Husband is no help
mrsjmsrvrs
Posts: 3 Member
I am trying to watch my caloric intake, and start exercising more. My husband SHOULD do the same but refuses. Our cupboards and fridge are full of items I shouldn't be eating. How do I get him to be more on board with earing healthier, snacking less, and generally being more supportive? We both have gained at least 30 lbs in the 5 years we've been married. Part of my weight gain is from the baby, but he was born 10 months ago. I just don't know what to do!!!
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You can only control what you do. It may be that he should get on board, but it's ultimately his choice. Just because he does what he does, doesn't mean you have to, either.0
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Do it without him, find supportive friends here and irl.0
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I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?0
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You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.
Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.0 -
Make sure your cupboards and fridge are full of things you want to be eating also and do your own thing. I seriously doubt that nagging him is going to have the effect your desire.0
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Also, if you watch your calories, you can include the "bad" stuff in your diet. I have chocolate and/or chips and/or ice cream EVERY day. But I plan on it and make it a part of my calorie limits.0
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Through most of my weight loss enterprise, hubby was a disinterested observer. He didn't interfere but he didn't go very much out of his way to help, either. He does enjoy going to the gym with me once in a while and that's about it.
His idea of fitness is in a shiny new fitness facility. He hates dirt and sweat. My idea of fitness is a Mud Hero or Color me Rad event where I come home pasted in muck. He shakes his head, I shake my head.
He has his shelf of treats that I only raid on occasion.
You may designate spots for his special treats. If I were you I wouldn't push him to change right now. When he's ready.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.
Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.
^This. Also realize that you can still eat the same things but you just have to account for them in your day. I just made the same old stuff and ate less or made a separate side for myself to get in some extra vegetables.
Leading by example works way more often than pressuring or nagging.
ETA: About 6 months in, my husband came up to me and asked how many calories were in something he was about to eat. We got out the food scale and since that day he's been logging away.0 -
Put all your stuff in one spot so when you go to eat something you don't see the junk.0
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Choose not to eat the "bad stuff" he brings in, or at the very least measure and log it if you do so you are accountable. Make sure you have enough of the better choices on hand that will allow you to feel full and satisfied so you aren't so tempted to dip into the empty calories. He isn't responsible for your food choices, you are. And vice versa.0
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mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
It depends on your personal definition of good and bad foods. If you don't care to eat it, don't. I eat anything and the only things I avoid are the things I don't like.
I am also in a household where only one of us is actively trying to get healthy and while it can be frustrating, his choices are beyond your control. What you eat, however, is what you can control.0 -
Make sure your house is full of the things you DO want to eat. Every time you reach for something YOU want, that will reinforce the habit of ignoring "his" stuff that you say you DON'T want. The kinds of things I like to have around instead of snacking on the things I think of as empty, high calorie foods are things like sugar-free frozen treats, light popcorn, lowfat string cheese, fresh fruit and fresh veggies. I know right now it seems easier to eat the things you say you don't want, but I promise it becomes a habit after a while to only eat the things you WANT to eat.0
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mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
We have all types of "junk" food in my house. If it fits into my calorie goal for the day, I'll have myself a snack but I'm a moderation type of person. For some, moderation doesn't work. If you're the type that can't stop at just 1 cookie then you'll have to get some willpower to just say no to the snacks.
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Stop looking for reasons outside your own will. You have to take control of your life and not expect him to get on board. It would be NICE if he did, but if you wait for him to join you, you may never take that first step. If you do the shopping, then stop buying junk at the grocery store and fill your cupboards and fridge with healthy foods. Let him purchase the junk if he wants, but you don't have to eat it. My (naturally) thin husband eats cookies and chips every single day at work, along with healthy meals that I prepare for both of us. After I started eating healthy I really didn't want any of the high calorie junky snacks anymore. Hubby eats less of them because he hates to shop and they're not around at home anymore.
You might be surprised. Once you start changing your habits, he may just get on board of his own accord!0 -
Thank you everyone!iI really appreciate the help!!0
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janejellyroll wrote: »You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.
Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.
^This. Also realize that you can still eat the same things but you just have to account for them in your day. I just made the same old stuff and ate less or made a separate side for myself to get in some extra vegetables.
Leading by example works way more often than pressuring or nagging.
ETA: About 6 months in, my husband came up to me and asked how many calories were in something he was about to eat. We got out the food scale and since that day he's been logging away.
My husband is going through something similar. He often asks me for ways to reduce calories in some of his favorite dishes and he has been eating way more fruit and vegetables. It's like he had to see me go through it and see that I wasn't giving up everything that made me happy before he could consider change. I think it helps that I never tried to get him to change, I was just upfront about what I was doing. I don't think he'll ever log, but it's cool to see him taking more control of his health.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.
Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.
This is what I did. I made space for my stuff, made plans for my meals and when i cook a meal, I mostly make things that work for everyone.
My kids and husband started going to the grocery store with me. --- because that's the only way they get the treats that I don't eat anymore, if they put it in the cart themselves.
Over 2.5 years, everyone's habits have gradually changed, but for the others, the changes look very different then mine. (Well, my habits drastically changed, but I was the only one with 150 pounds to lose)
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It's nice if you have that support, but don't rely on it. We all have our own reasons for getting healthier. Maybe he hasn't yet found his. Focus on your own reasons and your own task at hand. Stick with it long enough and he may come around. It took over a year for my wife to get on board but now she's into it.0
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janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.
Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.
^This. Also realize that you can still eat the same things but you just have to account for them in your day. I just made the same old stuff and ate less or made a separate side for myself to get in some extra vegetables.
Leading by example works way more often than pressuring or nagging.
ETA: About 6 months in, my husband came up to me and asked how many calories were in something he was about to eat. We got out the food scale and since that day he's been logging away.
My husband is going through something similar. He often asks me for ways to reduce calories in some of his favorite dishes and he has been eating way more fruit and vegetables. It's like he had to see me go through it and see that I wasn't giving up everything that made me happy before he could consider change. I think it helps that I never tried to get him to change, I was just upfront about what I was doing. I don't think he'll ever log, but it's cool to see him taking more control of his health.
That's fantastic. I have to admit, I was thrilled when he asked because, while he's in decent shape, we're at that early 40s area where things are achangin' and I really wanted us both to get ahead of it. I never in a million years thought he'd take the time to log but I guess seeing how easy it was for me eased him into the mindset. Being upfront helped and he was always good about waiting for me to log or asking me "how many grams of ice cream do you want?" so he was involved without me asking him to be. Then one day he asked me about my powerlifting...
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janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.
Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.
^This. Also realize that you can still eat the same things but you just have to account for them in your day. I just made the same old stuff and ate less or made a separate side for myself to get in some extra vegetables.
Leading by example works way more often than pressuring or nagging.
ETA: About 6 months in, my husband came up to me and asked how many calories were in something he was about to eat. We got out the food scale and since that day he's been logging away.
My husband is going through something similar. He often asks me for ways to reduce calories in some of his favorite dishes and he has been eating way more fruit and vegetables. It's like he had to see me go through it and see that I wasn't giving up everything that made me happy before he could consider change. I think it helps that I never tried to get him to change, I was just upfront about what I was doing. I don't think he'll ever log, but it's cool to see him taking more control of his health.
That's fantastic. I have to admit, I was thrilled when he asked because, while he's in decent shape, we're at that early 40s area where things are achangin' and I really wanted us both to get ahead of it. I never in a million years thought he'd take the time to log but I guess seeing how easy it was for me eased him into the mindset. Being upfront helped and he was always good about waiting for me to log or asking me "how many grams of ice cream do you want?" so he was involved without me asking him to be. Then one day he asked me about my powerlifting...
That's so awesome. I think we underestimate the power of the low key example. Sometimes seeing someone else make a change is the best way to imagine ourselves making it.0 -
By the way, hubby is quite happy to enjoy the benefits of our improved eating habits (as I do the cooking), patting his trimmer stomach in satisfaction. He defers to me also for nutrition advice, what is better for him to eat.0
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Bad foods don't make you overweight, bad portions do - I've lost about 55 lb so far, and some of what you'd see in my diary:
Cake, cookies, ice cream, french fries, potato chips, fast food, red meat, etc. Most days I have at least some calories of food with a low nutritional value.
You don't lose by eating better foods - although you can get other health benefits - but by better control of the amount you eat. The only times I really think you should totally exclude a food are in you have a medical reason, if you're unable to eat that food in moderation, or for personal preferences / beliefs.0 -
mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
It would be tough for me to always see food I want and don't want to eat. I'd ask him to keep it out of your sight as much as possible.0 -
mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
I didn't change the food I eat for the most part and my family eats the same as always. They have different calorie needs and preferences so we are not going to ever eat exactly the same.
I prelog my food and that really helps me. I drink water or unsweetened tea mostly so I save my calories for food.
Stop thinking of food as good or bad. Food is food. Think instead of what food meets your nutritional needs and is satisfying to you for the amount of calories.
Want to lose weight more than you want to eat above your calorie goal.
Eat food you like every day. Fit it in your calorie goal. Eat in a way you can for the rest of your life. If you can't see yourself giving up a food forever then learn the portion size that is appropriate for your goal and keep it in your diet.
Portion out food instead of eating out of containers. Use smaller plates or bowls.
Put food away out of sight.
Buy or make less food at a time.
Eat smaller portions of higher calorie foods and add more lower calorie foods like vegetables. I will have my hamburger with a salad instead of fries for instance.
Get enough protein, fats and fiber to help you feel full and satisfied.
If you have 30 lbs or less to lose don't set your goal to be more than 1 lb a week.
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If the kind of food he likes to eat are types you overindulge in or act as trigger foods maybe set up "his" and "hers" food storage in the kitchen. Put the tempting stuff out of sight.0
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mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
Willpower. Same thing at my house. Sometimes I give in, usually I don't.0 -
mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
I eat mostly the same foods I always did, just different portion sizes.
I actually have more "junk" in the house than we did before because I feel less guilty when I eat it now.0 -
mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
What bad stuff ?
Just focus on you and accomplishing what you set out to do.0 -
mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
My man makes his own choices outside of our home but inside I do all the shopping! I buy him the cereal he likes for his snacky munchies but his lunches have balanced options. He eats what I cook for dinner, I cater to his tastes but I cook it so I can happily enjoy it too. You can lovingly let him know he doesn't have to change his body for you, but for the health of you and the family (kids learn habits from M&D! It really does matter) that you're not buying XY or Z anymore because if its in the house you'll have a harder time meeting your goals.
He doesnt have to do it too, but there are little things he can do to help, you just have to communicate with him about it. My partner does his best, but I just remember that these are my private goals not his. Its not fair to say no yums can live in the house, I just designate them as "his" then I find the temptation less.0
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