Getting started, looking for support

chiling18

I apologize if this is long winded, but this year has been a very long journey and its how I got to this point.

In 2012, I was 120lbs and while I was a little flabby, no one would have mistaken me for chubby. Even though they were a little snug, I could still wear my old jeans from yesteryear.

Then on December 26th, my mother was diagnosed with an advanced, aggressive cancer. From then on, my schedule was working my 9 hr shift and going straight to the hospital afterward to see my mom until it was time for bed. For months my dad and I were eating nothing but fast food, the occasional meal from the hospital cafeteria or skipping meals entirely.

Then in April, we got to bring her home. I took three months off from work to stay home with her an be 'Head Nurse'. Due to side effects from her chemo and surgeries, she had several ..complications. First her weight started to drop at an alarming rate, so I was cooking her lots of high calorie meals, several times a day, trying to keep the pounds on her (and picked up some myself.) Then she had to have a fairly specific and restricted diet, with small meals several times a day. When my three months were up, my father took leave from work and I passed the torch to him, and returned to my old job.

Several of my coworkers noticed that I had put on some weight in my time off. I had noticed too, but we were in crisis mode at home and my weight did not take priority at the time.
My mother often said it was the stress that was putting the pounds on me.

While there were ups and downs, we found a balance at home and things were mostly positive. Dad eventually had to go back to work, and I stepped down from my full-time position to a part-time, to give me more time at home with mom...and to take some stress off my shoulders. The full-time position I had was very draining, both physically and mentally. I would walk an average of 6 miles per day. In my part-time position, I do very little walking at all. Life was good, moms health was improved, her cancer seemed to be under control and we were finally getting back to something close to normal.

Then in June, we had complications, and after several ER visits and tests, we got the news that the tumor had grown exponentially in a matter of a few weeks, causing irrepairable damage to several organs. There was nothing that could be done, and we had only weeks left together.

My mother passed on July 22nd.

We're still grieving, though the wound is not as raw as it was. And now we're trying to get things back in order. Dad has retired now, and is focused on fixing up the house.
I'm trying to find my center again, and trying to recuperate mentally from everything.

I feel like part of that needs to be taking care of myself again.

I need to be a priority for myself, for the first time in a long while. I've lost all my muscle, and currently my weight is at 145. For the first time in my life, I've had to go buy clothes because none of my older things fits anymore. I have a harder time doing things I enjoy because I can barely lift anything over 20lbs.

We've cut back on the fast food significantly, only getting "junky" food once or twice a week. I try to take dad out to a sit-down dinner one a week or so, since he doesn't eat much around the house.
We're trying to get in the habit of cooking dinners, having 'real' meals again, but its been difficult. We can't eat any of the old recipes that my mom would cook, so now we have to find new ones to fix.
I've cut back on snacking, too. It's not making any noticeable impact on my weight so far. I worry that there is an emotional or stress factor that need might need to be addressed too.

I'd like to start going to the gym 3x a week, but I'm a little lost of what to do, where to start, how to even begin. I guess doing anything is better than nothing, though.

Thanks for sticking with me through this story, and please help me along this next step in my life. I'd love some help and support, and to make some fitness friends here

zoeysasha37

Oh honey I'm so sorry . this story made me cry reading it. I'm really sorry . my condolences . I'm sure this is a terrible time for you and your dad.
As far as the weight loss goes, it really comes down to calories. Get yourself a food scale and start learning about weighing all your foods and logging them accurately. Remember that weight loss happens because of a calorie deficit. So eat less and move more. This app has all the tools needed to get started ! Just pick up a food scale. Remember everything must be weighed or measured. I use a food scale for food and a measuring cup for liquid personally. All foods must be accounted for. Things like condiments, gravy ,oil, butter must be counted also. Those things add up. For weight loss - calorie deficit. For overall health - well balanced diet ( a well balanced diet can include treats like ice cream and fast foods. You just gotta learn portion control and how to fit it in . I lost all my weight while still enjoying the foods I love in moderation)
For your gym routine , take it slow. Find something you like to do and do it. Find a well balanced routine . I personally would include strength training. There's many programs that can walk you through step by step. Google nrolfw .
Best of luck to you !