Losing weight for external validation???

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Protranser
Protranser Posts: 517 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
A friend sent me this YouTube link today. I know, i know, someone seeking attention and feels their opinion should be broadcast will release videos like this one.

My question, though, is: how many of the mfp community have successfully kept their weight off for more than 3 years had an external validation source in mind while working their program for their goals?

The video:
https://youtu.be/PGaduLKJ77A
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Replies

  • dhimaan
    dhimaan Posts: 774 Member
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    Vanity is a driving factor. I dont lift to showoff. It just gives me more confidence when I interact with people.
  • Protranser
    Protranser Posts: 517 Member
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    Ultimately though, it's you who has to be happy with what you're doing for your own health, right?

    It's certainly an ego boost for me when i step back and observe areas where i can perform simple movement with less effort after having lost excess fat and gaining strength. I no longer have to lift 100 extra lbs of untapped energy when i go about my business.

    Those moments reinforced the righteousness of getting physically active. Getting compliments was a plus, and helped me adhere to my plan. That's not all for external validation though.
    dhimaan wrote: »
    Vanity is a driving factor. I dont lift to showoff. It just gives me more confidence when I interact with people.

  • starwhisperer6
    starwhisperer6 Posts: 402 Member
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    But I do feel better at a certain weight. I don't think it makes me a better person, but I like my body better. And I can't think that is a bad reason to decide to get the body I want. I also couldn't care less if anyone else thinks it's a good body when I'm done. I'm doing it for me. And why the hell shouldn't people be able to brag about hitting the goals they set for themselves?
  • Protranser
    Protranser Posts: 517 Member
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    starwhisperer6 wrote: »
    But I do feel better at a certain weight. I don't think it makes me a better person, but I like my body better. And I can't think that is a bad reason to decide to get the body I want. I also couldn't care less if anyone else thinks it's a good body when I'm done. I'm doing it for me. And why the hell shouldn't people be able to brag about hitting the goals they set for themselves?

    Yasssss! :smiley:
  • Karen_can_do_this
    Karen_can_do_this Posts: 1,150 Member
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    Wow :astonished: Um she doesn't seem very nice. I'm trying not to take her literally. But I am proud of myself for my weight loss. I'm proud of the fact that I can deadlift and squat more than my before body weight.
    I didn't do it for anyone else besides myself and I certainly didn't do it to make her feel bad for being fat.
    I do like her "love yourself for who you are, not what you look like" attitude though.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    edited November 2015
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    I love the external validation

    I did it for me

    But the external validation makes me smile .. and strut

    :bigsmile:
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
    edited November 2015
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    That is 7 minutes long, which is way too long to begin with, and I stopped at 0:35, right after "weight loss is a hindrance to body positivity". She's annoyed that someone lost 200 pounds and got themselves out of the danger zone? Ridiculous. Nasty, even, if she's b******g about it for selfish reasons, which I'm going to go ahead and say is what's going on.

    Re external validation - everyone wants it to a greater or lesser degree.

    For me (4+ years after loss) - yes, external validation was part of it initially. After the normal initial adjustment to exercise after being sedentary, the workouts were totally their own reward. I liked feeling energized, and I ate well because the food tasted good and fuelled what I was doing. Once I hit my very conservative initial scale weight goal, I was happy with whatever loss occurred, and I just kept losing because I felt so good (mood, energy), and got so much out of living well.

    Of course I liked looking (what I thought was) great, and having fun shopping for cute clothes etc., for myself, for sure, but also, if a tree falls in the forest, no one's going to hear it, know what I mean?
  • suziecue20
    suziecue20 Posts: 567 Member
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    I think the lady doth protest too much. She doesn't strike me as a person happy to be in a huge body, more like a person who is jealous of others who have lost their weight.

    I'm losing my weight for me but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the compliments of people who notice my effort.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    So I watched a bit more. For those who have other things to do: She feels personally betrayed and angered by someone's pursuit of health. And hearing talk about the benefits of weight loss (and of one's own weight loss journey) is a hindrance to her positivity about her body.

    This lady's doing gymnastics, even if she's not working out :/

    I do think it's fair to suggest that someone who took on a very public role as a representative of a marginalized group might consider addressing this change. I think it probably did let a lot of people down. But the bottom line is that the idea the youtube chick doesn't like is that it is better to be thinner and healthier.

    (I'm sure a response to that would be that those aren't the same, correlation not causation etc. But it's a pretttttttty tight correlation. (Except for that one study where overweight (not obese) people had some health benefits.)
  • hekla90
    hekla90 Posts: 595 Member
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    Why on earth would I hate being conventionally attractive? I'm sorry but I like being healthy and having a nice body that many men and women find attractive- why would I not like that.
  • rainbow198
    rainbow198 Posts: 2,245 Member
    edited November 2015
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    I'm a few months away from reaching my 3rd year mark of losing (and keeping off) 80 lbs.

    When I started fitness and clothes was my motivation. I was tired of being winded after walking up one flight of stairs, I wanted visible muscles and I wanted to pick out my own clothes instead of settling for what I could fit into.

    Now that I have maintained my loss with ease it feels unbelievable and I am so, so proud of myself, but I'm not going to lie vanity helps keep me here.

    It's cool being mistaken for a personal trainer or an athlete when I haven't stepped one foot inside of a gym during my weight loss/maintenance, getting free stuff, or the admiring stares (although that can get really annoying).

    I stay humble by remembering where I stated from and I work hard everyday to stay here.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    HAES and their victim mentality *sighs*
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
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    I live in the UK. Everyone here is entitled to free nhs serices, something being crippled by obesity right now. The nhs cannot stand to treat all the obesity related health conditions that are here today. You know what I see above her head? £ -one of these. A pound sign that concerns me that when I have a genuine need for health care, I am bumped to the back of the que for making good choices so that someone who makes terrible choices can be treated first. But they love their body so that means it's totally justified! ! Seriously body positivity should be learning to love your body whilst being as active as you can, not just ignore the issue of killing yourself slowly and loving that instead. Rant over.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Here's the sucky thing. People typically do not validate a successful weight loss. It might get plastered across the media if it's someone famous but the usual response is jealousy.

    Someone deciding to lose weight better be doing it for themselves because the movie deals won't be rolling in.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Wow, I can't believe I watched the whole video. Her message for people who have lost weight, that she doesn't care if they've lost weight and feel better, is interesting only in that she seems to feel that such people should care whether she cares about it or not. She doesn't care. I don't care that she doesn't care. Let's all not care together. Yippee.

    I've not maintained my loss for 3 years yet but I'll answer the OP. I didn't go into this with external validation as my goal but I do appreciate compliments. My goals were to be healthier, to feel healthier, and to look better *to me* because I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. My source of external validation would be my husband, who never ever made me feel like I was less than or looked less than when I was fat, but who certainly shows his enjoyment of me no longer being fat. It's not just the appearance changes that he enjoys either. Personality-wise, I believe that I am more pleasant to be around because the increase in physical activity (exercise) has gone a long way to help me with my outlook and attitude.
  • johnnylakis
    johnnylakis Posts: 812 Member
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    If you aren't doing it for your health, you are doing it for the wrong reason
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    johnnylakis wrote: »
    If you aren't doing it for your health, you are doing it for the wrong reason

    Why is wanting to look a certain way "wrong"?
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    It's not

    Is just honest

    Some people mistake the two
  • ultrahoon
    ultrahoon Posts: 467 Member
    edited November 2015
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    I'm doing it for my own health, the fact that women now actually initiate conversations with me is a mere bonus. I'm not going to pretend I don't like it!
  • juggernaut1974
    juggernaut1974 Posts: 6,212 Member
    edited November 2015
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    I'm coming up on 3 years since my initial large weight loss.

    I did it (initially) because my family has a history of diabetes and I wanted to head that off at the pass as I (then) was approaching 40.

    But I'd be lying if I said I don't get a bit of a confidence boost when Mrs. Juggernaut gives me that 'look'.

    ETA: My comments are in response to the OP's post...I didn't watch the video.

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