Husband is no help

mrsjmsrvrs

I am trying to watch my caloric intake, and start exercising more. My husband SHOULD do the same but refuses. Our cupboards and fridge are full of items I shouldn't be eating. How do I get him to be more on board with earing healthier, snacking less, and generally being more supportive? We both have gained at least 30 lbs in the 5 years we've been married. Part of my weight gain is from the baby, but he was born 10 months ago. I just don't know what to do!!!

MommyL2015

You can only control what you do. It may be that he should get on board, but it's ultimately his choice. Just because he does what he does, doesn't mean you have to, either.

strong_curves

Do it without him, find supportive friends here and irl.

mrsjmsrvrs

I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?

janejellyroll

You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.

Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.

JenAndSome

Make sure your cupboards and fridge are full of things you want to be eating also and do your own thing. I seriously doubt that nagging him is going to have the effect your desire.

xKoalaBearx

Also, if you watch your calories, you can include the "bad" stuff in your diet. I have chocolate and/or chips and/or ice cream EVERY day. But I plan on it and make it a part of my calorie limits.

jgnatca

Through most of my weight loss enterprise, hubby was a disinterested observer. He didn't interfere but he didn't go very much out of his way to help, either. He does enjoy going to the gym with me once in a while and that's about it.

His idea of fitness is in a shiny new fitness facility. He hates dirt and sweat. My idea of fitness is a Mud Hero or Color me Rad event where I come home pasted in muck. He shakes his head, I shake my head.

He has his shelf of treats that I only raid on occasion.

You may designate spots for his special treats. If I were you I wouldn't push him to change right now. When he's ready.

kami3006

janejellyroll wrote: »

You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.

Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.

^This. Also realize that you can still eat the same things but you just have to account for them in your day. I just made the same old stuff and ate less or made a separate side for myself to get in some extra vegetables.

Leading by example works way more often than pressuring or nagging.

ETA: About 6 months in, my husband came up to me and asked how many calories were in something he was about to eat. We got out the food scale and since that day he's been logging away.

mkakids

Put all your stuff in one spot so when you go to eat something you don't see the junk.

cassique

Choose not to eat the "bad stuff" he brings in, or at the very least measure and log it if you do so you are accountable. Make sure you have enough of the better choices on hand that will allow you to feel full and satisfied so you aren't so tempted to dip into the empty calories. He isn't responsible for your food choices, you are. And vice versa.

MommyL2015

mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »

I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?

It depends on your personal definition of good and bad foods. If you don't care to eat it, don't. I eat anything and the only things I avoid are the things I don't like.

I am also in a household where only one of us is actively trying to get healthy and while it can be frustrating, his choices are beyond your control. What you eat, however, is what you can control.

WBB55

Make sure your house is full of the things you DO want to eat. Every time you reach for something YOU want, that will reinforce the habit of ignoring "his" stuff that you say you DON'T want. The kinds of things I like to have around instead of snacking on the things I think of as empty, high calorie foods are things like sugar-free frozen treats, light popcorn, lowfat string cheese, fresh fruit and fresh veggies. I know right now it seems easier to eat the things you say you don't want, but I promise it becomes a habit after a while to only eat the things you WANT to eat.

strong_curves

mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »

I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?

We have all types of "junk" food in my house. If it fits into my calorie goal for the day, I'll have myself a snack but I'm a moderation type of person. For some, moderation doesn't work. If you're the type that can't stop at just 1 cookie then you'll have to get some willpower to just say no to the snacks.

RaeBeeBaby

Stop looking for reasons outside your own will. You have to take control of your life and not expect him to get on board. It would be NICE if he did, but if you wait for him to join you, you may never take that first step. If you do the shopping, then stop buying junk at the grocery store and fill your cupboards and fridge with healthy foods. Let him purchase the junk if he wants, but you don't have to eat it. My (naturally) thin husband eats cookies and chips every single day at work, along with healthy meals that I prepare for both of us. After I started eating healthy I really didn't want any of the high calorie junky snacks anymore. Hubby eats less of them because he hates to shop and they're not around at home anymore.

You might be surprised. Once you start changing your habits, he may just get on board of his own accord!

mrsjmsrvrs

Thank you everyone!iI really appreciate the help!!

janejellyroll

kami3006 wrote: »

janejellyroll wrote: »

You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.

Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.

^This. Also realize that you can still eat the same things but you just have to account for them in your day. I just made the same old stuff and ate less or made a separate side for myself to get in some extra vegetables.

Leading by example works way more often than pressuring or nagging.

ETA: About 6 months in, my husband came up to me and asked how many calories were in something he was about to eat. We got out the food scale and since that day he's been logging away.

My husband is going through something similar. He often asks me for ways to reduce calories in some of his favorite dishes and he has been eating way more fruit and vegetables. It's like he had to see me go through it and see that I wasn't giving up everything that made me happy before he could consider change. I think it helps that I never tried to get him to change, I was just upfront about what I was doing. I don't think he'll ever log, but it's cool to see him taking more control of his health.

bri170lb

janejellyroll wrote: »

You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.

Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.

This is what I did. I made space for my stuff, made plans for my meals and when i cook a meal, I mostly make things that work for everyone.

My kids and husband started going to the grocery store with me. --- because that's the only way they get the treats that I don't eat anymore, if they put it in the cart themselves.

Over 2.5 years, everyone's habits have gradually changed, but for the others, the changes look very different then mine. (Well, my habits drastically changed, but I was the only one with 150 pounds to lose)

Lord007

It's nice if you have that support, but don't rely on it. We all have our own reasons for getting healthier. Maybe he hasn't yet found his. Focus on your own reasons and your own task at hand. Stick with it long enough and he may come around. It took over a year for my wife to get on board but now she's into it.

kami3006

janejellyroll wrote: »

kami3006 wrote: »

janejellyroll wrote: »

You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.

Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.

^This. Also realize that you can still eat the same things but you just have to account for them in your day. I just made the same old stuff and ate less or made a separate side for myself to get in some extra vegetables.

Leading by example works way more often than pressuring or nagging.

ETA: About 6 months in, my husband came up to me and asked how many calories were in something he was about to eat. We got out the food scale and since that day he's been logging away.

My husband is going through something similar. He often asks me for ways to reduce calories in some of his favorite dishes and he has been eating way more fruit and vegetables. It's like he had to see me go through it and see that I wasn't giving up everything that made me happy before he could consider change. I think it helps that I never tried to get him to change, I was just upfront about what I was doing. I don't think he'll ever log, but it's cool to see him taking more control of his health.

That's fantastic. I have to admit, I was thrilled when he asked because, while he's in decent shape, we're at that early 40s area where things are achangin' and I really wanted us both to get ahead of it. I never in a million years thought he'd take the time to log but I guess seeing how easy it was for me eased him into the mindset. Being upfront helped and he was always good about waiting for me to log or asking me "how many grams of ice cream do you want?" so he was involved without me asking him to be. Then one day he asked me about my powerlifting...