Assessing my Holiday eating - the PERFECT storm

daniwilford

To better understand my epic failure, I am reviewing my feelings, environment and response. The purpose of this thread is not to excuse my behavior. But to evaluate, analyze, and recommend strategies for the future. Everyone wishes you, and you feel expects you to have a Merry Christmas. You are inundated with images of the perfect Christmas. Your reality falls short. Your family available to celebrate with consists of 2 surly teenagers. It is impossible to make it through the 15 minutes they spend at the table with out them annoying each other and their mother. You cooked for hours to make nice meals of highly palatable foods. The teenagers leave you at the table with all of that food and anything but "Joy and Peace". You attempt to reconcile the fantasy of the holiday and your reality, by eating more of the highly palatable, high calorie foods. I am headed to the gym for some post storm clean up.

queenliz99

nutmegoreo

One of the reasons I dislike the season is the disconnect between the imagined expectations and the reality. Lower your expectations, you will be less disappointed. The other reason is the excessive commercialism. I amazes me how much money people spend trying to buy other people's affections. Others have more time than money and they spent that time baking for others just to have it thrown away by an unappreciative recipient because it doesn't fit their diet at this time. I think the whole season is filled with unmet expectations and I think retail companies prey on that to sell more, because if you buy more, that will fill the void.

Or maybe I'm just jaded. But I do know that when I am focused less on the expectations, the reality is much better. I have many blessings in life, counting those helps me not think so much about what I don't have. I hope you feel better after the gym.

c613477

My perfect storm was caused by my two children being in the hospital this year. It really provided a good perspective of what is important and as they were finally discharged on Christmas eve I decided that everything else was just noise and distractions. I am sure I somehow failed to meet expectations of other family members as I sent no cards, well wishes, gifts, and barely cooked. I guess that is their problem and not mine.

Lounmoun

daniwilford wrote: »

To better understand my epic failure, I am reviewing my feelings, environment and response. The purpose of this thread is not to excuse my behavior. But to evaluate, analyze, and recommend strategies for the future. Everyone wishes you, and you feel expects you to have a Merry Christmas. You are inundated with images of the perfect Christmas. Your reality falls short. Your family available to celebrate with consists of 2 surly teenagers. It is impossible to make it through the 15 minutes they spend at the table with out them annoying each other and their mother. You cooked for hours to make nice meals of highly palatable foods. The teenagers leave you at the table with all of that food and anything but "Joy and Peace". You attempt to reconcile the fantasy of the holiday and your reality, by eating more of the highly palatable, high calorie foods. I am headed to the gym for some post storm clean up.

In future, don't place expectations on having a perfect Christmas. I don't think I've ever had a perfect Christmas.
I also have a teenager who can be disappointingly unappreciative or negative. I've learned not to let it completely ruin things for me if she doesn't eat the food I prepare or put on a happy face.

Maybe put things in perspective and try to be more positive. If the worst thing that happened was the teenagers were annoying and didn't eat or want to spend time together that isn't so bad. You do have a home and family with you. You had plenty of food on the table. No one was sick or died. The house didn't burn down. You maybe don't have to cook for awhile since you have leftovers to fill your refrigerator or freezer with. You ate a little more but you can exercise.

100df

queenliz99 wrote: »

Thank you. Really needed this today. I wanted to fly across the table yesterday and strangle one. Instead I got up and took another roll. UGH UGH UGH! There has to be something in the middle of murder and overeating!

I hear you OP. It took me a long time to break my expectations around Christmas. A few years ago I started a list in August of everything I wanted during the holidays. Then I x'd out half of it. Then I did x'd out another half. It is hard learning that something I hold dear isn't shared by others in the household. I also organized all the decorations. It isn't a huge ordeal now to get the house together. It only takes 2 days to put up and 1 day to put everything away. That helped the pressure tremendously.

I do my best with what we have. That's all anyone can do. I'm still working on not beating myself up about things like this.

I know the teenagers will turn into normal people in a few years. If they survive me.

Liftng4Lis

queenliz99 wrote: »

YOU, I like!
OP two words.......................................duct tape!

scolaris

Yes that really is a great graphic!

Unknown

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MommyL2015

I have absolutely no expectations of what a perfect Christmas is. I've been a mother since I was 19 and I'm now 44, so I never had the time, energy or money to try and perfect anything. I cook, throw everything up on the counters and stovetop, and everyone serves themselves buffet style out of the pots and pans. It takes all day to make, 10 minutes to eat and another hour to clean up & everyone pitches in. It's fabulous.

I don't entertain guests ever and don't ever want to, unless it's my mom coming down to visit but I wouldn't go out of my way to fancy anything up for her. I don't do fancy. I let my twins decorate everything and they're only 11 so the tree is lopsided and has nothing but hand-crafted ornaments on it with cheap lights. It's beautiful.

The perfect (any day) for me is all of my family together, happy and healthy.

kk_inprogress

I don't have children, but there have been a few things in our family that have been exceptionally emotional and stressful this season. OP, hang in there. Enjoy the good moments and take the rest out at the gym.

I'm doing to best to consider my holiday indulgence as just one more little hill to climb, but you're not alone in feeling the way you do!

daniwilford

Thanks for all the comments. I set myself up. The trip to the gym, broke the cycle. I really need to find some non-food related traditions to start next year.

kshama2001

Hi Dani - I was a surly teenager but grew out of it.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

scolaris

That sounds good! There's a lot more to do than just eat! Things that brought me joy this year:
Volunteering at a big food pantry giveaway...
Taking long walks both Thanksgiving & Christmas days for a break from the in laws...
My cat. Just playing with her & cuddling with her when I needed a break from all the busy social engagements...

vivmom2014

That notion of a "perfect Christmas" was created by Hallmark and cheesy t.v. commercials. Nobody has a perfect Christmas!

Having a lousy one is only made worse by piling regret and self-recrimination on top of it. Think about the moments that were sweet (there were a couple sweet moments I hope) and let the rest go. Forgive yourself. And, yes, most teenagers come out the other side!!

Sued0nim

daniwilford wrote: »

Thanks for all the comments. I set myself up. The trip to the gym, broke the cycle. I really need to find some non-food related traditions to start next year.

How about the teens cook 2 dishes each, set the table and choose a family game

Or send them to relies and hit a sunny beach

It's zagazoo (see Quentin Blake) - I believe they return in a few years ..I'm fortunate we aren't there yet ...but we close

HippySkoppy

Wanted to pop by and add my best wishes to you and to say sorry that this happened.

Been in that spot myself more than once so I do sympathize. It's a tough time raising kids....especially through the teenage years.

and Hugs. Here's to You. To a better plan for next year....one where you aren't run ragged, enduring grumpy kids and one where you haven't bought into some advertising 'fantasy' either.

starwhisperer6

We did something new this year, instead of focusing on a big meal we had everyone over, planned a very fun card game, had snack foods and just spend the time being together. I have teens, and my nieces were there, but other than just a bit together they had games and movies they did together. I quit trying to force the teens to be a part of the whole shindig because it is less stress and more fun for everyone.

Christine_72

kshama2001 wrote: »

Hi Dani - I was a surly teenager but grew out of it.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

Haha me too, very naughty. I think I've apologised a million times to poor ol mum

fishshark

is their such thing as a perfect Christmas? At least you had a roof over your head, food on the table, and with family.. even if bratty and annoying.

Christine_72

fishshark wrote: »

is their such thing as a perfect Christmas? At least you had a roof over your head, food on the table, and with family.. even if bratty and annoying.

True