Mom's a hypocrite :'(

RuthP92

My mum shouts at me for putting salad cream (21cals per tablespoon) on my salad, then has Chinese takeaway for tea...
I honestly think she's jealous that I'm changing my lifestyle.

Don't worry you have the support of mfp to help you through your journey
Good luck!

retiree2006

Joining MFP is the start...so concentrate on "you" for the right reasons and ignore the rest. I wouldn't even say anything if comments are made...just start to lose and before long she'll be asking you what your secret is! And if not...you'll be working for the goal you set for your own health and that's all that is important.

IAteBethDitto

In a way this is a useful experience. Your mom being in your business like this gives you a good opportunity to respectfully draw a boundary. This could well improve your relationship overall.

You don't need the support of others to lose weight (or indeed to do most things in life - if I'd relied on the support of my birth family my life would be in a pitiful state now). You just need to settle on what YOU want to happen.

sss1966

We will support you, sometimes you just have to go it alone x

harphy

Yeah, get used to negative comments. My mon's BMI is 32 and mine is 22. Whenever she sees me, she sneers like:" You are so skinny, are you loosing weight to be a model or something?!" My whole family is overweight and obese except me! What they eat is unbelievable and how much even more so.
Do healthy choices for yourself and don' t look for support in your family and friends circle, because you won't get much or any at all. Keep bumping here and we will support and help you.

Margaux102819

I'm sorry for being so whiny But it's great to know that so many people want to help and be supportive

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

Make your dad your friend in this. But don't make your mom your enemy, but just smile through it and compliment her even when it feels like you'd rather drink battery acid than tell her how great she is.

Get a food scale that is digital, and weigh and measure everything you eat, and even volunteer to do this for your mom and dad. "Oh, it's no trouble" should be in your vocabulary.

When your dad sees how dedicated you are, he'll praise you. No promises how your mom will handle it, but it's hard to argue with dedication.

Most importantly, you will know you're dedicated, and her barbs will start to be less influential.

Best to you.

joleenl

I think you should call her out on it personally. If she can't be supportive she should at least lay off of you.

Do not let her get you down. This is your journey and it's about you. Do it for you. There are tons of supportive people on here. There is tons of good information on this site too. (You might have to weed through the garbage to get it) You can do this. If you have a bad day or week or whatever, you always can start again tomorrow. Everyday is a new chance to make healthier choices.

leannerae40

Ah, the people who sabotage us, I'm so sorry it's your Mom. Here's the thing. My parents never said anything to me about my weight unless I brought it up. And I REALLY appreciated that. Someone telling me I'm overweight now, my usual response is, "Thanks Captain Obvious". Perhaps they should spend more time repairing the windows in their glass house than worrying about what's outside. I think that in my head, and I also acknowledge that I'm making positive changes NOW. I eat like I'm skinny now, and I don't think (being morbidly obese all my adult life) that I ever understood how hard others worked at this.

Now that I do, I will make sure that I stay positive, and only find the good I can in others. I can think whatever I want in my head, but there's good in everyone if you really look for it.

I do love the POSITIVE support on sites like this, and saboteurs often don't even realize what they're doing. If you can, take the time to tell your Mom how you feel. You can't control how she acts, but you can control your reaction. ALWAYS be positive. This brave journey is your time to take the lead and show people how happy you can be with your new attitude.

It's brave what you're doing - BRAVE! Keep up the great work! KNOW that you can do this.

america_c

Hopefully your mom doesn't realize she's being so negative, but if you want to make a real change, you just can't let anyone else bring you down..

^^this!

binglebandit

It sounds to me like she wants you to have a better healthy life than she has had. I know a lot of parents get so busy and stuck in their ways and they think "it's over" and there are no second chances for them. So she may be trying to control you because she wants you to do well, and also because she thinks she can't do it herself anymore.She could be eating the junky food because she's resigned to the "fact" that she'll never lose the weight, so "what does a couple more lbs matter". Don't let it get you down, keep going for yourself. Also, try to encourage her and let her know that there are a lot of older people who can change too. Anyways, I can't be positive about what makes your mom tick, but that seemed to be the case with my mom. Took me losing 70lbs before she said she was proud of me. I just keep trying to give her suggestions on what she could do to improve her health, but she seems pretty resigned to settling until she finds an easy out.

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves

You're not being whiney. You have a toxic, destructive mother, and it hurts. If she were a neighbor, you'd roll your eyes at her. But this is a woman you love who is suppose to take care of you. You can love her and still really dislike her. Count on your dad and don't discuss any of this stuff with your mom.

The reason you're an emotional eater probably stems from this woman. If you want to dig deep someday, I think that's the place to start.

hugs

Camera_BagintheUK

Sorry to hear you are getting no support at home. I'm glad you joined here, there are many supportive people here and I wish you all the best in your weight lose!

I do have some support. Dad's pretty good and he's trying to lose weight as well.

I did lose a whole bunch of weight before. I went from 175 to 145 my first year of college. I was walking around more because I had no money and no car. So I just packed healthy things and had to eat what I brought with me.

Then as I became member of clubs and had to stay and work on projects ( and had money lol) I started getting takeout and going out with friends. And gaining weight back.


Then I became a jobless graduate and I'm stuck at home bored and lonely and I eating my feelings.

It just bother's me how she says things like:

"I liked you when you where in your first year of college"
"I wish I had someone to tell me how fat I was getting when I was gaining weight"
"Let's start a diet pact so we can both wear those pretty dresses!"

and then sends me in the car to get her a cheeseburger, fries and gravy.

It sounds to me like she thinks she is being supportive, but she's just being very clumsy about it, and she's seeing you as an opportunity to put right what she hasn't managed to put right herself which isn't quite the same thing as offering unconditional love and support. If she's also overweight, she's likely had all these comments herself from other people. Maybe she's aware of the irony of being overweight herself and eating a bad diet and not being healthy, at the same time as trying to encourage you, which means she can't find an honest and generous way to do it. And maybe if she was able to give you the support you need, it would force her to face up to things in herself that she's buried out of harms way.

Why not take her up on her offer of a diet pact, and get her on here, and support each other and get support together? It would be dreadful if this drove a big wedge between you and your mum! You only have one mum and that's a relationship that's worth nurturing, annoyed as you feel now

Camera_BagintheUK

It sounds to me like she wants you to have a better healthy life than she has had. I know a lot of parents get so busy and stuck in their ways and they think "it's over" and there are no second chances for them. So she may be trying to control you because she wants you to do well, and also because she thinks she can't do it herself anymore.She could be eating the junky food because she's resigned to the "fact" that she'll never lose the weight, so "what does a couple more lbs matter". Don't let it get you down, keep going for yourself. Also, try to encourage her and let her know that there are a lot of older people who can change too. Anyways, I can't be positive about what makes your mom tick, but that seemed to be the case with my mom. Took me losing 70lbs before she said she was proud of me. I just keep trying to give her suggestions on what she could do to improve her health, but she seems pretty resigned to settling until she finds an easy out.

What she said ^^^ :flowerforyou:

Zombella

To me, it sounds like she is a toxic parent. When I was younger, I always remembered my mother complaining about how much she hated the way that she looked because she was fat. I remember waking up seeing her do a fitness video every once in awhile, but never changed her diet or got serious.. Then, she would look at her daughters, me included, and say well I weigh less than you! Or well these used to be your pants.. basically as long as she could wear her daughter's pants or say she weighed less than us, girls much younger than her, it made her feel better.

Ignore your mother, and I say don't tell her that you signed up. That just gives her a reason to use that against you.