I ruined everything

kshama2001

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

mccindy72 wrote: »

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

It took me a month to lose 3 kg, and in 1.5 weeks I managed to gain 3.5 kg back.

I stopped going to gym because I found excuses (ToM, flu, family visit, exams) and I started to binge like crazy. I stopped entering my calories and just today I had 3 large dinners, 2 pocket chips and one pocket of candies aside from activia yoghurts and fruits which are relatively healthier.


I keep binging and I keep drinking stuff. I can't resist my temptations, I act with urge. I feel like I am out of this world, I cannot concentrate on anything.

Today I had therapy and I completely forgot about it and didn't go to it.

/ what is happening to me (( how can I go back to eating clean and working out again... I feel dizzy and tired all the time that I fear of fainting if I work out.

I even started smoking.

Erm. You started smoking? As in you never smoked before but now you decided to just buy a pack and do this? Get off the internet, and reschedule your therapy, and go to it.
There is so much wrong going on in this post that you need to work on, and therapy is what you need to address all of it:
1:It took me a month to lose 3 kg, and in 1.5 weeks I managed to gain 3.5 kg back. No, you didn't. You weren't eating thousands of extra calories in that 1.5 weeks. You just have some water weight that you are overreacting to. If you waited a few days, your weight would be back to where you were before.
2: I stopped going to gym because I found excuses A - you don't need to exercise to lose weight, and B - that's on you, either get your butt in gear and go to the gym, or find some other way to work out that you actually like and will stick with.
3: how can I go back to eating clean You don't need to, you just need to focus on eating in a deficit again.
4: I feel dizzy and tired all the time that I fear of fainting if I work out. This is a mental game. You are eating too much, so it's unlikely that you're dizzy from low blood sugar or not enough food, and you're not working out, so it's not that. You're doing this to yourself.
5: Today I had therapy and I completely forgot about it and didn't go to it. Possible but unlikely, this sounds like classic avoidance.
Dallying on the internet is causing you trouble. I've seen you in the forums frequently, and you seem to be caught in a spiral. it's not a good one. Stay out of the forums and go to your therapy.

Nope, I don't smoke. I've smoked few times with friends without inhaling it to my lungs, but this time I actually went and bought a pocket of cigarettes. I did this few times before.

I actually was eating thousands of extra calories... Today I ate at least 4000 calories, maybe more. We have a huge bread that feeds a family for 4 days, and my family sent it with me. I ate half of it with butter. I ate oily meat 5 times and rice fillings with it. I ate lots of fruits, 2 pocket of chips, one pocket of candy etc.... and more fruits and yoghurt and ayran and palm fruit.... many stuff. my stomach is actually hurting at the moment.

I'm used to like gym, but my psychological condition is playing games with me so I cannot go. You seem to not know what depression is.

I wasn't avoiding it, I enjoy my therapy sessions I always feel better afterwards. I simply forgot because I was worried about my exam.

I didn't log in to forums almost for a week now.

I used to bake bread and polish off a half a loaf with butter. I don't bake bread anymore, lol.

Next time your family wants to send you home with bread, what are you going to do? It's helpful to create a plan ahead of time.

I have had issues with depression (and anxiety) and many times have had to force myself to start exercising. Once I head out the door, I'm fine. The biggest challenge is making the decision to start.

MarcyKirkton

You need a big hug. You know, I bet this will sound corny as heck. But it ABSOLUTELY my experience.

Things fell apart for me RIGHT before they fell back together........in a way that was far, far better, saner and more comfortable.

Hang in!

brb2008

DeguelloTex wrote: »

Reschedule your therapy. Put it on your calendar. Stop missing it. It's going to do you more good than soliciting yet more advice on MFP.

Yep! I'm looking into going to a counselor myself, reschedule for very soon and commit to going. Then tell them all you say here. Honestly some people have a terrible relationship with food (myself included) and sometimes you can't do it alone. I'm pretty sure I cant, even my partner helping me isn't right because he isnt trained and its not fair to ask him to hold me accountable. See your counselor asap and tell him or her everything. Just do your best until then.

shelleygold

I am involved with a Thread "Depression and Weight Management" and although I am not conducting the thread in a "professional" manner, the posts have intelligent, supportive and experience-based information. The people are lovely and kind and I think you may enjoy the interactions. I mention this because I am aware that people who are struggling with weight management may also be grappling with deep emotional issues/pain and I think that it is imperative that one has the opportunity to manage both freely and safely.

PinkPixiexox

First of all, breathe
Take a good 10 steps back and ease up on yourself. You are getting yourself more and more wound up and that isn't going to help you. Take some deep breaths and re-assess where you want to be.

Start with visiting your Dr, explaining your issues and putting plans in place to deal with each individual problem. Take baby steps. Deal with the inside first and foremost and the rest will follow. You can't enter into a weight loss programme when you are under so much stress and pressure - it will only magnify things.

Take care of yourself and come back to us when you're good and ready

cafeaulait7

You feel very bad and out-of-sorts because you have bipolar disorder. You felt good and now you are down It's part of the disorder (when unmedicated). Your brain is playing tricks on you, yes

I'd recommend yet another try on a mood stabilizer for it, personally. But at least know that 99% of what feels so bad right now is a disorder, not the bingeing itself or additives, etc. I can't stand to be off my depression meds. At all.

WBB55

Please note, I'm not a medical professional. And without revealing too much information, I'm going to urge you to go to your therapist and get a recommendation for a medical doctor who specializes in mental health. Or get a referral from your family doctor. I don't know how old you are, and I don't know if you already see a psychiatrist, but the posts in this thread are striking a chord with me.

There are some serious (and completely treatable with medication) conditions regarding brain neurotransmitters that show hints of themselves in adolescents, but start affecting quality of life in the 20s and then can begin to severely incapacitate the patient around the age of 30. If left untreated, these neurochemical conditions do not improve. But are manageable and treatable with medication.

I urge you to talk to a medical doctor. Describe to them how you go from exercising excessively to binging excessively. Tell them what you tell us in these threads.

I'm not trying to scare you, but please do this.

bluefish86

You didn't "ruin everything". You messed up your diet and forgot to go to a therapy session.

Start logging again right now and reschedule with your therapist. If you do this, in a couple of months this will seem like an insignificant blip.

You've only failed once you stop trying, so get back to it!

WBB55

cafeaulait7 wrote: »

You feel very bad and out-of-sorts because you have bipolar disorder. You felt good and now you are down It's part of the disorder (when unmedicated). Your brain is playing tricks on you, yes

I'd recommend yet another try on a mood stabilizer for it, personally. But at least know that 99% of what feels so bad right now is a disorder, not the bingeing itself or additives, etc. I can't stand to be off my depression meds. At all.

This^^ So much yes to this ^^ if you work with your doctors and find the right medications it can change your life and give you room to function normally.

Then if you want to put in hard work, you can work with the doctors to ween off the meds once you learn your moods and cycles and how to live a productive life and manage the disorder.

If you'd like someone to talk to that knows what you're going through, please PM me. Even if you decide to not go on medication, talking with someone who knows those feels you're feeling can help you. There's nothing wrong with you, but you do have a serious medical condition that is treatable (and close to 100% manageable).

I've found ways to use my talents to truly change lives. You can too.

wahmx3

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

jenathp wrote: »

Ruin is such a bad word....schedule your therapy for sure, and make sure to keep the appointment. It's hard to control our urges and many times we eat out of emotion. I totally understand having bad days/weekends/weeks and slipping. But the good news is that nobody can see the diary except for you, so log everything so you know and can keep track of patterns of eating. It might help understand the binging a bit better. Good luck and hang in there.

Yes I did not log it in because of feelings of guilt...

Never stop logging no matter what you ate! I have fast food almost every Sunday but I always plan for it and log it, even though I know it's going to put me over my calorie goal. You got great advice.....get back to eating better and drink lots of water....you will quickly lose that unwanted gain once you refocus, most of it is likely from sodium. You can do this but remember that therapy is vital to your success, please ensure you go to every app.