I feel trapped

angelxsss

I'm a 23 year old, and I live at home with my parents, brother, and grandma. I'm in an unpaid internship so I don't have money to spend on fitness classes, or a gym/pool pass. I've decided that pop pilates/blogilates would work best for me, since it's a free resource that I can do at home with just a yoga mat.

The problem is that I don't want anyone to see me doing it. For whatever reason, I have a fear of even my family seeing me work out, because losing weight hasn't worked in the past and I don't want them to think I'm an idiot for trying with no results. I also don't want to make them feel bad or lazy since they're all overweight/obese. I can't work out in my room because it's tiny and everyone has filled it with stuff since I was away at college. My grandma is almost always home and is the most judgmental person ever. She works part time so I try to stay out until she leaves but then at that time I end up having to cook (or else be subject to another fast food meal). I can't even get up earlier than usual because, despite having nothing to do until work starts in the late afternoon, she's always up watching the news. I wish we just had an extra room in our house or that I could clean out my room or that we could even make space in the garage so that I could work out without judgment and in peace, giving my all and not caring.

I guess I'm not so much asking for advice as just venting, but any comments are invited.

lyttlewon

Can you preemptively communicate with your family, and say "I'm going to start working out, and I would appreciate it if you didn't make any comments that were not constructive."

annaskiski

Why don't you try walking/running outdoors?
Find a quiet park or school campus.

usmcmp

Tell them that their comments are not helpful and make you feel horrible about yourself. Sometimes people don't realize the negative impact they are having on others.

CallistoQuinn

Could you go to a friend's house and work out together?

usmcmp

There is a planet fitness in Fort Worth. The membership is $10 per month. Is there any way you can make $10 helping a neighbor or working a part time job for a few hours per week?

angelxsss

CallistoQuinn wrote: »

Could you go to a friend's house and work out together?

since I went to college, all my friends in my hometown moved away, but that's a good idea. I'll start trying to look for a fitness buddy locally

annaskiski wrote: »

Why don't you try walking/running outdoors?
Find a quiet park or school campus.

I've been walking when I can, I was just hoping to incorporate more strength work

angelxsss

Thank you guys for the replies. it's not so much that they make comments as I'm just nervous about what they're thinking

nordlead2005

Working out will not inherently cause you to lose weight. I lifted for months and didn't drop a pound. I'm sure I lost some fat and built some muscle, but I was still obese. If you want to lose weight then you have to eat at a calorie deficit. The easiest way to do that is put your stats into MFP (as best you can, activity level is a best guess), and eat however many calories it says to eat. The easiest way to accomplish that accurately (eating the right number of calories) is to weigh your food. Then adjust as real results roll in.

So, don't do yoga to lose weight, it may or may not work (depending on if you eat more or not). Instead, do yoga to work on flexibility, strength, and improve overall fitness. Then, if someone decides to judge you because you didn't lose weight doing yoga and you can happily point out that yoga is for other benefits, not for losing weight.

IdLikeToLoseItLoseIt

I hear you! I don't like exercising in front of family, either. If you can think of a way to make enough space somewhere and offer to do the organizing and work of moving/re-arranging things, perhaps your family would approve of that.

What about walking? You can walk outside, in malls, at free community centers, sometimes local schools, etc.

Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you.

angelxsss

usmcmp wrote: »

There is a planet fitness in Fort Worth. The membership is $10 per month. Is there any way you can make $10 helping a neighbor or working a part time job for a few hours per week?

I have a dogsitting job for some cash but 100% of that goes towards grad school application fees and paying back student loans. I could try to use any tips I make though, or I'm sure my parents would support my effort and help me out if I couldn't float even that.

angelxsss

nordlead2005 wrote: »

Working out will not inherently cause you to lose weight. I lifted for months and didn't drop a pound. I'm sure I lost some fat and built some muscle, but I was still obese. If you want to lose weight then you have to eat at a calorie deficit. The easiest way to do that is put your stats into MFP (as best you can, activity level is a best guess), and eat however many calories it says to eat. The easiest way to accomplish that accurately (eating the right number of calories) is to weigh your food. Then adjust as real results roll in.

So, don't do yoga to lose weight, it may or may not work (depending on if you eat more or not). Instead, do yoga to work on flexibility, strength, and improve overall fitness. Then, if someone decides to judge you because you didn't lose weight doing yoga and you can happily point out that yoga is for other benefits, not for losing weight.

Yeah I'm not doing it to lose weight. I'm focusing on my eating first, and using pilates/whatever I do to increase health and tone up. But that is a good point- to point out that working out isn't supposed to be to lose weight

JoRocka

You don't have a room to yourself??

And you can always go to the park- I feel much better making an a** of myself in front of complete strangers than people I know and love (not sarcastic- serious).. you can always just walk away and say- eh- they'll never see me again (possibly not true- but it's more true than oh- say- mom with whom you live)

you can do it!!!

smithie092015

Search on the internet or call around to some of the yoga studios in town. Most studios have at least one donation based class per week. You can put whatever you have to contribute in a basket (seriously $1 is fine) and it goes to a charity. Many studios also offer scholarships or work for class credits. Yogis are often very interested in community building. If they can help, they will!

mbaker566

I might suggest getting early or staying up late so no one is awake.

tulips_and_tea

If you're focusing on your eating first (which is the key to weight loss anyway) and walking already, try just doing body weight exercises in your room. I know you said it was small and crowded, but it doesn't take much room to do a lot of the body weight exercises. Then, once you're out on your own you can do more structured workouts.

Don't worry about what comments your family makes or what they think. Being open with them (and yes, even gramdma) is important. You're an adult now and deserve some respect. However, no matter what you say you can't change what other people think so don't waste any energy worrying about it1

angelxsss

Thank you guys

Dez11B

Focus on getting your calories right first. Put a bad back on filled with books or something to make it heavy. Stand in your room and do body squats till you can't anymore. This takes no room. If you can stand you have enough room. Walk everywhere. No one will see you. Remember first get the diet together because that's everything. Then body weight exercises. To move along faster. Then sleep on the same schedule. At least 7 hours. You'll see results if you apply yourself.

cafeaulait7

Don't feel bad about whether or not they feel lazy if they see you work out. It could actually encourage them to be more active if they see you do it.

My dad comes over to watch games at my place all the time. I have to work out in front of him a lot, because the games can be so many hours and my equipment is where I can see the TV. I can't wear my normal booty shorts, because that would be weird, lol! But worse, he critiques my tempo constantly and makes me lose count of reps. I have to tell him to hush and just watch his game

I thought it would go worse, though. I used to skip my workouts on long game days that I wasn't watching, but I'm glad I went on and tried it. It's not so bad. Maybe your relatives will turn out better than expected about it, too.

Jennloella

find a nearby school with bleaches, running the stairs will give you a better workout than just walking, if you go early enough and no one is around maybe you can work up to some pushups every time you reach the top!

Jennloella

bleachers*

JustMissTracy

angelxsss wrote: »

Thank you guys for the replies. it's not so much that they make comments as I'm just nervous about what they're thinking

I understand. Usually it's more in our heads, than in theirs. I think the best thing you can do is sit down with them, and let them know you have a new goal. Let them know that you know you've tried before without success, but that this time, you feel much stronger, and WANT it more. Let them know you need them on your side. Also, Now that you're back from college, you'll be needing your room back so you can achieve your goal, so would they mind going thru their stuff and finding new homes for everything, so you can have that space for yourself. I know it's hard, and it's definitely intimidating stating your needs to other people. But what's the worst that can happen? This is your life, YOUR health...and something I tell my kids and hub ALL the time, NONE of us are getting any younger. Time to take control now, while you still can...Much love, and good luck! xo

I_Will_End_You

I don't work out in front of people, either. I'd say work towards clearing everyone's crap out of your room, or just go for a walk outside. And doing sometime like pilates won't require much space. You just need room for a mat, and they aren't very big.

Fursian

I understand not wanting to be watched while you exercise, so gyms and classes are a no go for me. It would be good if you could somehow manage to free up some space in your own bedroom. Hope you manage to figure something out!

gdyment

I get the "do it in private" thing... You can get good results running/walking and watching diet. You could jog/run over to somewhere with stairs, or even a park that has a few horizontal bars or benches, then run back. Getting out of the house might do you good mentally and you stand a good chance at meeting some other workout people. There's popular workout areas around here than have dozens of people at a given time (certain hills, or stairs).

giantrobot_powerlifting

Nothing like getting your workout done before most people have hit the snooze button for the first time. Mornings are your best friend.

kshama2001

If you called a family meeting and asked for support decluttering, would your family would get behind this?

Start with the garage then move the stuff that doesn't belong in your room there?

jgnatca

I was over fifty when I started this latest weight loss enterprise and outside of my husband, I did not talk about it to anyone for three months, until I got my first glimmer of hope. I understand your feelings.

On the other hand, I hate to see anyone say they are trapped in this day and age. It is easy to fall in to all the reasons you can't have a different life right now. I suggest you get used to thinking about things you can do. Make a list if necessary. Then do those things where you have a sense of control. Get used to feeling empowered. After a while it won't matter who is watching....even sourpuss grandmas!

If I were in your shoes I'd be walking for exercise.

Weight loss will come by watching food portions.

Machka9

angelxsss wrote: »

CallistoQuinn wrote: »

Could you go to a friend's house and work out together?

since I went to college, all my friends in my hometown moved away, but that's a good idea. I'll start trying to look for a fitness buddy locally

annaskiski wrote: »

Why don't you try walking/running outdoors?
Find a quiet park or school campus.

I've been walking when I can, I was just hoping to incorporate more strength work

Do any of your local parks have either playgrounds, or even better, outdoor exercise equipment?

Are there any places near where you work or near home that have some decent flights of stairs?

lorrpb

Can you figure out a way to get the extra stuff out of your room? Move each persons stuff back to his or her room. Or the living room? You are in a tough spot with a lot of people. I admire your determination!

lemmie177

angelxsss wrote: »

Thank you guys for the replies. it's not so much that they make comments as I'm just nervous about what they're thinking

I used to think the same way when I was younger. My mother still tries to control me by telling me how embarrassing I'll look or how others will scrutinize me. I can't tell you how liberating it is to be stubborn enough to do it anyway. It'll be really difficult in such close quarters, but the best thing you can do for yourself is grow a thicker skin.

You exercising is about making yourself a healthier person. Whether or not you lose weight doesn't make it a success or failure. The act of bettering yourself is incredibly admirable, especially when its outside your comfort zone. If your family can't see that, its a shame, but its no reason not to do it.