Lessons I learned as an addict - translated to lessons in healthy eating
Caitwn
Posts: 1,215 Member
I’m one of the many people who’ve had to contend with both an addiction to drugs (many years ago) and unhealthy eating patterns (in the last few years). While I don’t believe that foods are addictive, it’s crystal-clear to me that the experience of recovering from addiction and the experience of getting free of unhealthy eating patterns are linked in very real ways.
So while I won’t get into the “are foods addictive” debate here (and I most sincerely hope nobody else does either), I did want to share some of the most important lessons I learned in recovery. I’m posting this in the hope that it may help someone – anyone – else. And as much wiser people than I have said: “Take what you need, and leave the rest”.
Clearly state to yourself how you will START your journey – not how you will end it. Paying extra close attention to your first steps will illuminate your path to long-term success.
Set small goals – identify a tiny, achievable “something” that you can do to get one (JUST ONE) step closer to where you want to be. Once you’ve achieved that step, identify your next small step.
Think in terms of what you WILL do rather than always focusing on what you WON’T do.
Find multiple sources of accountability: friends, family, colleagues, the MFP boards/groups, the reddit /r/loseit board – anywhere you can do a quick check-in. Don’t rely on a single source.
Do an accountability check-in every day. Do it more often if you need to – this is especially important early in your journey or during stressful times.
Learn how to observe yourself without judgment. Simply learning to notice your own reactions to things – even if you need to mentally set them aside to think about later - is very helpful in working out strategies for long-term success
Your mind is not your best friend. It’s normal to have self-talk going on in our heads. But sometimes, that self-talk can be incredibly negative and self-defeating – and we don’t even fully realize how much of an impact that has. So take some time to notice what complete JERKS the voices in your mind may be. I found it helpful to literally tell them to STFU sometimes, but of course you may have to do a little more in-depth work to really get rid of them
Stick with winners – those who have an “I’m going to get this done” attitude no matter what. Avoid those who are always in some sort of drama meltdown, have lists of excuses because they’re so very special, are always looking for a reason to be offended or angry, are unable to laugh at themselves, or who constantly talk about how others are wrong/unsupportive/mean/insensitive.
There’s a harsh truth that has to be added to the "stick with winners" lesson. There may be times you simply have to walk away from people you care about because it becomes so clear that not only are they not yet ready to change, but there’s also a risk they will drag you back down with them. Stepping back can be incredibly painful, but sometimes you’ve really got to do it. If you can’t step back because this is (for example) a family member under your own roof, then you will need to learn how to sort of put them in their own (colorful, decorated) box in your head and neutralize their influence on you – and you may have to reach out for professional help to do this.
Identify your own strengths. Most of us are just GREAT at describing what a mess we are, and enumerating every weakness and failing. But most of us have also come through some pretty amazing struggles and experiences without ever fully acknowledging our own resilience and strength. Recognize and name those strengths, and put some time into thinking about how you can recruit those strengths to help you succeed.
Reach out to newcomers. Don’t try to solve all of their problems - that’s not what we’re here to do. Simply hear them out, offer what you can, and try not to be too invested in the outcome. Like the rest of us, they may not “get it” right away.
Make a relapse prevention plan
Think about your triggers (boredom, mental or physical pain, isolation, complacency, anger, fatigue, self-pity) and risky environments or situations. Work out step-by-step strategies to counteract each of them. Once you’ve had a chance to test your strategies, evaluate them and adjust as needed.
Make an “I slipped” plan
When a slip or relapse happens, the first thing to remember is don’t panic. Pre-plan simple, specific actions (running water over the package of cookies, taking a walk, calling a friend, posting on MFP or reddit to ask for support) to help you get back on the path. And remember to tell the negative voices in your head – the ones that will surely start yammering about what a failure you are – to STFU.
Get busy. It’s time to explore new activities. Simply learning something new will help you focus your energy away from old habits and patterns.
Get your spiritual house in order. I'm not talking about religion here, though religion will be part of this process for some people. I’m talking about cultivating and encouraging whatever part of yourself taps into forces that are bigger than you and that leave you humbled and filled with wonder: the love of your family, appreciating a sunrise, that ‘gee whiz’ feeling when you see a hummingbird nest. You know what I mean. Doing what you can to make that experience more accessible – more a part of your everyday reality - will help you immeasurably.
Take the long view – accept that you will have a learning curve and won’t get it “right” immediately.
Afraid of failing? As long as you are still breathing, you can recover from a failure.
Don’t test your willpower. You don’t “need” to make a fancy dessert or a rich dip because family or friends are coming over for dinner or games night.
Embark on a program of “pleasure rehab”: explore activities that bring fun and enjoyment your way without being associated with using/overeating
Afraid you just can’t do this? In addiction recovery groups you sometimes hear people talk about “the gift of desperation”. When you get to a place in your life where you simply Can. Not. Do. This. Thing. Any. Longer, then you may be “gifted” with a kind of grim determination that no matter what, you will never find yourself in this place again. Tap into that. And if you can’t find it for yourself, listen to others talk about it – because when you do that, something in yourself often responds in kind, and you find your own extra reservoir of strength.
You don't always have to dig for the reasons "why". Just as the baseline for success for an addict is maintaining sobriety, the baseline for success in weight loss is maintaining a caloric deficit. So focus on that at first. Many of us eventually need to work on “why” we became addicts or over-ate, but you don’t have to do that work right away. And in some cases you don’t have to do it at ALL. The lived experience of getting free from addiction or over-eating has what I think of as a ripple effect in healing old wounds. It isn’t unusual to see someone realize that they no longer need to ask themselves “why” because simply living in recovery has resolved old hurts in unexpected ways.
Best wishes, all -
So while I won’t get into the “are foods addictive” debate here (and I most sincerely hope nobody else does either), I did want to share some of the most important lessons I learned in recovery. I’m posting this in the hope that it may help someone – anyone – else. And as much wiser people than I have said: “Take what you need, and leave the rest”.
Clearly state to yourself how you will START your journey – not how you will end it. Paying extra close attention to your first steps will illuminate your path to long-term success.
Set small goals – identify a tiny, achievable “something” that you can do to get one (JUST ONE) step closer to where you want to be. Once you’ve achieved that step, identify your next small step.
Think in terms of what you WILL do rather than always focusing on what you WON’T do.
Find multiple sources of accountability: friends, family, colleagues, the MFP boards/groups, the reddit /r/loseit board – anywhere you can do a quick check-in. Don’t rely on a single source.
Do an accountability check-in every day. Do it more often if you need to – this is especially important early in your journey or during stressful times.
Learn how to observe yourself without judgment. Simply learning to notice your own reactions to things – even if you need to mentally set them aside to think about later - is very helpful in working out strategies for long-term success
Your mind is not your best friend. It’s normal to have self-talk going on in our heads. But sometimes, that self-talk can be incredibly negative and self-defeating – and we don’t even fully realize how much of an impact that has. So take some time to notice what complete JERKS the voices in your mind may be. I found it helpful to literally tell them to STFU sometimes, but of course you may have to do a little more in-depth work to really get rid of them
Stick with winners – those who have an “I’m going to get this done” attitude no matter what. Avoid those who are always in some sort of drama meltdown, have lists of excuses because they’re so very special, are always looking for a reason to be offended or angry, are unable to laugh at themselves, or who constantly talk about how others are wrong/unsupportive/mean/insensitive.
There’s a harsh truth that has to be added to the "stick with winners" lesson. There may be times you simply have to walk away from people you care about because it becomes so clear that not only are they not yet ready to change, but there’s also a risk they will drag you back down with them. Stepping back can be incredibly painful, but sometimes you’ve really got to do it. If you can’t step back because this is (for example) a family member under your own roof, then you will need to learn how to sort of put them in their own (colorful, decorated) box in your head and neutralize their influence on you – and you may have to reach out for professional help to do this.
Identify your own strengths. Most of us are just GREAT at describing what a mess we are, and enumerating every weakness and failing. But most of us have also come through some pretty amazing struggles and experiences without ever fully acknowledging our own resilience and strength. Recognize and name those strengths, and put some time into thinking about how you can recruit those strengths to help you succeed.
Reach out to newcomers. Don’t try to solve all of their problems - that’s not what we’re here to do. Simply hear them out, offer what you can, and try not to be too invested in the outcome. Like the rest of us, they may not “get it” right away.
Make a relapse prevention plan
Think about your triggers (boredom, mental or physical pain, isolation, complacency, anger, fatigue, self-pity) and risky environments or situations. Work out step-by-step strategies to counteract each of them. Once you’ve had a chance to test your strategies, evaluate them and adjust as needed.
Make an “I slipped” plan
When a slip or relapse happens, the first thing to remember is don’t panic. Pre-plan simple, specific actions (running water over the package of cookies, taking a walk, calling a friend, posting on MFP or reddit to ask for support) to help you get back on the path. And remember to tell the negative voices in your head – the ones that will surely start yammering about what a failure you are – to STFU.
Get busy. It’s time to explore new activities. Simply learning something new will help you focus your energy away from old habits and patterns.
Get your spiritual house in order. I'm not talking about religion here, though religion will be part of this process for some people. I’m talking about cultivating and encouraging whatever part of yourself taps into forces that are bigger than you and that leave you humbled and filled with wonder: the love of your family, appreciating a sunrise, that ‘gee whiz’ feeling when you see a hummingbird nest. You know what I mean. Doing what you can to make that experience more accessible – more a part of your everyday reality - will help you immeasurably.
Take the long view – accept that you will have a learning curve and won’t get it “right” immediately.
Afraid of failing? As long as you are still breathing, you can recover from a failure.
Don’t test your willpower. You don’t “need” to make a fancy dessert or a rich dip because family or friends are coming over for dinner or games night.
Embark on a program of “pleasure rehab”: explore activities that bring fun and enjoyment your way without being associated with using/overeating
Afraid you just can’t do this? In addiction recovery groups you sometimes hear people talk about “the gift of desperation”. When you get to a place in your life where you simply Can. Not. Do. This. Thing. Any. Longer, then you may be “gifted” with a kind of grim determination that no matter what, you will never find yourself in this place again. Tap into that. And if you can’t find it for yourself, listen to others talk about it – because when you do that, something in yourself often responds in kind, and you find your own extra reservoir of strength.
You don't always have to dig for the reasons "why". Just as the baseline for success for an addict is maintaining sobriety, the baseline for success in weight loss is maintaining a caloric deficit. So focus on that at first. Many of us eventually need to work on “why” we became addicts or over-ate, but you don’t have to do that work right away. And in some cases you don’t have to do it at ALL. The lived experience of getting free from addiction or over-eating has what I think of as a ripple effect in healing old wounds. It isn’t unusual to see someone realize that they no longer need to ask themselves “why” because simply living in recovery has resolved old hurts in unexpected ways.
Best wishes, all -
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Replies
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Wow. That was awesome. Thanks so much for sharing it. All so well said.0
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Thank you.0
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This is the best thing I've ever read. Thank you for sharing and best of luck to you on your journey.0
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Wonderful, thanks for sharing!0
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Thanks for sharing!
I've found a modified version of the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique useful for not drinking and making conscious decisions about what to eat. I say modified because I'm not vowing to never eat Oreos ever again, but recognizing the "Oh, two Oreos won't hurt you" dialog for what it is for me.
http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/03/confronting-the-addiction-voice-on-the-road-to-recovery/
...In a similar vein the “addiction voice” (along with the “negative voice,” the “procrastination voice” etc.) is one of many other “voices” that people can choose to identify as part of the normal human process of “internal self-dialogue.” In this case the “addiction Voice” is a particular form of self-dialogue related to conflicting choices over what repetitive thoughts and behaviors will either benefit or harm us, or perhaps end up dominating our lives at any given time. We may all be familiar with this particular voice; you know the one that says “you’ve had a hard week ...; you deserve to reward yourself…; You can just do a little…; this time will be different….”
...Trimpey developed “Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy” (AVRT) which encouraged people to first recognize that they have an “addictive voice,” and then develop the skills to outsmart it and put it in its place. This meant that people could use both their own willpower together with various cognitive skills to rationally examine any thoughts justifying further substance use, and then ultimately choose, once and for all, to stop permanently.0 -
@Caitwn, you, like many other of the regular posters on this forum, humble me, and blow me away with your wisdom, sensitivity, and willingness to share a very personal story to help others.
Thank you.
, h. 0 -
"Get busy" was really useful for me during several difficult times in my life.0
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I quilt to alleviate the old triggers for me. it de-stresses me greatly.
thank you for this. I needed it today.0 -
Afraid of failing? As long as you are still breathing, you can recover from a failure.
Awesome, thank you!0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Thanks for sharing!
I've found a modified version of the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique useful for not drinking and making conscious decisions about what to eat. I say modified because I'm not vowing to never eat Oreos ever again, but recognizing the "Oh, two Oreos won't hurt you" dialog for what it is for me.
http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/03/confronting-the-addiction-voice-on-the-road-to-recovery/
...In a similar vein the “addiction voice” (along with the “negative voice,” the “procrastination voice” etc.) is one of many other “voices” that people can choose to identify as part of the normal human process of “internal self-dialogue.” In this case the “addiction Voice” is a particular form of self-dialogue related to conflicting choices over what repetitive thoughts and behaviors will either benefit or harm us, or perhaps end up dominating our lives at any given time. We may all be familiar with this particular voice; you know the one that says “you’ve had a hard week ...; you deserve to reward yourself…; You can just do a little…; this time will be different….”
...Trimpey developed “Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy” (AVRT) which encouraged people to first recognize that they have an “addictive voice,” and then develop the skills to outsmart it and put it in its place. This meant that people could use both their own willpower together with various cognitive skills to rationally examine any thoughts justifying further substance use, and then ultimately choose, once and for all, to stop permanently.
So much awesome in this and OP's post. Nice to see a method that doesn't require higher powers (I get you can use concrete things, but that always felt...weird)0 -
Awesome, Caitwn.
"Your mind is not your best friend." My favourite part.
Challenge your thoughts. Don't believe everything you think.0 -
Love this post
Thank you @Caitwn for the effort and considerable thought that has gone into this post.
While I realise that these hints were about dealing successfully with addictive issues, food and the behaviour that follows; unexpectedly it has given me a personal wake up call in who better to cope with my demons and I believe is applicable to not only myself but others who struggle with ED's and the behaviours that apply in the denial of food too and the thought patterns that are engaged.....
So once again, Thank you.
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Thank you! 0
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Wonderful post. Agree with everything, especially the straight talk with those pesky voices. 0
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Love all of this!0
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Caitwn, you're my hero. Wonderful post. I can remember many, many times telling my pesky voices to STFU.
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Love this!!!!0
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Thank you 0
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Thank you so much for sharing- have actually been considering attending an over eaters anonymous meeting for support- I got a lot from this!0
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Beautiful post, thank you!0
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Your mind is like a bad friend, it will remember every single thing you did wrong and will not hesitate to throw it back in your face at every opportunity. "You can't do this, you tried before and failed", "Just give up, we both know you haven't got it in you", "Why are you even going to bother trying to stop drinking?"
But you can beat it.
When I first started running in 2010 I used to manage about 5 minutes before having to walk because my knee hurt. It wasn't a bad hurt because it was gone by the time I got home but it was enough to stop me. It was my mind telling me I'd reached my limit. Then one day I went out and the hurt came as usual but I said STFU I'm not stopping and I ran for 20 minutes straight. The hurt went nearly as soon as I decided to keep going. It was the most amazing feeling I've had. I was able to beat myself.
Your mind is like a basic computer that does what it's always done, if you let it, it will keep doing the same thing over and over. Only you can reprogram it. Don't let your past dictate your future. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND
Good luck out there. Or should I say in there0 -
@Caitwn , just thank you for having the courage to share this. You rock, my friend! 0
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As someone coming up on 13 years sober, I agree. Would like to add, there ARE times when the squirrels in your head won't STFU. You CAN move past it!0
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Your mind is like a bad friend, it will remember every single thing you did wrong and will not hesitate to throw it back in your face at every opportunity. "You can't do this, you tried before and failed", "Just give up, we both know you haven't got it in you", "Why are you even going to bother trying to stop drinking?"
But you can beat it.
When I first started running in 2010 I used to manage about 5 minutes before having to walk because my knee hurt. It wasn't a bad hurt because it was gone by the time I got home but it was enough to stop me. It was my mind telling me I'd reached my limit. Then one day I went out and the hurt came as usual but I said STFU I'm not stopping and I ran for 20 minutes straight. The hurt went nearly as soon as I decided to keep going. It was the most amazing feeling I've had. I was able to beat myself.
Your mind is like a basic computer that does what it's always done, if you let it, it will keep doing the same thing over and over. Only you can reprogram it. Don't let your past dictate your future. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND
Good luck out there. Or should I say in there
Along the STFU lines, our self-talk has a way of making our problems seem bigger than they are.
I used to eat a lot when I had anxiety over situations I couldn't face. I realized that I literally felt dwarfed by my problems and I just ate to soothe all that. One of the coping strategies I used to deal with that issue involved visualizing myself standing next to a pictorial representation of my problem.
At first, the "problem" would be how I'd usually perceive it--looming over me, large and threatening. Then I'd tell myself that I was bigger than my problems, I was strong, and capable, and given time would be able to see a way through. I'd then visualize the pictorial representation of the problem shrinking while I grew while I repeated "I am bigger than my problems".
This sounds simplistic, but you know what? It worked for me.0 -
Your mind is like a bad friend, it will remember every single thing you did wrong and will not hesitate to throw it back in your face at every opportunity. "You can't do this, you tried before and failed", "Just give up, we both know you haven't got it in you", "Why are you even going to bother trying to stop drinking?"
But you can beat it.
When I first started running in 2010 I used to manage about 5 minutes before having to walk because my knee hurt. It wasn't a bad hurt because it was gone by the time I got home but it was enough to stop me. It was my mind telling me I'd reached my limit. Then one day I went out and the hurt came as usual but I said STFU I'm not stopping and I ran for 20 minutes straight. The hurt went nearly as soon as I decided to keep going. It was the most amazing feeling I've had. I was able to beat myself.
Your mind is like a basic computer that does what it's always done, if you let it, it will keep doing the same thing over and over. Only you can reprogram it. Don't let your past dictate your future. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND
Good luck out there. Or should I say in there 0 -
Your mind is like a bad friend, it will remember every single thing you did wrong and will not hesitate to throw it back in your face at every opportunity. "You can't do this, you tried before and failed", "Just give up, we both know you haven't got it in you", "Why are you even going to bother trying to stop drinking?"
But you can beat it.
When I first started running in 2010 I used to manage about 5 minutes before having to walk because my knee hurt. It wasn't a bad hurt because it was gone by the time I got home but it was enough to stop me. It was my mind telling me I'd reached my limit. Then one day I went out and the hurt came as usual but I said STFU I'm not stopping and I ran for 20 minutes straight. The hurt went nearly as soon as I decided to keep going. It was the most amazing feeling I've had. I was able to beat myself.
Your mind is like a basic computer that does what it's always done, if you let it, it will keep doing the same thing over and over. Only you can reprogram it. Don't let your past dictate your future. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND
Good luck out there. Or should I say in there
Love it.
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I missed this last week. So glad to see it this time around!0
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AMAZING. I'm going to bookmark this post and read it again and again.
May I copy and paste this in a Facebook group I'm part of?0
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