How long before your family accepted/tolerated your new eating habits and lifestyle change?
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neldabg
Posts: 1,452 Member
How long was it before your family accepted/tolerated your new eating habits and lifestyle change?
TL;DR: I'll be returning home from college next month with a new and permanent lifestyle change, and it'll be the first time my family will see me as a non-overweight, healthy individual. My family won't like that I plan to cook my own meals, except for on Christmas and New Years, but I'm not changing my mind on this, so I need to create strategies to let them down gently. Also, it would help to read other people's stories about how their families reacted and how long before they were finally left alone.
Full story:
I'm really nervous for my return home next month. When I went back to my college campus, I was overweight, and now returning home, I'm going to be at a healthy weight, and I've changed A LOT in my food choices and exercise habits. I do cardio six days a week, and reserve one day a week for recovery stretching. On top of that, I've officially given up ALL fast food, most processed candies, and many junk foods (this is purely a happy/easy choice as I realized a long time ago that 92% of the reason I even ate this stuff was out of habit and because of social expectations).
My entire family eats junk food and fast food regularly, and though my mom generally makes healthy dishes, they are extremely calorie dense. I can totally see them accepting the fact that I don't eat any fast food and most junk food anymore, and that I am disciplined with an exercise schedule, but I just *know* that there'll be conflict over not eating whatever my mom cooks.
My family did see my initial 20-lb loss, but at the time, I ate what my family ate, and I always had to overestimate and then walk an extra mile or two the next day. Having to do this made losing those initial 20-lbs very stressful, and I'd rather not go day to day having to overestimate and move more just to avoid gaining. On top of that, I LOVE food, so it was annoying having to reduce/eliminate snacks and eat light dinners and a light breakfast just to eat my mom's meals and not hurt her feelings. This means (obviously) that I have to eat my own meals, and not my mom's foods. I do plan to eat whatever she makes on Christmas and New Years for dinner or lunch, but after that I want to stick to my own meals.
It sounds very anal/particular, I know, but knowing myself in and out, and knowing what I know, it's for the best. Before I started this journey, I spent years lurking on health boards, three years analyzing the effects of my personal decision to not consume soda or anything that's not water or tea, and one year learning about myself and silently observing the eating habits of my "naturally" healthy-weighted siblings and friends, all because I wanted to see exactly why/where calories made me gain weight, but made them maintain more or less. I realized quickly that though naturally thin people seem to eat all the time or whatever they want, they instinctively know when to stop and how to balance their calories in a day. It's something I do not envy because I find that I love counting calories and planning meals ahead of time, but it is something I do find very amazing. For example, my little brother may eat a huge plate of food for dinner, but I realize he only had a snack in the afternoon and no lunch, or my little sister who naturally eats small portions of everything, so everything balances out. I love to eat, so I eat large portions of everything at every meal, and I'm always snacking. As such, I've learned how to eat as much as possible within my calorie goals. I do not add oil or butter unnecessarily, and I dedicate 100-200 calories a day to a "treat" (juicy apple, fiber brownie bar, homemade sweet, etc). This works well for me, just as I hypothesized it would.
TL;DR: I'll be returning home from college next month with a new and permanent lifestyle change, and it'll be the first time my family will see me as a non-overweight, healthy individual. My family won't like that I plan to cook my own meals, except for on Christmas and New Years, but I'm not changing my mind on this, so I need to create strategies to let them down gently. Also, it would help to read other people's stories about how their families reacted and how long before they were finally left alone.
Full story:
I'm really nervous for my return home next month. When I went back to my college campus, I was overweight, and now returning home, I'm going to be at a healthy weight, and I've changed A LOT in my food choices and exercise habits. I do cardio six days a week, and reserve one day a week for recovery stretching. On top of that, I've officially given up ALL fast food, most processed candies, and many junk foods (this is purely a happy/easy choice as I realized a long time ago that 92% of the reason I even ate this stuff was out of habit and because of social expectations).
My entire family eats junk food and fast food regularly, and though my mom generally makes healthy dishes, they are extremely calorie dense. I can totally see them accepting the fact that I don't eat any fast food and most junk food anymore, and that I am disciplined with an exercise schedule, but I just *know* that there'll be conflict over not eating whatever my mom cooks.
My family did see my initial 20-lb loss, but at the time, I ate what my family ate, and I always had to overestimate and then walk an extra mile or two the next day. Having to do this made losing those initial 20-lbs very stressful, and I'd rather not go day to day having to overestimate and move more just to avoid gaining. On top of that, I LOVE food, so it was annoying having to reduce/eliminate snacks and eat light dinners and a light breakfast just to eat my mom's meals and not hurt her feelings. This means (obviously) that I have to eat my own meals, and not my mom's foods. I do plan to eat whatever she makes on Christmas and New Years for dinner or lunch, but after that I want to stick to my own meals.
It sounds very anal/particular, I know, but knowing myself in and out, and knowing what I know, it's for the best. Before I started this journey, I spent years lurking on health boards, three years analyzing the effects of my personal decision to not consume soda or anything that's not water or tea, and one year learning about myself and silently observing the eating habits of my "naturally" healthy-weighted siblings and friends, all because I wanted to see exactly why/where calories made me gain weight, but made them maintain more or less. I realized quickly that though naturally thin people seem to eat all the time or whatever they want, they instinctively know when to stop and how to balance their calories in a day. It's something I do not envy because I find that I love counting calories and planning meals ahead of time, but it is something I do find very amazing. For example, my little brother may eat a huge plate of food for dinner, but I realize he only had a snack in the afternoon and no lunch, or my little sister who naturally eats small portions of everything, so everything balances out. I love to eat, so I eat large portions of everything at every meal, and I'm always snacking. As such, I've learned how to eat as much as possible within my calorie goals. I do not add oil or butter unnecessarily, and I dedicate 100-200 calories a day to a "treat" (juicy apple, fiber brownie bar, homemade sweet, etc). This works well for me, just as I hypothesized it would.
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Replies
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First of all, you are fantastic and you've made such great progress! Maybe have a heart-to-heart with your parents, I have a feeling they'll feel more proud of you than you realize, which can go a long way in being supportive. Eat what and how you want to eat, everyone around you will probably fall into place. And, if they don't, then you will learn how to manage despite that.
ETA: I had very similar concerns on my first visit home after making big changes, and ended up pleasantly surprised. (I know I'm lucky in this regard, and hope the same for you!)0 -
I went vegetarian in college, and that took some parental adjustment! Seriously, about two years until they accepted it. My brother and I both did our major weight loss while away in college or grad school and were in maintenance when at home, so it wasn't as big a thing.
Things to consider:
--Tell mom you would like to cook for the family a few nights a week. Tell her you cooking is part of a Christmas gift to help her by taking on some work while you are home. Consider doing some other chore too. This makes it not a rejection of her but just you wanting to help (don't even make it about your diet)
--don't preach about your healthy habits. If they want to know they will ask. Just quietly do your thing.
--decide if you can eat smaller bfast/lunch and/or a smaller portion of moms food (maybe add a veggie or salad to fill you up) a few times a week to keep you losing and keep the peace. Then you aren't rejecting her food, just helping by adding sides (and maybe only eating a very small portion of hers, maybe quietly scraping off the sauce/cheese/whatever from the chicken, etc).
--offer to cook with mom and do things like sauté veggies in broth not oil, etc without making a big thing of it. Or keep a portion of stuff aside before the sauce/cheese/breading is added.
--if things get hairy just sit down and be honest w mom. "Mom, I love your food so much it's hard for me to not eat a ton and I am really working hard to lose weight. I don't want to hurt your feelings--I love you and your cooking and I wish I could eat it all the time!"
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As soon as they started seeing results. My Mum has always pushed me to lose weight for my health, and as soon as she could physically see that it was helping me she was fine. It took a lot to stop her from cooking me tea for when I got home from work but she stopped seeing it as an insult.0
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My thinking is just do. Tell them your plans and stick to it. If they get mad about it, they will get over it. That's what is great about growing up and making your own choices, your family will just have to adjust.
* Buy your own food, pre make meals so your mom doesn't feel like you're trying to cook on top of her (that is one thing that'd drive me nuts if someone wanted to make separate meals).
*Have one night out of the week you eat their food. If that is a trigger for you dont do it.
*bring your food scale along on holiday I always do and it helps me stay on track
*And have a good time on holiday. If they love you they will accept you and maybe they will want to make some smarter choices along the way!0 -
Tell them your plan before you get there, try to eat her cooking once or twice a week (smaller portion plus veggies if necessary). Offer to cook for them once a week.
Sounds like you have some good suggestions, I hope you can stick to your diet making as few waves as possible!
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How long was it before your family accepted/tolerated your new eating habits and lifestyle change?
My entire family eats junk food and fast food regularly, and though my mom generally makes healthy dishes, they are extremely calorie dense. I can totally see them accepting the fact that I don't eat any fast food and most junk food anymore, and that I am disciplined with an exercise schedule, but I just *know* that there'll be conflict over not eating whatever my mom cooks.
I am the cook, meal planner, grocery list maker in my household. Zero conflict with my family over food or exercise. I haven't changed the type of food we are eating much. If something is higher calorie I eat smaller portions and put more salad/vegetables on my plate.
I would say just talk to your mom honestly and calmly about what your calorie/health goal is and how you meet that goal. Appreciate her work and skill. Show her the calorie count of some recipes... she may have no idea that they are that high calorie and be happy to work with you to make some changes. Offer to cook for the family several days each week instead of demanding that she change how she cooks for the family. If she really doesn't want to change what she cooks or share cooking duty and you can't just reduce your portion size then let her know you will cheerfully make your own meals most days. It isn't a rejection of her- just what you need to do for you.
Does your family always eat the same exact same food?
My dd often has things she doesn't want to eat that I make and I have just always told her to make a sandwich or eat some cereal. That was the policy in my family when I was growing up.
If dd told me she wanted to be a vegetarian I wouldn't make her eat meat but the rest of us would still be eating it. If she came to me and discussed concerns over her diet politely I would listen. I want her to be healthy and happy. It doesn't have to be a big emotional conflict.
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gradchica27 wrote: »I went vegetarian in college, and that took some parental adjustment! Seriously, about two years until they accepted it. My brother and I both did our major weight loss while away in college or grad school and were in maintenance when at home, so it wasn't as big a thing.
Things to consider:
--Tell mom you would like to cook for the family a few nights a week. Tell her you cooking is part of a Christmas gift to help her by taking on some work while you are home. Consider doing some other chore too. This makes it not a rejection of her but just you wanting to help (don't even make it about your diet)
--don't preach about your healthy habits. If they want to know they will ask. Just quietly do your thing.
--decide if you can eat smaller bfast/lunch and/or a smaller portion of moms food (maybe add a veggie or salad to fill you up) a few times a week to keep you losing and keep the peace. Then you aren't rejecting her food, just helping by adding sides (and maybe only eating a very small portion of hers, maybe quietly scraping off the sauce/cheese/whatever from the chicken, etc).
--offer to cook with mom and do things like sauté veggies in broth not oil, etc without making a big thing of it. Or keep a portion of stuff aside before the sauce/cheese/breading is added.
--if things get hairy just sit down and be honest w mom. "Mom, I love your food so much it's hard for me to not eat a ton and I am really working hard to lose weight. I don't want to hurt your feelings--I love you and your cooking and I wish I could eat it all the time!"
This all right here ^^^ is fantastic advice. All of it.0 -
I am so happy for your fabulous lifestyle change! You seem confident in it too, that's great.
Luckily for me, my mom has always been into low-fat/lower calorie-dense foods, and when I became vegetarian she totally supported me. So eating food with my mom is GREAT, sometimes she even makes diet-friendlier food than I do! But, I've pissed off so many of my other relatives... First of all none of them are diet-conscious, and none of them are into vegetarian food at all (I would say most of them despise veggies), so I've got my fair share of ridicule from them. I think you might come into contact with these kinds of attitudes, but as long as you stick with your thing and don't take people's comments too personally, you'll be fine!0 -
gradchica27 wrote: »I went vegetarian in college, and that took some parental adjustment! Seriously, about two years until they accepted it. My brother and I both did our major weight loss while away in college or grad school and were in maintenance when at home, so it wasn't as big a thing.
Things to consider:
--Tell mom you would like to cook for the family a few nights a week. Tell her you cooking is part of a Christmas gift to help her by taking on some work while you are home. Consider doing some other chore too. This makes it not a rejection of her but just you wanting to help (don't even make it about your diet)
--don't preach about your healthy habits. If they want to know they will ask. Just quietly do your thing.
--decide if you can eat smaller bfast/lunch and/or a smaller portion of moms food (maybe add a veggie or salad to fill you up) a few times a week to keep you losing and keep the peace. Then you aren't rejecting her food, just helping by adding sides (and maybe only eating a very small portion of hers, maybe quietly scraping off the sauce/cheese/whatever from the chicken, etc).
--offer to cook with mom and do things like sauté veggies in broth not oil, etc without making a big thing of it. Or keep a portion of stuff aside before the sauce/cheese/breading is added.
--if things get hairy just sit down and be honest w mom. "Mom, I love your food so much it's hard for me to not eat a ton and I am really working hard to lose weight. I don't want to hurt your feelings--I love you and your cooking and I wish I could eat it all the time!"
Imma just +1 this and get it over with. All wonderful advice.0 -
justrollme wrote: »First of all, you are fantastic and you've made such great progress! Maybe have a heart-to-heart with your parents, I have a feeling they'll feel more proud of you than you realize, which can go a long way in being supportive. Eat what and how you want to eat, everyone around you will probably fall into place. And, if they don't, then you will learn how to manage despite that.
ETA: I had very similar concerns on my first visit home after making big changes, and ended up pleasantly surprised. (I know I'm lucky in this regard, and hope the same for you!)
Thank you! I hope you are right and that I get as good a response as you did. ^^0 -
gradchica27 wrote: »I went vegetarian in college, and that took some parental adjustment! Seriously, about two years until they accepted it. My brother and I both did our major weight loss while away in college or grad school and were in maintenance when at home, so it wasn't as big a thing.
Things to consider:
--Tell mom you would like to cook for the family a few nights a week. Tell her you cooking is part of a Christmas gift to help her by taking on some work while you are home. Consider doing some other chore too. This makes it not a rejection of her but just you wanting to help (don't even make it about your diet)
--don't preach about your healthy habits. If they want to know they will ask. Just quietly do your thing.
--decide if you can eat smaller bfast/lunch and/or a smaller portion of moms food (maybe add a veggie or salad to fill you up) a few times a week to keep you losing and keep the peace. Then you aren't rejecting her food, just helping by adding sides (and maybe only eating a very small portion of hers, maybe quietly scraping off the sauce/cheese/whatever from the chicken, etc).
--offer to cook with mom and do things like sauté veggies in broth not oil, etc without making a big thing of it. Or keep a portion of stuff aside before the sauce/cheese/breading is added.
--if things get hairy just sit down and be honest w mom. "Mom, I love your food so much it's hard for me to not eat a ton and I am really working hard to lose weight. I don't want to hurt your feelings--I love you and your cooking and I wish I could eat it all the time!"
Two years, ay? That'll be somewhat bearable for me if it comes to that. Thank you so much for the tips!! I'll definitely keep these ideas in mind.
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My thinking is just do. Tell them your plans and stick to it. If they get mad about it, they will get over it. That's what is great about growing up and making your own choices, your family will just have to adjust.
* Buy your own food, pre make meals so your mom doesn't feel like you're trying to cook on top of her (that is one thing that'd drive me nuts if someone wanted to make separate meals).
*Have one night out of the week you eat their food. If that is a trigger for you dont do it.
*bring your food scale along on holiday I always do and it helps me stay on track
*And have a good time on holiday. If they love you they will accept you and maybe they will want to make some smarter choices along the way!
Great tips. Thank you! ^_^0 -
How long was it before your family accepted/tolerated your new eating habits and lifestyle change?
My entire family eats junk food and fast food regularly, and though my mom generally makes healthy dishes, they are extremely calorie dense. I can totally see them accepting the fact that I don't eat any fast food and most junk food anymore, and that I am disciplined with an exercise schedule, but I just *know* that there'll be conflict over not eating whatever my mom cooks.
I am the cook, meal planner, grocery list maker in my household. Zero conflict with my family over food or exercise. I haven't changed the type of food we are eating much. If something is higher calorie I eat smaller portions and put more salad/vegetables on my plate.
I would say just talk to your mom honestly and calmly about what your calorie/health goal is and how you meet that goal. Appreciate her work and skill. Show her the calorie count of some recipes... she may have no idea that they are that high calorie and be happy to work with you to make some changes. Offer to cook for the family several days each week instead of demanding that she change how she cooks for the family. If she really doesn't want to change what she cooks or share cooking duty and you can't just reduce your portion size then let her know you will cheerfully make your own meals most days. It isn't a rejection of her- just what you need to do for you.
Does your family always eat the same exact same food?
My dd often has things she doesn't want to eat that I make and I have just always told her to make a sandwich or eat some cereal. That was the policy in my family when I was growing up.
If dd told me she wanted to be a vegetarian I wouldn't make her eat meat but the rest of us would still be eating it. If she came to me and discussed concerns over her diet politely I would listen. I want her to be healthy and happy. It doesn't have to be a big emotional conflict.
It's great to hear the view from the cook of a family. Thanks for the advice! Yes, my family does generally have the same meals and snacks with a few exceptions. That makes sense. Yes. I suppose you're right. With everyone's advice in mind, I'm going to make this as small as a conflict as possible.0 -
As soon as they started seeing results. My Mum has always pushed me to lose weight for my health, and as soon as she could physically see that it was helping me she was fine. It took a lot to stop her from cooking me tea for when I got home from work but she stopped seeing it as an insult.
Nice. Thanks for sharing. My mom was always the opposite, pushing for a fuller, slightly overweight figure. Haha.0 -
FrankieandSpots wrote: »Tell them your plan before you get there, try to eat her cooking once or twice a week (smaller portion plus veggies if necessary). Offer to cook for them once a week.
Sounds like you have some good suggestions, I hope you can stick to your diet making as few waves as possible!
Thanks! Your advice will be taken into consideration.0 -
As a Mom of a teen and two twenty-somethings, when my children offer to cook, I am over joyed. I am so happy to see my kids come home, if asked, I would try to adjust my cooking to what ever healthy thing they wanted. I would be overjoyed if two oldest kids asked for more vegetables, whole grains, less added sugar or a meatless meal.0
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As soon as they started seeing results. My Mum has always pushed me to lose weight for my health, and as soon as she could physically see that it was helping me she was fine. It took a lot to stop her from cooking me tea for when I got home from work but she stopped seeing it as an insult.
Nice. Thanks for sharing. My mom was always the opposite, pushing for a fuller, slightly overweight figure. Haha.
I hope it goes okay for you and that you have a good Christmas with your family. People place way too much sentimental value on food, but I think if you approach the topic gently (depending on how your Mum is) you should be alright. After all, she is your Mum
Keep us update on how it goes, best of luck0 -
As a mom to a college student I have to say I couldn't imagine having a problem if they were trying to eat healthier. In fact is offer to help by trying to incorporate some of their meal preferences a couple times a week (I'd do more if they were an only child but I have the food preferences of 6 kids to consider). Hopefully, you will be pleasantly surprised by their responses! I couldn't imagine not supporting my kids trying to be healthier! Shoot it's normally me trying to sneak in lower calorie healthier meals.0
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Parental approval is a tough thing to transition away from as you enter adulthood.
IMO- The question to answer is not how long it will take for them to accept your lifestyle. The question is how long until you accept the fact that you don't need anyone to tolerate / accept your choices.
Huge power in that transition.0 -
Honestly, family is one of the hardest parts of changing your habits. Before I started calorie counting I would just ask my Mom over and over to reduce my portion sizes (because frankly, they were ridiculous) but they'd always creep up. She'd forever be buying desserts because it was 'something nice' for us to have after dinner, but it was just extra calories which I just didn't need. A few years ago my Mom lost about 5st (about 70 lbs), but even still it didn't seem to translate to me. In her head, she's doing well and providing for her children so they can have something nice and not go hungry. The thing that's finally got her to change is the calorie counting, as now based on my calories I've got left I ask for certain weights of things, such as 200g of potatoes on a 'good' day, and 150g on a 'bad' day. I've even compromised on the dessert after dinner thing, by making sure I've got 100-200 cals left after dinner so I can have a yoghurt with my parents.
I guess what is best is trying to lower the calorie dense parts of the meal (for me it was potatoes and meat) but when it comes to vegetables I tell my Mom not to weigh them and just go crazy, that way she doesn't feel like I'm starving myself. You'll have a fight on your hands, but I find it's best to try and balance between sticking to your guns and compromising with your family 0
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