I fell off the wagon.

xxvogue

I'm crushed.

I have fallen off the wagon. I went from being the thinnest I've been in years to almost at my heaviest weight in just 5 months (this is about a 15-20 POUND gain). I feel it when I look in the mirror, my clothes don't fit, I feel defeated. Utterly defeated.

5 months of poor choices, and I'm back where I started.

I really just need some words of encouragement because for the first time in a long time, I looked in the mirror and wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because I haven't been living up to what I want to be.

My steps to recovery are to just cut down on food - particularly white breads and sweets, and do the 30 day shred. Unfortunately, right now I'm not in the best position for food logging (I'm an au pair and I eat what I'm fed; I have little control or ability to measure portions) and do the 30 day shred again. I walk 2 miles most days already. When I leave my position as an au pair in August I'm going back to "Eat to Live" which I had tremendous success on.

I just need some encouragement, support, hugs. Hearing from people. Anything to pick my mood up. I feel like I'm climbing an impossible hill.

Edit: There was some emotional baggage that went with me falling off the wagon, but the rest of it was pure laziness.

clobern

I did it once, lost 150 pounds then gained more than 80 back. I am doing it again for good this time. Make sure you realize when you're making those bad choices and turn around immediately. You'll get through this and be in tip top shape again in no time.

elainemorris1982

You can do, you have do it before so get back on track from tomorrow. Making better food choices is a lifestyle change, as you've learned once you go back to old eating habits the weight just comes back on. Remember how confident you felt in yourself when you were smaller. Come on lets get back to that. It may take a few months but it will so worth it. Everyone is here to support u xxxx

britzzie

It happens. I've lost 70 pounds...twice. After I gained it all back, I felt like the biggest failure. For good reason though, I'd worked incredibly hard to lose the weight, made poor choices for months, and ended up back where I started. I was humiliated, sad, and obese (again!)! Now this may not make you feel any better. It just reinforces how you feel. But that's ok. You shouldn't feel good about it. You messed up. I messed up. Just like anything else in life, you have to learn from it.

The good news is that it's a new day, and you get a new chance to do it all over again. Yea it sucks and it will be hard. But you won't let it slip away like last time will you? You'll cherish it when you get there, because you know how easily you can just let it go. Yes it sucks. Yes you messed up. But you can't wallow in it. That will get you nowhere. All you can do is make it happen again. And this time don't look back.

Best of luck to you!

ForMyAngelBaby

You fell off the wagon - now you get back on the wagon. You've acknowledged where you went wrong - be sure to avoid that next time.

It's so important to get back on the wagon right away - and it's also very important to reflect on what you did right, wrong and how you can changed those.

Good for you for getting back on! I fell off 3 years ago - and I'm just now getting serious about a weight loss I've been working on since November. You'll get there!

heidibluegirl

Lost 95 lbs here, and gained back 115! After much reluctance and little hope I got back on it and have lost 6 lbs my first week with the support here! Feel free to add me!

twinmoon

I've lost and gained 30 lbs a bunch of times for the past 6-7 years. This time, I hit my all time high in early 2013, and what a gift that was! There's nothing like hitting rock bottom and getting back up again. That's the sign of true resilience. You have a clean slate ahead. You've done this before, and you'll do it again. Be kind to yourself - negative self-talk is so damaging. Embrace all of it as part of the process.

The MFP commuinty is amazing. Keep posting, logging - make friends, and read the posts. When you want to overeat, remember all this food will be here next year. Good luck!

SHEEZLUVLLY

Never give up. I believe the majority of us have gone through the bump of hitting the ground. The wagon is a ride you have to learn how to balance, Add me if you want

xxvogue

It's great to read that I'm not the only one who has made this mistake.

hayleymc3

Best thing I can tell you is, don't be so hard on yourself.

I went from 304 to 213, lowest weight I've ever been at. (Morbidly obese my whole life). Then I went back up to 290.8 (Where I'm at right now). I spent a lot of time hating myself, binging, and torturing my mind by constantly attacking myself with insults. I finally realized - I'm human. I let things get too far, but I can fix this. It isn't impossible and I have the ability to make things right.

I was sad because I became a "statistic" - one of the majority who gain weight back. Well, this is all a mindset. I am learning that being able to achieve my goals involves believing that I can and I will.

Again, do not be hard on yourself. You can get back to where you were. You can actually do anything you'd like, but you must believe that first.

Good luck to you and feel free to add me if you need support (Anyone else reading this as well).

hayleymc3

It happens. I've lost 70 pounds...twice. After I gained it all back, I felt like the biggest failure. For good reason though, I'd worked incredibly hard to lose the weight, made poor choices for months, and ended up back where I started. I was humiliated, sad, and obese (again!)! Now this may not make you feel any better. It just reinforces how you feel. But that's ok. You shouldn't feel good about it. You messed up. I messed up. Just like anything else in life, you have to learn from it.

The good news is that it's a new day, and you get a new chance to do it all over again. Yea it sucks and it will be hard. But you won't let it slip away like last time will you? You'll cherish it when you get there, because you know how easily you can just let it go. Yes it sucks. Yes you messed up. But you can't wallow in it. That will get you nowhere. All you can do is make it happen again. And this time don't look back.

Best of luck to you!

Quoting this advice because it's so accurate. I just now achieved that mentality - "Yes, I messed up. But I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice."

I might actually save this for reading on a bad day.

grimendale

A few years ago, I got serious about weight loss and dropped 50 lbs. Then I jumped off the wagon and promptly gained that 50 lbs and his twin brother. For a few years, I gave up and just kept letting myself get heavier and more miserable. Last year, I decided to do this thing right, and take it off for good. I've lost the weight and am now in the best shape of my life. It sucks having to lose the same weight again, but once you do, it motivates you to stay on the wagon. It's been six months since I lost the weight, and I have no intention of going back to being fat me. You slipped up, but don't let that ruin the rest of your life. Be thankful for the fact that you know you can do it - you've done it before. A lot of people end up feeling hopeless because it seems so impossible, but you know you have the ability, you just need to harness it. I know you can do it, and so do you.

RickyLuvsMary4ever

I have been on a dedicated weight loss journey for 3 and a half months. I am steady losing weight, even with relapses, give up moments, can't stand myself nights crying in bed. My fat is a symptom of my emotional pain, losing weight I had to find coping mechanisms not food related. I am losing weight the same way I always have but I feel different because I have developed new tools to succeed, not only in weight loss but in life!

1. Get rid of guilt, shame, self loathing and fear. We have given in to those naturally occurring feelings before when it came to weight loss and all it did was make us fatter! Got a flat tire? Instead of fixing the flat go on and slash the other three tires with a box cutter... makes no sense... dump guilt!

2. You lost weight before, you know how to do it. Now we have great apps and web pages to help us along the way, losing weight is not the problem. Knowing when you are off track and redirecting your energies is one of the issues. Have a messed up day, messed up week, went to hog heaven on vacation, stress binging? Step back and give yourself a break, your only human, take it easy! We didn't gain it all in one day and it's not going to come off in one day. Have faith if you do what you need to do for mind and body, your body will follow your healthier lead. Your body will respond to being treated well and love you for it!

3. Plan ahead, planning ahead is annoying at first but once you get the hang of it, its so easy! Planning ahead is preparation over willpower! Willpower has a limit, don't lean on it too much.
I plan my food the night before, if I want to eat rich foods like pizza (2 slices because its just too good), fast food (Los Doritos Tacos anyone?), or comfort foods (Mac and Cheese, 'nuff said) I plan those in advance as possible and work them in to my daily food. I plan ahead and leave a little wiggle room calories, because I like to socially eat/snack and the opportunity for that is always popping up. Is your eating style is to snack right before bed? Give in to it, but plan for it.

4. I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds, I was a food addict. Food is a addiction that no food addict can quit cold turkey like other drugs. We must eat to live. Processed foods are created to have you jumped up like a junky? That's how they keep up coming back for more when we know they are nutritionally devoid foods. In the beginning I did a lot of swap outs. Eating crappy food does not leave room for the nutritional food and less processed foods I ate the less I craved them, now I eat whole foods and actually love the way it tastes, and save frankenfood for occasional treats.

I have been morbidly obese my young adult to adult life. I am already enjoying my weight loss and lifestyle. Took me to be 35 years old to finally get on the path to wellness, but I appreciate being a late bloomer in life, my best time is now and ahead of me )

missybct

In 2010 I lost nearly 60lbs to one of my lowest weights of 213lbs.

I gained back 84lbs - so 60lbs plus an extra 24 for good measure. Health problems (physical and mental) combined with poor choices and a bad attitude to food (my own fault) sealed the deal.

In January I weighed 297lbs or thereabouts. Today I weigh 212lbs. I am petrified regularly that I gain that weight back like I did before but there are two differences (I hope); I want to do this and enjoy it (most of the time) and I'm being responsible about my eating. Before, I would do everything I could to cut back or take the short route. I know my weight loss has been fast and some could say irresponsible, but I genuinely a) eat properly and b) do not starve - I work out 3 times a week at the gym and walk on "off" days.

It is possible to change that mentality - I don't know whether mine is changed fully yet and I always live in expectation of a gain/bad day/cheating myself but nearly 90 days down the line since I joined MFP (I lost about 30lbs before MFP) I've adapted "bad" days into "days where I eat more but compensate for it by working out". I think I've been over my calories once during those 90 days, although there are some generic entries.

Feel free to add me as a friend on here. I'm definitely not an oracle on weight loss, but I've picked up some tips as I go along.

Good luck xxx

keg619

I have done the same. A couple of years ago I lost 60 pounds, which brought me right down to 200, the lowest I have been in years. I then began to gain the weight back and not too long after I had gained about 120 pounds. After a couple years of dealing with my size and family matters I decided I had enough. I began to lose weight again, and lost 90 pounds. I have been at a plateau for nearly a year and have slowly started to gain the weight back.

I noticed this change when I took a second job, which made me sedentary for a huge chunk of my day. I work seven days of the week, and they are all 16 hour days besides Sunday which can get up to 8 hours. I'm hoping that once I leave my second job before schools begins in the fall, that this will become easier again.

Just don't give up. This is a life long struggle and something you will have to learn to handle sooner or later. Good luck to you!

QueenWino

I know all about that wagon! We are all here together and you can do it. I read it takes between 60 and 260 days for a major change in lifestyle to sink in. Everybody has a different timeline. I believe I am closer to a year as I've stopped before that and not had long term success. Knowledge truly is power and a board like this where everyone can add their insight is a great help. You can do it, you can portion control, you can take a cheese off the food or remove a sauce and reduce caloric content in small ways until you can truly prepare all your own foods. You have a long, great life ahead of you.
'

rieann84

And so it goes.. I do the same thing. I'm great for so long and then something happens and I lose it all. I also recently "fell off the wagon" and am looking to get back on track. Add me if you want.

I know the feeling of impossibility, but what is the alternative? Give up and do nothing at all? I don't think so. Falling down over and over is frustrating, but I know I will always keep trying. I have to.

Becky_Smith72

Really it's all about deciding that you're going to make a change and let go of everything else and then not look back. We all have our moments where we aren't on track and maybe we even go backwards, but you have to make the choice to get out of bed and say, "Todays the day" and make big things happen again. Know that if you did it once you can certainly do it again! Feel free to add me if you'd like I'd love to help motivate you!

FitGeekery

I am the queen of falling off the wagon, so I definitely feel you there *hug* Even if the situation isn't ideal... guess what? When is it ever really ideal? Life happens, and that's okay, you just have to work with it. You have your goal, you know what you want, so just take any obstacles in stride.

Figure out the things you -can- do, instead of focusing on the things you can. Find little changes you can make that will sustain you for life. Even if you can't log 100% accurately, if you have or gain knowledge of portions in general it can help you to log the best you can. There are always things you can do to help yourself along, you just have to figure out what they are

mlogantra76

You can do it! I lost 120 lbs and kept it off for 10 years. Then I regained 30ish lbs. I'm now very close to my clothing size in pants. Just get started and do it. You will be so glad.

sparkly86

Oh don't worry, we all go through that. The important thing is that you are here and willing to make a change. 20 lbs is so little, you can totally do this, not to mention you have done it before!