice will make me fat or kill me, depending on how bad it is. They're usually about 10 years behind or more on the current research. And to rub salt in the wound, they can't cook and the recipes they hand out are...well. At least they are simple to cook.

I've found them, at best, to be useless. It's not that I have never used their services.

No-one here is talking about nutritionists and dietitians when we say professionals. We are talking about therapists, to deal with the underlying issues in your relationship with food.

WBB55

misskarne wrote: »

madpiratebippy wrote: »

Thanks for the suggestions on the professionals, guys, and I see where you are coming from, I have been there, done that. I usually just end up incredibly pissed off, or I have my time completely wasted. Like the nice nutritionist who told me to shoot for 60g of carbs/meal. She was a a freaking diabetes counsellor. Her advice made me need to double my meds the one day I took it. (right now, I've been doing great on 30g carbs/ day).

Most dietitians, nutritionists, etc are very well meaning and nice. But their advice will make me fat or kill me, depending on how bad it is. They're usually about 10 years behind or more on the current research. And to rub salt in the wound, they can't cook and the recipes they hand out are...well. At least they are simple to cook.

I've found them, at best, to be useless. It's not that I have never used their services.

No-one here is talking about nutritionists and dietitians when we say professionals. We are talking about therapists, to deal with the underlying issues in your relationship with food.

I myself said therapist and nutritionist. I recommended both. Obviously if the ones she's gone to were no help, it's a recommendation that can be ignored.