Insecure men

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Magnus_TKN
Magnus_TKN Posts: 1,909 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay so I spent two hours on the phone with a friend of mine ranting about how his girlfriend hugs, and kisses her guy friend on the cheek. Demanding that she stops hugging and kissing them. He says he doesn't consider that a form of control, and says its a compromise. Thoughts anyone?

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  • uggins311
    uggins311 Posts: 2,204 Member
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    This "friend" of yours, may just be insecure..... It is harmless but maybe "he" should talk to her.....
  • Magnus_TKN
    Magnus_TKN Posts: 1,909 Member
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    He has and some of it is kind of crazy. Like instants she's not only to go to the bar by herself with out him. If she does decide to go out with out him, she's only allowed to go have coffee with friends.
  • PurringMyrrh
    PurringMyrrh Posts: 5,296 Member
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    I try not to have thoughts anymore, but it's definitely a form of control.

    That being said, is he just insecure and controlling or has she given him a reason to be untrusting?
  • uggins311
    uggins311 Posts: 2,204 Member
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    Magnus_TKN wrote: »
    He has and some of it is kind of crazy. Like instants she's not only to go to the bar by herself with out him. If she does decide to go out with out him, she's only allowed to go have coffee with friends.

    So does "he" go out with female friends? Maybe he needs to take more control of himself vs. telling her what she can and cannot do. B/C that way of thinking is dead, and if he continues feeling that way, he's gonna be alone and she won't be.
  • Magnus_TKN
    Magnus_TKN Posts: 1,909 Member
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    No he doesn't go out with other women at all. I've told him that before, but he doesn't see it as control or insecure. He sees it as a compromise.
  • Mr_Stabbems
    Mr_Stabbems Posts: 4,773 Member
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    that's kinda screwy, relationship is about trust and respect. If you respect someone and trust them you cannot impose any of these "rules" on them. People chose to be in a relationship, you shouldn't be without that choice or locked into one, cant see why she'd stay to be honest.

    The circle of friends gets smaller and smaller, next is it she cant see her "flirty" female friends? she cant go to work parties... and so on, eventually you're just left with the controlling partner.
  • Pittshkr_
    Pittshkr_ Posts: 99 Member
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    Cranky: No
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
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    I've been with my husband for 16 years...I don't think I am going out on a limb by saying he would not have been super happy with me hugging and kissing male friends. Would he have DEMANDED that I stop? No.

    If your friend has calmly explained to his gf that this behavior bother hims...and she continues to do it, that's disrespectful on her part. They should probably just break-up.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    Maybe he's insecure or maybe she's a slut.
  • uggins311
    uggins311 Posts: 2,204 Member
    edited November 2015
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    If it is a compromise, what is stopping that she doesn't like? Compromise is not saying you cannot do something and I keep doing exactly the same things. I have several female friends and I wouldn't take a demand that I need to stop doing things with them, but I also wouldn't give my significant other any reason to think that there was more going on, b/c chances are we'd all be hanging out. I completely agree with @Mr_Stabbems . This"compromise" is the start of a never ending road and she'll leave.

    There are so many things that matter in this question. Does she have a history of infidelity, does she have a history with said other guy, did she catch him cheating and now he doesn't trust her, does she blow him off to go with the other guy? There are so many nuances that would matter, it goes on and on. If he is just jealous for the sake of being jealous, he needs to grow up.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    two hours?

    it seems he doesn't trust her. the dirty secret is, putting all these ridiculous restrictions on her will likely drive her away which seems to be the opposite of the desired outcome. if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. disallowing hugs to male friends isn't going to stop that. i've never met a single person who said "i was going to cheat, but since i can't kiss Tom on the cheek those desires were stopped."

    i don't know. being controlling is not my thing. it seems like it takes too much effort to make all these demands and keep them up. i'd rather trust someone until/unless they give me a reason not to. And if they do, instead of controlling them, just find someone else i can trust.
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,214 Member
    edited November 2015
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    I'm very affectionate with my husband, but not incredibly comfortable hugging and kissing others. Luckily for me, my husband is the same. I understand your friend's insecurities. I wouldn't call him right or wrong. Tempted to say mismatched, but maybe it's something they can discuss and find a middle ground.

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