Spouse is not supportive

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2

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  • glt4006
    glt4006 Posts: 5 Member
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    Just ask your spouse this: Are you going to want to take care of me 20, 30 years down the line after I've suffered one or more strokes, or when I'm suffering side effects of out-of-control diabetes (blindness, limb amputations, etc.)? Or would you rather I do everything I can to get and stay healthy now so I can be there for us both later on?
  • hajohns1982
    hajohns1982 Posts: 1 Member
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    I'm told that I look great no matter what, but ice gained 30-40 lbs over the last few years due to depression/emotional eating and an injury (broken leg). I ask that he limits the amount of junk food in the house so I'm not tempted, or at least hide it. It's frustrating sometimes. I'm not trying to lose weight for you, it's for me, help me out!
  • DragonShoe_GCole
    DragonShoe_GCole Posts: 138 Member
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    DavPul wrote: »
    jemhh wrote: »
    How do you define "supportive"?

    maybe she says she's upset about something and when he asks for her to elaborate on the issue she just stays silent and never responds?

    lmao; nailed it

    brb wizardry
    brb sarcasm
    brb OP still hasn't given any details

  • hmfishy
    hmfishy Posts: 22 Member
    edited December 2015
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    My husband loves me just as I am. He knows how miserable I am in this body, and then he feeds me to feel better. He is a kind wonderful man, but I use him to enable me. I don't buy junk, but he does and then I eat it. I know that I need to be strong no matter what anyone else is doing. I LET him sabatage me. .. must find something I love more than the junk food he brings home. .. I think success will do it. Lose some weight, get healthier, it will feel so much better than chips and dip or chicken wings. I want him to stop bringing it all home. ... sort of. TERRIBLE! :)
  • brianlundlarsen
    brianlundlarsen Posts: 49 Member
    edited December 2015
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    Mine is very supportive of the goal, but doesn't really understand that I always need to go to the gym or go for a run. For me it's very important to have a plan and then stick to it. I can't just skip workouts whenever I don't feel like it or it's not optimal in my schedule as I know from experience it's a slippery slope that can lead to slacking off too much.
  • shll13
    shll13 Posts: 15 Member
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    I feel ya. My boyfriend claims to be supportive, but in reality he's not. He thinks tough love is All i need. He tells me I need to stop worrying about what I eat & just focus on exercise... That food doesn't matter. We get in arguments about this. If all I needed to do was exercise then I wouldn't be 50lbs heavier. He doesn't understand that I have to watch my food.. 80% food 20% exercise. All he eats is junk.. It's always around. He just doesn't get it. It's hard when your significant other isn't on the same page.
  • schibsted750
    schibsted750 Posts: 355 Member
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    Kitty_Nikki wrote: »
    One of them told me that he was afraid she was trying to lose weight in an effort to be more attractive to other men so it would be easier for her to leave him. People can be very insecure.

    This is incredibly common. No matter how good your relationship with someone is, this will probably become an issue whenever you change anything about yourself for the better. And I think this goes for your relationship with anyone, not just your spouse. People sabotage you out of insecurity without even understanding why they're doing it.
  • chamzlila
    chamzlila Posts: 189 Member
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    My partner is the same. Has nothing positive to say about anything i do anyway so i never expected any motivation from him and i dont need it. Im happy making myself happy.....he needs me more than i need him
  • pootle1972
    pootle1972 Posts: 579 Member
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    chamzlila wrote: »
    My partner is the same. Has nothing positive to say about anything i do anyway so i never expected any motivation from him and i dont need it. Im happy making myself happy.....he needs me more than i need him

    Great outlook.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    edited December 2015
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    I've learned that my weight loss is entirely my own business, and I don't make anyone else go on a diet with me. That means that my husband can have his snacks in the house, and it's up to me to stick to my goals. I'm loved no matter what my weight, and that's more important than getting "help" with my diet. He eats my healthy cooking though, and I've been finding low carb sweeteners, that he likes, to use instead of sugar. I'm a nurturer, but that's my deal.
  • minniestar55
    minniestar55 Posts: 346 Member
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    lithezebra wrote: »
    I've learned that my weight loss is entirely my own business, and I don't make anyone else go on a diet with me. That means that my husband can have his snacks in the house, and it's up to me to stick to my goals. I'm loved no matter what my weight, and that's more important than getting "help" with my diet. He eats my healthy cooking though...

    My husband is supportive in that he is happy I'm happy with what I'm doing; compliments me about it too. I eat a bit differently than him, but dont mind the extra cooking, etc. My food choices are about me, he actually eats healthier than he used to, but its his choice what he wants to eat. I'm lucky that he's never really tried to sabotage me or belittle me or anything, but if he did, it would still be about my choices.
  • BeaUtiful_1413
    BeaUtiful_1413 Posts: 200 Member
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    angiedwill wrote: »
    Mine isn't overly supportive either. According to him I'm fine just like I am. I know I need to be in better shape so I work at it just to get no response from him at all. But I'm over it....I'm doing this for me not for him.
    Same here!
  • KellzNew92
    KellzNew92 Posts: 214 Member
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    I'm the same, he keeps saying I'm fine how I am. I don't feel the same as him. Makes it so difficult
  • tatiannajanel
    tatiannajanel Posts: 22 Member
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    My boyfriend gives a false sense of support. He'll encourage my lifestyle change but then suggest going out to eat every week. Or he'll bring home fast food for the both of us. No wonder why I've gained almost 40lbs while dating him.
  • WendyLaubach
    WendyLaubach Posts: 518 Member
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    At first my husband was skeptical. He also finds talk about dieting boring, which I understand, because I've never liked to hear people talk about it either (until now), so I've been trying not to talk about it obsessively with him--I do all the obsessing here! I think he was also nervous about having to change how he cooks or eats just because I had a sudden enthusiasm. Gradually, though, he saw I'd still eat what he cooked, only less of it, and if I wanted anything special I'd handle it myself. Also, when the weight actually started coming off, he could see I was serious. He's still a little nervous that I'll get "too skinny," which I think is hilarious. I've advised him that we can worry about that many, many pounds down the road.
  • KWKirkbride
    KWKirkbride Posts: 119 Member
    edited January 2016
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    nvm




  • Bry_Fitness70
    Bry_Fitness70 Posts: 2,480 Member
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    My wife is pretty hostile towards my fitness efforts. She gets annoyed that I weigh my food and log all of my calories and I generally have to workout very early in the morning or during lunch at work, or else face an argument over being selfish and putting my fitness ahead of the family's needs. The $25 a month fee for the gym is always mentioned as a wasteful expense, as well as buying occasional fitness necessities and protein bars. Meanwhile, my male peers in our social circles all spend thousands on sports season tickets, gambling, and fantasy football, and have atrocious eating habits that are already catching up to them in terms of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and pre-diabetes. The lack of respect for what I'm doing is frustrating, to put it mildly...
  • cake21
    cake21 Posts: 13 Member
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    hmfishy wrote: »
    My husband loves me just as I am. He knows how miserable I am in this body, and then he feeds me to feel better. He is a kind wonderful man, but I use him to enable me. I don't buy junk, but he does and then I eat it. I know that I need to be strong no matter what anyone else is doing. I LET him sabatage me. .. must find something I love more than the junk food he brings home. .. I think success will do it. Lose some weight, get healthier, it will feel so much better than chips and dip or chicken wings. I want him to stop bringing it all home. ... sort of. TERRIBLE! :)

    This is exactly like my husband and me. Thank you I feel more positive just knowing I'm not alone! We CAN do it :)
  • djpgrl28
    djpgrl28 Posts: 24 Member
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    I understand my wife isn't down to work out or support me. She eats the ice cream and junk food most the time but i need support too. So add me we can do this
  • WendyLaubach
    WendyLaubach Posts: 518 Member
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    bw_conway, that $25/month gym fee is going to seem pretty cheap compared to the lost wages and Rx bills of family members who ignore things like diabetes.

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