Social overeating - deciding to change habits for the better seems to have made things worse :(

madammags

I am so angry and frustrated right now.

I've had a really difficult relationship with food for pretty much all my life, and a big part of my weight loss journey has been trying to normalise that.
Overall, I feel I've been very successful at that, and have lost just over 35 kgs (from 105 to just under 70) since Christmas 2013. However, I have continually struggled with social occasions, particularly of the potluck/table-full-of-finger-foods type. Back in early September, I decided I needed to do something about this.

I'm now sitting up at almost 2 am (and I'm usually an early sleeper and riser) because I can't sleep cause my stomach is too full. I seriously thought about trying to throw up earlier because I felt so sick (and I have NEVER done that due to food), but it wouldn't do any good. Seriously, even when I was at the event, about 2/3 of the way through the afternoon/evening, I could tell I'd had too much to eat and would feel sick if I had more. And I still kept going! WTF is wrong with me?

It's ridiculous, that's like three times since I decided I wanted to do something about it back in early September where I've done something that can actually be classified as bingeing (eating so much I feel physically uncomfortable). Before then, while I was having some issues, this hadn't happened in AGES (probably a year or more).

I feel like such a failure, and like my decision to try to improve my habits have done the exact opposite. Instead of mostly overeating a bit at social things, it feels like now I either don't overeat (or only a tiny bit), or completely stuff my face, even more so than I used to.

rankinsect

How often do these kinds of events happen? If you're talking a handful of times per year, it's not really a problem. It's not the single days that drive our weight, but the patterns of many of days put together. I'll eat more than my normal calorie goal on certain days, like holidays and gatherings, but these I simply plan ahead of time to be "free days" and don't really care. I try not to binge, but eat according to how most of the others are doing.

If this was, say, 12 days a year that you're overeating, that's 3% of the year, it doesn't undo the 97% of the year.

vivmom2014

I'd say you're being a bit hard on yourself. Social occasions w/ food are fun because there's a variety of tempting treats that you didn't have to prepare yourself (always a bonus!) Add in good friends and a celebratory occasion and you've got the potential to overeat.

I would be more concerned about your self loathing after such an event. There really is some wisdom to taking things in stride. You have been successful with weight loss. You have a weakness with social gatherings that feature food. OK - you can work on that.

Knowing that you like to partake of the buffet table, plan in advance and save some calories. If you go over, know that you can resume with your calorie goal the next day.

Don't be angry. Move toward self acceptance and a big picture perspective. Then more restrained behavior around these 'eating events' will follow.

madammags

They happen about once a month. I do know that it won't undo my weight loss, especially as I tend to end up eating less the next day (e.g. only having two meals because I'm not hungry for breakfast).

I'm mainly concerned about a) eating until I feel physically ill, and not stopping when I can feel it getting to that point, and b) the feeling that trying to be proactive and fixing something that was a bit broken is now completely messing me up.

middlehaitch

Build on what you have just learnt. You can recognize that you are going overboard. You don't like the feeling of having eaten so much.

Next time, try to be a little more selective, bites and tastes, shared portions, if the item is only so-so, put it down and move on.
Enjoy a portion of the really tasty things; pass on the mediocre.

It takes time to change habits of a lifetime, give yourself time, baby steps.

If you feel that this once a month event is interfering with your loss, put calorie aside to deal with that side of it.

Cheers, h.

segacs

What concerns me here is not that you overindulged at an occasional social event. That's no big deal if you're otherwise staying under your goal.

What concerns me is that you're up at 2am, driving yourself crazy over it to the point of almost feeling like you want to throw up. That is not healthy, and is a warning sign of possibly heading down the road to some sort of disordered eating.

I'd urge you to seek out some help for these issues before you get any further down the path. Catching this kind of thinking early is a great way to change course before it goes any further.

And, pro tip from someone who goes to a lot of potlucks: Just pre-log and pre-plan what you're going to eat based on the sort of food you think will be there. You can always substitute, but having a plan stops the mindless plate-refilling that is so common at these events.

Francl27

I'm kinda the same way, honestly. But I guess for me thankfully it's only a few times a year. But the last times were pretty bad.

Most of the advice here wouldn't help me, I don't bother with the mediocre stuff but just eat more of the stuff I really like, and I can typically not preplan because I have no idea what's going to be there (and even if I did, if there's good dessert my willpower doesn't always last long). And sometimes just knowing that the food is there and I won't have anymore of that specific food for a long time makes me want to go back even if I'm full.

Sorry OP, no help, but I completely sympathize. But in my case, I was doing the same thing before, it's just that it took me much longer to be full to the point of being sick, so I had a good chance of actually being satisfied before that happened... but I'm quite sure I used to eat just as much, maybe more. I was just less self conscious about it...

How much do you restrict yourself the rest of the time though? I know that the more I restrict myself, the more I'm likely to binge at such events.

madammags

segacs wrote: »

What concerns me here is not that you overindulged at an occasional social event. That's no big deal if you're otherwise staying under your goal.

What concerns me is that you're up at 2am, driving yourself crazy over it to the point of almost feeling like you want to throw up. That is not healthy, and is a warning sign of possibly heading down the road to some sort of disordered eating.

I'd urge you to seek out some help for these issues before you get any further down the path. Catching this kind of thinking early is a great way to change course before it goes any further.

And, pro tip from someone who goes to a lot of potlucks: Just pre-log and pre-plan what you're going to eat based on the sort of food you think will be there. You can always substitute, but having a plan stops the mindless plate-refilling that is so common at these events.

I should point out that while the emotional aspects did contribute to my being up, the main reason was that my stomach was simply too full and busily digesting for me to sleep. The wanting to throw up also was a physical thing, thinking that maybe it would help my stomach feeling less like it was going to burst, similar to when you've had too much alcohol, not because I was self-flagellating, that was just a bonus.

I do have a history of depression and have worked through a lot of self-loathing over the years. I am a lot better than I used to be, and most of the time I do pretty well.
Last night was the first time in over six months I've had that sort of anger towards myself. I'm always more likely to feel like that when I'm really tired, so not being able to sleep for physical reasons was really driving my emotional issues up.
This morning, I am feeling a lot better. I'm still somewhat annoyed, and trying to figure out how to deal with things in the future, but a lot less self-flaggelation going on

As the poster after you, I haven't found pre-planning/-logging for potlucks useful. I don't find it 'stops the mindless plate-refilling' at all.

@Francl27 Looking at it, I'm sure you're right. I probably used to eat more at these things than I do now, but my stomach was more used to holding it. I certainly don't over-restrict the rest of the time, as I've slowed my weight loss right down and am planning on going onto maintenance sometime in the next couple of months.

vivmom2014 wrote: »

You have a weakness with social gatherings that feature food. OK - you can work on that.

As I said in my second post, the really frustrating thing about it is that I AM working on it. But sometimes, it feels like deciding to fix my issue (which, again, hadn't been that much of an issue, but I'm on a bit of an overall self-improvement kick) has actually made it worse. I do think some of it is because I'm just more aware now of when I do this mindless eating because I had decided I wouldn't.

sunfastrose

I'm a little confused - the 105 to 70, is that your weight?

siluridae

sunfastrose wrote: »

I'm a little confused - the 105 to 70, is that your weight?

She weighs 70 kgs now.

FrankieandSpots

I struggle with this.
With things like that I think its partly my body trying to compensate for the defecit and partly boredom/social awkwardness and needing something to do with my hands/mouth so I feel like I have an excuse for not talking much.
And having food right there for hours i will nibble a bit more, and then just taste this, and then just a little bit of that, and oooh, thats looks so good, and well, yes, since you're passing the plate around i will have another of those...
Like others have said, the calories from a once a month binge are probably not too destructive, but that feeling of being out of control or eating till its uncomfortable/hurts is so frustrating because its pointless and self destructive and you'd (well, actually, I'd) have a better evening without doing it.

Strategies that seem to help me are:
Being away from the food - socialising outside, perhaps?
Saying no to things when they get passed around - having to get it myself it I want it
If I want to excuse myself from a conversation, going to the toilet or to get water, rather than getting more food
Having a glass of water - gives me something to do with hands/mouth.
Filling up on fruit/salad/water early in the night, so my stomach just can't stretch to fit as much of the high calorie things as I would otherwise have and the uncomfortably full feeling dissapears earlier (just damage control, I know).
Bringing the healthy options!!
- a bowl of cherries, grapes, chopped melon, apple, etc or veggie slices and dip (and stationing the bowl just next to me so I fill up from that).
Joining in with any sports/games/musical things going on to distract self (best done before reaching stuffed stage)

And I will second the kind self-talk and claiming small victories if you do stuff up ('well, that was a bit silly, but lets go to bed and try again next time' or 'that was fabulous how you ate 36 orange slices and all the grapes but didn't touch that cake!')

vivmom2014

madammags wrote: »

They happen about once a month. I do know that it won't undo my weight loss, especially as I tend to end up eating less the next day (e.g. only having two meals because I'm not hungry for breakfast).

I'm mainly concerned about a) eating until I feel physically ill, and not stopping when I can feel it getting to that point, and b) the feeling that trying to be proactive and fixing something that was a bit broken is now completely messing me up.

Well, you can always do what I usually do: skip the food table altogether. I went to an Open House just yesterday; had a few nuts. The table was laden with croissant sandwiches, brownies, cookies, lemon bars, shrimp cocktail, ham, some kind of ramen noodle salad, etc. I find buffet tables strangely overwhelming and not worth it to wade through (I also don't eat meat.)

Eat before you go to the party and decide you'll stick to drinks & conversation.

Or, since you feel focusing on this is getting you down, skip an event or two until you're feeling stronger.

MelodyandBarbells

madammags wrote: »

They happen about once a month. I do know that it won't undo my weight loss, especially as I tend to end up eating less the next day (e.g. only having two meals because I'm not hungry for breakfast).

I'm mainly concerned about a) eating until I feel physically ill, and not stopping when I can feel it getting to that point, and b) the feeling that trying to be proactive and fixing something that was a bit broken is now completely messing me up.

I have this issue too, somewhat. I would want to try a new idea or recipe I've heard about. This item is actually great for me! Well, it winds up ridiculously delicious (okay, I'm not that great a cook, it turns out edible), and I end up inhaling multiple servings of it. Way too many calories. A bit sad. I'm trying to do something healthy, but the result turns out to be much the opposite. Well, I don't beat myself up, and I try to figure out what I can learn from this. Is there a way to moderate this option anyway, or is it a goner? Food and recipes can quickly wind up boring if I eat the same things all the time, so for me, trying out new ideas and methods is always welcome, even though it may backfire for the short term. Ultimately, what I learn almost always helps my long term goals. I mean, absolutely WORST case scenario, I've learned something else that doesn't work. Or at least I have feedback I can provide to someone else who could help me. "I tried this and it didn't work because...", and at that stage they could advice me further, and who knows, maybe things click into place. FYI, sometimes that next level of feedback could be reading old or new posts on the subject that I'm not even involved in. But I wouldn't even have understood it if I hadn't actually lived through the first stage of the experience to know WTH they were talking about

TL;DR - good or bad, this could still be a learning experience for you

PS: I'm with some of the others though. If you feel you're exhibiting signs of disordered eating, please reach out. Otherwise, many of us may be in the same boat you are.