Spousal support - how to/what not to do?

chi2teach

I've lost 18 pounds over the last 3 months. My husband is starting to see the positive effects from my health and weight changes. He sounds interested. Have you had success (or things you did wrong) that have helped your wife/husband/partner start to make changes too?

Feel like I'm walking on eggshells here.

nutmegoreo

No spouse here, so take this for what it's worth. Worry about yourself, and if he asks, tell him what you are doing and how. Let him come to you, it needs to be his decision.

chi2teach

He comes with me to the gym on the weekends (free). I asked today if maybe he wanted his own membership to go as he pleases since he gets home 2 hours before I do. He said, "We'll see".

110challenge

It's a bit easier for me because my hubby was on board before we actually started our lifestyle change, but when I was starting to consider it I started reading him snippets of the books/articles that interested me. He had some persistent minor medical issues that were addressed as possible symptoms of gluten intolerance, so that helped in piquing his interest. I then did a meal plan and ran it by him for changes before the first week. We loved the food, felt great going gluten-free, and he's been on board since.

So I guess for me I found that involving him and backing the idea up with something more credible than 'a friend of a friend tried this and it worked great' worked well for me, but my hubby is pretty easy-going and would have probably tried anything short of a juice fast if I asked him to.

What were your major changes? If you're liking what you're eating and currently making separate meals, could he eat the same foods a couple of times a week?

Madwife2009

nutmegoreo wrote: »

Worry about yourself, and if he asks, tell him what you are doing and how. Let him come to you, it needs to be his decision.

Agree with this, that's how my husband started (although I did semi-force him and the children out for walks). He's now lost 19lbs. We eat the same meals, mine are just a bit smaller (weighed and logged) although he occasionally indulges in cakes/crisps (but he has extra calories to consume).

chi2teach

110challenge wrote: »

What were your major changes? If you're liking what you're eating and currently making separate meals, could he eat the same foods a couple of times a week?

Joined a gym-go about 4 times a week. Weight lifting, interval training. Love using my Fitbit to track steps. Healthier eating. Tracking food on MFP. Weigh myself pretty much daily.

rosebarnalice

One thing that helped at least open some conversations with my spouse was that we share a digital shopping list, and he does much of the shopping simply because it's on his way home from work. So, when I put something like "plain kefir" or "broccoli slaw mix" on the list for the first time he'll ask, "what are you going to do with that?" (and sometimes "uhhhhhh. . where is that in the grocery store"??!)

Another conversation starter was that my husband loves to cook. So at first, I simply asked if, when he made a meal, to please weigh and measure the ingredients and write it down so I could enter it in the recipe calculator. At first, he just wrote stuff down, and after I figured out the calorie count, I'd take a very small serving because it was all I could "afford." Then, when he figured out I wasn't eating much of what he cooked, he asked me why. I'd point out a few ingredients that raised the fat or carbs, and explain about my goals and limits. Now, he searches for "Cooking Light" recipes, and he's proud to show me what cool substitution he's found, or how he figured out to lighten a recipe.

Finally, I never demand that he eat what I eat or vice versa. We're both good cooks, and there are lots of things that we can eat together with just a few tweaks for our individual tastes. He'll make a burrito, I'll make a naked burrito salad sans tortilla and cheese; he'll make a delicious pot roast, and I'll fill up on the carrots and parsnips & gravy while he'll have much more of the meat. He loves bread or toast with every meal and a small side salad; I'll eschew the bread and have a huge salad (with that broccoli slaw that he won't touch.)

MelodyandBarbells

chi2teach wrote: »

He comes with me to the gym on the weekends (free). I asked today if maybe he wanted his own membership to go as he pleases since he gets home 2 hours before I do. He said, "We'll see".

For some reason, this made me wonder if he doesn't just want to do something new and cool with you

chi2teach

Thanks Rosebarnalice. My hubby does much of the shopping and cooking too. Good suggestions.

To JaneiR36, I think I am inadvertently making him feel guilty. So he goes with me when I ask for 2 reasons 1) I asked and 2) he knows he should make some changes. But change really scares him...more than most people I'd say.

Backagainbbg340

I don't support her anymore
I couldn't afford it
Ohhhhhh...you mean support with weight loss n exercise!!! My bad

chi2teach

Bah hah hah!

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chi2teach

Backagainbbg340 wrote: »

I don't support her anymore
I couldn't afford it
Ohhhhhh...you mean support with weight loss n exercise!!! My bad

Bah hah hah!

chi2teach

oyChihuahua wrote: »

I made a gift of a fitbit. She took to it, to my complete surprise!

Hope it works out well for you...

I love my Fitbit! He has shown zero interest.