Is America Irrationally afraid of eating disorders? Struggles for petite dieting women

Janneson

It's something I've been thinking about a LOT for the past year or so. And it's been really bothering me. I live in Texas and I've found that the more I opened up about my attempts to lose weight the more individuals fought me and tried to talk me out of it. Despite the fact that my doctor even said that I was clinically overweight. I was at the bottom of the overweight spectrum but I still wanted to stop it before it got out of control having severally obese parents and all I did not want to repeat their mistakes as they both are suffering the consequences now.

Another issue is that I am extremely petite. I am 5 feet tall so I DO have to eat significantly less then what some folks would feel comfortable with just to lose weight successfully. However despite the fact that I eat three meals a day and always make an effort to eat nutritionally packed meals and drink plenty of water my friends and family continued to fight me on it to the point that I realized I just had to stop sharing anything about my diet with them. Even more upsetting is that I feel like I can't even be open with my husband about it as much as I'd like to. I still try to keep an open dialogue with him about it but it's hard sometimes. I feel hesitant but I feel really strongly about this. It's important to me.

At some point I took a step back and asked myself. If this many people are against my dieting maybe I do have an eating disorder? I examined myself and I examined the people protesting. Honestly all the people who were upset about it were also overweight but it seemed they felt the best answer was the live with their weight problem instead of fixing it. It feels as if they either feel they can't do it or the safest move was to make no move. I examined myself again.

I even asked my doctor at my next check up. But she didn't seem to feel it was a concern. She said I was still in the healthy range and seemed to have a practical outlook on dieting. However she approved me to eat less than 1200 while taking vitamins during my previous visit because I wasn't losing weight on the minimum preference, which I think is part of everyone's issue with my dieting. They think I'm going into "starvation mode" which I think is the most obnoxious internet dieting word I've ever started to hate. My doctor said that the 1200 calorie rule wasn't necessarily to do with energy but to assure enough nutrition was getting into my body thus the vitamins.

I tried for a total of 2 years to follow the dieting "rules" unsuccessfully. I exercised and I ate 1200 or more. I was advised by uninformed internet dieters that I wasn't losing weight because I wasn't eating enough so I went to 1300... and then 1400... and then 1600... and I just kept gaining. I even tried the south beach diet, The military diet, Vegetarianism and Veganism... all failed miserably. I feel that petite women are not considered when this "minimum" caloric rule was set.

1200 is not the absolute but the SAFE caloric minimum. Nutritionists and weight loss websites and books would rather have you eat too much then too little.

At the end of the day I feel that there is a general fear to diet. People are not only irrationally afraid of eating disorders but they're also afraid to take a chance. To make a change to their lives. When they see people take those chances they see what they could not accomplish. I am finally at a BMI of 23 and I couldn't be happier. I still haven't reached my goal weight yet. But I will get there soon. I am half way there. I think I will be happy once I reach a BMI of 21 because it is right in the middle where I feel I should be!

Also if you are petite like me and you're struggling to lose weight I suggest you visit a doctor or nutritionist because most of the advice online and in books isn't really designed for us.

MelaniaTrump

I did not find that my size makes any difference. MFP took into account my height and told me my calories and I was successful.
Heavier friends may not want you skinny because it makes them look bad? So they tell you not to diet? Or they are just really sweet friends.

Janneson

Janet, I'm glad you were successful with your dieting. I understand that 1 size does not fit all. 1200 for one 5 ft individual may be successful for them while for another it may not be. But it was my personal experience that sadly it was not. I struggled with it for 2 years and finally came to terms with the fact that it just wasn't working for me. It is also why I encourage others to keep an open dialogue with their doctors about it and to not just make a decision about a post on the internet. As the internet was not helping me. Why would it be any different for others? But I wanted to share this struggle because it is not one that I see or read about often. I don't want others to feel alone in the battle.

macgurlnet

The 1200 is put in place because it's difficult to get proper nutrition with low amounts of calories. Since MFP doesn't provide any nutrition advice (and they shouldn't, since each person's needs are different), the 1200 window is set.

Yes, it's true that us shorter ladies have to make adjustments (I'm 5' tall and 115 lbs). We're below those averages that are ever-so-popular. If your doctor gives you the OK to go lower, and you're getting the nourishment you need, then you're good. But that may not be the case for everyone, hence the 1200 minimum.

MFP worked fine for me. My calories to lose are 1270 + exercise. I'll lose about 1/2 lb a week with those numbers, and I'm ok with that.

I maintain on around 1400 calories before exercise. In the warmer months, I can get to 1900+ calories because I'm much more active. Winter is tougher, and more like 1500-1600, since all I really do is walk.

Usually if people are giving you crap for losing weight, they're upset about how your changing your life and how they feel it's affecting theirs. Are your friends and family overweight? There's a good chance they're upset because you changing your eating habits is making them feel bad about their own choices.

They need to grow up and get over it. And I would recommend not mentioning what you're doing unless they ask.

~Lyssa

theamazingcassiebunny

I'm 5'2", so I feel your pain. We shorties just can't eat as much as taller women. Even at maintenance I only get 1600 calories pre-exercise. My solution is just not to talk about how I eat with most people, because they don't understand. It's not an ideal solution, but it saves me hassle.

Pawsforme

I'm shorter than you (4'10"), very likely considerably older than you, and hypothyroid. I lose weight just fine on 1200 calories a day as long as my thyroid is well medicated.

I do think some overweight and obese people don't like their friends or family to go on diets. It puts pressure on them to do the same.

riceflourde

I've had doctors tell me that 1200 may be too much for me to eat 800.

Remember the first rule with anything related to health is CYA. I think you hit the nail on the head in your title!

cafeaulait7

How fast were you talking about losing weight? If that many people you know worry about you that way, there may be a little bit to it, imho.

But I certainly agree with you that 1200 is different for really petite folks and many older folks. Generally they aren't supposed to try for a pound a week and have to go for a max of a half pound if the deficit would put them very low.

nordlead2005

Most people who think they can't lose unless they eat less than 1200 calories are either improperly logging or being impatient.

A sedentary 5'0" 100lb 31yo female should have a TDEE around 1300 calories, and would therefore lose at 1200.

But, that doesn't mean a 5'0" or less person shouldn't eat 1000 calories/day so they can lose at a decent rate, but it isn't the only solution. Increasing activity and patience may be the better solution.

LaurenAOK

I believe in the general rule not to eat less than your BMR. For most people that is going to be over 1200. For a 5 foot, 120 pound, 25 year old female, BMR is around 1340. Which means that amount should be sufficient to lose weight assuming any kind of exercise or daily activity is involved. I don't know how much you weigh, but it's unlikely your BMR is under 1200.

If you are eating 1200, exercising, and not losing weight, something is up. Most commonly, you're eating more than you think. Less commonly, it's a medical issue, but I know you mentioned you've already seen doctors so hopefully that has been ruled out.

To answer your title... I do think people are a little quick to jump to the ED assumption. I admit that I can be a bit touchy about it. I have friends who have gone through it and I have seen it up close, and I want to do ANYTHING I can to discourage someone from going down that road. Since the fact is that most people do NOT need to eat less than 1200 to lose weight (see above), yeah, I'm going to discourage people from doing so. Why head down a potentially dangerous diet path when there is a healthier way? Why eat 1000 calories a day and be terrified of eating "junk" food when you could eat 1300 of whatever foods you want and still find success? Fear of calories, and fear of certain foods, is a slippery slope.

BTW, I'm not saying this applies to you or that you are unhealthy. I do not know you or your past diet attempts. But I do know that I see multiple posts on MFP every single day from people who are terrified to eat "unclean" foods or beating themselves up because they fell off the wagon and ate 2000 calories one day. And that is concerning to see. I really do think that diet culture can be dangerous.

middlehaitch

The key for anyone wanting to go below 1200 is to do what you did and do it with the guidance of your doctor.

It is true that us Petites can find it difficult to lose, based on our starting and goal weights, but it is not impossible for most, just slower.
(Undiagnosed/medicated illnesses aside)

rosebette

I'm older (57) and also petite, 5'1.5". I wear a fitbit Charge HR that measures how many calories I burn throughout the day, and if I'm inactive, I am actually using less than 1200 calories a day. So, smaller people do need fewer calories. If I ate under 1200 on those days, I wouldn't be "starving" myself, I'd be eating at maintenance. I'm maintaining now around 1400 (with exercise). I understand a bit where you're coming from because I'm starting to get s*** from my husband and son who are overweight about portion sizes. They claim no one can survive on what I eat. I measure all my food, and for them, a bowl of cereal is to the top of the bowl, and a meal is eating everything I've made so there are no leftovers, no matter how much is actually left in the casserole dish.

BurnWithBarn2015

rosebette wrote: »

I'm older (57) and also petite, 5'1.5". I wear a fitbit Charge HR that measures how many calories I burn throughout the day, and if I'm inactive, I am actually using less than 1200 calories a day. So, smaller people do need fewer calories. If I ate under 1200 on those days, I wouldn't be "starving" myself, I'd be eating at maintenance. I'm maintaining now around 1400 (with exercise). I understand a bit where you're coming from because I'm starting to get s*** from my husband and son who are overweight about portion sizes. They claim no one can survive on what I eat. I measure all my food, and for them, a bowl of cereal is to the top of the bowl, and a meal is eating everything I've made so there are no leftovers, no matter how much is actually left in the casserole dish.

But you are not weighing all your food either so those numbers are way off too. If i see a large banana a cup of this or that..than your numbers arent right.
And yes measuring makes a huge difference with weighing!

Alassonde

Some of my family members have brought up the eating disorder thing with me.....I think it's a combination of things. Growing up, I was always very underweight. When I first reached my full height of 5' 4", I only weighed 85 pounds. This was not on purpose, just the way I was. Over the years and kids I gradually gained weight, but I think they all still see me as the super skinny one. While my highest weight was 136, I had no muscle and was "skinny fat". I found out very quickly to keep my mouth shut about trying to lose weight as I started getting comments immediately about eating disorders. I think part of it is them seeing me as the way I used to be still, and part of it is because the people telling me this don't know anything about what normal portion sizes are and so don't realize that I'm not actually starving myself.

rosebette

BurnWithBarn2015 wrote: »

rosebette wrote: »

I'm older (57) and also petite, 5'1.5". I wear a fitbit Charge HR that measures how many calories I burn throughout the day, and if I'm inactive, I am actually using less than 1200 calories a day. So, smaller people do need fewer calories. If I ate under 1200 on those days, I wouldn't be "starving" myself, I'd be eating at maintenance. I'm maintaining now around 1400 (with exercise). I understand a bit where you're coming from because I'm starting to get s*** from my husband and son who are overweight about portion sizes. They claim no one can survive on what I eat. I measure all my food, and for them, a bowl of cereal is to the top of the bowl, and a meal is eating everything I've made so there are no leftovers, no matter how much is actually left in the casserole dish.

But you are not weighing all your food either so those numbers are way off too. If i see a large banana a cup of this or that..than your numbers arent right.
And yes measuring makes a huge difference with weighing!

I do weigh some foods, some I measure. I don't know what your point is. There is a difference between pouring cereal into a measuring cup and putting it into a bowl, and just filling the bowl. Whatever I'm doing is working because I'm maintaining a reasonable weight. I thought the point of this thread was to support OP in her attempts to control her weight and also to acknowledge that smaller people need fewer calories.

MsJulesRenee

Janneson wrote: »

It's something I've been thinking about a LOT for the past year or so. And it's been really bothering me. I live in Texas and I've found that the more I opened up about my attempts to lose weight the more individuals fought me and tried to talk me out of it. Despite the fact that my doctor even said that I was clinically overweight. I was at the bottom of the overweight spectrum but I still wanted to stop it before it got out of control having severally obese parents and all I did not want to repeat their mistakes as they both are suffering the consequences now.

I no longer listen to people who tell me how to eat and I think you should do the same. Food is usually a touchy subject and people feel the need to project themselves onto you about it. It's no one else's business except you and your doctor. I don't even talk to my long time boyfriend about it anymore because he has no interest in it, no hard feelings. It's my body, not his. As long as you are tracking your food and getting enough nutrition tell them to buzz off and concentrate on themselves. That simple!

pollypocket1021

I'm 4'11 (BMI 22) and I can't eat 1200 calories. It just makes me sick and I can't sustain it.

But a couple of things I've discovered as a smaller person:

We really should lose much slower. Proportionately, 1lb is a lot more for us than someone who is 6' fall.

The BMI scale is a little off at the extremes, and there are ways to figure out what your "adjusted" BMI is.

Loss and gain looks VERY obvious on us. So I can gain or lose 5 lbs and people assume it is far more. (So the people the OP has been dealing with may think her 15lb loss looks like 50lbs and be concerned)

When you tell someone you weigh 100 lbs or 110lbs, they have no frame of reference and that number raises alarm bells because they don't know the normal weight range for your height.

BurnWithBarn2015

well what is a large banana to you isnt a large banana to me
So your banana entry of large can be way off of mine So less or more calories

You have a cup of chciken noodle ...a cup with some room left over in the cup or cramped into the cup totally pilled up

cups and spoons are for liquids only
Solids you weigh! And yes it makes a huge difference
We explained this before

The cup of oats i take is around 185 calories But when i reallly weigh out 40 gram ( which is what a cup of oats should be) is 150 calories.....so 15 calories difference
And that is not much you say...but when you are petite and you have a small deficit than 25 calories is a lot.

BurnWithBarn2015

oh and not saying it is not working because with measuring you just learn to measure a bit less. and you will lose weight too as long as you create a deficit.

But that doesnt mean your calorie intake is what you think it is

BurnWithBarn2015

i post the link again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVjWPclrWVY

To know what your calorie intake is ...weigh your food in grams.
And only measure your liquids.

rosebette

I feel as if this thread is getting hijacked. I thought the point was to support OP not to take other posters' inventory about how accurately they're measuring.

pollypocket1021

BurnWithBarn2015 wrote: »

i post the link again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVjWPclrWVY

To know what your calorie intake is ...weigh your food in grams.
And only measure your liquids.

This is so important as a smaller person. We don't have the wiggle room for error.

BurnWithBarn2015

Another good example The Sunsweet pitted dried prunes label says 7 prunes (40 gram is 1 serving) = 100 calories

I took last time 4 because when i threw them in my bowl that was on my scale it was with 4 prunes already at 40 grams. Which means that when i would have taken one serving without weighing so 7 prunes...i would lamost have the double amount of calories...without knowing this!

rosebette

pollypocket1021 wrote: »

BurnWithBarn2015 wrote: »

i post the link again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVjWPclrWVY

To know what your calorie intake is ...weigh your food in grams.
And only measure your liquids.

This is so important as a smaller person. We don't have the wiggle room for error.

Thanks for making that connection and in a nice way.

BurnWithBarn2015

rosebette wrote: »

I feel as if this thread is getting hijacked. I thought the point was to support OP not to take other posters' inventory about how accurately they're measuring.

Not hijacked at all
I try to point out as a smaller person your deficit is most of the times smaller and how important it is to know how much calories you get and to be accurate and weigh your food.

BurnWithBarn2015

rosebette wrote: »

pollypocket1021 wrote: »

BurnWithBarn2015 wrote: »

i post the link again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVjWPclrWVY

To know what your calorie intake is ...weigh your food in grams.
And only measure your liquids.

This is so important as a smaller person. We don't have the wiggle room for error.

Thanks for making that connection and in a nice way.

Well i tried but seems it wasnt nice enough

OP good luck and congratulations you did great by losing your weight.

I am outta here too lol

Unknown

This content has been removed.

pollypocket1021

tcharn wrote: »

Hello I do believe you mean stumpy not petite. If you describe a woman as petite, you are politely saying that she is small and is not fat. ADJECTIVES he was of below average height, petite and slender. Please see the links below for the actual definitions of stumpy and petite.


http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english-thesaurus/stumpy.



http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english-thesaurus/petite

Thanks

Huh. There are sizes like 14P, which is made for a person who is a size 14, but shorter than average (petite). You better call all the clothing companies in the US and tell them they are labeling their clothes wrong.

nutmegoreo

tcharn wrote: »

Hello I do believe you mean stumpy not petite. If you describe a woman as petite, you are politely saying that she is small and is not fat. ADJECTIVES he was of below average height, petite and slender. Please see the links below for the actual definitions of stumpy and petite.


http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english-thesaurus/stumpy.



http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english-thesaurus/petite

Thanks

@rosebette Here's a great example of not being helpful. BurnWithBarn was being helpful, you just didn't want to hear it.

FWIW, I am also 5'2", in my 40s, I am not petite at this point, but I have been losing about 2lb/week for the last 9 weeks while eating 1600, so no, 1200 is not necessary for shorter women to lose weight. I realize that this will likely have to drop as I get closer to goal weight, but I have no interest in needing to eat at 1400 in maintenance, so I am doing what I can to preserve as much as possible.

LaurenAOK

pollypocket1021 wrote: »

BurnWithBarn2015 wrote: »

i post the link again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVjWPclrWVY

To know what your calorie intake is ...weigh your food in grams.
And only measure your liquids.

This is so important as a smaller person. We don't have the wiggle room for error.

Off topic, and I do weigh my food, but I was always confused by that "shocking" video. Maybe I'm some kind of special snowflake, but I never measured my food the way the video shows. A tablespoon means a tablespoon. Not a packed, heaping tablespoon over the brim. Do people really measure like that??

nutmegoreo

LaurenAOK wrote: »

pollypocket1021 wrote: »

BurnWithBarn2015 wrote: »

i post the link again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVjWPclrWVY

To know what your calorie intake is ...weigh your food in grams.
And only measure your liquids.

This is so important as a smaller person. We don't have the wiggle room for error.

Off topic, and I do weigh my food, but I was always confused by that "shocking" video. Maybe I'm some kind of special snowflake, but I never measured my food the way the video shows. A tablespoon means a tablespoon. Not a packed, heaping tablespoon over the brim. Do people really measure like that??

Yes, some really do.