Losing weight whilst laughing and taking the piss!

Hi..been on a while...but I need to cull some of the dull fanatics! So am calling for replacements! So..if you want to lose weight/ need motivation/ sometimes a shoulder to cry on..go find someone else...just kidding..im all that with funny and swearing included! Feel free to add...but false advertising will be punished by force feeding of copious amounts of lard!