Restarting Again and feeling like a failure

chrissietiny

Hi, my name is Chrissie. I am a work at home mom to seven children. I work as a professional blogger about soaps and reality TV. As you can imagine, my writing keeps me tied to my desk most of the day as it requires about 10-11 hours of work per day six days a week.
I lost 120 pounds a few years ago. I know I can do it, but I have struggled with the motivation. I am struggling with migraines[ doctor is changing my maintenance med]. I had a complete hysterectomy in 2011. I am starting the process of weaning off hormone therapy- a six-month process.
Yesterday, I saw my doctor, and I have gained 60 of the 120 lost. I basically have to start over, and I feel so defeated. I am posting in hopes that the accountability will force me to finally do something about my weight loss and exercise routine.
I am open to making new friends or any suggestions that would help me through my journey

Merkavar

How can you be a failure if your starting over, failure would be giving up, not attempting to lose it again.

Timshel_

chrissietiny wrote: »

I lost 120 pounds a few years ago. I know I can do it...
I have gained 60 of the 120 lost. I basically have to start over, and I feel so defeated.

Bottom line here in my reading:

• You are still down around 60 pounds even with a lot going on in life.
• You Need to not look at being busy and such as an excuse, but find ways to make eating and exercise a priority again - one that fits in with your struggles. But it HAS TO happen.
• You are not defeat, just stepped back. Defeat would be quitting and not trying.

girlviernes

What worked for you before? Did you also experience stress and difficulties during that period of time when you were losing? What strengths and good decisions helped you to lose weight even with the challenges?

kathycan25

Hi Chrissie! I can't tell you how many times I have started over, but I have vowed that this will be the last time. I know how that it feels like you have failed but you are NOT a failure. Happy to be there for you for additional support. I found that finding a walking buddy has helped me tremendously. Helps keep me accountable. You can do this! Feel free to friend me

melonaulait

It doesn't matter how many times we try or fail. Remember, you may bump into future failures as well, but you can keep trying!

shadowfax_c11

"Fall down seven times, stand up eight."

What matters is that you have not given up. You are not a failure. You are just learning how to be a better version of yourself. You can hardly be expected to be an expert on the first try.

chrissietiny

I have completed p90x twice. I have done Chalean Extreme once, and complete Jillian body rev once. I also was a runner and ran several 3 K races. I was on track until my dream job came along. Not an excuse exactly, I just lack the self-discipline to plan my time.
The thing is I know what to do. I just feel overwhelmed by it all.

girlviernes

what is one thing you can do today that will help you feel like you've gotten started again?

kshama2001

I work from home. I don't have to take a lunch break at any particular time, or at all, so although I love to exercise sometimes I would blow it off. Logging on MFP helps with that - I don't like to go over my calories, and in order to get enough calories, I need to earn some from exercise. I shoot for taking lunch at noon, and usually make it by 1. That's for cardio, which I do every day that's not pouring down rain.

For strength training, I joined a gym with a membership that only allows me to go on Tuesdays, Thursday, and the weekend. That forced me into a routine because (except for Saturday) I can't blow off my workout day and say I'll go tomorrow.

Planning your time just takes some work to get into the habit - you can do it!

shadowfax_c11

You don't have to do it all. Whatever "it all: is to you. Start with one thing. When you are comfortable with that add another. Also you don't need that big a deficit to lose weight. Maybe you should start with a smaller goal or even just eating at maintenance before you start cutting calories. Get used to using the tools first and then work on eating less. It isn't a race. You don't have to get to a certain goal by a certain time. You just have to be heading in the right general direction.

LilynEdensmom

this is my fourth time starting over, last time i left off i was around 170, this time i started at239 ... dont feel bad, like you said you know you can do it

Kalikel

I'd suggest taking a good, hard look at what you did last time, because it didn't work long-term. Whatever had you gaining the weight back needs to be addressed this time around. While you're losing, you want to do whatever you're planning to do when you're done losing so that you don't gain the weight back. That might mean adding (or not doing) exercise or making dietary changes or whatever.

60 pounds isn't that much to lose. You'll probably be done by this time next year. Keeping it off, though - that's the trick.

Figure out where you went wrong and fix it.

But don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself or beating yourself up. It's pointless, unproductive...and kind of mean. If you wouldn't say it to someone else don't say it to yourself. No more "I'm a failure." Now say, "I'm not a failure because..." and fill in the blanks with successes and actions taken toward success. Sounds hokey, but it works and is a much better and more helpful plan than, "I hate myself, I'm such a failure, I'm so fat, I'm so disappointed in me," etc.

Stay positive.

And God bless you for being a mom to seven children!

amyepdx

What I like to think is this - If you were driving from LA to NY and you took a wrong turn & ended up in TX, you wouldn't go back to LA, you would keep going to NY on a different route! You might have to ask for directions, but you'll get there!!

amyepdx

PS if you are self employed as a blogger, you must have lots of self-discipline to get your work done and take care of 7 kids!

PeachyCarol

You've got a full plate! And I feel you on the migraines, I had to get mine straightened out before I could come out of my depression. I hadn't realized how much the pain of them was holding me back in so many ways.

I will echo what everyone else has said though, do stop trying to look at the big picture. The idea here is to incorporate things into your life as it is now.

It sounds like you know what changes you need to make, but the idea of making them all at once is overwhelming. Well, simply don't do that. It also sounds like some of what you did before isn't feasible since your time is being spent differently now.

Prioritize your goals, and focus on implementing one thing at a time. When each "thing" has become routine, implement the next. Achieving these mini goals will build confidence in you, and you'll feel less overwhelmed and much more positive about things.

Good luck.

frankiesgirlie

chrissietiny wrote: »

I have completed p90x twice. I have done Chalean Extreme once, and complete Jillian body rev once. I also was a runner and ran several 3 K races. I was on track until my dream job came along. Not an excuse exactly, I just lack the self-discipline to plan my time.
The thing is I know what to do. I just feel overwhelmed by it all.

Maybe because in your mind you're trying to climb Mount Everest right out of the gate. The fitness accomplishments you listed above are all fantastic, and are reason to be proud,but since youre just starting to get back into fitness with this new dream job, why don't you look into smaller steps until you can make room for larger steps.
I too work at home from my computer. I have built my business over several years and worked literally around the clock to make it work. Then one day I looked at my *kitten* and said WTF happened here??
I started with baby steps and went on YouTube looking for 2o minute workouts ( that's all the time I could conceive of giving up from my business). I found a 15 minute workout series that I did every day. From that I joined MFP. From that I figured out that the more exercise I could fit in, the more I could eat and still lose weight. Fast forward 4 months later, and I now exercise approx one hour 6-7 days a week on average. I've never felt better, and at 54 years old am close to being in the best shape of my life,and expect to get in even better shape.
But I got here doing baby steps.
And yes, my business is doing as well as ever. The windows of my house may need a good cleaning, and the laundry is never caught up, but my health and happiness is more important.
So is yours...

frankiesgirlie

frankiesgirlie wrote: »

chrissietiny wrote: »

I have completed p90x twice. I have done Chalean Extreme once, and complete Jillian body rev once. I also was a runner and ran several 3 K races. I was on track until my dream job came along. Not an excuse exactly, I just lack the self-discipline to plan my time.
The thing is I know what to do. I just feel overwhelmed by it all.

Maybe because in your mind you're trying to climb Mount Everest right out of the gate. The fitness accomplishments you listed above are all fantastic, and are reason to be proud,but since youre just starting to get back into fitness with this new dream job, why don't you look into smaller steps until you can make room for larger steps.
I too work at home from my computer. I have built my business over several years and worked literally around the clock to make it work. Then one day I looked at my *kitten* and said WTF happened here??
I started with baby steps and went on YouTube looking for 2o minute workouts ( that's all the time I could conceive of giving up from my business). I found a 15 minute workout series that I did every day. From that I joined MFP. From that I figured out that the more exercise I could fit in, the more I could eat and still lose weight. Fast forward 4 months later, and I now exercise approx one hour 6-7 days a week on average. I've never felt better, and at 54 years old am close to being in the best shape of my life,and expect to get in even better shape.
But I got here doing baby steps.
And yes, my business is doing as well as ever. The windows of my house may need a good cleaning, and the laundry is never caught up, but my health and happiness is more important.
So is yours...

Oops! Got censored! Should read...one day I looked at my hiney and said what the heck?LOL

Psychgrrl

Speaking of standing up ... Maybe a standing desk for sown of your work? I have a fancy one at the office and bought a cheap podium from Amazon for home. Standing makes me much more focused, for some reason than sitting and it's healthier for the body.

rustyquinn

I'm starting over again too. But I gained way more than I lost.

I can't remember this quote correctly but it goes something like this. "if you fall five times, get up six"

Linzon

Psychgrrl wrote: »

Speaking of standing up ... Maybe a standing desk for sown of your work? I have a fancy one at the office and bought a cheap podium from Amazon for home. Standing makes me much more focused, for some reason than sitting and it's healthier for the body.

To build on this, I have a makeshift desk set up on my treadmill. Instead of being bored out of my mind while getting some exercise I can get work done instead and an hour or two passes like nothing,

Liftng4Lis

Losing 60 pounds doesn't sound like a failure to me. WTG and welcome back!

Diana_GettingFit

You're here trying again. You're only a failure when you give up completely. Hopefully it will stick for you this time.

summerkissed

Omg you work 10-11 hrs 6 days a week and you have 7 kids???? Your not a failure your wonder woman!!!! Just concentrate on the easy stuff that doesn't require you to find time (nutrition) maybe start slow with the exercise I do a sworkit (it's an app) 7-10min cardio workout each day!! (And weights but just start slow) Start small and see what fits best!!!

wizzybeth

Do not be so hard on yourself. I once lost 40 lbs or so and not only gained them all back but added another 20 or 25 lbs on top of those 40! Please be kinder to yourself...you've got this. You are amazing....and you should see yourself as such.

Paulina1230

Man I can relate to migranes. I am 53 and have suffered with them since puberty. I was diagnosed last August with cirrhosis of the liver and since then I have been trying very hard to eat clean. No chemicals or preservatives and believe it or not I havent had a migrane since August. Well one, but I had eaten some Ham the night before and my doc thinks it was the nitrates that caused it. I have been buying grass fed, no antibiotics, no nitrates, local meat and I feel so much better. I even managed to find a free range, no antibiotics, vegetarian fed turkey for thanksgiving. Maybe if you cut out some of the chemicals and drugs that our foods are drowning in your migranes might just go away. Just a thought.

chrissietiny

Thank you, everyone, I really appreciate all the comments. I think my first order of business will be to remove diet coke from my diet and implement exercise back in. At least, I know the next step I must take. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

mylittlerainbow

Accountability will really help, as will your sincere desire - RESOLVE - to succeed. And just think, you stopped after gaining back only 60 of those 120 lbs. You didn't throw up your hands, give up entirely, and let them all flood back on you. That is a big step! Good luck to you.