Scared for people to notice....

fostersu
fostersu Posts: 327 Member
in Motivation and Support
Soon it will become apparent to the outside world that I'm losing weight. I've lost weight before so this isn't too new, but soon I'll be smaller than anyone in my current life/social situation has ever seen me. I'm nervous to handle the "oh you look good" and "have you lost weight" questions. Its very vulnerable to have your body remarked on even if I am proud of the loss and the health benefits. I'm stuck between the "darn right I look good" pride and vanity and "ain't none of your business" shame.

Replies

  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Really simple - "oh you look good" reply "Thank you" - "have you lost weight" reply "yes, thank you for noticing"
    I try to keep my responses short and simple. No need not to be proud of your hard work and to positively acknowledge it. By the way "Great job" :)<3
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
    If anything, I think it should be an indignant "ain't none of your business," not a shameful one. From where I sit, there's nothing shameful about losing weight and getting healthier, so I think if I were you I might try to figure out where the shame is coming from.

    Otherwise I'd suggest taking those comments as compliments. In my experience, people are generally impressed when someone loses a lot of weight, so I don't think those comments are usually anything other than complimentary.
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
    Quickest way to get out of that situation is to say 'thank you' and then change the subject. These people are meaning to be complimentary, they probably don't realise you're going to find it awkward. Just acknowledge the compliment and move on :)
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    yesimpson wrote: »
    Quickest way to get out of that situation is to say 'thank you' and then change the subject. These people are meaning to be complimentary, they probably don't realise you're going to find it awkward. Just acknowledge the compliment and move on :)

    This exactly. First, give people the benefit of the doubt that regardless of how they express it, they are probably trying to be positive. Say "thank you!" and move on. No need to say anything else, but be prepared: most of the time you'll get further questions. You aren't obligated to answer them. Keep your responses brief, friendly, and only disclose what you are comfortable with. Congrats on your success!
  • curves2j
    curves2j Posts: 144 Member
    I understand you 100%. I too sometimes want to welcome the comment and other times I am like- it's none of your business attitude. Just as BZAH10 said -it works to say thank you and move on. But I know it also bothers when who you consider to be a good friend never says anything about your weight loss either- so sometimes people don't know if they should like make a big deal of it or not.
  • Misspinklift
    Misspinklift Posts: 384 Member
    Just say yes I have thank you. Lol that's what I do
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    curves2j wrote: »
    I understand you 100%. I too sometimes want to welcome the comment and other times I am like- it's none of your business attitude. Just as BZAH10 said -it works to say thank you and move on. But I know it also bothers when who you consider to be a good friend never says anything about your weight loss either- so sometimes people don't know if they should like make a big deal of it or not.

    Yep, there's this aspect of it, too. Sometimes the people around you who want to mention your weight loss don't know if or how they should. They are just as uncomfortable with the topic as you are, OP. Just enjoy your success and don't take the comments of others personally.
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
    It's kinda scary, but just try to say "thank you" and move on. At first when they'd ask if I lost weight, I'd say "I don't know." Or "hopefully!" But now I just say "yes, thanks." And change the subject. Not sure why it's so awkward for me, but it is.
  • giantrobot_powerlifting
    giantrobot_powerlifting Posts: 2,598 Member
    edited October 2015
    Every time some ones gives you a complement, stick $25 in the bank. After a year that money will really add up. Treat yourself with it by sending it to me.
  • Redbeard333
    Redbeard333 Posts: 381 Member
    I love it. On the other hand, several people who have complimented have also told me I should stop losing, or "don't develop an eating disorder on us". The last one DOES bug me, since I'm more in tune with my body now than I ever have been. I told her not to worry, but in my head I'm saying "yeah, RIGHT!!"
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,868 Member
    I have a friend I see about twice a month. I noticed she'd lost weight and commented on it. She informed me nicely that she'd lost 70 pounds. Wow! Did I ever feel bad for not noticing it, and I told her so. She was still very gracious about it. I meant well and that's how she took it.
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
    I felt incredibly uncomfortable with others noticing my weight loss (I lost 1/3 of my body weight in 9 months, so you couldn't miss it), and I settled for "thank you" and changing the subject.

    It's been over a year since I reached my initial goal (just started the final haul to a slightly lower target) and now I don't feel the embarrassment so much. When people comment that I still look good and am still smaller, I say "smaller, fitter, faster" with pride.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I don't understand what is shameful about trimming down and getting healthy and fit...being healthy and fit is awesomeness.
  • kar328
    kar328 Posts: 4,159 Member
    dopeysmelly wrote: »
    When people comment that I still look good and am still smaller, I say "smaller, fitter, faster" with pride.

    I like this, I may have to borrow it :smiley:

    I find the compliments awkward and keep working on just trying to say 'thanks' and change the subject. Most people are sincere, they definitely outnumber the haters (I was told I was going to look sickly if I lost more weight about 50 lbs ago when I was still morbidly obese), but that still doesn't stop the comments that can be questionable or even rude. Who says it depends on how much smart *kitten* goes into my answer.

    And congrats on your loss.
  • ZeroDelta
    ZeroDelta Posts: 242 Member
    fostersu wrote: »
    Soon it will become apparent to the outside world that I'm losing weight. I've lost weight before so this isn't too new, but soon I'll be smaller than anyone in my current life/social situation has ever seen me. I'm nervous to handle the "oh you look good" and "have you lost weight" questions. Its very vulnerable to have your body remarked on even if I am proud of the loss and the health benefits. I'm stuck between the "darn right I look good" pride and vanity and "ain't none of your business" shame.

    Or feign ignorance "Really, you think I've lost weight? I just don't see it." Make them question their sanity. :wink:
  • catt952
    catt952 Posts: 190 Member
    omg i had the same question two months ago. No one has noticed or said anything about my weight loss lol but i haven't noticed anything either really. http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10243005/weight-loss-awkward-subject/p1
  • jodsaccount
    jodsaccount Posts: 22 Member
    WOW! i was the exact opposite when I had hit 20 lbs I was ready to get a tee shirt printed that said "I've lost over 20 lbs say something about it **it!"
    After 55lbs they start to say "is your health okay?" People are apprehensive to say much because what you are doing is really hard. If they say too much then they run the risk of insulting you. My suggestion- "yeah I'm working on it" I find it gives them the window to encourage and maybe even encourages them too.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,474 Member
    Your working hard to do this...... so you should feel proud of yourself. be happy.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,371 Member
    I feel for our friends and family, its a case of damned if they say, damned it they don't.

    Some people are oblivious to our weight gains and losses, others not so, but for the most part they will generally only say something when we are losing weight. Being big or overweight is not something we can hide, it's obvious to most of everyone. There should be no shame or embarrassment is losing fat if we are overweight, we should wear weight loss like a medal, if someone comments to the weight loss, thank them and move on.
  • penimony
    penimony Posts: 6 Member
    LOL I would rather that the shame of no one noticing I lost anything because I can't discipline myself to do better...congratulations on being healthier!
  • shadowfax_c11
    shadowfax_c11 Posts: 1,942 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    I don't understand what is shameful about trimming down and getting healthy and fit...being healthy and fit is awesomeness.

    Same here. I have trouble understanding why people are uncomfortable with people noticing that they are making a positive change that takes a lot of hard work. The only think I can think of is that said people are uncomfortable about attention in general. That I can understand. I have a hard time accepting compliments myself but when someone notices and comments positively on something I am achieving such as weight loss, I allow myself to feel good about that. After all that is what the person is trying to do. Make you feel good by letting you know that your efforts are noticed.

    It does not mean that you have to have a long and involved conversation on the subject. Most people are not looking for that anyway. They just want to encourage you. So be encouraged. Friends who notice and care enough to let you know that they notice are pretty special.

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