Partner/friend weight-loss.. Healthy or Unhealthy?!

KT_3009
KT_3009 Posts: 1,042 Member
edited November 2015 in Health and Weight Loss
So recently my friend has wanted to join in with healthy eating and exercising together to lose same weight.. She is 5'3 and around 180lbs. However this past week that we've been exercising together and eating meals, She kept on bringing up that we are in some sort of weight-loss "competition" which we aren't... I'm worried that she is going to start skipping meals, take fad diet pills and over exercising as in the past she's done this. Should I bring something up when I see her next or just keep an eye on her before mentioning anything??

Replies

  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
    Weight loss is an entirely personal thing. Whilst it's good to have support, you need to be careful it doesn't turn into competition and smugness (which I imagine it very easily can turn into). If one week, you "only" lost half a pound yet your friend loses 2 - how is that going to make you feel? How is that going to make her feel? ..

    I'd say, sure - go to the gym together and encourage each other but ultimately, keep your losses, goals, triumphs and disappointments to yourself. Especially if you are already feeling concerned.

    As for worrying about your friend doing things unsafely - I'd say wait until you have reason to be concerned. Be a friend and keep a 'quiet eye' but don't draw attention to anything that you have no proof of happening yet :)
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    If it were me, I would tell her that you are not competing with her and it makes you uncomfortable that she is trying to turn weight loss into a competition between you. I would tell her that you want to enjoy exercising and eating together but are in this for health not to win by losing weight fast or judging each other. I would tell her flat out that you will not support her doing extreme things to lose weight at an unhealthy rate. If she can't accept that then she can go her own way with this because your goals are not the same.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    edited November 2015
    This content has been removed.
  • nordlead2005
    nordlead2005 Posts: 1,303 Member
    So long as she keeps the weight loss at/under 1% of her bodyweight per week (on average, some weeks will be way over while the next will be 0 lost) and she eats a varied diet of at least 1200 calories there isn't too much to worry about. (Granted, the pills can have bad side effects and always get pulled after they cause harm)

    I'd just keep an eye on it for now, but you know your friend better than anyone here.
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
    I would suggest shying away from numbers all together. If you are gym buddies or making/sharing recipes, etc. then it's great! If you keep your actual goal numbers and your losses to yourselves, it may be better for her.
  • KT_3009
    KT_3009 Posts: 1,042 Member
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    Weight loss is an entirely personal thing. Whilst it's good to have support, you need to be careful it doesn't turn into competition and smugness (which I imagine it very easily can turn into). If one week, you "only" lost half a pound yet your friend loses 2 - how is that going to make you feel? How is that going to make her feel? ..

    I'd say, sure - go to the gym together and encourage each other but ultimately, keep your losses, goals, triumphs and disappointments to yourself. Especially if you are already feeling concerned.

    As for worrying about your friend doing things unsafely - I'd say wait until you have reason to be concerned. Be a friend and keep a 'quiet eye' but don't draw attention to anything that you have no proof of happening yet :)

    That's a good idea! :) we haven't really discussed weight loss goals and our goal weights because i know how people can take that as a competition.. I will just have to tell her that what we are doing is getting healthy and fit not competing against each-other! I will make sure to keep an eye out and encourage and support her to do weight loss healthily
  • KT_3009
    KT_3009 Posts: 1,042 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    If it were me, I would tell her that you are not competing with her and it makes you uncomfortable that she is trying to turn weight loss into a competition between you. I would tell her that you want to enjoy exercising and eating together but are in this for health not to win by losing weight fast or judging each other. I would tell her flat out that you will not support her doing extreme things to lose weight at an unhealthy rate. If she can't accept that then she can go her own way with this because your goals are not the same.

    When I see her for our workout tomorrow I will bring that up, because I don't want her to think that weight-loss can be turned into a competition. Hopefully she can take that on board so we can motivate each-other instead of competing! :)
  • KT_3009
    KT_3009 Posts: 1,042 Member
    Queenmunchy wrote: »
    I would suggest shying away from numbers all together. If you are gym buddies or making/sharing recipes, etc. then it's great! If you keep your actual goal numbers and your losses to yourselves, it may be better for her.

    Yes, I made sure not to tell her how much I lost and what my goal weight is because I know that this can cause jealousy/competition; I wanted this to be more of a diet/exercise change but she took it as competition to who loses the most weight! Will just let her know that we aren't competing with eachother and instead focus more on our diet changes instead :)
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
    edited November 2015
    Yes, you can't overstate enough to her that you are not in 'competition.' If she's a good friend, she'll get it! She may feel nervous & insecure if she's seen you are already having some success, so maybe some encouraging words that direction will help. You should try reinforcing 'win/win' feelings of cooperation making you stronger together than you would be individually.
    My confession: I am doing my MFP adventure with a very good friend & neighbor. ...And she's doing one of those medically supervised VLCDs with medical supervision! a) I wouldn't necessarily rush out to endorse the methodology behind those and b) she loses weight mad faster than me. BUT IT IS OKAY. Because c) we are good friends and grown *kitten* women and d) it's okay to be different seeing as life is not a bloody game show competition or philosophical debate.
  • KT_3009
    KT_3009 Posts: 1,042 Member
    scolaris wrote: »
    Yes, you can't overstate enough to her that you are not in 'competition.' If she's a good friend, she'll get it! She may feel nervous & insecure if she's seen you are already having some success, so maybe some encouraging words that direction will help. You should try reinforcing 'win/win' feelings of cooperation making you stronger together than you would be individually.
    My confession: I am doing my MFP adventure with a very good friend & neighbor. ...And she's doing one of those medically supervised VLCDs with medical supervision! a) I wouldn't necessarily rush out to endorse the methodology behind those and b) she loses weight mad faster than me. BUT IT IS OKAY. Because c) we are good friends and grown *kitten* women and d) it's okay to be different seeing as life is not a bloody game show competition or philosophical debate.

    Thank-you I am seeing her later today so I will tell her then! I always try and give encouragement so hopefully she listens to that and takes it on board that I just want her to do this healthily :)
  • Kimegatron
    Kimegatron Posts: 772 Member
    To be honest, a competition is the exact reason why I started doing this. Money was involved. Ahhh money money money money, how I love you! I am a very competitive person, especially if I have a fighting chance. It could be that this is what keeps her motivated! I started out as having the urge to beat everyone, but it turned into so much more than that, and I am the only one going while everyone else gave up. It could be totally harmless, but talk to your friend and see where she stands :)
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    KT_3009 wrote: »
    So recently my friend has wanted to join in with healthy eating and exercising together to lose same weight.. She is 5'3 and around 180lbs. However this past week that we've been exercising together and eating meals, She kept on bringing up that we are in some sort of weight-loss "competition" which we aren't... I'm worried that she is going to start skipping meals, take fad diet pills and over exercising as in the past she's done this. Should I bring something up when I see her next or just keep an eye on her before mentioning anything??

    Any time I know somone is trying to create completition where there is none for me, I have replied, "I am not in competition with you for _________."

    In this instance, I would suggest finding your own way to let her know you are not in competition with her for weight loss and that you just want to be able to enjoy this journey together. If she can't let go of the competitive spirit and that does not work for you, you might consider no longer dieting with her.
  • dianaiku
    dianaiku Posts: 96 Member
    In my experience it is healthy competition.
  • KT_3009
    KT_3009 Posts: 1,042 Member
    dianaiku wrote: »
    In my experience it is healthy competition.

    For some people it's healthy competition but I just prefer going at my own pace and not feel rushed into losing weight

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