Revolutionary new weight loss method!
OneHundredToLose
Posts: 8,523 Member
I finally have the answer to all of your weight loss woes. Using math, I figured out a fool-proof way to lose a ton of weight. And all you have to do is drink water! Ready to hear how it works?
According to a brief google search with no evidence to back it up, drinking 64 ounces of cold water will cause you to burn ~70 calories heating it up to room temperature, plus a non-zero amount of calories processing it. We can safely round that up to 100 calories per 64 ounces of water.
Here's the magic. If you burn 100 calories drinking 64 ounces of water, just ramp that up for however many calories you want to burn. Want to burn 1000 extra calories per day? Just drink 640 ounces of water! Couldn't be simpler. The gravy is you'll be so full of water that you won't want to eat anything. If your food drops to 0 because of the water, you'll be saving even more calories!
I'm planning on burning an extra 2000 calories per day with this method. I'll just need to drink 1,280 little ounces of water. That's only a little bit more than one ounce of water per minute. Who can't drink a shotglass full of water every minute?
I'm pretty sure this is 100% fool-proof, guys.
According to a brief google search with no evidence to back it up, drinking 64 ounces of cold water will cause you to burn ~70 calories heating it up to room temperature, plus a non-zero amount of calories processing it. We can safely round that up to 100 calories per 64 ounces of water.
Here's the magic. If you burn 100 calories drinking 64 ounces of water, just ramp that up for however many calories you want to burn. Want to burn 1000 extra calories per day? Just drink 640 ounces of water! Couldn't be simpler. The gravy is you'll be so full of water that you won't want to eat anything. If your food drops to 0 because of the water, you'll be saving even more calories!
I'm planning on burning an extra 2000 calories per day with this method. I'll just need to drink 1,280 little ounces of water. That's only a little bit more than one ounce of water per minute. Who can't drink a shotglass full of water every minute?
I'm pretty sure this is 100% fool-proof, guys.
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Replies
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too many words0
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Just in case you aren't trolling or someone thinks this is a good idea, there's a negative to drinking lots of water. Drinking too much water can kill you.0
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Jersey__Devil wrote: »too many words
I concur and with the title alone I don't believe you0 -
Haha. That's hilarious0
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You'd think more people would recognize obvious satire when they see it, or at least the fact that it's in this category would tip it off. Lol, oh well.0
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Did you know that fingernails are the only true negative calorie food? Think about it - you expend calories growing then, calories chewing them, calories digesting them and they're literally a part of you, so when you eat it, you're using your body to digest itself!!
So to combat any hunger signals while you do your shots of water, chew your nails in between!0 -
I particularly liked the rounding it up to 100. Haha. Nice.
How do you suggest you have your shot of water every minute though while Sleeping? ooooh IV I bet0 -
I particularly liked the rounding it up to 100. Haha. Nice.
How do you suggest you have tour shot of water every minute though while Sleeping? ooooh IV I bet
The IV method hadn't occurred to me, but that's the obvious solution. Plus then your body will burn even more calories healing the injection site. Genius.0 -
OneHundredToLose wrote: »I particularly liked the rounding it up to 100. Haha. Nice.
How do you suggest you have tour shot of water every minute though while Sleeping? ooooh IV I bet
The IV method hadn't occurred to me, but that's the obvious solution. Plus then your body will burn even more calories healing the injection site. Genius.
Thanks. I've heard you burn more calories at night cause you're resting....So imagine the possibilities0 -
OneHundredToLose wrote: »You'd think more people would recognize obvious satire when they see it, or at least the fact that it's in this category would tip it off. Lol, oh well.
I saw what category, but I've also seen people who really want to follow plans like this. It might be satire to you. It could be a good idea to someone with an eating disorder or who is desperate.0 -
OneHundredToLose wrote: »You'd think more people would recognize obvious satire when they see it, or at least the fact that it's in this category would tip it off. Lol, oh well.
I saw what category, but I've also seen people who really want to follow plans like this. It might be satire to you. It could be a good idea to someone with an eating disorder or who is desperate.
Honestly if someone thought this was serious and followed this method, that'd be natural selection at work, IMO.
But I know you have to post the disclaimer, so no worries.0 -
I like water0
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Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.0
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OneHundredToLose wrote: »You'd think more people would recognize obvious satire when they see it, or at least the fact that it's in this category would tip it off. Lol, oh well.
I got it...but maybe they don't know your personality!0 -
This whole post is just beautiful
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OneHundredToLose wrote: »Here's the magic. If you burn 100 calories drinking 64 ounces of water, just ramp that up for however many calories you want to burn.
Going for a one day, 30 pound cleanse.
Thanks or the advice! You are AWESOME!
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Sugar_Pill wrote: »Sugar_Pill wrote: »Where do I send my 65 payments of $99.99 for this advice?
64, if you call within the next 6 minutes...
Is there a free water jug included for a shipping & handling charge of $23.97?!
Yep, and it has a motivational quote written on it in sharpie0 -
Sugar_Pill wrote: »Sugar_Pill wrote: »Where do I send my 65 payments of $99.99 for this advice?
64, if you call within the next 6 minutes...
Is there a free water jug included for a shipping & handling charge of $23.97?!
Yes. And the water jug is actually just a swimming pool that you stick your head into and drink.0 -
Sugar_Pill wrote: »Sign me up!!
You'll just take my CC info & I can autopay for the rest of forever, right?
I'm drinking this Kool-Aid!
I love Kool-Aid. Wait...does THAT count as water??
Only if you drink it upside down!0 -
Sugar_Pill wrote: »
I forgot that part, thanks for the back up!0
This discussion has been closed.
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