Stress
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colouring book or sex....hmmm
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superhockeymom wrote: »I'd recommend a kind of lifestyle change where you put your needs higher on your priority list. Yoga for 10 minutes isn't going to help as much as cultivating a lifestyle where you have people supporting you in the ways you've told them to help you. Having the kids help around the house. The husband helping with shuttling the kids. ... All of those little things will add up. If you add on top of that, the hot baths and laying off the booze, and you could see your life change.
But it's getting those people to do anything that causes the added stress.
I still vote for sex.
If it is your relationship with your husband stressing you, marriage counselling or at least therapy for yourself if it is really bad. If it is just small everyday problems, getting out of the house usually helps me. Join a class if you have the option, or at least go for a walk.
If it is the kids, then you need to remind yourself you are not their friend, you are their parent. Do not negotiate. Do not try to please them constantly. Enforce consequences. Even if they are going to be upset and hurt and even miss a sports practice or be late for school or fail at a test because they are so terribly upset with you. Them learning they need to help and that you (or a future partner) is not a maid, it is one of the most valuable lessons.
Reserve time for yourself and make sure to use this time for yourself. Plan something that means leaving the home. It will be easier to stick to the plan. Let your husband know that e.g. 3 times per week you are going to leave for the gym at 7 and not be home until 9. Switch your phone off. Do not be tempted to call and see if they are all dying from starvation, if homework has been done or whatever. Use this time for yourself.
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suziecue20 wrote: »colouring book or sex....hmmm
I know what a would pick.
I'm very bad at coloring.
Walking relieves stress but way to much time in my own head right now.
Hockey works but it is not often enough.
I guess I'll keep working on finding more distractions. Seem to help the most.
Thanks for making me laugh.
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superhockeymom wrote: »suziecue20 wrote: »colouring book or sex....hmmm
I know what a would pick.
I'm very bad at coloring.
Walking relieves stress but way to much time in my own head right now.
Hockey works but it is not often enough.
I guess I'll keep working on finding more distractions. Seem to help the most.
Thanks for making me laugh.
Walk while listening to an audiobook. Same benefits of walking while not being so much in your own head.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »I'd recommend a kind of lifestyle change where you put your needs higher on your priority list. Yoga for 10 minutes isn't going to help as much as cultivating a lifestyle where you have people supporting you in the ways you've told them to help you. Having the kids help around the house. The husband helping with shuttling the kids. ... All of those little things will add up. If you add on top of that, the hot baths and laying off the booze, and you could see your life change.
But it's getting those people to do anything that causes the added stress
They're only adding extra stress if you let them. Patti, you're in your head with this. You can take control of what you do and do not do. You are in control of what you allow to affect you emotionally. You're like 45, right? Honestly, you sometimes sound like you're in your 20s in terms of your self empowerment. I don't know who taught you that you come last. The truth is that you can help your family more if you take care of yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Stop being an empty cup. Take the time and space you need to refill your own glass. When you're happy and healthy, then you'll be able to give more to them than you do now.0 -
superhockeymom wrote: »I'd recommend a kind of lifestyle change where you put your needs higher on your priority list. Yoga for 10 minutes isn't going to help as much as cultivating a lifestyle where you have people supporting you in the ways you've told them to help you. Having the kids help around the house. The husband helping with shuttling the kids. ... All of those little things will add up. If you add on top of that, the hot baths and laying off the booze, and you could see your life change.
But it's getting those people to do anything that causes the added stress
They're only adding extra stress if you let them. Patti, you're in your head with this. You can take control of what you do and do not do. You are in control of what you allow to affect you emotionally. You're like 45, right? Honestly, you sometimes sound like you're in your 20s in terms of your self empowerment. I don't know who taught you that you come last. The truth is that you can help your family more if you take care of yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Stop being an empty cup. Take the time and space you need to refill your own glass. When you're happy and healthy, then you'll be able to give more to them than you do now.
I grew up the peacemaker it's who I am.
I don't think that will ever change.
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superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »I'd recommend a kind of lifestyle change where you put your needs higher on your priority list. Yoga for 10 minutes isn't going to help as much as cultivating a lifestyle where you have people supporting you in the ways you've told them to help you. Having the kids help around the house. The husband helping with shuttling the kids. ... All of those little things will add up. If you add on top of that, the hot baths and laying off the booze, and you could see your life change.
But it's getting those people to do anything that causes the added stress
They're only adding extra stress if you let them. Patti, you're in your head with this. You can take control of what you do and do not do. You are in control of what you allow to affect you emotionally. You're like 45, right? Honestly, you sometimes sound like you're in your 20s in terms of your self empowerment. I don't know who taught you that you come last. The truth is that you can help your family more if you take care of yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Stop being an empty cup. Take the time and space you need to refill your own glass. When you're happy and healthy, then you'll be able to give more to them than you do now.
I grew up the peacemaker it's who I am.
I don't think that will ever change.
It certainly will never change if you've decided that it won't.0 -
SingRunTing wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »suziecue20 wrote: »colouring book or sex....hmmm
I know what a would pick.
I'm very bad at coloring.
Walking relieves stress but way to much time in my own head right now.
Hockey works but it is not often enough.
I guess I'll keep working on finding more distractions. Seem to help the most.
Thanks for making me laugh.
Walk while listening to an audiobook. Same benefits of walking while not being so much in your own head.
I have audiobooks on my phone not sure why I never thought of that. Won't work for my morning walks. Safety issue its still dark. But maybe on the treadmill or elliptical.
Thanks.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »I'd recommend a kind of lifestyle change where you put your needs higher on your priority list. Yoga for 10 minutes isn't going to help as much as cultivating a lifestyle where you have people supporting you in the ways you've told them to help you. Having the kids help around the house. The husband helping with shuttling the kids. ... All of those little things will add up. If you add on top of that, the hot baths and laying off the booze, and you could see your life change.
But it's getting those people to do anything that causes the added stress
They're only adding extra stress if you let them. Patti, you're in your head with this. You can take control of what you do and do not do. You are in control of what you allow to affect you emotionally. You're like 45, right? Honestly, you sometimes sound like you're in your 20s in terms of your self empowerment. I don't know who taught you that you come last. The truth is that you can help your family more if you take care of yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Stop being an empty cup. Take the time and space you need to refill your own glass. When you're happy and healthy, then you'll be able to give more to them than you do now.
I grew up the peacemaker it's who I am.
I don't think that will ever change.
It certainly will never change if you've decided that it won't.
Peacekeeper or conflict avoider? Big difference between these two concepts.
Edit to add: if it wasn't clear, I was asking Patti. Sorry for the weird nesting quote.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »I'd recommend a kind of lifestyle change where you put your needs higher on your priority list. Yoga for 10 minutes isn't going to help as much as cultivating a lifestyle where you have people supporting you in the ways you've told them to help you. Having the kids help around the house. The husband helping with shuttling the kids. ... All of those little things will add up. If you add on top of that, the hot baths and laying off the booze, and you could see your life change.
But it's getting those people to do anything that causes the added stress
They're only adding extra stress if you let them. Patti, you're in your head with this. You can take control of what you do and do not do. You are in control of what you allow to affect you emotionally. You're like 45, right? Honestly, you sometimes sound like you're in your 20s in terms of your self empowerment. I don't know who taught you that you come last. The truth is that you can help your family more if you take care of yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Stop being an empty cup. Take the time and space you need to refill your own glass. When you're happy and healthy, then you'll be able to give more to them than you do now.
I grew up the peacemaker it's who I am.
I don't think that will ever change.
It certainly will never change if you've decided that it won't.
Peacekeeper or conflict avoider? Big difference between these two concepts.
Edit to add: if it wasn't clear, I was asking Patti. Sorry for the weird nesting quote.janejellyroll wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »I'd recommend a kind of lifestyle change where you put your needs higher on your priority list. Yoga for 10 minutes isn't going to help as much as cultivating a lifestyle where you have people supporting you in the ways you've told them to help you. Having the kids help around the house. The husband helping with shuttling the kids. ... All of those little things will add up. If you add on top of that, the hot baths and laying off the booze, and you could see your life change.
But it's getting those people to do anything that causes the added stress
They're only adding extra stress if you let them. Patti, you're in your head with this. You can take control of what you do and do not do. You are in control of what you allow to affect you emotionally. You're like 45, right? Honestly, you sometimes sound like you're in your 20s in terms of your self empowerment. I don't know who taught you that you come last. The truth is that you can help your family more if you take care of yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Stop being an empty cup. Take the time and space you need to refill your own glass. When you're happy and healthy, then you'll be able to give more to them than you do now.
I grew up the peacemaker it's who I am.
I don't think that will ever change.
It certainly will never change if you've decided that it won't.
Peacekeeper or conflict avoider? Big difference between these two concepts.
Edit to add: if it wasn't clear, I was asking Patti. Sorry for the weird nesting quote.
Growing up conflict was unavoidable. So it's hard to say
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For me there are a few things that really help. The first is a having a plan to change the stressful situation. The second is doing things that make me happy, walking listening to podcasts, kickboxing, knitting, coloring, even cooking something good. However, all of these coping strategies requires confronting the stressors, not just pushing them off until later. If it the kids that are creating stress, you are the parent, tell them what you expect and then what the consequences are if they don't do what is expected (you will be helping their future partners and employers immensely as well as yourself).0
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Stress for me is mostly about controlling my thoughts and self talk. If a voice internal or external is telling me to do more, when I am doing my best, I am stressed. I have to counter that with thoughts that recognize what I have accomplished. I remind myself of trends, that I am moving in the correct direction. Having been in abusive relationships, at work, in my youth, and in my previous marriage, if someone is not treating you with the respect you deserve it is imperative to remove yourself from that relationship.0
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superhockeymom wrote: »
I grew up the peacemaker it's who I am.
I don't think that will ever change.
Growing up conflict was unavoidable. So it's hard to say
Growing up is hard for everyone. We get past the conflicts by facing them. That's what growing up is. Being the peacekeeper is not a good attribute. That sends the message that those involved can't solve problems for themselves. If someone else solves it for thm they become complacent. We get stronger by solving our own problems. Try mindfulness meditation whenever you're doing what you do...be it coloring, reading, or doing the dishes. Concentrate only on what you are doing in the present. If your mind wanders, say to how you can solve someone else's problem, bring it back to the present. It's a practice that takes some effort. I have several moments in each day where I tell myself I need a healthy dose of "I don't give a fack." All the feelings pass if you let them.0 -
I try to have "on" times (when I am trying to actively worth through the thing I am stressed about) and "off times" when I give myself a break from it completely and escape to fantasy world.
In my "off" times I play Magic The Gathering and Hearthstone competitively or I listen to an audio book - something sci-fi preferably. I watch Star Trek for hours. I have broken my World of Warcraft habit because it wasn't serving me, but the rest definitely do.
Yes, I am a 40 year old career woman not a 14 year old boy - but the heart wants what the heart wants! I no longer set boundaries based on what society regards as adult or child-like behavior in my leisure time and I am much happier for it
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soulofgrace wrote: »superhockeymom wrote: »
I grew up the peacemaker it's who I am.
I don't think that will ever change.
Growing up conflict was unavoidable. So it's hard to say
Growing up is hard for everyone. We get past the conflicts by facing them. That's what growing up is. Being the peacekeeper is not a good attribute. That sends the message that those involved can't solve problems for themselves. If someone else solves it for thm they become complacent. We get stronger by solving our own problems. Try mindfulness meditation whenever you're doing what you do...be it coloring, reading, or doing the dishes. Concentrate only on what you are doing in the present. If your mind wanders, say to how you can solve someone else's problem, bring it back to the present. It's a practice that takes some effort. I have several moments in each day where I tell myself I need a healthy dose of "I don't give a fack." All the feelings pass if you let them.
Interesting I can imagine I will have trouble with this but worth a try. Anything is worth a try.0 -
i like to crochet0
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I try to have "on" times (when I am trying to actively worth through the thing I am stressed about) and "off times" when I give myself a break from it completely and escape to fantasy world.
In my "off" times I play Magic The Gathering and Hearthstone competitively or I listen to an audio book - something sci-fi preferably. I watch Star Trek for hours. I have broken my World of Warcraft habit because it wasn't serving me, but the rest definitely do.
Yes, I am a 40 year old career woman not a 14 year old boy - but the heart wants what the heart wants! I no longer set boundaries based on what society regards as adult or child-like behavior in my leisure time and I am much happier for it
Wait, sci-fi and audio books make us 14 year old boys? Seriously, from one 40 year old woman to another, I listen to audio books (mostly history, though), watch sci-fi (I will give up my Farscape DVDs when they pry them out of my cold, dead hands), and I have a constant craving to play The Sims (although I resist most of the time because my 9 year old keeps asking to play and I'm not ready to explain what 'woohoo' means in the game - we've done the basic explanations in real life, but I draw the line at the game.)
This kind of stuff is totally geek chic now!
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There's lots of good ideas here so I won't repeat them. I hear you when you say it is hard to turn the brain off. I'm going to add a new idea for you to consider. David Allen's "Getting Things Done".
http://gettingthingsdone.com/
I took a summer to internalize his time management techniques and I would list his book in my top ten life-changing books. When all my tasks are managed, I only focus on those that are within my control at the moment. The rest are packaged away for me to review at the appropriate time. It releases a whole bunch of brain space for creativity and other things.
I thought of another one, the concept of Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
https://www.ted.com/talks/mihaly_csikszentmihalyi_on_flow?language=en
When you are involved in learning a new skill, just challenging enough for you to be fully engaged, you enter a state of "flow" where time slows down. There won't be room for intruding thoughts. I've engaged in flow in activities as wide ranging as peeling a carrot (challenging myself to do it as quickly and efficiently as possible), and painting a portrait.0 -
i do yoga. no one is great when they start.
i go for a walk
i play games like candy crush or paradise bay or tetris.
doing something with your hands is good too like crochet or knitting0 -
I try to have "on" times (when I am trying to actively worth through the thing I am stressed about) and "off times" when I give myself a break from it completely and escape to fantasy world.
In my "off" times I play Magic The Gathering[\b] and Hearthstone competitively or I listen to an audio book - something sci-fi preferably. I watch Star Trek for hours. I have broken my World of Warcraft habit because it wasn't serving me, but the rest definitely do.
Yes, I am a 40 year old career woman not a 14 year old boy - but the heart wants what the heart wants! I no longer set boundaries based on what society regards as adult or child-like behavior in my leisure time and I am much happier for it
OMG - I LOVE that game!!! I really need to teach it to my husband - thx for the reminder!
ETA - right there with you with Star Trek as well LOL! I have it playing when I get ready in the mornings. It's probably a big reason why I'm a software engineer lol. LOVE technology!0
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