fatalistic attitude in group settings; holiday parties

toe1226

I tend to get this fatalistic attitude at parties. My comfort zone is to eat at home, or maybe I'll go out with a friend. I am super social but something about being in crowds of people gives me this fatalistic attitude like "I might as well eat all the things!" I don't know if I feel like maybe I've lost accountability in the crowd? Or that it is tied with drinking? Even when I'm not drinking though, I'll start snacking HARD at these buffet style parties. I know I want to try everything, so then I figure if I'm already going big I might as well go really big!

Anyone have this experience or any tricks or tips for holiday parties? I have two next weekend!

melonaulait

If there's a huge array of snacks or a buffet at a party, I'm bound to over-eat too... I notice that I start eating too much right after my first bite.

Lucille4444

The last gathering I attended, I could only eat about half the foods because I'm doing low carb. I did sample those I could eat but only served myself a spoonful.
Take what appeals to you, in a small serving.

ninerbuff

Fatal would mean you're okay with eating enough to cause you to die? How about you just lack discipline and need to change your behavior?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

DKG28

i've fallen off the wagon since thanksgiving because there have been 3 or 4 such meals a week for me. There was nothing but a variety of pasta salads and jello salads, chicken salad drowning in mayo, and desserts at the last one - no green salad, no fruit salad that wasn't cool whip and jello, and no veggie tray. It's really tough to at least reign in the portion size and say, no, I actually can't have even one bite of each thing because there are 25 high-cal things. So hard. I'm about to give up until the new year. Socializing at these things are part of my job. Also losing willpower in this overworked time of year to funnel any energy to self control, which I'm usually very good at. Tonight's challenge: mystery outing including dinner. Don't know what that will be...hence the mystery of the trip.

vivmom2014

Focus on talking to people and not eating. Stay just a bit, and leave. Or don't even go!

Ask yourself if you're nervous at these events - is that why you "start snacking HARD"?

Stop handing the control of what you eat over to circumstances and the availability of food.

If you decide to snack a lot at the party, account for this in other ways by eating lightly the day of the event and banking calories for the party. Or go the other route and decide not to eat at all. Get a glass of sparkling water and make the rounds visiting with people.

toe1226

ninerbuff wrote: »

Fatal would mean you're okay with eating enough to cause you to die? How about you just lack discipline and need to change your behavior?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

A "Fatalistic attitude" has nothing to do with death- it is referring to determinism, or feeling like your fate is predetermined (even when that may not be true)

I believe in exploring structural issues that inform personal behaviors rather than telling someone they "lack discipline"- maybe think about their assets. I find it so upsetting that people post such denigrating pieces of advice on these forums, especially when they are professionals who are giving it to hundreds of people, without knowing their mental health status or histories.

Thanks to all of you who can empathize with this feeling, or have offered positive and constructive advice- I appreciate it.

sheermomentum

If you feel "fatalistic" it means that you feel fated to overeat. You've abdicated all responsibility for your behavior, which absolves you of all responsibility to control yourself. Remind yourself firmly that you, and you alone, are responsible for what you put in your mouth; there's nothing fatalistic about it.

lynn_glenmont

Make it a game or a challenge to yourself: look over everything before you eat anything, and challenge yourself to figure out what you can eat within or your goals, or what is really worth it to you for the caloric splurge that might wipe part of your daily deficit/all of your daily deficit/part of your weekly deficit.

I did this at a recent reception before an awards ceremony I was attending. Said no thank you to the cocktails offered at the door and cruised the appetizer table without taking anything-mostly cheese and crackers and mayo or sour cream based dips, with some raw veggies. I realized the cocktails actually were the thing that seemed most worth the calories to me (plus, absolutely no non-alcoholic beverages in sight, which seemed weird and pretty irresponsible to me), so I went back for a Bloody Mary, which was very tasty, ate the garnish, and kept going back to the raw veggie trays for more celery sticks to restock my garnish. I enjoyed myself, and only had to "pay" about 150 calories for the fun (which was good, since the lunch after the reception ran to nearly 1,000 calories).

mylittlerainbow

I personally have the opposite issue - as a "secret eater", I eat almost nothing out in public settings like that but scarf it all down at home. But one of my close friends has a "3 bite rule" - you take 3 bites of anything that you really want to try and that's all. That's usually enough to please your taste buds if not your brain! You can eat before you go to the party so you aren't starving. And you can nurse a diet soda or a club soda all evening long (or drink water if they have it).

ninerbuff

toe1226 wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

Fatal would mean you're okay with eating enough to cause you to die? How about you just lack discipline and need to change your behavior?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

A "Fatalistic attitude" has nothing to do with death- it is referring to determinism, or feeling like your fate is predetermined (even when that may not be true)

I believe in exploring structural issues that inform personal behaviors rather than telling someone they "lack discipline"- maybe think about their assets. I find it so upsetting that people post such denigrating pieces of advice on these forums, especially when they are professionals who are giving it to hundreds of people, without knowing their mental health status or histories.

Thanks to all of you who can empathize with this feeling, or have offered positive and constructive advice- I appreciate it.

Sorry, but I'm not a seer or mind reader. Based on your OP, it didn't sound as if you had a mental health issue. If that's the case, then maybe consulting a therapist to help you identify your issue is a better bet rather than coming on the boards and getting some "tough love".
Trust when I say, your story isn't new. It's a story I've heard from women and men, overweight or not, with or without health issues. Whatever you want to believe, you either change your behavior or don't. You can learn discipline or not.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Lucille4444

Toe, you are not alone. Many of us struggle also. But losing weight IS all about discipline, about eating at a deficit.
"I'll start my diet after New Year's" is one of the biggest baddest lies you can tell yourself. You are giving yourself permission to overeat.
Ninerbuff was right, if you are not here just to whine, you DO need to change your behavior. The world won't end if you just skip all the parties this year. Those who are your friends will remain your friends, those who are not, why would you care what they think?
OR
Your can eat before the party
OR if it is a friend's party you know well, bring a big salad for the host/hostess to set out, and serve yourself from that.
People here, they WANT you to succeed.

zdyb23456

I do the same thing at parties/events. When I'm successful at exerting self-control I try to hold off as long as possible going through the buffet line. I get food for my kids, then go back at the end of the line. By then a lot of the times the good stuff is gone, which helps a lot also I try to evaluate whether the item is truly worth the calories. A sad looking dip with run of the mill chips or crackers - nah. But a delicious looking homemade spinach artichoke dip, sure. I skip the crackers and use celery and carrots.

I find lately though it's been hard to have self-control. Thankfully, this year it seems the number of parties/events are fewer. I also do as another person posted and try to eat less earlier in the day.

rosebarnalice

At a thanksgiving eve gathering, I employed several strategies:
* I made sure to get a good walk in earlier in the day and didn't eat much earlier so I had plenty of calories for the party
* I deliberately wore something fairly tight in the waist so too much food would be uncomfortable
* my contribution to the buffet was something super healthy but festive so I knew there would be at least one thing there I could feel good about
* I loaded up on crudités
* aside from the crudités, I decided to pick up only those things that were really unique or special and tried to take only reasonable portions
* I waited at least one hour between trips to the buffet
* I brought--and drank--my own 12 pack of sparkling water (no alcohol calories, but had a drink nearby all evening)
* I took a picture of everything on my plate ( 3 plates, actually . . .) to make it easier to log later.

I had some amazing treats, spent 7 hours with friends, and went home only about 400 over my calorie goal for the day.

ninerbuff

What many need to realize is that ONE day occasionally isn't going to make a huge difference. The problem is SEVERAL days of over consumption will. And during the holiday season, many people use it as an excuse to over indulge.
Now I get it may not be something that one may not get to eat often, but there are still ways to not gorge and not over consume daily. One just has to have a plan for it and STICK TO IT.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

zdyb23456

rosebarnalice wrote: »

At a thanksgiving eve gathering, I employed several strategies:
* I made sure to get a good walk in earlier in the day and didn't eat much earlier so I had plenty of calories for the party
* I deliberately wore something fairly tight in the waist so too much food would be uncomfortable
* my contribution to the buffet was something super healthy but festive so I knew there would be at least one thing there I could feel good about
* I loaded up on crudités
* aside from the crudités, I decided to pick up only those things that were really unique or special and tried to take only reasonable portions
* I waited at least one hour between trips to the buffet
* I brought--and drank--my own 12 pack of sparkling water (no alcohol calories, but had a drink nearby all evening)
* I took a picture of everything on my plate ( 3 plates, actually . . .) to make it easier to log later.

I had some amazing treats, spent 7 hours with friends, and went home only about 400 over my calorie goal for the day.

I like the idea of discreetly taking a picture of everything I eat. For easier logging and I think it would make me more aware of my choices. I'm going to try it next time

ak415

Going to a holiday party tonight and I am enjoying all the experiences and advice in this thread.

tomatoey

Yeah, it's tied with drinking. That and the fact that the snacks are probably all fatty carby things and taste different enough from each other than you don't get as satiated as you would just eating one of them, or more protein-packed stuff. (Someone might remember what that's called in the studies, but basically if you eat one or two foods, you're more likely to feel full, more quickly, than if you eat a little bit of a lot of different things.)

If you have a lot of events coming, stick to protein wherever possible, maybe have a soup or something before you go to fill the tank halfway, have a little bit of the treats but not too much, and go with spirits (lower cal) over beer.

Unless you've only got 1-3 parties. In that case, just have whatever and chalk it up to the holidays, try to get a walk in most days, and be consistent the rest of the time.

As far as the "in for a penny, in for a pound" way of thinking - maybe, yeah, just go for it, if it's just a couple of parties, like I said. Otherwise, there are those things you can do to monitor intake and make it a little easier.

riceflourde

Eat right before you go!

toe1226

Thanks guys! And let me be clear- I so believe in discipline and self control - and I know the fatalistic attitude is not helpful- that's why I posted! Just looking for tips- specific ones, not being told I lack discipline- which I already feel bad about! Love the picture of your plate idea!

jaga13

I know which events are going to be high calorie ahead of time based on history: the friend's party will probably have pizza and no veggies. Meeting friends at a restaurant will mean higher calorie meals and alcohol. I know this and i budget it. That often means on a Saturday I'll wait and have a really late but light breakfast then a small mid afternoon snack, in addition to a workout. This usually allows me the large calorie budget I'll want that night. It doesn't always work out that way but most times it does. Good luck

brownels

I totally empathize with the OP. For me, underneath it all is a bit of social anxiety at these larger gatherings. So personally I think I (over) eat to a) do something with my hands and body that alleviates the stress of just 'being' in a social setting (i am an introvert but no one would ever know it) and b) on some level i think i still conceptualize these 'special occasions' as unusual--and they aren't, actually. Bc i think they are 'unusual' on some level i give myself a vacation from my usual vigilance. Anyway, i can relate to your post. Everyone (well almost everyone!) has offered some great strategies!!

watchhillgirl

Our work holiday party is next weekend. They rent out the convention center, lots of food, drink, a couple of bands, games.....the works...so I know I am going to eat and drink a bit more than usual....so....I am going to go swim 1 mile, then hit the gym after that, run and work out too. I will eat at a deficet this week. I just need to fit it in. I am not going to miss this party...I will have fun! It will be tough but will be worth it too.

arditarose

Yeah. I do that. No control. I'm okay if we all go out to dinner and order, but if there are treats out pot luck style I can snack HARD. I've pretty much just comes to terms with that now. I'll try to eat light before I go, plan on a little cardio the day after (rarely actually do it). Sometimes if I know in advance, I'll bank some calories during the week for the event.

rosebarnalice

I actually spent a whole month taking pictures of everything I ate (check out Sept and Oct 2015 on my blog for every picture) and found that it both raised my awareness of what I ate, but also made logging easier after eating out--so I've continued to take pictures when I eat out.

And while I was a bit embarrassed at first of taking food pics in public, to my surprise, "food porn" pictures are so commonplace on social media now that hardly anyone even really pays attention when they see someone taking a picture of food at a party or a restaurant.

azulvioleta6

If you have this tendency, staying AWAY from alcohol is probably the best approach. It really isn't going to help your self control.