Not Doing Well at All...

My_Butt

I've found my usual support system on here has fallen apart. So many of my Mfp buddies are struggling with their own EDs. This time of year seems to be getting to all of us.

I guess I'm just doing a frustrated rant because I don't want my buddies to see this when they're struggling to. I don't know why. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Advice? Support? Understanding? I've read the literature, I've talked to counsellors, called crisis line, taken medication, tried yoga.... I'm just crumbling now.

bigboomer2005

Hey this time of year is hard for a lot of people just remember your not alone you have friends and support here. Feel free to add me if you'd like

zoeysasha37

Maybe start a thread seeking new friends who aren't struggling? It doesn't hurt to meet new people Anyway

coachfeliciad

My_Butt wrote: »

I've found my usual support system on here has fallen apart. So many of my Mfp buddies are struggling with their own EDs. This time of year seems to be getting to all of us.

I guess I'm just doing a frustrated rant because I don't want my buddies to see this when they're struggling to. I don't know why. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Advice? Support? Understanding? I've read the literature, I've talked to counsellors, called crisis line, taken medication, tried yoga.... I'm just crumbling now.

Hey girl. Don't crumble. It's not worth it and you know what'll happen? After you've broke down and hit bottom, you'll get that burst of energy where you perk up and realize that you CAN do this but you would have lost precious time that you can never get back. Trust me, I've been there and I wish that instead of crumbling, I would have just sucked it up, focused on what needed to be done and not cared about what everyone else was doing or not doing. All I should have focused on was me. I'll send you a friend request so I can talk to you more and see if maybe I can help you

MiSo_SeXy

I'm struggling too. The holidays are always hard.

Obnoxa

Western culture really promotes & associates gluttony with the holidays; you are far from alone in this area.
The best thing to do is dig your heels in and try to make whatever efforts you can. Maybe that means only eating at maintenance or maybe it's as simple as logging regardless of what you've consumed. Just do your best and don't beat yourself up; even healthy and fit people don't have a static number on a scale they never deviate from.
Most of us aren't here because we ate shi**y for a couple weeks, it took months and years of bad choices. As long as you are even doing one thing that is for the benefit of your health, you're doing one more thing than you were before.
Good luck

mtjohnston42

The struggle is what makes it all worth it! Even though it feels like hell.

Feel free to add me always good to have more friends. And do your best to remember that it's about the long game. During this difficult holiday time wake up and set an intention to simply do your best. It's ok to fail. In January when the dust has settled you can get back to making some solid short term goals to achieve.

My_Butt wrote: »

I've found my usual support system on here has fallen apart. So many of my Mfp buddies are struggling with their own EDs. This time of year seems to be getting to all of us.

I guess I'm just doing a frustrated rant because I don't want my buddies to see this when they're struggling to. I don't know why. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Advice? Support? Understanding? I've read the literature, I've talked to counsellors, called crisis line, taken medication, tried yoga.... I'm just crumbling now.

My_Butt

Thanks everyone. I think the combination of being sick and not feeling physically hungry, and being mentally sick and not wanting to eat is really making things tough. My lack of motivation to force myself to eat is my ultimate downfall.

RosemaryBronte

I am reading a book called Change Anything by Kerry Patterson. It has some good ideas. Meanwhile I am sending you love and good wishes. You will get through this difficult patch. Try this simple meditation. Relax the muscles around your eyes. Now relax your shoulders. Feel a pleasant relaxation going through your body. Now pick up an imaginary jar of starlight and tip it over yourself. The starlight soaks into you. You feel peaceful and sparkling and lovely - just like the real you. God bless you.

fiddletime

Sometimes I just try to remember that on the afternoon of the 25th all reverts back to normal pretty much. That's in two days. Remember the place you were in a month ago, the better place, and pretend you're there now, with no last minute things to get stressed about. You know how many calories you need to eat, you ate that amount one or two months ago, so it's time to get back to those habits.

cafeaulait7

Nuts? I don't know how EDs go when you can't make yourself eat, but I had to do it for about a year because of an disease I had. Nuts and hard-boiled eggs and half a Snickers when I could bear it were my go-to attempts to get something in me. Good luck!!

My_Butt

RosemaryBronte wrote: »

I am reading a book called Change Anything by Kerry Patterson. It has some good ideas. Meanwhile I am sending you love and good wishes. You will get through this difficult patch. Try this simple meditation. Relax the muscles around your eyes. Now relax your shoulders. Feel a pleasant relaxation going through your body. Now pick up an imaginary jar of starlight and tip it over yourself. The starlight soaks into you. You feel peaceful and sparkling and lovely - just like the real you. God bless you.

I did try meditation last Sunday. It was actually pretty relaxing, but it didn't last long. I did download a few apps to try again.

My_Butt

cafeaulait7 wrote: »

Nuts? I don't know how EDs go when you can't make yourself eat, but I had to do it for about a year because of an disease I had. Nuts and hard-boiled eggs and half a Snickers when I could bear it were my go-to attempts to get something in me. Good luck!!

It seems most veggies and fruits are my 'safe' foods. Before this hit, I had a bunch of hard boiled eggs on hand that I was eating as snacks. It's like I have to ask that weird little voice for permission before I eat anything. If it's 'safe' I can have it. If it's a 'fear' food, I'm not allowed having it.

MaVieEntiere

God bless you, friend. So sorry its hard. We are here for ya!

liznotyet

If going inside yourself is too difficult, getting outside usually helps me. Hey you've been on MFP for almost a year, you know that the passage of time is observable from many levels, from far out to too darned close. Get some perspective and some fresh air if you can. 2015 is almost done!!! Hooray!

Aisle4

my 12th holiday season with Ed, he is annoying "af" and I really wish he would leave me alone....u gotta laugh don't hate me I was hysterically crying in my car the other day bc of my ED...love you

Vodka97

Holiday periods are hard for EVERYONE. Don't worry, it's nearly over and the new year (and your new mindset) is on the horizon!

LKArgh

My_Butt wrote: »

I've found my usual support system on here has fallen apart. So many of my Mfp buddies are struggling with their own EDs. This time of year seems to be getting to all of us.

I guess I'm just doing a frustrated rant because I don't want my buddies to see this when they're struggling to. I don't know why. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Advice? Support? Understanding? I've read the literature, I've talked to counsellors, called crisis line, taken medication, tried yoga.... I'm just crumbling now.

What did the counsellor say? What did the crisis line suggest?

My_Butt

aggelikik wrote: »

My_Butt wrote: »

I've found my usual support system on here has fallen apart. So many of my Mfp buddies are struggling with their own EDs. This time of year seems to be getting to all of us.

I guess I'm just doing a frustrated rant because I don't want my buddies to see this when they're struggling to. I don't know why. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Advice? Support? Understanding? I've read the literature, I've talked to counsellors, called crisis line, taken medication, tried yoga.... I'm just crumbling now.

What did the counsellor say? What did the crisis line suggest?

Their main goal was to 'take you from a hot moment to a cool calm'. They asked me to describe some other coping mechanisms instead of self harming. I've done the meditation, I've had background tv sounds on, and last night I had music on. I plan on starting yoga up once I feel better (I'm sick), which was helping during the summer.

GemFromJannah

I used to self harm and zone out on strong pain killers. I wasn't able to handle overwhelming stuff and pretty much felt crazy. So I created a Twitter account to anonymously get out my deep thoughts & feelings, recently I've started using the pain from exercise as an outlet for the inner pain, doing ab crunches til it burns. I can only offer advice on what worked for me.

Also try drinking turmeric milk with coconut oil every night. It helps with so many different stuff including nervous issues and anxiety.

1flat Tspn turmeric
1 cup organic cows milk or cup of almond milk
1 pinch of black pepper
Heat in a pan (don't boil)
Add a large teaspoon honey & drink

My_Butt

GemFromJannah wrote: »

I used to self harm and zone out on strong pain killers. I wasn't able to handle overwhelming stuff and pretty much felt crazy. So I created a Twitter account to anonymously get out my deep thoughts & feelings, recently I've started using the pain from exercise as an outlet for the inner pain, doing ab crunches til it burns. I can only offer advice on what worked for me.

Also try drinking turmeric milk with coconut oil every night. It helps with so many different stuff including nervous issues and anxiety.

1flat Tspn turmeric
1 cup organic cows milk or cup of almond milk
1 pinch of black pepper
Heat in a pan (don't boil)
Add a large teaspoon honey & drink

I'll have to try that. I've been doing well for the past week. I still have not self harmed. So since I attempted to eat more today and I haven't injured myself, I'm rewarding myself by dying my hair purple.

KathyApplebaum

My_Butt wrote: »

So since I attempted to eat more today and I haven't injured myself, I'm rewarding myself by dying my hair purple.

Excellent reward!

GemFromJannah

Ohhhh purple is a beautiful colour! Take it day by day, one lil step at a time. When things get overwhelming distract yourself with a productive thing. It's really hard to resist harming, it can sometimes feel like your whole body inside is full of emotion & pain and you're like a pressure cooker full of steam, wanting and needing to get it all out & release all the tension. It's very overwhelming! And each time you resist is a success! Don't see it that you're putting on weight, rather see it that you're showing your body love, you're giving it health by good nutrition, each time you eat you're feeding you're love for your body, you're showing you're body it is valuable. You're giving your body some care & attention. like when you condition your hair or paint your nails or use a face mask, I'm sure you have no problem with pampering yourself right? Seeing as you like to do your hair. So see it as pampering your body, giving it nutrients that will make your skin glow, hair grow, eyes sparkle etc.

People that have trouble putting on weight sometimes find it hard gaining weight emotionally, eating disorders don't get better when you're told "gain weight!" Because sometimes there's a psychological fear of gaining weight. You're forcing somebody to face a huge fear that way. So rather, don't think about weight gain. Think about loving your body, making it healthy & beautiful with good nutrition.

Set alarms on your phone at breakfast lunch dinner & snack times. And when the alarm goes, eat something even if you don't feel hungry. And as you're eating it think of all the beautiful stuff it's going to do. Don't think of weight gain. Think "this will make my hair thick shiny and long" "the vit c in this will make my skin clear and glory" "this meat has iron and will stop me looking pale and sleepy" etc. Recondition your mind with the way you look at food.

Everytime you want to self harm, distract yourself on your phone. Come to this topic & write your thoughts/feelings. Keep your fingers busy typing & get the emotions out by talking.

Enjoy the purple hair!!

jennifer_417

Sometimes things are just really, really hard. But those times pass eventually. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough spell; I really hope you get the help you need. Meanwhile, we're here to listen and talk if you need.

JanetMMcC

Yaaay! for the doing better and avoiding self-harm at a really hard time.

JanetMMcC

I added emojis and some emoticon roses, but the emojis vanished with everything after them. So, roses: @-->-->-- @-->-->-- @-->-->--

My_Butt

I think I'm doing better today. Family event #2 was yesterday, and I even had a slice of chocolate cake and coconut cake.
I have a very rigorous training regimen coming up beginning in January, so I keep telling myself I need to eat. The Ed mindset was telling me to drop a ton of weight before January 1st and then I can go from there, but the healthy mind is saying 'you're going to become weak in that time period of you don't eat protein.' So with the majority of the stressful events out of the way, I think I'll be back to eating normally again really fast.

Still a struggle, but my main goal on here was to be fit, not to lose weight.

Obnoxa

My_Butt wrote: »

I think I'm doing better today. Family event #2 was yesterday, and I even had a slice of chocolate cake and coconut cake.
I have a very rigorous training regimen coming up beginning in January, so I keep telling myself I need to eat. The Ed mindset was telling me to drop a ton of weight before January 1st and then I can go from there, but the healthy mind is saying 'you're going to become weak in that time period of you don't eat protein.' So with the majority of the stressful events out of the way, I think I'll be back to eating normally again really fast.

Still a struggle, but my main goal on here was to be fit, not to lose weight.

Good to see this!

That's the attitude of success! Just keep pushing through one day at a time and you'll keep inching your way to being right where you want to be