Starting Back Up - In Need of Support

LoveOrganicLife
LoveOrganicLife Posts: 16 Member
in Getting Started
I was viewing pictures and a few short videos recently taken and I noticed myself not recognizing the person in them. I knew it was me, but I had no idea THAT was what I looked like now...

I have avoided the scale for some time and have recently started spending less time in front of the mirror as if to avoid that as well when getting ready. I don't think I even consciously realized that until I looked upon the pictures and videos. I can't put into words how I felt... my heart just seemed to sink down as everything hit me at once.

Throughout my life I have struggled with my weight and have yo-yo'ed back and forth always gaining a bit more each time. I am so tired of this fight. I do not want this time to be the same as before. I want to lose the weight and maintain it once and for all.

This is day two of started back with MFP and after weighing myself yesterday I am currently the largest I have ever been. The pictures and short videos I viewed were of me trying on wedding gowns for my upcoming wedding in 5 months. I do not want to look or feel the way I do now, nor do I want to look back months after the wedding wishing I would had maintained better. I want not only to look and feel amazing on such a joyous day, but also for a healthier me. I want this to be a life long change...

I have never written anything like this before or reached out for support, but I feel if I am going to get through this I am going to need it. I am beyond disappointed with myself and am currently emotionally drained, but I am taking it a day at a time.

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