Losing weight for external validation???

Protranser

A friend sent me this YouTube link today. I know, i know, someone seeking attention and feels their opinion should be broadcast will release videos like this one.

My question, though, is: how many of the mfp community have successfully kept their weight off for more than 3 years had an external validation source in mind while working their program for their goals?

The video:
https://youtu.be/PGaduLKJ77A

dhimaan

Vanity is a driving factor. I dont lift to showoff. It just gives me more confidence when I interact with people.

Protranser

Ultimately though, it's you who has to be happy with what you're doing for your own health, right?

It's certainly an ego boost for me when i step back and observe areas where i can perform simple movement with less effort after having lost excess fat and gaining strength. I no longer have to lift 100 extra lbs of untapped energy when i go about my business.

Those moments reinforced the righteousness of getting physically active. Getting compliments was a plus, and helped me adhere to my plan. That's not all for external validation though.

dhimaan wrote: »

Vanity is a driving factor. I dont lift to showoff. It just gives me more confidence when I interact with people.

starwhisperer6

But I do feel better at a certain weight. I don't think it makes me a better person, but I like my body better. And I can't think that is a bad reason to decide to get the body I want. I also couldn't care less if anyone else thinks it's a good body when I'm done. I'm doing it for me. And why the hell shouldn't people be able to brag about hitting the goals they set for themselves?

Protranser

starwhisperer6 wrote: »

But I do feel better at a certain weight. I don't think it makes me a better person, but I like my body better. And I can't think that is a bad reason to decide to get the body I want. I also couldn't care less if anyone else thinks it's a good body when I'm done. I'm doing it for me. And why the hell shouldn't people be able to brag about hitting the goals they set for themselves?

Yasssss!

Karen_can_do_this

Wow Um she doesn't seem very nice. I'm trying not to take her literally. But I am proud of myself for my weight loss. I'm proud of the fact that I can deadlift and squat more than my before body weight.
I didn't do it for anyone else besides myself and I certainly didn't do it to make her feel bad for being fat.
I do like her "love yourself for who you are, not what you look like" attitude though.

Sued0nim

I love the external validation

I did it for me

But the external validation makes me smile .. and strut

:bigsmile:

tomatoey

That is 7 minutes long, which is way too long to begin with, and I stopped at 0:35, right after "weight loss is a hindrance to body positivity". She's annoyed that someone lost 200 pounds and got themselves out of the danger zone? Ridiculous. Nasty, even, if she's b******g about it for selfish reasons, which I'm going to go ahead and say is what's going on.

Re external validation - everyone wants it to a greater or lesser degree.

For me (4+ years after loss) - yes, external validation was part of it initially. After the normal initial adjustment to exercise after being sedentary, the workouts were totally their own reward. I liked feeling energized, and I ate well because the food tasted good and fuelled what I was doing. Once I hit my very conservative initial scale weight goal, I was happy with whatever loss occurred, and I just kept losing because I felt so good (mood, energy), and got so much out of living well.

Of course I liked looking (what I thought was) great, and having fun shopping for cute clothes etc., for myself, for sure, but also, if a tree falls in the forest, no one's going to hear it, know what I mean?

suziecue20

I think the lady doth protest too much. She doesn't strike me as a person happy to be in a huge body, more like a person who is jealous of others who have lost their weight.

I'm losing my weight for me but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the compliments of people who notice my effort.

tomatoey

So I watched a bit more. For those who have other things to do: She feels personally betrayed and angered by someone's pursuit of health. And hearing talk about the benefits of weight loss (and of one's own weight loss journey) is a hindrance to her positivity about her body.

This lady's doing gymnastics, even if she's not working out

I do think it's fair to suggest that someone who took on a very public role as a representative of a marginalized group might consider addressing this change. I think it probably did let a lot of people down. But the bottom line is that the idea the youtube chick doesn't like is that it is better to be thinner and healthier.

(I'm sure a response to that would be that those aren't the same, correlation not causation etc. But it's a pretttttttty tight correlation. (Except for that one study where overweight (not obese) people had some health benefits.)

hekla90

Why on earth would I hate being conventionally attractive? I'm sorry but I like being healthy and having a nice body that many men and women find attractive- why would I not like that.

rainbow198

I'm a few months away from reaching my 3rd year mark of losing (and keeping off) 80 lbs.

When I started fitness and clothes was my motivation. I was tired of being winded after walking up one flight of stairs, I wanted visible muscles and I wanted to pick out my own clothes instead of settling for what I could fit into.

Now that I have maintained my loss with ease it feels unbelievable and I am so, so proud of myself, but I'm not going to lie vanity helps keep me here.

It's cool being mistaken for a personal trainer or an athlete when I haven't stepped one foot inside of a gym during my weight loss/maintenance, getting free stuff, or the admiring stares (although that can get really annoying).

I stay humble by remembering where I stated from and I work hard everyday to stay here.

Sued0nim

HAES and their victim mentality *sighs*

ARGriffy

I live in the UK. Everyone here is entitled to free nhs serices, something being crippled by obesity right now. The nhs cannot stand to treat all the obesity related health conditions that are here today. You know what I see above her head? £ -one of these. A pound sign that concerns me that when I have a genuine need for health care, I am bumped to the back of the que for making good choices so that someone who makes terrible choices can be treated first. But they love their body so that means it's totally justified! ! Seriously body positivity should be learning to love your body whilst being as active as you can, not just ignore the issue of killing yourself slowly and loving that instead. Rant over.

jgnatca

Here's the sucky thing. People typically do not validate a successful weight loss. It might get plastered across the media if it's someone famous but the usual response is jealousy.

Someone deciding to lose weight better be doing it for themselves because the movie deals won't be rolling in.

jemhh

Wow, I can't believe I watched the whole video. Her message for people who have lost weight, that she doesn't care if they've lost weight and feel better, is interesting only in that she seems to feel that such people should care whether she cares about it or not. She doesn't care. I don't care that she doesn't care. Let's all not care together. Yippee.

I've not maintained my loss for 3 years yet but I'll answer the OP. I didn't go into this with external validation as my goal but I do appreciate compliments. My goals were to be healthier, to feel healthier, and to look better *to me* because I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. My source of external validation would be my husband, who never ever made me feel like I was less than or looked less than when I was fat, but who certainly shows his enjoyment of me no longer being fat. It's not just the appearance changes that he enjoys either. Personality-wise, I believe that I am more pleasant to be around because the increase in physical activity (exercise) has gone a long way to help me with my outlook and attitude.

johnnylakis

If you aren't doing it for your health, you are doing it for the wrong reason

janejellyroll

johnnylakis wrote: »

If you aren't doing it for your health, you are doing it for the wrong reason

Why is wanting to look a certain way "wrong"?

Sued0nim

It's not

Is just honest

Some people mistake the two

ultrahoon

I'm doing it for my own health, the fact that women now actually initiate conversations with me is a mere bonus. I'm not going to pretend I don't like it!

juggernaut1974

I'm coming up on 3 years since my initial large weight loss.

I did it (initially) because my family has a history of diabetes and I wanted to head that off at the pass as I (then) was approaching 40.

But I'd be lying if I said I don't get a bit of a confidence boost when Mrs. Juggernaut gives me that 'look'.

ETA: My comments are in response to the OP's post...I didn't watch the video.

youngmomtaz

I realize how much I love my body now at 50lbs down. After kids I was at 210lbs. And for 3 years did not buy myself anything new, anything that fit me properly, or anything I liked. I seriously looked like hell. No pride at all. I started losing weight after my dad at 49yo had a heart attack and was diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic. Both myself and my brother who is also overweight headed to the doc and got told we were in the pre diabetes range. That was my motivator. Avoid quadruple bypass at he age of 49! Be healthy and a great example for my kids! But I have grown to love my body more and more. The last year I have maintained easily at 160-165. I have a closet full of clothing that I love, I am working on the last 20lbs righ now and really hoping at least some of my faves still fit when I am done. So external motivation is great, I found out I am vain and not just worried about my health. And I will have fun shopping for more when I am at goal!!

vivmom2014

Seems like a lot of anger coming from her. One of her phrases leaves me baffled: "the justice fat people seek in society" - huh??

Plus her lamely ubiquitous usage of profanity is so tiresome.

sunandmoons

Ive lost and kept it off for 3 years. Now back to lose 40 because I want to be lean and recomp. Regarding the video,


What? She doesn't look happy or healthy. Demanding self validation because she's fat..thats what shes looking for. She just won the Oscar award for "Idiot of the year."

jgnatca

I am offended by the term "disgusting pig". Nobody should be characterized that way.

vivmom2014

jgnatca wrote: »

I am offended by the term "disgusting pig". Nobody should be characterized that way.

+1

sunandmoons

jgnatca wrote: »

I am offended by the term "disgusting pig". Nobody should be characterized that way.

Ok i will remove it. I can see why some would find that offensive.

shrcpr

Ok, so I just watched the video and I actually agree with what she's saying for the most part. However, a couple issues:
1)The way she's saying it clearly shows how angry she is. Whether just over this issue or just angry in general I don't know but it does take away from what otherwise would be a mostly decent message.
2) When she throws "health" into the discussion and takes issue with someone saying they're healthier due to weight loss. I think it's a fairly proven reality that being significantly overweight is not healthy for the vast majority of people. I'm sure there's someone out there that's 300 pounds and has no health issues and never will but the majority of overweight people have health issues so losing weight does make one healthier.

Just my opinion. I've never been significantly overweight so maybe I'm not allowed to have an opinion. *shrug*

As for the OP's actual question, my internal validation has always been my motivation. I want to continue to be active and do the things I love as I get older. That said, external validation is always nice, too.

oolou

Thanks for the link. I get where she's coming from. Interesting perspective. The video raises this question - should those who claim to promote body positivity then make statements which imply that one type of body shape is better than another? For those who didn't watch it all - the lady in the video is not feeling betrayed that a plus size model has lost weight. Nor is she saying, 'world, don't tell me to lose weight'. She's just peeved that someone who claimed to promote body positivity is implying that a thinner body is better than a fat one. That's what I got from it, anyway, that she's annoyed about what she perceives as the model's hypocrisy.

I think though that many who are here on MFP (including myself) have a different perspective, in that we are here because we are actively trying to change our bodies - either through weight loss/gain - because we are not satisfied with how are bodies currently are and we do believe that our bodies could be better. We do think that one type of body shape is better than another.

susanmc31

I love my body now and I will love my body when I lose 50 pounds. My validation is both internal and external. I like when people compliment me on my hard work but it's not what constantly motivates me.

Tedebearduff

Although it's good for discussion this girls crazy!! She doesn't get body postivity at all