(WARNING TMI) Have you felt like this?

erikkmcvay

I don't know how much of it is I don't want husband to get up close and personal with this fat body and how much is that I just don't like to be touched all that much. I don't even like it when friends greet me with a hug. I'd rather everybody just keep their hands to themselves.

Isn't that a snake touching you?

Being intimate with your husband means touching -- perhaps you aren't in love with him? I don't mean to be harsh, so please don't take it that way but I don't understand not wanting to be intimate with a man you've professed deep love for (marriage is about that at least in part right?)

TheBitSlinger

he does things like jiggle my belly and smack my butt

Not sure about the latter behavior, but the former is aggressive. Like someone else here said, I'd ask him why he does this, and unless he has an excellent reason for doing it, it needs to stop and he needs to come to understand how it makes you feel.

cindagrif

I feel exactly the same way. My husband says he loves me no matter what. But I don't see how he could. I hate it when he touchs my belly!!

berriboobear

I feel compelled to reply.

My wife is beautiful. Seriously! She's a head turner. When she walks into a bar people (men and women) notice her! Men will hit on her (and she won't see it I might add) and she is amazing in so many ways (inside and out).

She's got it!

And she has THE SAME problem you do. No matter what I say she feels unattractive (or did in the passed but I think is moving past it more and more). When it comes to intimacy she's a 'lights off' kinda gal and she's admitted because she doesn't like the way she looks and feels less self conscious when the lights are off because I can't see her.

What's helped? Perhaps 11+ years of me constantly complimenting her and telling her how beautiful she is (inside and out) perhaps maturity allowing her to accept that she is attractive. perhaps I just don't know?

In the end I blame society and all the doctored up (and often airbrushed) women on TV and in ads.

Men? We're driven by different things (I won't argue on this, it's my opinion whether you agree or not) and you might not understand it. Sure, we have the same or at least similar issue (I have never thought of myself as attractive) but I've never known a man to avoid s!x because of his self image (maybe it happens though).

In the end I suggest the following:

1. Tell yourself you are beautiful daily.
2. Continue to better yourself through MFP, working out, weight-loss etc because YOU will feel better about YOU.
3. Tell your husband how you feel when he makes those comments -- be honest be open!
4. Accept that when he tells you he's attracted to you that he is.
5. Understand that for men, or at least some men and I'd bet most, being intimate is showing love -- to not do so shows a lack of love (even though it is not true that's how it is often taken by men). Doesn't mean you have to be intimate but it's important to understand that avoiding it might be sending the wrong signals to him so it's best to talk it out.

Above all, believe in yourself! You may not like the way you look or feel but that does not mean you are bad or unattractive etc it just means you don't like the way you look or feel. Accept that and change it for yourself and likely the rest will resolve itself in time with honesty and effort.

Just wanted to say that I love this answer!

TheRunningGuppy

Where the BF and I really ran into issues with sex was his behavior and my reception of it. He likes boobs. A lot. Kind of to a freakish degree. That's what he would reach for during sex - he'd completely neglect my stomach, my *kitten*, my legs, etc., so I convinced myself he was ignoring those parts because they were undesirable.

Similar situation for me. My perspective of myself was a big problem in my sex life. To the point that sex was only happening once a month if we were lucky. Bad things happened (like possible marriage ruining things).

When we finally had an open, honest discussion about it, he basically said "I like all of you. I just really like your boobs. There's nothing wrong with the rest of you." After that, he started giving more parts of me attention, and I started feeling a lot more confident and sexy. Point being, there are things your partner is currently doing that make you feel unattractive. There are things your partner can do that will make you feel more attractive. Have a talk with him and figure out how to work together to make your sex life better - what touches, outfits, positions, and so on will make you feel good about yourself. You have to communicate, and the more positive the communication the better - this talk shouldn't be a chance for you to beat up on yourself!

Now go have some fun

We also talked it out. I totally suck at communication. Hubby's not that great either. But we needed to make things clear between us, I for one will not allow divorce to come into the equation, and I'm sure hubby feels the same.

I have to say, in the last 2 years (just had my 13th wedding anniversary), sex is MUCH more frequent (3-4 times per week!!), and for sure more enjoyable. And it's because I let my husband know how much I desire him.

Also, I agree with what some others have said, you may need to have some counseling in this situation. But even if you don't do that, please communicate, no matter how hard it is! He should know how you feel about his comments, and you should know how he feels about you, and why he makes those comments.

Booksandbeaches

Your man is clearly not giving it to you good enough.

Not to be mean, but......when you are getting it really good, you are so busy seeing colors and head spinnin and sweatin and feeling those endorphins coarsing through your whole body, you don't give a damn WHAT your body looks like - - - and I am a few pieces of bread away from 300 lbs - so it's not that i am not prone to these feelings at other times in my life - - just not in the bedroom/bathroom/kitchen/alley/middle of the woods/stairwell at work.........you get the picture.

Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Why the Ewwwwwww!

There's nothing gross or disturbing about her description of passionate sex between consenting adults.

And she's right. As Richard Pryor used to say "if afterwards your woman wants to stay up and talk about physics or something you've got some more fu***ing to do." :laugh:

Or was your Ewwwww directed at the part where she mentioned her weight?

KenosFeoh

Your man is clearly not giving it to you good enough.

Not to be mean, but......when you are getting it really good, you are so busy seeing colors and head spinnin and sweatin and feeling those endorphins coarsing through your whole body, you don't give a damn WHAT your body looks like - - - and I am a few pieces of bread away from 300 lbs - so it's not that i am not prone to these feelings at other times in my life - - just not in the bedroom/bathroom/kitchen/alley/middle of the woods/stairwell at work.........you get the picture.

Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Why the Ewwwwwww!

There's nothing gross or disturbing about her description of passionate sex between consenting adults.

And she's right. As Richard Pryor used to say "if afterwards your woman wants to stay up and talk about physics or something you've got some more fu***ing to do." :laugh:

Or was your Ewwwww directed at the part where she mentioned her weight?

No; sorry I gave that impression. It was the idea of somebody being all over me like that and the assumption that someone would be reluctant to have sex just because "you aren't getting it good enough." I don't want to be touched, much less have someone all over me. Good enough doesn't even enter the picture.

Booksandbeaches

Your man is clearly not giving it to you good enough.

Not to be mean, but......when you are getting it really good, you are so busy seeing colors and head spinnin and sweatin and feeling those endorphins coarsing through your whole body, you don't give a damn WHAT your body looks like - - - and I am a few pieces of bread away from 300 lbs - so it's not that i am not prone to these feelings at other times in my life - - just not in the bedroom/bathroom/kitchen/alley/middle of the woods/stairwell at work.........you get the picture.

Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Why the Ewwwwwww!

There's nothing gross or disturbing about her description of passionate sex between consenting adults.

And she's right. As Richard Pryor used to say "if afterwards your woman wants to stay up and talk about physics or something you've got some more fu***ing to do." :laugh:

Or was your Ewwwww directed at the part where she mentioned her weight?

No; sorry I gave that impression. It was the idea of somebody being all over me like that and the assumption that someone would be reluctant to have sex just because "you aren't getting it good enough." I don't want to be touched, much less have someone all over me. Good enough doesn't even enter the picture.

Ok, thanks. I get it now. I only ask this because I have a child who has it...but do you have some sensory defensiveness..like certain clothes or texture bother you? Or sounds are too loud? Things like that...maybe it's a sensory thing.

BubbiesMommy823

I feel this way all the time!