When you are always invited somewhere..
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I would respectfully suggest you owe OP an apology for insinuating her question was juvenile. The vast majority of MFP users have at some point had a problem controlling intake or else they would not be on MFP. Asking others about strategies for implementing new caloric goals and new eating behaviors is what these forums are for. Don't comment if a question doesn't interest you.0 -
Thank you ahoy.. Pondee doesn't seem like a very supportive person. I will chose to ignore.0
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Agreed with ahoy! It is unfair and a bit rude to think the OP is faced with such an easy black and white decision. Yes, the OP could meet her goals better (and so would I) if we were to avoid certain social outings or "just control our intake" as you suggested. However, things aren't so easy. Sure I could be at my goal weight if I never went out, never had too many beers, never ate cheese fries after those beers. Yet I would live a boring life at home never going out. The truth is, we are all faced with decisions like these all the time and it is NOT easy to just say I want the perfect body and I will sit here happily while my friends indulge in fatty party food. On top of that, one of the biggest struggles is simply not knowing what is in the food you are eating. I can estimate from a similar entry on MFP, but depending on how it was prepared, I could be off by a factor of 100% or more.
To everyone else that has commented on here with helpful responses, thank you! I am a very social person and my outings almost always revolve around food and alcohol. There are some good tips in here that I can't wait to try out this weekend!0 -
Thanks jack jack for that supportive post ..0
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I have this same problem, I started making or buying my own snacks and bringing them along to parties! Bringing extra snacks to a get together is always appreciated so I always bring enough to share, but most of the time people aren't super interested in my healthy snacks so I can gorge myself on them which keeps me from eating too much of the less healthy snacks!
When it comes to booze I've just tried drinking healthier, I don't want to drink any less, so I've been drinking more vodka sodas instead of other cocktails or beer.0 -
Learning to say "no" is an IMPORTANT life skill, right?0
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Initiate activities with your friends which are not focused around food and alcohol.
Make friends who are interested in doing fun things which are not food-centric.
I love to go out dancing--it's active and fun. Generally there are opportunities to eat or drink if you want to, but 95% of the time, I just choose not to indulge. Nobody cares.
Lots of other good strategies have been mentioned. One more to add--just take a drink, hold it and don't drink it. If your hands look occupied, people will leave you alone about eating or drinking more.
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hubs and I go out a lot.. we have a lot of friends and are always doing something. Whether it's a tailgate party, fancy restaurant, party at a friends house etc. HOW THE HECK do I find the willpower to control my food intake? I do not want to stay home just because I don't want to see that devil on my shoulder.
I had the same problem. It seemed like nearly every weekend something new would pop up. I was starting to avoid social situations which, in turn, was making me depressed. I discovered intermittent fasting and now I am able to enjoy dinner out, Bunco night with the girls, potlucks, etc...while still staying in my calorie range and losing weight. I'm doing the Leangains 16/8. I highly suggest you research and check it out :-)0 -
Based on your responses, it sounds like you live a very successful life, in which all your decisions and goals go exactly as planned without set backs?
I find it hard to believe that you've never implemented a decision/goal in your life in which you had a hard time maintaining the goal. Your response was rude, there must have been a more encouraging way you could've stated your response. The whole purpose of a weight loss forum is to ask for advice and support. Reading how others implement their decisions or use self control can be very helpful for someone else.0 -
if it was so simple to have self control then none of us would be overweight and this site would never exist and you wouldn't have the opportunity to be a jerk to someone asking for advice.0
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lasting and fish shark Exactly. Pondee, you're right we do all make our own decisions and go down the road we choose. Sometimes hearing support from others get us motivated to be even better people. Apparently you seem to have that all together and under control! GOOD for you!!!0
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hubs and I go out a lot.. we have a lot of friends and are always doing something. Whether it's a tailgate party, fancy restaurant, party at a friends house etc. HOW THE HECK do I find the willpower to control my food intake? I do not want to stay home just because I don't want to see that devil on my shoulder.
Plan ahead. Pre-log. Say no thanks when you know something goes over your calorie goals.0 -
What helped me was somebody saying to look at every offering and ask if it is something special or if it'll be around for you to enjoy later down the line. Then just eat the truly special things.
For example... a cook out. Somebody's grilling hot dogs and there is a table of food available. Chips, store bought cookies. Junk. Stuff you can get any day/time you want. Then there is somebody's grandma's recipe for german chocolate cake. I might eat the fruit and veggies (or take responsibility for preparing a tray that is actually appealing to me), then have a slice of the special cake. The rest I say no to. I don't feel deprived because that stuff is always around, and I got the cake that I can't always get. It allows me to stay on track without feeling like I miss out.
Love that, thanks for sharing!0 -
Social situations fall into 3 logging categories for me:
-cocktail/open house/hang out type affairs without a sit down meal: I eat before I go, enjoy my friends, probably a glass of wine or two but don't look at the snack food. I'm a believer in partaking of something extraordinary when it is offered, but that is rarely the case at these events, in my experience. Even when catered and the passed hors d'oeuvres look special, they usually taste meh. Whatever I do, I try not to arrive hungry. After a glass of wine I'll be irretrievably in the chips. Game over.
- restaurant dinner: I try to find the menu online, pick something, best guess pre-log (+10g butter), and plan the rest of the day around that. After eating it, I'll adjust what I pre-logged as accurately as I can. Some people put half in a to-go box and weigh it at home to make a more accurate estimate, but I rarely do this. Only twice I can think of when the meal really was twice what I wanted to eat. I usually eat more than half.
- dinner party (or otherwise not pre-loggable): Say the party is Saturday. Know what you're having for dinner Sunday? Log Sunday's dinner Sat. After the party, log the party dinner on Sunday and fit the rest of your Sunday around that. Over the 2 days, it averages out. I rarely do this in maintenance, but when I'm tracking for a deficit as accurately as I can, a "dinner swap" can help.
Cheers!
Some great advice! I love the cocktail/open house advice. Thanks!0 -
This is a very difficult situation to navigate. Especially if it's often. X( I assume you are either obligated to go to, or want to go to, all these gatherings and don't want to beg off of all or some of them? One possibility is to eat an apple or large bowl of steamed vegetables first so you aren't actually hungry. There's nothing worse IMHO than to be told "just exercise self control" when you are hungry as crap and all the people around you are scarfing delicious high calorie foods. We all know human psychology and physiology are not so simple to be solved with such platitudes.
So... eat fruit/veg ahead or if you're caught away from even those options, drink a big bottle of water ahead (not that great but better than nothing at all). If the time frame may stretch out, add a boiled egg or a couple tbsp of peanuts for protein to make your "filler" stay with you longer. Got that tip from my nutritionist. Then it will be easier to order something light, or if the place's idea of "light" is a joke or nonexistent, order something (pref. cheap) that you're not that crazy about anyway, mash it around so it won't be obvious you're not doing like everyone else, and eat like half of it at most, and ditch the rest. get a doggie bag and "forget" it, or scrape leftovers to the side and throw your napkin over it declaring that you are stuffed.... any of the usual tips and tricks for not eating things you don't want to eat without others noticing.
There are other things a person can do occasionally to get through the hardest situations, but I have a feeling I'd get kicked off of MFP if I mentioned them. :X0 -
For things I am aware of...I absolutely pre log , and leave myself some wiggle room if possible. I know that a bunch of my friends are getting together on saturday to trick or treat with our kids. we are having dinner, and then going trick or treating..and then watching the game (LETS GO ROYALS!!!!!!!) There will be lots of food, but it is chicken tacos, and thankfully I am not a huge fan, so it is not something I am going to just stuff my face with. I am bringing a side dish I don't particularly care for, but the kids do...So that my temptations are limited. BUT, I will probably only eat about 500 calories during the day so I have roughly 1100 open for grazing, likely chips and salsa and a couple of pieces of candy.
as far as dinners out go, I rarely drink..saves money and calories, and I order whatever I want and eat half of it. I don't even take the other half home unless my husband wants it. He is on a diet as well though, so sometimes we just share.
For me just learning to eat half my plate instead of every single bite that is served to me is a huge win.
I also look at social gatherings now happily when i don't like the food, I used to be upset about it, and make a point to bring something I LOVE. then of course eat the whole thing. I am super picky, so I rarely like most foods at pot lucks..except the dessert..oh man brownies. I want them all in my face!!!0 -
I'm in the same boat as you. Something always seems to come up on the weekend as we're always out doing something or going somewhere. When I'm at home or work its easy to stick to the routine. But when you are out with friends, go to a movie, or out to a nice dinner its a lot harder to stay within the calorie goal. So when I first started this diet and began to notice this trend I cut back on my weekday calories so that I could have more calories saved up for the weekend. That way I can have two days of 2000 calories so that I can eat some of the more calorie dense foods when I'm out and about and not have to worry so much about blowing my weekly deficit.0
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Saying, "act like an adult" to an adult, who is being honest and asking for help, is extraordinarily condescending.
OP, save most of your calories for your evenings or eat on the low end of your calories on days you're not going out and enjoy yourself when you go out. Or earn more calories through exercise. Deprivation isn't a good life-long plan because it's not sustainable. So know yourself and plan accordingly. You CAN do this.0 -
Pondee, you sound like an absolute "hoot" at parties.0
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I never said her question was juvenile. Her inability to control her intake, a stated goal of hers, is what is juvenile. Unless she attends parties where the attendees force food and drink into her, anything and everything she takes in is her decision and responsibility. Her question was how does she control her intake when she is always going out. My answer was to act like an adult and take appropriate action on your decisions. Go to the party, enjoy your friends, enjoy the food and drink but only within your limits. The decision to lose weight is hers, the decision to eat is hers, the decision what to eat is hers, the decision to drink is hers and the decision on what to drink is hers.
"When you are always invited somewhere.." you control yourself like an adult, watch what you injest and enjoy life. A little self control is all that is needed. Don;t look to others to provde SELF control, provide it for yourself.
Ignore me if you like, ignore your decisions if you like, rely on someone else to help you in implementing your decision on your life, BUT it is all going to come down to you and YOUR resolve.
We all get the bodies we want, it just depends on how much you want it.
if it was so simple to have self control then none of us would be overweight and this site would never exist and you wouldn't have the opportunity to be a jerk to someone asking for advice.
I agree. "Pondee" would never be on here, either, if he was so perfect.0 -
clgaram720 wrote: »MarziPanda95 wrote: »blkandwhite77 wrote: »Bring your scale. Eat the food but the scale will help you eat in moderation. I know the scale keeps me grounded and not likely to go crazy
Not that I'd judge anyone who does, but... carrying around a scale with you seems a bit OTT.
Hmmm, maybe for some, but like for me as an example, I am way happier knowing that I have logged accurately so I don't find that I haven't lost and go "crap maybe I didn't log accurately". I'm really determined for this to work, and I am highly susceptible to burn out if I'm not seeing results, so it's absolutely necessary for my peace of mind. So I guess it's fair to say my worrying can get over the top, or my motivation, but it really is a great feeling to lose weight on track and know it's because I took the initiative and made sure I held myself accountable, even though dragging my scale around is kind of a pain in the rear. And I never wonder if I've accidentally cheated myself out of calories I totally could have nommed if I had just weighed the darn food;)
So you carry it around? Like, to restaurants? Other peoples homes?
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If it were that easy then a third of Americans wouldn't be obese (not even counting the ones that are overweight). People continuously make decisions that they know are incompatible with a healthy lifestyle for many reasons. Unfortunately many people on here seem to oversimplify things and ingnore the psychological side. I feel like not being able to say no when we know we should for whatever reason brings most of us here rather than a lack of knowledge.
OP I also have a fairly hectic social life. A few things you can try include:
- Cutting a few hundred cals mon-fri to allow for extra indulgence on weekends
- Fasting in the lead up to a social event (although I like to have a high protein meal 1-2 hours before so that I'm not crazy hungry)
- Getting in a solid workout the day of a big event
- Really considering whether a food is "worth" it. I'm a dessert person so will try and stay away from bread, chips etc. so I can indulge on what I really enjoy.
- Getting protein in every meal
- Taking small portions of calorie dense foods and eating them slowly to enjoy them
- Splitting dessert/calorie dense foods
- Trying to focus the social side of things. It's about having a laugh with friends and it doesn't necessarily have to mean you over indulge if you don't want to.
- Not having too much alcohol (self control bye bye)
- Making social situations more active (instead of lunch, go for a walk etc./play backyard sport at a bbq)0 -
At a buffet or cocktail party, I like to grab a low- or no-calorie drink, fill my plate with veggies and fruit (plus some sort of lean protein if it's available), then find people to talk to. Sit-down meals are more challenging, but usually there's flexibility even there (extra veggies or salad, share dessert with my husband, that sort of thing). I figure I'm trying to develop habits I can live with, and those include going over my friends' houses, going to parties, and eating out at great restaurants that don't post nutritional information!0
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But it is not all that black and white. You are essentially asking "do we want to lose weight and be healthier OR have a social life?" Life is NOT that easy with black and white decisions, most things are a lot more complicated to handle. Yes, I have made a choice to lose weight and I am willing to put in the work required. But I have also made a choice to be a social person and I enjoy social outings and value my friends and connections greatly. I have also made the choice to take on a high stress career and deal with the consequences of that stress like stress eating and happy hours to let off steam.
To me, a truly HEALTHY lifestyle involves compromises. There is a mix between restriction and hard work, as well as letting loose and having fun. A healthy lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean avoiding junk food like the plague. Will the person with no social life and no junk food ever be healthier than me in the long run? Physically sure, but emotionally and mentally, probably not.
Someone else has already said this on here, if it was that easy to just decide we wanted to lose weight and "be adults" about it as you so rudely say, this website would not exist because everyone in the world would be fit and healthy. Life is complicated, and this website was developed to support people balance their lives in a healthy way. If you don't want to be supportive and positive, don't come here.
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I am often at gatherings where there is food. I really have found that it's not too hard to stick to my own plan for the day. First, I go ahead and go hungry, contrary to what some suggest. Then, I look for what really tempts me the most. I eat it, too, and enjoy. I skip what's not all that tempting. And I use a small paper plate if at all possible. When I'm done, I'm done!0
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I guess the point is that the OP was asking for tips and advice on dealing with social situations involving food and your advice was basically be an adult and just don't eat it if it's not compatible with your goal. It's possibly the right advice but also at the same time very unhelpful. What the OP was looking for was more along the lines of tips, tricks and strategies (physical or mental) to be able to attend social situations and not stray too far from the oveall healthy lifestyle. Can you see how saying just don't eat the food doesn't really help or answer the question. Maybe for someone with iron resolve and boundless amount of willpower but most of us are here because we don't posess those.0 -
I go out with friends a lot lol0
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Don't mind me, just a little friendly housekeeping.
USMCMP
MyFitnessPal Moderator
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My suggestion is plan ahead as much as you can. Attempt to limit the times you go out to eat (for example limit yourself to 3-4 times per week). It's okay to say no sometimes. When you do go out focus on lean meats (grilled if you can) and vegetables. Don't drink your calories unless you were able to pre-log your food and drinks.0
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I hear ya, I go out a lot as well. What helps me is prelogging as much as I can for those times!! If you already have planned out what to eat, it's much simpler. For drinks I stick with vodka soda. What's also helped a lot is bringing a granola bar in my bag. So if I get cravings/get envious that people are eating, I can have that and feel better.0
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