Am I the food Scrooge?
rosebette
Posts: 1,660 Member
So tonight, I had a salad with my family because I had attended a holiday potluck at one of the places where I worked. Even though I didn't totally pig out there, I definitely went over my goal -- amazing how all those little things add up. So tonight, as the rest of the family is eating dinner, I was actually kind of hungry and wanted what they had (part of a meat pie I had brought to the pot luck), but stuck with the salad. My husband claimed that I am spoiling the holidays with all my obsessing about food and that I should just "relax." That being said, he is overweight and diabetic, so I said if I relaxed, I could end up like he is, but he says being overweight isn't as bad as agonizing over everything I eat. I don't "agonize", but I do try to track, and in fact, we had a lot of partying over the week-end, where I didn't track. He says he doesn't care about living longer if he can't enjoy life, and the way I live isn't really enjoying life. My daughter has (who is normal weight) said that any talk about food, tracking, my Fitbit, calories, is completely off limits at all holiday gatherings this year, whether at my house, her apartment, or elsewhere.
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I don't think so. I used to be a lot like your husband in thinking that tracking and such was not a way to live life but that was more of me not believing I could so I wouldn't even bother. I remember when I couldn't quit soda but my husband did I was so upset. Things have since turned around. They probably just don't get it. Maybe talking to them less about it (or find other like minded friends to talk to about goals and fitness) but you shouldn't stop/go over your goals for anyone else.0
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Your daughter's comments banning talk about tracking, etc. lead me to think you talk about this stuff a lot. It's exciting and interesting to you but not to others. There's pretty much no reason why you should discuss it with her other than if she asks. While I think a person's spouse is bound to hear more tracking or diet talk than anybody else, ease up on that too.0
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I think the biggest problem here is your husband's irrational idea that joy in life is somehow inextricably tied to food.0
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I also think it's telling that he would rather eat whatever he wants today than adopt healthy eating habits that could improve the quality and possibly length of his life. You should quietly do your own thing and not discuss it. He might get interested in what you're doing as you achieve your goals, or not. I don't discuss what I'm doing with anyone in my family except my husband, who's a good weight and doesn't care either way.0
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Your daughter's comments banning talk about tracking, etc. lead me to think you talk about this stuff a lot. It's exciting and interesting to you but not to others. There's pretty much no reason why you should discuss it with her other than if she asks. While I think a person's spouse is bound to hear more tracking or diet talk than anybody else, ease up on that too.
I kind of agree with this. While I might mention generally that I'm eating light tonight because I went overboard at lunch or something like that, there is really no reason to talk about logging or calories with other people unless they are doing the same thing.
My dad is one of those people who thinks he wouldn't enjoy eating anymore if he thought about serving sizes or made "smarter" choices. If you push people who think that way, you just make them dig in harder.
You don't need to talk about all this stuff to do it and be successful. So if it is starting to come between you and your family, try not to make it a regular subject of conversation. Just do what you need to do, reach your goals, and if they are interested in how you are doing such an awesome job, they can ask you
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I agree with you theres no need to add tension to a family dinner the rest of the family feels uncomfortable with fat talk at the dinner table
If you eat and track calories another day it will not be that big a deal the whole point of mfp is that you are making life long changes and must keep a balance between losing weight and life0 -
You have to do what works for you, but this is what is working for me this year ...
I've been working hard and sticking to my diet all year long with the exception of a 1-month diet break in June after reaching my first goal, and a couple long-weekend diet breaks in November as I near maintenance.
Now I'm on a 2-week diet break over Christmas. It's nice! I can just relax and eat whatever I want to eat. But interestingly, I'm not going as crazy as I thought I would. I had in mind eating EVERYTHING!! But I'm getting full really quickly and so I'm keeping my portions relatively small. Some things are also less appealing than I had imagined ... a small cream puff yesterday, for example, was almost teeth-achingly sweet. I only had the one because I just couldn't do 2 or more of them.
Sometimes these breaks can be refreshing ... and revealing.
It might be a good idea just to ease up on the focus on food a bit, for a week or two, and then get back into it again in January.
The other thing I'm doing is exercising more, so that might be an option too. Just get out for a bit of extra exercise so that you know you're still pretty much on track.0 -
I did the exact same thing as you today...are too much at holiday potluck so I just had a salad while my family ate dinner. I think you should remember and remind your family why you are doing this and how you want to feel good about yourself so even if it may seem extreme to them it is worth it for you. I also think it's hard because there is a fine line between excessive indulgence and treating yourself every so often and sometimes it's hard to tell if we actually are being glutionas or just hard on ourselves0
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I'm with the daughter on this. It's the holidays. It's about family and life. Talking about tracking, Fitbit, etc - that could be seen as a debbie downer move and although it is important to take care of yourself, you don't want your new "lifestyle change" to be the only thing you focus on all the time. Especially during family gatherings.
As others have said in various threads - it's not going to hurt if you indulge a little over the holidays. It's how you do the rest of the year that makes the difference.0 -
I log during the holidays but I don't really talk about calories, exercise or make comments about what others are eating. That doesn't affect anyone else. I do my thing and enjoy my food.
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Your daughter's comments banning talk about tracking, etc. lead me to think you talk about this stuff a lot. It's exciting and interesting to you but not to others. There's pretty much no reason why you should discuss it with her other than if she asks. While I think a person's spouse is bound to hear more tracking or diet talk than anybody else, ease up on that too.
Yeah, pretty much agree there. The only times I've talked about my strategies for weight loss - apart from on this site among others who are actually interested in the same - are when people who noticed the weight I've lost have specifically asked for how. In that case I will of course answer their questions, but I don't volunteer any of this information unless someone takes the initiative to ask.
Even when I track and adjust what I eat around others, I never tell them that I'm doing it. Mostly nobody says anything, but if someone did notice I wasn't eating as much as before and asked why, I'd just say I'm not all that hungry. Nobody can possibly argue with that.
Frankly, I'm glad people around me don't discuss the subject much beyond "you're looking good". The last thing I need is unhelpful advice from everyone around me, so as much as possible I keep my eating and exercise habits out of the conversation.0 -
Quit talking about food. It is boring and annoying to them (in some families it is rude -- seriously).
Eat what you want or not. It is your body.
If they comment on your food, ignore them.
Good luck. In a few more days Christmas will be over and you can get back to the routines you like.0 -
I think what your daughter said is telling. You obviously talk about this whole process normally WAY TOO MUCH. It's great that your are watching and losing and blah, blah, blah, but people don't want to constantly hear about it. You know what you need, they know what they need. So, do what you wish but many keep it to yourself. You can't make others think like you.0
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So tonight, I had a salad with my family because I had attended a holiday potluck at one of the places where I worked. Even though I didn't totally pig out there, I definitely went over my goal -- amazing how all those little things add up. So tonight, as the rest of the family is eating dinner, I was actually kind of hungry and wanted what they had (part of a meat pie I had brought to the pot luck), but stuck with the salad. My husband claimed that I am spoiling the holidays with all my obsessing about food and that I should just "relax." That being said, he is overweight and diabetic, so I said if I relaxed, I could end up like he is, but he says being overweight isn't as bad as agonizing over everything I eat. I don't "agonize", but I do try to track, and in fact, we had a lot of partying over the week-end, where I didn't track. He says he doesn't care about living longer if he can't enjoy life, and the way I live isn't really enjoying life. My daughter has (who is normal weight) said that any talk about food, tracking, my Fitbit, calories, is completely off limits at all holiday gatherings this year, whether at my house, her apartment, or elsewhere.
It is a weird topic to discuss, unless asked or trying to explain to someone else how to approach weight loss. I cannot really imagine any circumstences, holidays or not, where this would be a normal mealtime conversation topic.0 -
Loose lips sink ships. Even weight loss ships.
Talk about novels instead.
No one should really even notice what you are or aren't eating.
If you get called out on something you are in the act of eating, exclaim 'Craving this salad!,' roll your eyes & shovel a big forkful in your mouth, precluding conversation.
Pick up where you left off talking about that last novel.
Repeat as necessary.0 -
So tonight, I had a salad with my family because I had attended a holiday potluck at one of the places where I worked. Even though I didn't totally pig out there, I definitely went over my goal -- amazing how all those little things add up. So tonight, as the rest of the family is eating dinner, I was actually kind of hungry and wanted what they had (part of a meat pie I had brought to the pot luck), but stuck with the salad. My husband claimed that I am spoiling the holidays with all my obsessing about food and that I should just "relax." That being said, he is overweight and diabetic, so I said if I relaxed, I could end up like he is, but he says being overweight isn't as bad as agonizing over everything I eat. I don't "agonize", but I do try to track, and in fact, we had a lot of partying over the week-end, where I didn't track. He says he doesn't care about living longer if he can't enjoy life, and the way I live isn't really enjoying life. My daughter has (who is normal weight) said that any talk about food, tracking, my Fitbit, calories, is completely off limits at all holiday gatherings this year, whether at my house, her apartment, or elsewhere.
It is a weird topic to discuss, unless asked or trying to explain to someone else how to approach weight loss. I cannot really imagine any circumstences, holidays or not, where this would be a normal mealtime conversation topic.
Completely agreed. I'd also suggest that the next time you start talking about food/diets/Fitbits/etc., do it mindfully - just let yourself talk about it, and listen without judgment. It might be fine, or you might hear yourself sounding unhappy, over-restricted, or judgmental in some way.0 -
So tonight, I had a salad with my family because I had attended a holiday potluck at one of the places where I worked. Even though I didn't totally pig out there, I definitely went over my goal -- amazing how all those little things add up. So tonight, as the rest of the family is eating dinner, I was actually kind of hungry and wanted what they had (part of a meat pie I had brought to the pot luck), but stuck with the salad. My husband claimed that I am spoiling the holidays with all my obsessing about food and that I should just "relax." That being said, he is overweight and diabetic, so I said if I relaxed, I could end up like he is, but he says being overweight isn't as bad as agonizing over everything I eat. I don't "agonize", but I do try to track, and in fact, we had a lot of partying over the week-end, where I didn't track. He says he doesn't care about living longer if he can't enjoy life, and the way I live isn't really enjoying life. My daughter has (who is normal weight) said that any talk about food, tracking, my Fitbit, calories, is completely off limits at all holiday gatherings this year, whether at my house, her apartment, or elsewhere.
It is a weird topic to discuss, unless asked or trying to explain to someone else how to approach weight loss. I cannot really imagine any circumstences, holidays or not, where this would be a normal mealtime conversation topic.
I wear a Fibit, so I'll often get questions about it, how it works, how I use it to control my intake and measure activity, etc.0 -
Your husband says you are spoiling the holidays by eating a salad tonight? Today isn't a holiday, correct? His attitude that it should be a nonstop gorge fest is obviously not your view. And that's ok. Try to talk less about it. Also, I've picked up that my "naturally" thinner friends would say "oh man I'm still stuffed from that potluck lunch today"! It may be a white lie but sometimes easier to just say you're still too full.0
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For the holiday season, prepare (and practice) a 10 to 15-word answer for when someone asks about the Fitbit. If they have a follow up question, tell them you will talk to them later and then get up / move / change the subject to ensure that the Fitbit talk is finished.So tonight, I had a salad with my family because I had attended a holiday potluck at one of the places where I worked. Even though I didn't totally pig out there, I definitely went over my goal -- amazing how all those little things add up. So tonight, as the rest of the family is eating dinner, I was actually kind of hungry and wanted what they had (part of a meat pie I had brought to the pot luck), but stuck with the salad. My husband claimed that I am spoiling the holidays with all my obsessing about food and that I should just "relax." That being said, he is overweight and diabetic, so I said if I relaxed, I could end up like he is, but he says being overweight isn't as bad as agonizing over everything I eat. I don't "agonize", but I do try to track, and in fact, we had a lot of partying over the week-end, where I didn't track. He says he doesn't care about living longer if he can't enjoy life, and the way I live isn't really enjoying life. My daughter has (who is normal weight) said that any talk about food, tracking, my Fitbit, calories, is completely off limits at all holiday gatherings this year, whether at my house, her apartment, or elsewhere.
It is a weird topic to discuss, unless asked or trying to explain to someone else how to approach weight loss. I cannot really imagine any circumstences, holidays or not, where this would be a normal mealtime conversation topic.
I wear a Fibit, so I'll often get questions about it, how it works, how I use it to control my intake and measure activity, etc.
Whatever is going on with your daughter is too complicated to deal with here.
When your husband says he does not "care about living longer if he can't enjoy life," he is saying obnoxious diabetes stuff that I used to hear from a person with diabetes. 'Sorry that you are dealing with that.0 -
When there is contention regarding personal health choices, there are larger issues involved. You cannot own someone else's issues, you can only control how you react to them. You want harmony? find it within yourself, be above the snide comments, do not react , respond with calm and few words, and proceed with your choices within your comfort zone.0
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Thank you all from some very thoughtful posts.0
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Know yourself. If you need to keep on track through the holidays to stay on track after, then do it. Trust your gut. Strength to persivere will always lay within you. Perceived obstacles (like family pressure) are just another muscle to be exercised. Good luck.0
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The only thing I can think to add toQuit talking about food. It is boring and annoying to them (in some families it is rude -- seriously).
Eat what you want or not. It is your body. If they comment on your food, ignore them.
Good luck. In a few more days Christmas will be over and you can get back to the routines you like.
is this: If they comment on your food, and ignoring them doesn't work, point out to them gently that they asked you to stop talking about your food choices, and it would be helpful if they would do the same.0 -
Yeah, I would say eat what you want, but you don't have to talk about it. I know that it bothers me personally when people spend a meal talking about food and calories and exercise and how healthy or not it is and etc. It really ruins my enjoyment of the food. Even if you don't sound unhappy when you talk about it, it can be aggravating to listen to someone keep talking about it.0
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I agree with most everyone. One thing that is particularly obnoxious is when someone is complaining about what they can't eat while you are eating it, lol. I know how normal it is to express that, because I have to skip a lot of carbs due to blood sugar problems, so I'm often wishing I could eat what other folks are eating. But they don't need to hear that, because it gets awkward at the very least.
The line about 'ending up like you' could probably be phrased better, too! I'd just use the tips folks have given to come up with nice, sensitive boundaries regarding food choices all around, I think. Good luck!0 -
AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »I think the biggest problem here is your husband's irrational idea that joy in life is somehow inextricably tied to food.
Yep
I bet these people also say they care about the OP, you're so important to us. Just don't talk about anything that actually interests you because it's boring and annoying to us. Classy0 -
Oh JaneiR36, don't ruin a nice conversation in this thread. Everyone's been nice and is getting along fine,...then, bam...0
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seems like you're having a bad night
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No I was talking about the OP's family, and people in general who claim to care about others but get irritated hearing about what actually interests them.
That's puzzling to me.
If expressing said puzzlement means I'm having a bad night, well. I won't make any assumptions just yet 0
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