What do you think is the point of comments like this?
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Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old. Or it's not available in my country, boo.0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old.
No thanks, don't care to read the link.
I don't see in this thread where any women are putting themselves down.
That said, You can't change other people's behavior, you can only choose how you will react and then choose whether to interact with them in the future (or not).
Unless we are totally closed off from the outside world, we will interact and sometimes people we (meaning if you're a normal person) say really dumb things. People aren't perfect. To me, the situation described by the OP sounds like one of those non-perfect moments where someone said something kind of dumb.
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Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old.
No thanks, don't care to read the link.
I don't see in this thread where any women are putting themselves down.
That said, You can't change other people's behavior, you can only choose how you will react and then choose whether to interact with them in the future (or not).
Unless we are totally closed off from the outside world, we will interact and sometimes people we (meaning if you're a normal person) say really dumb things. People aren't perfect. To me, the situation described by the OP sounds like one of those non-perfect moments where someone said something kind of dumb.
Oh, ok, not interested, up to you.
Yeah, she said something dumb.
You can - I guess? - choose to *not* interact with your coworker, which would be strange, or you can ignore it and let them continue (which is what I usually do), or you can call their attention to their unthinking self-hatred and let them know it's not necessarily a suitable topic for public discussion, or particularly interesting (which is what I'd love to do).0 -
Because our culture thinks it's fine to skinny shame...it's all based in jealousy.0
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It's hard to tell without knowing the tone of voice. Like some people said: There are people who can't stand to say nothing.
Then there's also the possibility that they meant it in a flattering way. Or in a shaming way. Wow, 'how dare you have less weight than me!' or something.
Just forget about it. If they have a problem with you, they should tell you outright. A lot of times people who make snide comments only do it for your reaction. Usually this kind of people stop if they can't get anything out of you.0 -
I love my rain pants,,,, who cares what anyone thinks,,, do what you want....0
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jennifer_417 wrote: »Because our culture thinks it's fine to skinny shame...it's all based in jealousy.
How on earth is OP being shamed in this example?0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old.
No thanks, don't care to read the link.
I don't see in this thread where any women are putting themselves down.
That said, You can't change other people's behavior, you can only choose how you will react and then choose whether to interact with them in the future (or not).
Unless we are totally closed off from the outside world, we will interact and sometimes people we (meaning if you're a normal person) say really dumb things. People aren't perfect. To me, the situation described by the OP sounds like one of those non-perfect moments where someone said something kind of dumb.
Oh, ok, not interested, up to you.
Yeah, she said something dumb.
You can - I guess? - choose to *not* interact with your coworker, which would be strange, or you can ignore it and let them continue (which is what I usually do), or you can call their attention to their unthinking self-hatred and let them know it's not necessarily a suitable topic for public discussion, or particularly interesting (which is what I'd love to do).
I don't disagree that it's not okay to say things about other people's bodies, and calling someone one it might be the best course of action in some situations, but you're taking the OP's situation and projecting that the other person had self hatred. One silly comment by a person does not mean they hate themselves.
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jennifer_417 wrote: »Because our culture thinks it's fine to skinny shame...it's all based in jealousy.
Wow. That's what you got from the original posting?
The OP never said she is skinny, just small.
A simple comment about someone being small does not equal skinny shaming, but it could point to some jealousy.0 -
The comments eventually stop. That has at least been my experience. Now they just kick each other under the table at the crap load of food I eat when we go out. lol0
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Why do we,(you, me or anyone else), care what some random statement from some random person (random or not) says about or to us? We do what we do because we want to do it. Everyone does what they want to do because they want to do it. You're the shape you are in because you want to be there. The speaker is in the shape they want to be in. (If they wanted to be in a different shape they would do what is necessary to get there. If they don't do what is necessary, they don't want that shape enough.)
We all get the body we want enough to do something about. What ANYONE says about or to you really makes no difference. Why pay attention, or even acknowledge the remark?0 -
The comments eventually stop. That has at least been my experience. Now they just kick each other under the table at the crap load of food I eat when we go out. lol
You are so right, they do. I've been maintaining for a year and the comments have tapered off big time. I've never gotten offended when someone says I'm small, though, under any situation. I really don't open myself up to conversation about my weight anyway. Even now if someone close hasn't seen me in awhile and says that I'm really small and asks if I've lost weight, I just say, "Nope. I've been maintaining for two years," and tell them I weight lift so I've lost some inches. Then, we either talk about exercise and weight lifting in general, or go on to something else.0 -
Why do we,(you, me or anyone else), care what some random statement from some random person (random or not) says about or to us? We do what we do because we want to do it. Everyone does what they want to do because they want to do it. You're the shape you are in because you want to be there. The speaker is in the shape they want to be in. (If they wanted to be in a different shape they would do what is necessary to get there. If they don't do what is necessary, they don't want that shape enough.)
We all get the body we want enough to do something about. What ANYONE says about or to you really makes no difference. Why pay attention, or even acknowledge the remark?
We aren't just stand alone figures in the world. We reflect off of each other. It's hard to admit it, but we all do care what people think about us in some context, whether it is the world at large or just a significant other. And an offhand comment from a stranger can be hurtful.0 -
Why do we,(you, me or anyone else), care what some random statement from some random person (random or not) says about or to us? We do what we do because we want to do it. Everyone does what they want to do because they want to do it. You're the shape you are in because you want to be there. The speaker is in the shape they want to be in. (If they wanted to be in a different shape they would do what is necessary to get there. If they don't do what is necessary, they don't want that shape enough.)
We all get the body we want enough to do something about. What ANYONE says about or to you really makes no difference. Why pay attention, or even acknowledge the remark?
We aren't just stand alone figures in the world. We reflect off of each other. It's hard to admit it, but we all do care what people think about us in some context, whether it is the world at large or just a significant other. And an offhand comment from a stranger can be hurtful.
I agree, and find this is true whether it be any body comment whether we're fat, skinny, or somewhere in between.0 -
Why do we,(you, me or anyone else), care what some random statement from some random person (random or not) says about or to us? We do what we do because we want to do it. Everyone does what they want to do because they want to do it. You're the shape you are in because you want to be there. The speaker is in the shape they want to be in. (If they wanted to be in a different shape they would do what is necessary to get there. If they don't do what is necessary, they don't want that shape enough.)
We all get the body we want enough to do something about. What ANYONE says about or to you really makes no difference. Why pay attention, or even acknowledge the remark?
We aren't just stand alone figures in the world. We reflect off of each other. It's hard to admit it, but we all do care what people think about us in some context, whether it is the world at large or just a significant other. And an offhand comment from a stranger can be hurtful.
I agree, and find this is true whether it be any body comment whether we're fat, skinny, or somewhere in between.
Sorry for you. My belief that what I do is best for me (or, at worst, is what I want to do or be) far outweighs what ANYONE else could possibly say. How horrible it must be to be constantly buffetted by random comments, outrageous remarks, hurtful barbs and insults (intended or not) by people you don't know, or barely know, on a daily basis.
If those closest to you are among those cited above, why are they closest to you?
I'll live my own life, consider all information available, make MY choices, and not be bothered by the "opinions" of others. Maybe this is why I'm happy. An offhand comment by a stranger can only be hurtful if you allow it to be. (Perhaps because you know it to be true? In which case, do something about it.)
What the Hay, live the life you want.0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »Because our culture thinks it's fine to skinny shame...it's all based in jealousy.
How on earth is OP being shamed in this example?jennifer_417 wrote: »Because our culture thinks it's fine to skinny shame...it's all based in jealousy.
Wow. That's what you got from the original posting?
The OP never said she is skinny, just small.
A simple comment about someone being small does not equal skinny shaming, but it could point to some jealousy.
Eh, fair enough. Skinny shaming was something that I had already been thinking about, so probably colored my reading of the OP. My bad.0 -
distinctlybeautiful wrote: »Thanks, y'all. I'm not worried about it. I just think a lot and got curious about it.0
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Why do we,(you, me or anyone else), care what some random statement from some random person (random or not) says about or to us? We do what we do because we want to do it. Everyone does what they want to do because they want to do it. You're the shape you are in because you want to be there. The speaker is in the shape they want to be in. (If they wanted to be in a different shape they would do what is necessary to get there. If they don't do what is necessary, they don't want that shape enough.)
We all get the body we want enough to do something about. What ANYONE says about or to you really makes no difference. Why pay attention, or even acknowledge the remark?
We aren't just stand alone figures in the world. We reflect off of each other. It's hard to admit it, but we all do care what people think about us in some context, whether it is the world at large or just a significant other. And an offhand comment from a stranger can be hurtful.
I agree, and find this is true whether it be any body comment whether we're fat, skinny, or somewhere in between.
Sorry for you. My belief that what I do is best for me (or, at worst, is what I want to do or be) far outweighs what ANYONE else could possibly say. How horrible it must be to be constantly buffetted by random comments, outrageous remarks, hurtful barbs and insults (intended or not) by people you don't know, or barely know, on a daily basis.
If those closest to you are among those cited above, why are they closest to you?
I'll live my own life, consider all information available, make MY choices, and not be bothered by the "opinions" of others. Maybe this is why I'm happy. An offhand comment by a stranger can only be hurtful if you allow it to be. (Perhaps because you know it to be true? In which case, do something about it.)
What the Hay, live the life you want.
Well, that's probably not true. While you might think that you're just 'above it all', you really aren't. It might not be in the same context as everyone else (as in, relative to your physical attributes), but there are certainly aspects of yourself and your life that are reflected off of others' points of view. It might be your house, or your car. It might be your clothes. It might be your political views. It might be your religion. It might even be that cute dog in your avatar. But I guarantee that there is something in your life that is reflective of others' points of view.0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old.
No thanks, don't care to read the link.
I don't see in this thread where any women are putting themselves down.
That said, You can't change other people's behavior, you can only choose how you will react and then choose whether to interact with them in the future (or not).
Unless we are totally closed off from the outside world, we will interact and sometimes people we (meaning if you're a normal person) say really dumb things. People aren't perfect. To me, the situation described by the OP sounds like one of those non-perfect moments where someone said something kind of dumb.
Oh, ok, not interested, up to you.
Yeah, she said something dumb.
You can - I guess? - choose to *not* interact with your coworker, which would be strange, or you can ignore it and let them continue (which is what I usually do), or you can call their attention to their unthinking self-hatred and let them know it's not necessarily a suitable topic for public discussion, or particularly interesting (which is what I'd love to do).
I don't disagree that it's not okay to say things about other people's bodies, and calling someone one it might be the best course of action in some situations, but you're taking the OP's situation and projecting that the other person had self hatred. One silly comment by a person does not mean they hate themselves.
It's either that or skinny shaming, take your pick, and skinny shaming has also got to come from something in that ballpark. There's no other way to make sense of that comment. I trust OP more or less correctly read the tone and nonverbals, since she was there.
Have you never heard this kind of thing from anyone? Here it's basically, "Must be nice, to be able to get pants that fit from a lost and found box [implicit: that would never happen to me, because I'm so big]". It's passive aggressive, it's externalizing that crappy self-talk to others and making it their problem. It's not like it's uncommon.
Honestly what other meaning is there? "People just say completely random words for no reason at all?" Not unless they've got something unusual wrong with them.0
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