Sabotage!

GillianLF

I am here 80 days today! That's long enough to have learned some things, and I'm still learning.

When I started within 2 weeks I realised I drastically overate. I became food aware, I started working out, I got fitter and I ran 2 x 5ks. I inspired others, I kept losing at an acceptable pace and I began to tone up. Nice one! Everyone started to notice how "well" I looked.

In the last 2/3 weeks I have been slipping. I convinced myself that I'm working out harder so I can eat more (or not as healthily). Thankfully I haven't gained any weight but I haven't lost any despite the workouts. I told myself I'm still toning up so it must be muscle. In the last 2/3 weeks my waist has gotten a little smaller and I'm fitting into trousers that previously wouldn't even fasten.

However it dawned on me just this morning....this is what I do. I make excuses for myself. I reach a point of achievement and rather than motivate me its the catalyst for my downfall. Right now I seem to be maintaining. But already the workouts have gone from running to walking and spasms in my back even meant my workouts weren't as energetic as before.

So this is what I realised. We can lie to ourselves. I'm logging workouts and food here and I'm still in a deficit...or so it seems. I know from experience that walking does not do for me what running does. To eat back those calories is just playing pretend. I've spent the last 3 weeks wondering why I'm not losing. But I know in my heart I'm not making the same effort I did at the start.

So I reminded myself why I'm here, what I want and then recognised that this is what I do. I take any little win as total success. I've lost 10 lbs in 80 days. But it should have been more.

I got so caught up in these stories I told myself I ate my own bull and still expected results. I got about 500 extra calories a day from my new Fitbit...I ate those. I kept telling myself muscle is heavier than fat (I'm not that ripped!), I stopped weighing my food because I was convinced I knew what a gram looked like, I kept saying its TOM weight and I'd have a whoosh any day now...3 weeks later no whoosh.

I'm very glad I now see my inner saboteur and wanted to share with you as I often see posts here about people who are no longer losing. CICO folks, its as simple as that and all of the tricks, excuses, lies don't change the simple maths.

danzrlove

How insightful. I also sabotage myself. Every time j lose a little I find an excuse to indulge and end up with a few more friends in the journey with me.

Trishfitz78

Brilliant post! Sums me up too!!!

denisej1215

I am right there with you!! I am my own worst saboteur but can easily make excuses, say I'll just indulge this once and start again tomorrow (which just leads to a terrible downward spiral!) or try to place some blame elsewhere...but really it comes down to me, the choices I make and being honest with myself.

GillianLF

I have to admit I'm not proud of this at all. I hope that me making the connection means I can stop the cycle.

shinycrazy

Yes! I did this to myself today! Today is my weigh in day (I lost) and I thought yep, I'm having potatoes with my eggs this morning! Even though I know I have family coming in town and we will be going out to eat. Rar! I completely revamped my eating starting in July and I'm starting to feel burned out. I'm just tired of "depriving" myself, despite all the good I've done. I'm not really being deprived, I just want a reason to eat candy and bread again. I'm type 2 diabetic, so I have to watch what I eat. I have to remember the things that make this worth it, like being able to ride rollercoasters again and walk around the amusement park ALL day without being achy and tired. GilliamLF thank you for sharing this was the swift kick I needed to get my head on straight! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!

AJLovinLife

I am so with you. I am my own worse saboteur. I have a positive thing happen and unconsciously I start doing things that will counter it. I am really hoping that knowing this and acknowledging this, will allow me to break the habit. When I find myself doing it I call an Ace and Ace and get back at it. Maybe we need a recovering saboteur club. LOL

GillianLF

@shinycrazy today is my weigh in day, I "forgot" and had bacon, egg, hash brown and toast for breakfast so I hear you. And I'm getting take out later for dinner.

I'm the same I've "deprived" myself all week so feel I need a treat. I have to somehow accept that eating healthy is treating myself!

shadowfax_c11

OUr choices are always our own. Recognising where you could have made better ones is a step forward. Congratulations on your willingness to face and acknowledge your poor decisions and self deception. I really do think that people who are ready and willing to face up to their own faults and work on change are the ones who will ultimately have the best success.

tulips_and_tea

GillianLF wrote: »

I have to admit I'm not proud of this at all. I hope that me making the connection means I can stop the cycle.

I think you should be proud of yourself for acknowledging it both to yourself and publicly (here)! That takes a lot of strength and you are using it as a learning experience. I think it's a great thing. Not to mention it is helping others come to the realization as well. All you can do is learn from it and try to not repeat the pattern. No sense beating yourself up or dwelling on the negative side of it.

GillianLF

Thanks @BZAH10

@Auna01 not a bad idea! A recovery club. Its like I'm afraid of the success in some respects.

zorahgail

@GillianLF thank you for sharing! Such powerful insight.

In my experience I'm seeing where self-sabotage is a signal for me to pay attention to a deeper issue. Right now I'm learning that sabotage kicks in when things start being really really good and amazing.

Sounds nuts but it's like I'm only ok with a certain level of success and life-goodness. If things start exceeding that level, the inner saboteur kicks in. Fortunately now that I'm aware, I'm playing around with bumping up the level of awesomeness I can handle.

Way to go us!

last_jennifer

This post was perfect, I needed to read this. Thank you so much!

Living360

Don't be too hard on yourself. After all, you lost 10 pounds and that is progress. If you lost 10 pounds every 80 days that would be about 44 pounds lost in a year and that is a healthy goal. Not everyone reaches their goal in just a few months. Slow and steady can be a win!

creyes4182

That happens to everyone, I got a trick for that though. Throw out all your loose clothing. One day you'll go for those nice jeans you got when you dropped a pant size and they won't fit. That's the big wake up call that gets me back on track. At my biggest I wore size 48" jeans, now 36 is normal/lose. I keep 38"s just in case but I threw everything else out. When I hit 34" I'm going to throw out the 38"s or donate them.

kaysday

Love this post! This is soooo me! Thank you for sharing this. Made me look at myself and hopefully I will work on this side of me as well.

fiddletime

Great post. After 3 days of being above my calories I need to stop congratulating myself that I a) didn't drink wine b) ate less candy than last year on Halloween and c) wasn't really that far over my calories, and just get back on track. No sabotaging by all the things I've done right, that make it OK to wander away from my goals.

GillianLF

Probably not the best time to be posting this...before a Halloween weekend. But today Halloween is over, its a new week. Time to cop myself on and realise I am worth the success.

got2rockit

Wow. I am exactly the same. Thank you for posting this.

ciaraking95

This post is so real! Sending lots of love and support to you, you've got this girl :-)

GillianLF

Thank you...I hope so!

RoseTheWarrior

Excellent post. Thank you for sharing. Terrific insight

Sinnister78

Great post. I suffer from this as well. I've been in a 4 month funk I would say. Just not putting forth the effort I did at the beginning. Being complacent, happy with the results I've achieved. So much so that I'm losing sight of my ultimate goal. This is a great reminder that I haven't reached it yet and I need to give my head a shake.

GillianLF

Its almost 3 weeks since I posted this and I'm so glad I copped myself on.

I've been back in the groove and starting to really see results, not just in weight but in my body and my fitness levels. In the 19 days since posting this I've lost another 3lbs so I'm back in the game and feeling great.

It was a bit of a revelation to see what I do to myself and realising that the only thing that gets in my way is ME. Since noticing that though I've been able to turn it around. Trust me if I can get back into it anyone can.

zorahgail

GillianLF wrote: »

It was a bit of a revelation to see what I do to myself and realising that the only thing that gets in my way is ME. Since noticing that though I've been able to turn it around. Trust me if I can get back into it anyone can.

@GillianLF So much YES to this!!! Congrats on getting back on track and realizing the root cause of why you were struggling in the first place. That's so awesome

jrmalice

Thanks for putting that out there... I go through the same thing and a lot of the time I don't even realize it. Great reminder, friend request incoming to keep these sorts of thoughts where I need them... In my feed!

amandanicole90a

Trishfitz78 wrote: »

Brilliant post! Sums me up too!!!

Im right here with all of you!!!