"When Food Guilt is Ruining Your Life"
Orphia
Posts: 7,097 Member
http://www.melissatoler.com/blog/food-guilt-is-running-your-life
Some excerpts:
"Women feel the need to confess and atone because we've been taught that eating certain foods or eating too much is sinful. You're a naughty girl if you eat from the list of forbidden foods. The belief that you should strive for dietary perfection is so ingrained that it feels natural to label the Oreos you just had AND yourself as BAD if you have one too many."
"When it comes to food, women are not supposed to have what we want. And if we do have it, we should only enjoy it in limited, society-approved quantities.
"We go back and forth between using food as reward or punishment...and there are some days when you can't even tell the difference between the two.
"And the cycle goes on and on.
"The constant trips to and from the confessional become exhausting, boring, and stop you from fully living your life. The belief that you have to do penance suggests that what you're doing is somehow WRONG.
"How does it feel to know that engaging in the simple, natural act of eating is WRONG? Pretty *kitten*, right?
"So, what's a girl to do when you feel like you need to atone for your indulging in the forbidden fruit?
1. Understand that food is neither good nor bad; it has no inherent moral value.
2. Change the conversation. When you find yourself around people who start confessing their chocolate chip cookie sins from the night before, listen (because people want to be heard), then respectfully decline to take another trip down this rabbit hole.
3. Write down at least 10 things that are good about you or that you love about yourself. This is a great practice for reminding yourself that what you eat is not a reflection of who you are as a person. Your self worth is not dictated by what's on your plate. Ever.
"There is no such thing as dietary perfection. This is why you haven't been able to achieve it."
==
Hope this helps someone.
I'll add this pic I also found today which I think sums up a good attitude to food.
Some excerpts:
"Women feel the need to confess and atone because we've been taught that eating certain foods or eating too much is sinful. You're a naughty girl if you eat from the list of forbidden foods. The belief that you should strive for dietary perfection is so ingrained that it feels natural to label the Oreos you just had AND yourself as BAD if you have one too many."
"When it comes to food, women are not supposed to have what we want. And if we do have it, we should only enjoy it in limited, society-approved quantities.
"We go back and forth between using food as reward or punishment...and there are some days when you can't even tell the difference between the two.
"And the cycle goes on and on.
"The constant trips to and from the confessional become exhausting, boring, and stop you from fully living your life. The belief that you have to do penance suggests that what you're doing is somehow WRONG.
"How does it feel to know that engaging in the simple, natural act of eating is WRONG? Pretty *kitten*, right?
"So, what's a girl to do when you feel like you need to atone for your indulging in the forbidden fruit?
1. Understand that food is neither good nor bad; it has no inherent moral value.
2. Change the conversation. When you find yourself around people who start confessing their chocolate chip cookie sins from the night before, listen (because people want to be heard), then respectfully decline to take another trip down this rabbit hole.
3. Write down at least 10 things that are good about you or that you love about yourself. This is a great practice for reminding yourself that what you eat is not a reflection of who you are as a person. Your self worth is not dictated by what's on your plate. Ever.
"There is no such thing as dietary perfection. This is why you haven't been able to achieve it."
==
Hope this helps someone.
I'll add this pic I also found today which I think sums up a good attitude to food.
4
Replies
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Great post!0
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This has seriously troubled me in the past, so thanks.
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I'm glad you like it.0
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This really struck a chord with me. Good fuel for thought as we start a new year of relating to food and emotional health. Thanks.
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Lovely post
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Timely post @Orphia, love the pic you included.
So glad I never grew up with good and bad food and guilt- it sounds draining.
Cheers, h.
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Sticky.0
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The graphic would be better if it said the "other" should generally be no more than 10-20% of your calories instead of "have some of these".0
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I do believe many women have an unhealthy relationship with food. Feeling guilt about eating certain things seems to lead to more binge eating, or worse, purging.
My body definitely feels better or worse depending how I fuel it, and I think that too plays a part in feeling "bad" after eating a large quantity of sugary or fried foods. It's difficult to separate the physical feelings from the emotional.0 -
So glad you posted this0
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Great post, Orph!0
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.Packerjohn wrote: »The graphic would be better if it said the "other" should generally be no more than 10-20% of your calories instead of "have some of these".
Right. Some.0 -
I see lots of people in here, and every other forum where food and eating is discussed, "confessing" daily. Especially women aren't really entitled to enjoyment. At least not one they freely can administer themselves.
We might think we are getting less religious, but we have just shifted focus from sex to food. "Eating clean" is another bizarre "morality disguised as health" thing.
I might regret eating something or too much of it, even feel weak, but I don't feel guilty. Either I'm lucky, or I'm just not a real woman.1 -
kommodevaran wrote: »I see lots of people in here, and every other forum where food and eating is discussed, "confessing" daily. Especially women aren't really entitled to enjoyment. At least not one they freely can administer themselves.
We might think we are getting less religious, but we have just shifted focus from sex to food. "Eating clean" is another bizarre "morality disguised as health" thing.
I might regret eating something or too much of it, even feel weak, but I don't feel guilty. Either I'm lucky, or I'm just not a real woman.
Well said.0 -
Let's just bump this.0
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That graphic is fantastic. Great post and thanks for bumping. I missed it the first time around.0
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Packerjohn wrote: »The graphic would be better if it said the "other" should generally be no more than 10-20% of your calories instead of "have some of these".
On a graphic supporting a balanced diet, yes. On a graphic supporting the idea that if you eat more than the 'approved' amount of some food that is 'bad' for you, you should not feel guilty or ashamed about it - no.2 -
This makes me feel like maybe I'm not a woman. Or that I should call my mom and thank her for teaching me common sense.2
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I suffer from feeling the need to deserve food but I am an extreme type person. If I am not following "the rules" then I feel out of control. I do not enjoy indulgences as I regret them and cannot just eat in moderation.
How does one find it in them to be able to eat freely without needing to be a fitness site in which they log their food to hold themselves accountable?0 -
Eating can be one of the joys of life. I choose what I want to eat based on how I am feeling and what I want to eat at the time. By choice I limit, or try to, the high calorie foods because I want to be a more healthy me. But if I want to have a Milky Way, I will eat it and enjoy it. The same goes with other so called "forbidden" foods. I am losing weight, slowly, at times slower than I would like; but, that said, I am not going to stop eating all foods that I enjoy just because someone says they are "bad". Those of you who wish to become martyrs and have a "holier-than-thou" attitude about foods can continue in your own judgmental ways. I, for one will not feel guilty if I chose to indulge in some of the finer things in life--and continue to lose weight at the same time!0
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It might not be holier than though attitudes. I could not care less what you eat the struggle I have is with myself and I think that is what the original post is trying to say ...stop the internal struggle. I just have no freaking idea of how to do that without going off the deep end of unhealthy patterns of crap food and no exercise..so instead I control my intake for over 2000 days and crazy levels of exercise.0
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I suffer from feeling the need to deserve food but I am an extreme type person. If I am not following "the rules" then I feel out of control. I do not enjoy indulgences as I regret them and cannot just eat in moderation.
How does one find it in them to be able to eat freely without needing to be a fitness site in which they log their food to hold themselves accountable?
You learn to listen to your body's hunger and thirst signals. You understand that eating healthy does not mean eating nothing but "healthy foods". That it's all about balance.
At least that's how I do it.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »I suffer from feeling the need to deserve food but I am an extreme type person. If I am not following "the rules" then I feel out of control. I do not enjoy indulgences as I regret them and cannot just eat in moderation.
How does one find it in them to be able to eat freely without needing to be a fitness site in which they log their food to hold themselves accountable?
You learn to listen to your body's hunger and thirst signals. You understand that eating healthy does not mean eating nothing but "healthy foods". That it's all about balance.
At least that's how I do it.
Pretty certain I have never been able to respond to hunger/full cues. I am able to deny hunger but not recognize the cue that I have had enough.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »I suffer from feeling the need to deserve food but I am an extreme type person. If I am not following "the rules" then I feel out of control. I do not enjoy indulgences as I regret them and cannot just eat in moderation.
How does one find it in them to be able to eat freely without needing to be a fitness site in which they log their food to hold themselves accountable?
You learn to listen to your body's hunger and thirst signals. You understand that eating healthy does not mean eating nothing but "healthy foods". That it's all about balance.
At least that's how I do it.
Pretty certain I have never been able to respond to hunger/full cues. I am able to deny hunger but not recognize the cue that I have had enough.
+1 My mouth does not have an off position.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »I suffer from feeling the need to deserve food but I am an extreme type person. If I am not following "the rules" then I feel out of control. I do not enjoy indulgences as I regret them and cannot just eat in moderation.
How does one find it in them to be able to eat freely without needing to be a fitness site in which they log their food to hold themselves accountable?
You learn to listen to your body's hunger and thirst signals. You understand that eating healthy does not mean eating nothing but "healthy foods". That it's all about balance.
At least that's how I do it.
Pretty certain I have never been able to respond to hunger/full cues. I am able to deny hunger but not recognize the cue that I have had enough.
Well, I did say "learn".
It may not be something you can do now, but your body does give you signals and you can learn to recognize them if you want.1 -
This just reminds me of this girl on youtube who is SO hard on herself about "eating clean" all the time. She even does dairy free 6 days a week and I just think its madness! To make yourself feel so bad about food is ridiculous. Shes super healthy and tall and lean. I recognize I do this to but not as bad. Its just sad0
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Thank you for sharing! Such a great reminder to focus on our "inner and outer self."0
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I missed this lovely post back in January. Thank you for sharing @Orphia !0
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Feeling guilty about some foods can lead to feeling guilty about eating all food. When food becomes the enemy life becomes hell. I'm grateful for sites life MFP which taught me to stop seeing food as the enemy and start viewing it as fuel. It completely changed the way I eat and live and saved my health.0
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Interestingly, logging does allow me to feel ok about the type of food as long as I stay UNDER my goal.
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