Depressed and pregnant

Romyarts2014

Hey everyone,
I used to be very active on MFP. But have not been the last 7 months when I became pregnant.
I had lost 150 pounds but have gained back 30.

Lately I have been so depressed and feel like my life is going no were. I moved to Europe and all my family is left in America. I got a new man here got pregnant and got a house together. He knows everyone here and has his family here. I feel like I am always the lost puppy following him around everywhere even though he always wants me with him.
I feel like if I start back on my weight loss and health my depression might go away and maybe I can meet some people. The language barrier is the hardest. I speak dutch but people speak in dialect. I have the biggest sociol anxiety. Im always nervous around his family and friends and refuse to try and reach out and make my own. Now I have a little girl on the way and want to be the best I can for her.
Anyone have any advice
And feel free to add my facebook just look me up by email. Romyarts2013@aol.com

Kyrenora

I would start by talking to a counselor about your depression. It does sound like it's largely situational, but depression during pregnancy has a strong correlation with post-partum depression, which can become a very serious issue.

Losing weight during pregnancy is often not the best idea - talk to your doctor about this, as he or she will know the specifics of your case, and let you know if it's healthy for you specifically. It's always a good idea to properly manage your health, however. Eating right and practicing pregnancy-safe exercise may help you feel better in your body.

As for having trouble adjusting to a new area, I've been there. It's extremely difficult, especially if you're not outgoing enough to just walk up to people and try to make friends. If you want to talk, you are more than welcome to add/message me.

cebreisch

Well - if you're pregnant, then you have a LOT of raging hormones. Part of you is fighting the battle that you've tried so hard to lose the weight and have gained some back due to pregnancy and that's creating conflict. Please let your doctor know that you're having a hard time. If you're having these feelings now, then Post Partum Depression could be really difficult. I remember once PPD hit, I went straight to the dr. Office in tears begging for help. I was given some sort of anti-depressant, and it helped IMMENSELY!!!

Get some help for it now.

Romyarts2014

i have thought about taking antidepressents and stuff but my mom had taken them and it made her worse so i dont know if they actually work and would hate to get worse just to get better

Kyrenora

Romyarts2014 wrote: »

i have thought about taking antidepressents and stuff but my mom had taken them and it made her worse so i dont know if they actually work and would hate to get worse just to get better

Psychiatric medication can be very hit-or-miss because everyone's body chemistry is different. There can be some trial and error when first starting antidepressants. It sounds like your mom was either on the wrong medication for her, or the wrong dosage. Not all cases of depression require meds, either. Some people are able to overcome it with therapy and lifestyle changes alone. Find a counselor and figure out what is right for you and your situation.

Lisa_M_8

I've always been slim and athletic and really struggled with gaining weight when pregnant I felt awful and got really upset with ballooning so big! (I was huge!). I ended up having PND after giving birth but it soon cleared up with a few months of meds once I started to get back into exercising I didn't need them.

When I got pregnant again I tried to keep some perspective in my mind that the weight gain wasn't because I was overeating or being lazy it was because I was supporting another life growing inside me & what an amazing blessing that is. You will lose the weight after, you've done it before so know you can.

Look towards the baby as a positive step in your social life too you can attend baby groups and meet people in new circles that way.

Definitely speak to your medical team though so they can support you and give you guidence.

Good luck with the pregnancy and try to enjoy it!

BetterBod91

Hmm I would suggest getting professional help.
Also find a group or a club (maybe there's a expat support group in your area.

OyGeeBiv

A new mommy group or even a playground will be a good way to meet other moms. You'll already have a lot in common, and it's a way to build a support network. Ask your doctor or hospital if there are groups for expectant parents. I met some of my best friends through having children the same age.

Don't let the language barrier hold you back from going out. The more you're among people and hearing them speak, the more you'll pick up. Having a child born there probably means you'll be there for the long haul, so get yourself out there and make yourself "at home".

Walk around town and learn the shops. Walk around the park and envision being there with your child. Go to a museum and walk around. Walk walk walk!! Good for your body, good for your baby, good for your mood!

snowflake954

I was in your shoes 30 yrs ago. I was pregnant and moved to Italy and left friends, family and work behind. I also didn't know the language and my future husband worked long hours. Meeting family and friends of his was hard at first. What helped me was staying as busy as possible. If you can do volunteer work, or anything to get your mind off yourself, it will help. This also gets you out to make your own friends and reinforces the language. Once the baby is born you will be too busy to think. We had a second one a year later, so I was occupied with them. I made friends at the park. Once they go to school, you will meet other mothers and things will straighten out. You say you speak the language, which is a plus. Once the kids started watching cartoons, it made the language so much easier. Cartoons are simple, with stories and pictures, plus being repetitive, so I found them a great help.

I also felt so alone, and internet, skype etc. didn't exist here then. I made it just fine (with 3 sons) with a lovely husband that everyone adores when I take him home to the States to visit. You will too. Just be strong, look around and see how you can busy yourself. Best of luck.

Romyarts2014

Thank you all!! Luckily i live by the city so i can always go and excercise && walk around! It sucks gaining weight! When you were doing so good but yall are right i did it once and can do it again

Mellie289

I'm sorry you are having a tough time, but isn't 30 lbs around what you should have gained at 7 months pregnant? I think the scale is not going to be your friend through pregnancy if you see that 30 lbs as gaining back what you lost - it's not 30 lbs of fat. Think of it as 30 lbs of baby.

I'm planning to try to get pregnant in a few months and I'm also trying to mentally prepare for the scale to start moving back up again. I know it will feel a little discouraging if I think of the weight as my hard work being undone, but I think it will help to think about how much weight I should be gaining each month for baby, and that some of that will come off with breastfeeding after the baby is born.

I've lived in Europe before and also found it tough, although I was at least in England (my spouse's home country) and I could speak the language. It was still lonely to leave all friends and family behind.

Can you take Dutch classes to maybe help with understanding the dialect? It might be a great way to meet other people who are from other places and might also be looking to make new friends. Or maybe there is a meetup group you can find for Americans living there?

tulips_and_tea

Well, that is a LOT of change to adapt to all at once! Good for you for reaching out for help here. Great suggestions have been given already. I have to repeat @Mellie289's idea of taking Dutch classes. It seems like you have the time and you could not only meet new people but then you will be able to teach your daughter both languages.

Also, do you work? If not, is there a way to find part-time employment? A fall-back stream of income is always important, especially with a child. Good luck! Wish you the best.

Triplestep

Another suggestion to get a professional involved ASAP. Even just for talk therapy - find yourself an English-speaking counselor, one who has lived elsewhere or at the very least has experience treating people who have immigrated from other places.

Since you're living in a big city, you may find some kind of "new mommies group", but you may not - Europeans don't rely on things like that as much. Its a decidedly American thing prioritize separating oneself into single-family homes and nuclear family groups. That's why Americans need to formalize groups like that, but culturally, Europeans don't. (My kids' father is from Italy and I've spent time in both places.) This means you're going to have your work cut out for you, since your social anxiety is going to make meeting the "natural' way a challenge. That's why the first order of business is what I opened with: see a professional and try to get help for the non-physical issues.

Classes will probably not help with dialect (I had the same problem). Unfortunately, the only thing that will help is practice. (My daughter has a job at her university talking to foreign graduate students in English a few days a week - that's how important talking to others is. They PAY undergrads three hours a week to do it!) Again, this is why you want to see a counselor first so that talking to people will become easier for you.

And take lots of walks - if nothing else, the exercise and fresh air will help with the depression.

Good luck, and congrats on the new addition to your family!

ajlwngs

Romyarts2014 wrote: »

i have thought about taking antidepressents and stuff but my mom had taken them and it made her worse so i dont know if they actually work and would hate to get worse just to get better

Hi girl! As a pharmacist and someone who is nearly 7 mo pregnant too - hormones are a *kitten*!! And the ladies on her are right, PPD may almost be worse.
So 1. Talk to a professional!! It'll make you feel more in control and more connected to life, your feelings, and actions you can do to feel better.
2. Meds for depression are not all the same! What works for some do not work for others. And even more complex, what once worked for someone years ago may not help at all today. Antidepressants are sadly a trial by fire. And the other downside - most all will take at least 3-4 wks before you start to feel any different. Furthermore, based upon the way most affect receptors in the brain, they actually can worsen depression for the first 7-10 days. So you just have to be aware, rely on people around you - even calls back to friends/family and think big picture and keep moving.
3. Being pregnant is a bit of a wrinkle. You will not find any meds that are 100% safe in pregnancy. But some are better than others. And your options will increase post baby. That being said, I personally have struggled with depression for the past 20 years and have been on nearly everything at one time or another. And my OB and I agree staying on the 2 antidepressants I have been stable on for the past 3 years throughout pregnancy outweighed stopping them.
4. You can do this! Be honest with your man about how you feel and more importantly express what can he do to make you feel better now and after the baby!
5. Find a new mommy group! You'll have an instant group of new friends, perhaps struggling with the same issues!

Cheers! You can do this!!!