How to talk about weight loss/fitness

orange_hoodie

I'm interested in the different approaches people take to talking about their journeys of weight loss/fitness/health.
I look and feel pretty different than I did a year ago, and really different from 2 years ago when I was recovering from RAI (thyroid drama). This invites comments and questions that I don't know how to respond to in ways that respect my privacy or values.
For example, it seems that, in general, people are very weight oriented and very focused on stats that I'm not comfortable sharing. Now why I'm not comfortable with sharing these details is something I need to figure out. I do know I have a fundamental problem focusing on pounds as the only times I've weighed less than I do now I've been very sick, and weight doesn't directly speak to general health, strength, fat/muscle content, or endurance (all of which I value greatly).
So how do you deal with the questions, comments, and assumptions people bring up in response to your weight loss/fitness/health adventures? Thanks!

ARC1603

If you're not comfortable talking about it, try responding with something like the weight has come off as a result of a medical issue. Usually this makes people uncomfortable enough to avoid pushing it any further.

trbrmc

I simply love when someone asks what it is I'm doing, like the expect some miracle answer. So, when they find out that I'm working hard at changing my life with keeping my food choices in check and exercising; it's usually a let down for them.
All in all, there's no good way around it. Using some lie to disarm the inquisitive person might just backfire and you'll end up with them asking even more questions. If someone's asking, then that usually means that what you've been striving for is paying off. I understand that it gets old after a while though. The change in my body is major, so people always ask. I've gone from a 5xl shirt to a 2xl and a size 52 waist to a 42 waist.

Honesty is the best policy; if you don't want to talk about it, just say so. Tell them that you're not into discussing weight. No biggie and if it is to them, that's ok because they're not your friend then.

shadowfax_c11

I learned to be comfortable talking about it. Talking about it helps other people to talk about their own weight issues. When we talk about difficult and uncomfortable things and put them out in the open they really turn out to be a lot less scary and awful than we have built them up to be in our minds. I guess for me weight is just not the most difficult subject to talk openly about since I have also discussed far more sensitive and difficult subjects.

I try to make it a habit to never lie to others or to myself. It can never lead to anything good. I might chose to speak less or not at all. I might chose to be very open and have a meaningful conversation. It all depends on the situation and the person I am speaking to. But I never avoid the topic or try to act like the elephant is not in the rom.

orange_hoodie

Thank you all for sharing! I really appreciate being able to learn from your perspective and experiences.

acorsaut89

I was really big when I started out - about 340lbs. I'm a 26 year old female at 5'10" tall - I'm not tiny, and I know this.

However, when I started out everyone and their brother had all these suggestions about how to lose weight and what I should and shouldn't be eating and so on and so forth. I didn't follow any of them - I did my thing and worked out all the time and met with my dietitian regularly for help from her when I needed it.

Fast forward 2 almost 3 years now and everyone is asking me what I do, what I eat, how I did it, and so on. At first, I would talk to them about it and explain how I did it, what I'm doing now to continue with my progress and then the majority of women - ESPECIALLY WOMEN, on man!!! - would go on about how that's not how to lose weight, they need to do low carb, protein and veg protein and veg protein and veg and the cycle would continue on. Eventually I got to a point where I was like look - you asked how I did it, this is how I did it I am not making this *kitten* up . . . this is how I lost 80+ lbs and if you don't think that's how I did it then don't ask me again. Don't try to talk to me about how I actually should lose weight when I'm the one who is losing and you're still over there being grumpy you can't eat dessert because anything labelled dessert is just soooooooo bad for you.

So lol after my little rant there - the point is I just stopped talking about it. And if someone asks me I say hard work and lots of early mornings. That's all they need to know.

I also value body fat and muscle mass vs just a number on the scale, like you mentioned. I am a 5K and 10K distance runner . . . at 255lbs. That's more than some people weight starting out but when I did body comp analysis I have just shy of 140lbs of LBM on me, so I'm never going to weigh 160 . . . it's not realistic for my body type. I have an athletic build and I'm totally ok with that. Do I look like I weigh 255lbs? Well . . . maybe? I don't know - I don't ask. But the point is that I know in my heart how hard I've worked, the early mornings I put in, the long days to get to the gym after work, the soreness, sometimes the failure. The pure love I have for myself and training . . . and that's all that matters. Sometimes, sure, I know I love having someone to talk to about the struggle and crossing that finish line is so much sweeter when you have your own personal cheering section. But if you don't want to talk about it, then don't. You have every right to keep your journey private

Good luck! It's definitely a personal journey, but hopefully there is someone you can talk to about it because having a partner - even just a friend - can be really helpful sometimes

socioseguro

acorsaut89 wrote: »

I was really big when I started out - about 340lbs. I'm a 26 year old female at 5'10" tall - I'm not tiny, and I know this.

However, when I started out everyone and their brother had all these suggestions about how to lose weight and what I should and shouldn't be eating and so on and so forth. I didn't follow any of them - I did my thing and worked out all the time and met with my dietitian regularly for help from her when I needed it.

Fast forward 2 almost 3 years now and everyone is asking me what I do, what I eat, how I did it, and so on. At first, I would talk to them about it and explain how I did it, what I'm doing now to continue with my progress and then the majority of women - ESPECIALLY WOMEN, on man!!! - would go on about how that's not how to lose weight, they need to do low carb, protein and veg protein and veg protein and veg and the cycle would continue on. Eventually I got to a point where I was like look - you asked how I did it, this is how I did it I am not making this *kitten* up . . . this is how I lost 80+ lbs and if you don't think that's how I did it then don't ask me again. Don't try to talk to me about how I actually should lose weight when I'm the one who is losing and you're still over there being grumpy you can't eat dessert because anything labelled dessert is just soooooooo bad for you.

So lol after my little rant there - the point is I just stopped talking about it. And if someone asks me I say hard work and lots of early mornings. That's all they need to know.

I also value body fat and muscle mass vs just a number on the scale, like you mentioned. I am a 5K and 10K distance runner . . . at 255lbs. That's more than some people weight starting out but when I did body comp analysis I have just shy of 140lbs of LBM on me, so I'm never going to weigh 160 . . . it's not realistic for my body type. I have an athletic build and I'm totally ok with that. Do I look like I weigh 255lbs? Well . . . maybe? I don't know - I don't ask. But the point is that I know in my heart how hard I've worked, the early mornings I put in, the long days to get to the gym after work, the soreness, sometimes the failure. The pure love I have for myself and training . . . and that's all that matters. Sometimes, sure, I know I love having someone to talk to about the struggle and crossing that finish line is so much sweeter when you have your own personal cheering section. But if you don't want to talk about it, then don't. You have every right to keep your journey private

Good luck! It's definitely a personal journey, but hopefully there is someone you can talk to about it because having a partner - even just a friend - can be really helpful sometimes

@acorsaut89 . Love your message. Congratulations for the achievement and your commitment to a healthier lifestyle. You should post it at MFP success story board. You are a success in my book. Very inspiring
Good luck in your journey.

acorsaut89

socioseguro wrote: »

acorsaut89 wrote: »

I was really big when I started out - about 340lbs. I'm a 26 year old female at 5'10" tall - I'm not tiny, and I know this.

However, when I started out everyone and their brother had all these suggestions about how to lose weight and what I should and shouldn't be eating and so on and so forth. I didn't follow any of them - I did my thing and worked out all the time and met with my dietitian regularly for help from her when I needed it.

Fast forward 2 almost 3 years now and everyone is asking me what I do, what I eat, how I did it, and so on. At first, I would talk to them about it and explain how I did it, what I'm doing now to continue with my progress and then the majority of women - ESPECIALLY WOMEN, on man!!! - would go on about how that's not how to lose weight, they need to do low carb, protein and veg protein and veg protein and veg and the cycle would continue on. Eventually I got to a point where I was like look - you asked how I did it, this is how I did it I am not making this *kitten* up . . . this is how I lost 80+ lbs and if you don't think that's how I did it then don't ask me again. Don't try to talk to me about how I actually should lose weight when I'm the one who is losing and you're still over there being grumpy you can't eat dessert because anything labelled dessert is just soooooooo bad for you.

So lol after my little rant there - the point is I just stopped talking about it. And if someone asks me I say hard work and lots of early mornings. That's all they need to know.

I also value body fat and muscle mass vs just a number on the scale, like you mentioned. I am a 5K and 10K distance runner . . . at 255lbs. That's more than some people weight starting out but when I did body comp analysis I have just shy of 140lbs of LBM on me, so I'm never going to weigh 160 . . . it's not realistic for my body type. I have an athletic build and I'm totally ok with that. Do I look like I weigh 255lbs? Well . . . maybe? I don't know - I don't ask. But the point is that I know in my heart how hard I've worked, the early mornings I put in, the long days to get to the gym after work, the soreness, sometimes the failure. The pure love I have for myself and training . . . and that's all that matters. Sometimes, sure, I know I love having someone to talk to about the struggle and crossing that finish line is so much sweeter when you have your own personal cheering section. But if you don't want to talk about it, then don't. You have every right to keep your journey private

Good luck! It's definitely a personal journey, but hopefully there is someone you can talk to about it because having a partner - even just a friend - can be really helpful sometimes

@acorsaut89 . Love your message. Congratulations for the achievement and your commitment to a healthier lifestyle. You should post it at MFP success story board. You are a success in my book. Very inspiring
Good luck in your journey.

Thank you! I appreciate your message. It is a commitment for sure. I'm not sure when I will post in the success board - I know I said I don't care about weight but if I can get under 200lbs I will be blowing up that board with posts ha ha.

fiddletime

In one week I had two friends who'd lost noticeable weight. I asked them both how they did it and both sald they just "watched what they ate". Both were over 50 and it's really hard to lose weight with the hormonal changes so that I felt like a failure as I was working out and trying to lose. Sadly though, within two weeks of me talking to them, one was diagnosed with an over active thyroid and one was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was dead 3 weeks later (she didn't know she had it). I think the "watch what you eat" line is a good one though. Short and sweet and honest, and they can do follow up questions if they want.

orange_hoodie

@acorsaut89: Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your progress and achievements!

I started out this year with the goal of playing 10 sports (it doesn't have to be an official match, and I certainly don't have to be "good" at it, but I do have to take a class, go to practice, etc. at least once). This has resulted in a lot of conditioning in prep for my sports, which in turn has unexpectedly resulted in weight loss, which in turn has me focusing more now on weight loss to help me better achieve new athletic goals. I LOVE sharing about the sports I have/will try, but the rest...not so much. I do have people I can share with, which as you state is helpful and really valuable, I'm just uncomfortable sharing with the world.

I ran my first 5k earlier this year, next is the 10k! I will keep your story in mind as I train Thanks!

orange_hoodie

@fiddletime: I'm sorry to hear about your friends. Having gone down that thyroid road, I really hope your friend is doing better now. It can be really scary. I agree that honesty is the best policy!

robertw486

I really just personally don't worry about it much. My goals are my goals, and I accept that others have their own goals.

I think a lot of people get hung up on the stereotypes that a certain look produces a certain level of fitness. Personally I've seen a lot of examples where that's not even remotely true. I know people who look very fit and aren't at all, they just have body shapes that would lead people to think they are fit. The same applies to the people in the military. Many have the assumption that the toughest guys are bulky fitness monsters. During my time in the super fit people shared one thing... mental strength. I knew guys that were super thin and could hump their weight or greater all day, and guys that looked like NFL linebackers who could run a quick 10K.

So in the end, I worry about what I want, and if someone else doesn't like it... oh well. We were walking one day at the park (my wife had started a walking group) and a neighbor and her fiancee were doing the stairs... that's just what they do. When they were leaving, he decided to stop and try to joke about why we were walking and not doing the stairs. I told him if he thought he could talk crap, that he needed to park the car and we could go run the stairs. He declined.

acorsaut89

@orange_hoodie That's amazing! I did a 10K this year, but if I was honest with myself about it I shouldn't have attempted it. It was a really bad performance on my part, and I wasn't really ready for it. So I'm rounding out my year with 2 more 5Ks (October 31 and November 8) and then I will be in base maintenance running until Christmas, and come January I will be putting forth serious effort to properly train for a 10K ha ha.

Like you I love to talk about training and fitness and how nutrition affects your performance and recovery . . . the human body fascinates me! However, I also have many very close friends who strongly believe in the old myth for women of low carb, low fat, starve yourself, be grumpy, binge eat and start all over again. They don't want to lift with me, they don't want to train with me. They want the magic pill to make it all happen and so I get really frustrated in talking to them because they don't really understand nutrition and more over they just don't want to.

If you ever wanna chat about training - the struggles, the tears, the laughs, the whatever - reach out! I'm always around and I cannot get enough of talking about fitness and nutrition

Best of luck in your training . . . . I know you'll rock it