Getting Off The Rollercoaster

Greenline30

Hi! As I approach my thirties and really ruminate on my life, I have come to the very clear conclusion that "it's time". Of course it has always been time to be healthy and fit, and, yes, I have much success in losing AND gaining weight, but now it is truly, truly time to stop this self-hating, self-loathing, i'm unworthy of happiness, eating my emotions, cycle of DARKNESS. The tune is overplayed and I am quite sick of it all.

So here I am. Again. Heaviest than I have ever been, looking at myself (and really looking) and deciding ENOUGH. This world is beautiful and it has so much to offer. It's not just about losing the weight for me. It's about rejoining LIFE and loving myself again. I tell you, every handful of chips I shoved in my mouth was like a statement of, "I hate myself so much" and though I knew this, I did not stop. I felt so far down in the rabbit hole that I just didn't even want to try to look back at the, quite distant, light. So here I stand, ready and declaring it to be time to change myself and change my life.

I used to want to lose weight to show everyone how beautiful I really am. I wanted to make them jealous and envious. I wanted their eyes to buck hahaha. Not so much anymore though. I'm doing this for me now. I know my potential and that's what matters. I have seen and felt happiness and I want more than just a brief taste. No longer will I reach my goals and then run back to the cave scared because I "do not deserve them." Nooo! It is time.

I will be starting T-25 Monday. Wish me luck! Also, I'd like to add that I used to be paleo (for years on and off) It worked for my waistline but it was terrible for my binge eating tendencies (too restrictive.) I also know alllll about the juice fast fad and let me tell you, I lost my hair abusing that quick weight loss highway. Luckily my hair has grown back, but I'm still suffering hormonal issues. Be careful if you juice! I juice fasted sooo much it was very unhealthy. At my smallest weight I fit into a bikini quite nicely, but was so very sick from the juice fasting that I could barely enjoy my "success".

No more fad diets, no more shortcuts, no more denying myself! I will be eating mostly clean because that is how I want to eat for the rest of my life. Everything in moderation, but I will certainly be more prone to choosing an avocado for protein over a protein bar, but that's just me.

Please add me if I've inspired you, if you can relate, or for any other reason that suits you. Love and light to everyone who reads this!