It's so hard when you see the ED habits coming.

My_Butt

I've had an ED for 18 years now. I did good when I started this journey back in January. Then in July, I relapsed and went too far. It took some time to get over it (professional help), but now I can feel myself slipping again.

I'm fighting a war in my head telling me to skip eating so I focus only on the hunger and not on the other stuff in my life. Then the healthy part that desires recovery is screaming for me to simply eat.

When I have outside stresses I can't control, I go back to what I've known for the majority of my life. I don't want this, but I want to depend on it. I just want some people with sage advice.

starwhisperer6

The obvious answer and the one you will get the most on here is to make sure you have some professional help with this. If you know you have that tendency and you can feel it coming on that is a good place to be, and a counselor with experience in the field will have a lot more helpful information for you.

My_Butt

My counselor said I won't be able to get over these returning feelings if I don't release what caused them (I had a traumatic experience from 4-10 years old and have kept it a secret from my parents.) I use starving and self harm to mask internal pain because I can handle the physical pain better.

OyGeeBiv

I'm not a doctor, and don't pretend to be. But your doctor said you need to release what causes the feelings. So maybe the answer is to figure out how to do that. I'm pretty sure your doctor will know how to help you with that. You know this isn't about food or weight. It's about controlling something in your life to somehow counteract what you couldn't control when you were younger and bad things happened. Please ask your doctor to help you figure this out, so that you can learn to use your amazing capacity to control yourself in a more positive way.