Hello all!

bsbprincess

Hey everyone! I am returning - sort of.

I've been overweight my whole life (since I was about 5, seriously.) It was possibly the worst when I was about 12 and weighed 200. I grew a bit and I probably haven't looked as big since. However, in 2009 when I was 23 I weighed after years of not paying attention and I had hit 220. This was a big wake up call for me and I started walking with my Mom. Just for about 20 minutes a night but it was a start. With this, and the Richard Simmons diet I managed to lose about 30 lbs.

I had hit a plateau so I decided to start working out a bit harder, and found Jillian Michaels videos. I fell in love with her. After months of Level 1 of 30 Day Shred I had lost about 15-20 more (I had also switched to Weight Watchers through an app I found called iTrackBites because Simmons got to be too hard to maintain while working out so hard.) Then I found 30 Day Shred too easy so I started doing her other videos that were longer and more difficult. Then I found all of her videos too easy... (too easy!!!)

Then I came across Bob Harper's Pure Burn Super Strength. It was a real challenge. The full hour and 15 or so is definitely harder than Jillian's videos for me. I felt great. I was then killing his workout. I was down to 161 and then...

I let it slip. For years. Things have been really tough for me for the past couple years especially. I won't launch into personal problems but in short I've been depressed. I now weigh 188 but I feel like I weigh 220 again. I weighed with my fiance's Aria Fitbit scale and it told me I have 40% body fat. I want to cry. I look back at the photos of me at 161 and I cant believe how much better I look. And yet, back then, I wasn't happy with myself at all. I still felt really fat. smh...

The other day I started browsing the forums here and found the photos only before and after thread and I was floored. So many amazing people. So many incredible transformations. I've also been following this girl named Rebecca on instagram that has said she lost 70 with MFP, and just walking. She looks amazing.

I've used MFP for a bit before, it was the short period when I was almost at my lowest and had plateaued with WW. I switched it up and still wasn't losing. I was stuck around 170-165. On another weight loss forum they suggested for what I was doing for my exercise I probably wasn't eating enough. I increased calories from 1400 to 1600 and I did start to lose again. As I said, though, I soon stopped working out and eating well and undid all that work...

So here I am. I feel lost and worried I'll never be able to do it. My mind keeps going "should I do Simmons again or WW again or this again?" I feel like MFP gives the most freedom, but I also tend to use calories on the wrong stuff, and with WW it makes you eat fruit and veggies cause they're free and if you don't, you're not eating enough... I'm mostly wanting to try doing it again with MFP, and making myself make healthy choices on my own. As that seems the most healthy change than WW. Eating well needs to be a choice, not an "I have to in order to eat as much as this diet wants me to."

Any advice, encouragement, suggestions, hellos or "me too!"s are appreciated. If you've actually read all this, then bless you!

-Jennifer