Pretty off topic...
atamrowski
Posts: 417 Member
I didn't know where else to post this but figured I'd post here to see where this may lead.
Five years ago today, I lost my twin brother to a drunk driving accident; he was riding his bike home from work (he didn't know how to drive as he was a little slow) and he was hit by a repeat offender. Back then, I was asked to write a Victim's Impact Statement for MADD for his trial and I never finished it. I decided to finish it today to help me accept my brother's death. You see, I carried this guilt around because prior to the accident, I got in a sibling altercation with him which I said things I should have never said. I ignored his calls including the night prior to his death. I am hoping sharing this with all my MFP friends will help me focus on my life now and remembering to not sweat the small stuff.
Your Honor:
Preparing to write this statement has been almost impossible since it is hard for me to characterize how the tragic death of my twin brother has impacted my life. Since I received word that I must come up with a "statement" to be used in court to help with the sentencing process of the defendant, I have been at a loss for words. I simply cannot generalize the outcome Jonathan's death has impacted me and the rest of my family. My declaration is not merely just a "statement" to sway the sentencing decision of the defendant; I feel like it's my chance to finally speak out what's been the cause of my internal pain and suffering that I feel has permanently altered my life.
Jonathan was my twin brother. They say the twin bond is described as the closest and most enduring of any human social relationship. And the loss of that bond is the most tragic and devastating events in the lives of co-twins. I believe that statement could not be more accurate. You see, I had a special bond with my brother that no other sibling could ever have. Jonathan was always by my side since infancy.Even though he was older than me, he still followed me every step of the way. Sometimes I felt like he was my shadow, following my footsteps. I helped him reach his milestones that he could not reach on his own. He leaned on me. I leaned on him. I was always there for him, no matter how old I had grown or how far away I lived.
When I heard the news my brother was killed in a crime, I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. Prior to his death, I had been diagnosed with placenta previa and was about to be placed on bed rest. When I learned of his death, I felt like someone reached inside my body and gutted me like a fish. I felt so angry, confused, irrational, dumbfounded, at a loss. Here I was about to give birth to my first child, Jonathan's niece, and had to deal with the death of my brother all the way across the country. I was two weeks shy of being allowed to fly on the airlines but my doctor allowed me to bury my brother. My life changed from that very day.
The loss of my brother has not impacted me financially; no money in the world could ever bring my brother back anyways. His casualty has affected me emotionally. Some days I wake up crying, sobbing when noone is around. I sometimes cry myself to sleep because I will never see him again. I will never be able to hear his voice. I will never be able to guide him in the right direction of his life he constantly seeked from me. Most of all, he will never ever get to see his niece grow up and be a part of her life as her loving uncle. How do I explain that her mommy's twin brother was killed by a drunk driver right before she was born? How do I explain that his death was a result of a careless act and unjust decision?
I am not the same person I was since his death. I don't pretend to be someone I am not. But I have to be strong for my family and for my daughter. Sometimes I can't sleep at night and other times when I do sleep I have nightmares. I constantly think about him riding his bike on that road that night from work wondering what he was thinking about before he died. I wonder if he'd seen it coming or if he felt any pain. I wonder if he realized how much his family really did love him, at that moment, at that instant. I will never know.
Jonathan wasn't a legend. He didn't achieve any tangible long-term goals. He wasn't even popular. In fact, he didn't have any friends. The only friends he had was his own family. At first, I felt like everything his family did for him was not enough. I now understand that his family could only give him so much without him putting any effort into his own life goals and destination.
It's been five years today since his death. I can still remember the day of his loss so vividly; so full of color and sadness. Time has helped in healing my sorrow and guilt of his death. I can now learn to accept my loss because that part of me will never come back.The part of me that has been lost and gone to Heaven is now watching over me and my family. I feel blessed to say that I am a twin. I am honored to have had Jonathan as my twin brother, through the good and the bad. I am happy that God has found a place for him finally.
All that I can say to the woman that took my brother's life is that I hope she understands her bad decisions have left eternal scars that are inmendable. May she ask for forgiveness and feel the remorse of her actions and hope she doesn't repeat her actions and hurt anyone else. At the end of the day, my brother is gone and I can't bring him back but I can only look ahead and live my life like it's the last day I'll live. Happy Anniversary my brother. To a tragic end but a new beginning. You are meant to be where you are.
I love you bigger than the sky.
Your loving sister with a big ole butt,
Ann-Marie
Five years ago today, I lost my twin brother to a drunk driving accident; he was riding his bike home from work (he didn't know how to drive as he was a little slow) and he was hit by a repeat offender. Back then, I was asked to write a Victim's Impact Statement for MADD for his trial and I never finished it. I decided to finish it today to help me accept my brother's death. You see, I carried this guilt around because prior to the accident, I got in a sibling altercation with him which I said things I should have never said. I ignored his calls including the night prior to his death. I am hoping sharing this with all my MFP friends will help me focus on my life now and remembering to not sweat the small stuff.
Your Honor:
Preparing to write this statement has been almost impossible since it is hard for me to characterize how the tragic death of my twin brother has impacted my life. Since I received word that I must come up with a "statement" to be used in court to help with the sentencing process of the defendant, I have been at a loss for words. I simply cannot generalize the outcome Jonathan's death has impacted me and the rest of my family. My declaration is not merely just a "statement" to sway the sentencing decision of the defendant; I feel like it's my chance to finally speak out what's been the cause of my internal pain and suffering that I feel has permanently altered my life.
Jonathan was my twin brother. They say the twin bond is described as the closest and most enduring of any human social relationship. And the loss of that bond is the most tragic and devastating events in the lives of co-twins. I believe that statement could not be more accurate. You see, I had a special bond with my brother that no other sibling could ever have. Jonathan was always by my side since infancy.Even though he was older than me, he still followed me every step of the way. Sometimes I felt like he was my shadow, following my footsteps. I helped him reach his milestones that he could not reach on his own. He leaned on me. I leaned on him. I was always there for him, no matter how old I had grown or how far away I lived.
When I heard the news my brother was killed in a crime, I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. Prior to his death, I had been diagnosed with placenta previa and was about to be placed on bed rest. When I learned of his death, I felt like someone reached inside my body and gutted me like a fish. I felt so angry, confused, irrational, dumbfounded, at a loss. Here I was about to give birth to my first child, Jonathan's niece, and had to deal with the death of my brother all the way across the country. I was two weeks shy of being allowed to fly on the airlines but my doctor allowed me to bury my brother. My life changed from that very day.
The loss of my brother has not impacted me financially; no money in the world could ever bring my brother back anyways. His casualty has affected me emotionally. Some days I wake up crying, sobbing when noone is around. I sometimes cry myself to sleep because I will never see him again. I will never be able to hear his voice. I will never be able to guide him in the right direction of his life he constantly seeked from me. Most of all, he will never ever get to see his niece grow up and be a part of her life as her loving uncle. How do I explain that her mommy's twin brother was killed by a drunk driver right before she was born? How do I explain that his death was a result of a careless act and unjust decision?
I am not the same person I was since his death. I don't pretend to be someone I am not. But I have to be strong for my family and for my daughter. Sometimes I can't sleep at night and other times when I do sleep I have nightmares. I constantly think about him riding his bike on that road that night from work wondering what he was thinking about before he died. I wonder if he'd seen it coming or if he felt any pain. I wonder if he realized how much his family really did love him, at that moment, at that instant. I will never know.
Jonathan wasn't a legend. He didn't achieve any tangible long-term goals. He wasn't even popular. In fact, he didn't have any friends. The only friends he had was his own family. At first, I felt like everything his family did for him was not enough. I now understand that his family could only give him so much without him putting any effort into his own life goals and destination.
It's been five years today since his death. I can still remember the day of his loss so vividly; so full of color and sadness. Time has helped in healing my sorrow and guilt of his death. I can now learn to accept my loss because that part of me will never come back.The part of me that has been lost and gone to Heaven is now watching over me and my family. I feel blessed to say that I am a twin. I am honored to have had Jonathan as my twin brother, through the good and the bad. I am happy that God has found a place for him finally.
All that I can say to the woman that took my brother's life is that I hope she understands her bad decisions have left eternal scars that are inmendable. May she ask for forgiveness and feel the remorse of her actions and hope she doesn't repeat her actions and hurt anyone else. At the end of the day, my brother is gone and I can't bring him back but I can only look ahead and live my life like it's the last day I'll live. Happy Anniversary my brother. To a tragic end but a new beginning. You are meant to be where you are.
I love you bigger than the sky.
Your loving sister with a big ole butt,
Ann-Marie
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Replies
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there are no words, but I am so terribly sorry. I cannot even imagine.0
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Thank you for sharing! That is a very powerful statement. I also have a twin brother, so I understand the bond (and the little fights that can happen). I'm so sorry for your loss (in such a senseless way).
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Brought tears to my eyes - wishing you the best
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Dear OP,
More than words. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Love, me.0
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