living with a huge eater? anyone else in that boat?

avatrx

My hubby of over 40 years could stand to lose some weight. Not alot - maybe 20 - 30+ lbs or so. And he knows it. BUT - He eats more calories in one sitting than I can eat in an entire day. What made me write this post was watching him cook up 3 huge bratwurst in beer and then grill them. All for him. Then a can of pork n beans to go with, plus a few beers.

He ate breakfast - He ate a large lunch and he'll be eating again before the day is done. He must consume 3000 calories per day.
He can polish off a 1 lb steak and be hungry again in a couple of hours while I pick away at my watermelon or slice of cheese or low fat egg mcmuffin. I have one egg for breakfast - he has at least 3 ,, plus hashbrowns, sausage, etc.

It's very difficult listening to him complain that he needs to lose weight, but then eats and eats and eats. He spends his evenings in front of the computer listening to music. It's his job to mow the lawn. I do everything else.

I guess I never noticed it before until I realized that I'm always doing dishes and I rarely get anything dirty other than an occasional frying pan or coffee cup or water glass.

Don't get me wrong. I love him. It's just hard to be around someone who is constantly eating. Those 8 pieces of fried chicken at Walmart or any other deli? That is a single serving for him. more of a snack. I buy rotisserie chicken - eat a little of the breast meat and then make stuff with the rest. (if he doesn't get to it first).

ARGHHHHH! does anyone else have this issue? if so, how do you cope with it? I don't want to criticize him, but gee whiz! Kind of like when we decided to quit smoking years and years ago. He kept saying we need to quit - I did. 2 years later he finally did. I'm really glad I have willpower.

Off to getting the pool clean, the garage swept, the plants fertilized, the dishes done, the laundry folded, the bed made and invoices sent out as well as balance the checkbook and work on at artwork layout for a customer.

It's no wonder when I get done at night - I fall asleep standing up. PLUS I did a 40 minute zumba workout, swam in the pool for about 20 minutes, and did a Sparks DVD bar workout.

I think I need a drink! lol

mrsriisky

A little bit different situation, my hubby is a big eater but very in shape- he just has so much muscle that he can put away very large amounts of food without gaining weight! For me, the trouble was that I was serving myself portions that matched his for a few years, and gained weight. When I started cutting them back, I've lost most of my weight, but sometimes when I see him eat so much more than me for dinner and still be in such vastly better shape, I get grumpy!

healthygreek

You sound like you're jealous.
My husband ate like that for years til he had chest pain.
Now he's on medication and has lost 40 pounds and works out just like I do.
Hopefully your man will get a grip before it happens to him.
Meanwhile, talk to him about helping out more around the house.

nrz242

I'm in the same boat exactly - I've tracked my boyfriends calories on this site and he eat over 3000 just to maintain his weight. He needs to loose about 30 lbs but still wants chicken wings and burgers every day.

j75j75

Do you have kids? When I was in hs my metabolism was through the roof, plus I was VERY active. I regularly ate 3-4 times what my mom ate in a given day. Yet she kept her cals in check. It's not that hard.

MrsRadder

My husband is thin and in good shape, and he eats a CRAZY amount of food but he works a physical job. Is it hard to not take a second helping when eating next to someone who eats so much, yes, do I stick to eating what I should eat, yes, because it's my goal to be able to run in a sports bra and shorts and have nothing move not his. His health is his health I love my husband but the reality is he is my husband not my son. Tell your husband what you are thinking and move on. (I agree with healthygreek)
All the other 'stuff' needs to be addressed but that's your own business. Marital problems breed more problems when they are discussed with everyone but your husband. You should know this 40 years married.

Signed
10+ years and still happy

Hotdawgnothotdog

That's like my dad, though I don't think he eats quite that much, he's a pretty heavy eater. It's almost… I don't even know, it's conflicting to see him eat like that. One, because I worry about him, he's at his heaviest and is well over 40, not the healthiest road to be on.

Two, though it's actually the other way around, I see myself in him, though I don't have the stomach (at least not anymore) to eat as much as he, I can see where I got so many of my bad habits. Eating too much because of boredom, eating anything (he was eating those little Coconut sprinkle things one night) to snack around.

Thirdly, one good thing about him, is though he enjoys large amounts of food, he's very generous, I'm pretty good at denying his offer, but sometimes, I want that dang piece of pie. LOL.

As far as how to handle it, keep doing what you're doing. My mom and I, though worried about his health, have felt too guilty to just go up and confront him about his weight, luckily, it seems that, with all this weight we're losing (mom 35 pounds, me 60) my dad's motivated to do better. Just yesterday he made me add up all his calories!

Sweat on!

avatrx

Well, let me first say that I don't think I'm jealous. I don't think that would be it. He DOES gain weight. He weighs 235 and he's 6'. He carries all of it up front so he looks about 8 months pregnant but if he wears the right clothes - it isn't very obvious. I think frustrating is more like it. He goes on and on about how WE need to exercise more. I'm 5'10+ and now weigh 168. still not where I want to be, but getting there. He tells me he's in better shape than I am. He's stronger - but I'm more aerobically fit.

I am NOT a carnivore but do eat meat once in a while. I prefer fish. I"ve tried to get him to play tennis with me but he says it would probably kill me to play.. He just doesn't want to, but he also doesn't want me to play with anyone other than the kids or grandkids. I told him I was going to bring my rackets into the shop and play against the wall in a vacant section of our building. He thinks I'm nuts.

Yes, I have kids. all grown and living on their own. I also have 12 (going on 13) grandkids. We are self employed and business sucks. He goes into our shop every day. I work from home, unless we have a job that requires 2 of us, then I help with that. Work has been really slow, so the bulk of that falls on me. He's great at it when we have it, but it's been scarce.

His Dad had a stroke at about 62 years old and spent the rest of his life in rest homes. I don't think my hubby is quite as bad as his Dad was, although his Dad did lose quite a bit of weight before he had his stroke.

When he was younger he could eat TONS and never gain a pound. He's 62 now and although he's still pretty lucky there - he does gain weight. If I ate that much I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm kind of a light eater but would love to be able to splurge. I gained my weight when I screwed up my knee last fall. I could barely walk, let alone exercise. We have no insurance (self employement sucks) so I had to get over it by doing what I thought was best.

We've been married for almost 42 years and together for 4 before that.

I think what bugs me is when he says WE when he doesn't participate. I have a little over 13 lbs to go. I'm probably OK now, but wanting to be a size 8-10 again. I don't want him to have a heart attack and I know he's frustrated that he's not losing weight. How does one gently suggest that perhaps he should track what he consumes?

I eat frozen yogurt once in a while. he wants me to make the homemade butter pecan full fat stuff. He's addicted to fried chicken and LOVES Golden Corral which I try to avoid because I know ME. Every time we go somewhere he wants to eat out, so I try to go alone. I bring bottled water and a granola bar to KEEP me from wanting to eat fast food.

I'm really interested in all the input. I don't feel so isolated. but, for the record - this is kind of a vent of sorts.

j75j75

Who buys the groceries?

avatrx

Marital problems breed more problems when they are discussed with everyone but your husband. You should know this 40 years married.

Actually we are pretty happy. We do take walks almost every day to get the newspaper. We love to garden and just walk around our property. We've been business partners our whole life and don't hate each other. lol Not many husbands/wives have accomplished that. We pretty much agree on everything but this weight thing is frustrating. I wouldn't call this a marital thing.

I was just looking for input. Maybe I'm just grumpy today. Too much rain, not enough sunshine..................drinking my black coffee when what I really want is something really fattening..........:laugh: LIke one of those 380 calorie brats:laugh:

Lochlyn_D

My husband needs about 3000 calories a day just to maintain or he quickly becomes anorexic. I do ALL the cooking. He isn't a big eater so I have to make calorie dense foods for him. It's hard because he will eat half of it and then say he is full and I'm eating veggies and looking at his unfinished plate like "I'm gonna finish that for you."

avatrx

Who buys the groceries?

I try to go alone to buy the groceries. Every time I bring him along we spend 3x's as much.

I also try to 'feed' him if he's coming with me to the store. Feed him first - save $$$ We don't shop regularly. I can go to Costco and eat my way around the place and come away happy!

I joke with him about our grocery store runs. I head for the produce (because that is what I like ) he heads for the meat dept.

I can eat a toasted baguette with avocado and tomato for lunch. He just looks at me cross-eyed and gets a steak or something out of the freezer. I guess it's pretty funny. My daughter brings over this BLT dip which is mainly mayo and bacon and he LOVES it! I can't touch the stuff. Give me some guacamole and pita chips for a splurge and I'm happy. or hummus. He likes all that stuff, but it's second to all the bad stuff for him.

If it's fattening - he'll find it. If it's moderate - he'll overdo it. I guess I gotta work on him because he's a good guy and I'd hate to see him have a stroke. He'd rather be a goner than to put his family thru taking care of him like that. I can relate to that. I just don't want to be a stinker and really go after him for his bad eating habits. Doesn't matter how long you've been married - you still have to treat your spouse as you want to be treated. he is my hubby, not my child.

g33kmommy

"Doesn't matter how long you've been married - you still have to treat your spouse as you want to be treated. he is my hubby, not my child."

I love how you said that!

Also, my husband is a huge eater. He's been very athletic all his life, and I swear his metabolism is through the roof. EVERY night he eats pizza or ice cream around 11pm, or a gigantic tupperware bowl of cereal. He's gained a tiny bit on his stomach, but the rest of him.....well it's just disgusting to me! I'm so jealous!

When I first started this diet he would still bring his bags of candy home after work or eat a tub of ice cream right in front of me, and I guess he got tired of the dirty stares because now he takes his late-night binges into another room where I don't have to watch!

Luckily he really loves all the new "skinny" meals I cook, and he never had a clue I changed the ingredients.

kate1103

I've realized something really quickly when I got married-for all of my OBSESSING about dieting and calories (I've seriously been doing it since I was 8), I know NOTHING about the dietary needs of a man. My hubby is the most attractive guy I know, but he wants to lose some weight. I used to try to "help" by suggesting we go on diets together. I think our last official one was the 17 Day Diet. I thought it was going ok, I felt a little hungry, but whatever. I think hubby was starving. Chicken and fruit all day just didn't do it for him. I'm sure there's a way we could have made it work, I'm not trying to knock that particular diet, but what I am saying is that I now know that his needs are way different than mine. Sometimes he says he's hungry and I think, there's no way, but he's not a little 5'5" girl like I am. If there's something I can do to be helpful, I will, but I don't try to have any control over what hubby eats anymore. I'll support whatever he wants to do, but that's it.

avatrx

Maybe there's hope for us yet? He is always telling me how gorgeous I am and I'm always reminding him he has a 'not-so-hidden-agenda. How do you deal with a guy like that? I'm 59! Hello?:laugh:

I love to cook. I'm trying to work on stuff that's low cal and lower in fat that he'll eat but he hates onions and a few other things that I feel are critical.

We have several gardens around our property. We walk to get the paper (our driveway is 1/2 mile each way -) when we get back to the house we 'make the rounds'. First - check the first blackberry bush (they're flowering) then the blueberry patch ( some berries but not ripe) then the tomato garden (30 romas and 8 others - all flowering) then onto the zuchinni and winter squash raised bed. then back down the hill to the other blackberry path, the cherry trees, the apple trees, the rhubarb patch and then up the hill to the peach trees (TONS of peaches this year - not ripe, but looking forward to them) then it's up to the pergola covered in grapes. just past the other grapes that we thought had died and they came back with a vengeance.

around the pool and north to the strawberry patch. (not many this year - the mint took over that raised bed). farther north to the garden with the seed potatoes, green beans, and beets. That is just north of our huge rasberry patch (I had the first one of those the other day) tons to come in the next few weeks.

back to the house - on the deck where I have cherry tomatoes, basil, sage, an eggplant that he bought me from Home Depot - a Stevia plant, multiple mosquito plants and some dill I planted in a container. (big mistake - I have tons of it in another raised bed that is growing wild.

Other stuff growing - just can't think of it all.

Now wouldn't you think summertime here would be an easy way to lose weight with our edible yard? He comes in and heads for the fridge. :laugh:

Like I said earlier - we do get along. this isn't a marital thing. It's a FOOD thing.

avatrx

. If there's something I can do to be helpful, I will, but I don't try to have any control over what hubby eats anymore. I'll support whatever he wants to do, but that's it.

probably the best advice so far. He keeps talking about the no flour - no sugar diet which he did for awhile and I think it worked, but I don't want to do that. I bake bread and that has flour. Sourdough and focaccia as ciabatta are my specialties.

I eat very little sweet stuff. Sometimes - but rarely. I find if I eat sugary stuff I tend to want more of it, so I try to avoid it. I'm more likely to grab a bag of chips as opposed to a piece of cake (we never have cake around here). If we have a birthday gathering - and with 4 kids and 12 grandkids - we do - we make sure to send anything left over home with everyone else. Sweets and cakes and brownies and that stuff rarely gets eaten by us. Our dogs will eat it if we forget to send it with someone, but we don't have more than the token piece.

I'm used to cooking for a lot of kids so we still tend to make more than we consume. Fortunately my daughter with 4 teenage boys only lives about 5 miles from here, so if we made Italian beef or Chili or something - thinking they were coming over and then they didn't come? We just call them and they retrieve it - crockpot and all. The hardest part is getting my dishes back:laugh:

I made strawberry-rhubarb crisp last week when my son Daniel was here with his kids. I sent the leftovers home with him. little kids can eat that stuff and not gain a pound. That way we (and I mean the hubby and myself) aren't tempted...

dakotababy

My boyfriend helps out with the house - I don't care how much a person eats, a SO should help out with the house keeping.

Besides that, he eats whatever he wants. We compromise on meal plans. He may have an extra carb/starch, I may add a salad, and we both have chicken or steak or whatever for protein. He loved me when I was 250lbs, and made zero comments about my weight. I will only ever say something if medical issues arise (and they have already) but I do not nag about it.

Bottom line is - he can only save himself. When he is ready to change, he will - and I will be standing by and supporting him just like how I am now.

Just like the example with the smoking. Just because you were ready to quit for good - does not mean he will be too. It took him 2 more years to quit, and that is fantastic.

crandos

3000 calories is my maintenance weight

healthygreek

Well, let me first say that I don't think I'm jealous. I don't think that would be it. He DOES gain weight. He weighs 235 and he's 6'. He carries all of it up front so he looks about 8 months pregnant but if he wears the right clothes - it isn't very obvious. I think frustrating is more like it. He goes on and on about how WE need to exercise more. I'm 5'10+ and now weigh 168. still not where I want to be, but getting there. He tells me he's in better shape than I am. He's stronger - but I'm more aerobically fit.

I am NOT a carnivore but do eat meat once in a while. I prefer fish. I"ve tried to get him to play tennis with me but he says it would probably kill me to play.. He just doesn't want to, but he also doesn't want me to play with anyone other than the kids or grandkids. I told him I was going to bring my rackets into the shop and play against the wall in a vacant section of our building. He thinks I'm nuts.

Yes, I have kids. all grown and living on their own. I also have 12 (going on 13) grandkids. We are self employed and business sucks. He goes into our shop every day. I work from home, unless we have a job that requires 2 of us, then I help with that. Work has been really slow, so the bulk of that falls on me. He's great at it when we have it, but it's been scarce.

His Dad had a stroke at about 62 years old and spent the rest of his life in rest homes. I don't think my hubby is quite as bad as his Dad was, although his Dad did lose quite a bit of weight before he had his stroke.

When he was younger he could eat TONS and never gain a pound. He's 62 now and although he's still pretty lucky there - he does gain weight. If I ate that much I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm kind of a light eater but would love to be able to splurge. I gained my weight when I screwed up my knee last fall. I could barely walk, let alone exercise. We have no insurance (self employement sucks) so I had to get over it by doing what I thought was best.

We've been married for almost 42 years and together for 4 before that.

I think what bugs me is when he says WE when he doesn't participate. I have a little over 13 lbs to go. I'm probably OK now, but wanting to be a size 8-10 again. I don't want him to have a heart attack and I know he's frustrated that he's not losing weight. How does one gently suggest that perhaps he should track what he consumes?

I eat frozen yogurt once in a while. he wants me to make the homemade butter pecan full fat stuff. He's addicted to fried chicken and LOVES Golden Corral which I try to avoid because I know ME. Every time we go somewhere he wants to eat out, so I try to go alone. I bring bottled water and a granola bar to KEEP me from wanting to eat fast food.

I'm really interested in all the input. I don't feel so isolated. but, for the record - this is kind of a vent of sorts.

Theres not much you can do if he dosn't care about his own health except to tell him you love him and want to have a long, healthy life together. He can get a thorough check up complete with bloodwork to see if all is well. If things aren't so good, maybe this will inspire him to change his eating and workout habits.

magerum

I am the big eater. I lose at 3,000 a day.

MILFdoesabodyGd

Yes, my boyfriend's portions are totally out of control. I try to tell him I need him to be healthy and so does our son...he also needs to lose 20-30 pounds and I KNOW it wouldn't take much hard work. All he needs to do is cut down on his portion size, stop drinking mountain dew every day, and watch the snacking & junk food and I just know he would see some change. All of his weight is carried in his belly and that's the worst.

Problem is, he has to WANT to do it for it to get done. So I try not to get on his case too much.

His dad died of a heart attack when he was in the 8th grade. I am terrified he will have the same fate. You'd think that would make him want to be healthy, at least for his own son....but he says his dad's habits were much worse. And he says things to me like, "you'll out-live me anyway"

I 100% feel ya on this one.

ItsCasey

Marital problems breed more problems when they are discussed with everyone but your husband. You should know this 40 years married.

Actually we are pretty happy. We do take walks almost every day to get the newspaper. We love to garden and just walk around our property. We've been business partners our whole life and don't hate each other. lol Not many husbands/wives have accomplished that. We pretty much agree on everything but this weight thing is frustrating. I wouldn't call this a marital thing.

I was just looking for input. Maybe I'm just grumpy today. Too much rain, not enough sunshine..................drinking my black coffee when what I really want is something really fattening..........:laugh: LIke one of those 380 calorie brats:laugh:

You are criticizing your husband. Behind his back. To people who don't even know him (or you, for that matter). You have a "marital thing" alright, but it's not about his eating habits.

He's a grown man. As his wife, sure, you have the right to be concerned about his health and to voice that concern TO HIM. But he's not a toddler. You can't order him to eat differently. And really, it sounds more like you're just pissed that he gets to eat more than you do. Well, get past it. It's not his fault that you're dissatisfied with your own calorie intake.

jonnythan

In for spouse resentment and poor communication.

luckynky

I'm the shopper and the chef in our house. My husband has traditionally been a meat eater, but I've never been much on meat. In recent months, I've actually phased meat out of my diet almost entirely (I will eat tuna and shrimp on occasion). My husband hates cooking so much, that he has stopped complaining and now accepts that we will not be having meat unless he cooks it, which might be once a month or less. I do make a meat substitute about once a week. He gets his meat when we go out to eat on the weekend. And now, I'm doing this weight loss thing, so I cook even more healthy meals with less of the bells and whistles (like I don't make Italian bread with our pasta, veggies, and sauce). Over time, he has totally accepted these changes-- probably because I've put in effort in finding vegetarian recipes that I know he'll like. Maybe he is still eating a bowl of ice cream after dinner, but at least I know that he's eating healthy dinners.

I agree that husbands are not our children. But the bottom line is that the odds are that we will be taking care of them if they have a stroke, cancer, or some other incapacitating illness. It's not fair for either spouse to go about their business without thinking about the consequences of our actions to our life partner. Getting old is hard enough without having to give complete care to someone. And it's not fair to do that to our children either. Sure, sometimes things do happen and families have to cope, but my point is that we are all intelligent enough to think about the consequences of our consumption.

mrsriisky

Just an additional thought, if you are actually concerned and he loves meat and fattening foods, there are great meals you can make that taste decadent! Today, for example, I'm making burritos for dinner- 96% lean ground beef, I always cook up some finely chopped onions, peppers, maybe mushrooms to mix in with the beef. A small amount of cheese, sliced avocado, chopped tomatoes- the whole delicious burrito weighs in at probably around 600 calories. Tastes better than most 1200 calorie laden burritos you can buy in a restaurant! I'll have one, hubby will usually have two, but it's healthy ingredients and he loves them (though he doesn't have to watch his weight). There are many things like that you can do- burgers with lean ground beef and a little bit of veggies or ground turkey mixed in, etc. He might start liking those versions!

That said, after revisiting this thread, I do want to add in that you have gone far on your journey. What motivated you to start? It probably came from within, YOUR decision to want to lose weight and get fit. If your husband decides to watch what he eats or start working out, it will have to come from within too. If you bring these things up to him constantly, it may breed resentment. My best advice is start cooking healthy and delicious meals, and sharing with him, but don't force it on him.

ingraha

I live with a big eater. I like all the foods he does and its hard to get him to walk with me. I am learning that I need to take care of me in the best way I can and not try to run him.

avatrx

I was just looking for input. Maybe I'm just grumpy today. Too much rain, not enough sunshine..................drinking my black coffee when what I really want is something really fattening..........:laugh: LIke one of those 380 calorie brats:laugh:
[/quote]

You are criticizing your husband. Behind his back. To people who don't even know him (or you, for that matter). You have a "marital thing" alright, but it's not about his eating habits.

He's a grown man. As his wife, sure, you have the right to be concerned about his health and to voice that concern TO HIM.

MizTerry

You describe me and my husband back before I flipped out.
He still eats a lot and complains that he needs to lose weight, but he does get up and do some stuff around the house.

mann408

I am having the same issue with my boyfriend. We spend weekends together and I seem to have zero will power. He eats a lot more than I do and we often go out to dinner. I feel like everything I do over the week gets erased once the weekend hits. I noticed that have kept up with him eating, so once I started to notice this, I stopped when I was full – he would say something witty like “5 bites more” so that I would finish. I guess I have no willpower. I feel really bad about it. I have heard encouraging your significant other with positive praise when they do eat well helps them lose weight, but in the situation like this… I am not sure. I guess I just have to gain self-control. Any advice? This is new to me.

cranium853

My husband runs marathons for a hobby. 26.2 miles. Probably 75 miles a week for practice and a run every few months for a medal to put on the wall. I gained 60 pound after I started eating with him. He eats more junk food than anyone could imagine, and loves to share it with me. He thinks I am delicate and although he is finally admitting that I look better he is adamant that the weight loss is not a big deal. My bad knee, dubious ankle, and bad temper should be clues, but nooooo, he doesn't get it.

What he has done is joined me with some of my meals when I cook "extra" and then he skips the Doritos and corn dog dinner he loves so much. He agreed to one "My Fit Foods" meal a week- that is 5% and in science that is statistically significant. And he has figured out that his sex life is better if I'm not griping and moaning about the scale. Um, duh......

His eating habits are his business, not my excuse to be self-abusive. I just don't eat what he eats, and I hope that I influence him more than he influences me. Please note the Freddy's Turtle Custard on last weekend's diary. Sometimes he wins. But I made the choice to eat every one of those bites, just as I did with tonight's salad.

avatrx

I was just looking for input. Maybe I'm just grumpy today. Too much rain, not enough sunshine..................drinking my black coffee when what I really want is something really fattening..........:laugh: LIke one of those 380 calorie brats:laugh:

You are criticizing your husband. Behind his back. To people who don't even know him (or you, for that matter). You have a "marital thing" alright, but it's not about his eating habits.

He's a grown man. As his wife, sure, you have the right to be concerned about his health and to voice that concern TO HIM.
[/quote]

trust me , this is NOT a marital thing. We have been thru more tragedy in our life than you can imagine. It has actually brought us closer - not farther apart. We do everything together except his golfing (I'm not a fan) and my flying (He's not a fan - but he does go to airshows with me and pancake breakfasts )

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. You quite obviously don't know us. or me. He knows how I feel. I was hoping to get input from others as to how they approach this type of thing. I joke with him about his having dinner, then dinner, then dinner. As I privately said to someone - he grew up in poverty. There was no indoor plumbing, no furnace (heated with wood) and very little food. I think that plays into this. Comfort food, not hunger. But it doesn't matter - I just want him to feel good about himself and be healthy.

I'm not doing anything behind his back. I don't believe in that. One of my shortcomings is being very 'out there'. I call it being honest - some call it something else.

Sounds to me like you're not happy that I sought advice here. I got a lot of helpful suggestions from others. I have no regrets.
Most likely I'll suggest some of them to him and tell him exactly where they came from. I'm curious as to why you would even think I have something to hide from him? Puzzling:ohwell: