After-anorexia binge eating

tendaichisoro

Hello,

I was initially clinically underweight at an anorexic BMI. I am a 177cm 22 yo male, and a couple weeks ago, was at a weight of 116 lbs. I was even lower 12 months ago at 107 lbs, but got up to the early 120s, through intermittent binge eating, by mid-2015. However, due to stress and being on my feet a lot, I dropped back to 116 by Dec 2015.

However, over the last two weeks, I have been on a non-stop binge, eating copious amounts of sweets (uncontrollably) and fatty foods. I know I need to gain weight, but I can't take the binges anymore. I eat so much every other day, with days in between where I am simply unable to eat anything due to being uncomfortably full; overeat 3-4 days of the week, undereat the other 3 days.

I know I need to gain some weight, but the alternating binges are really unpleasant and socially embarrasing. I am retaining water like a sponge, look really bloated/puffy, and when I start, I simply can't stop. I'm almost like a zombie.

How do I address this and get back to eating like an average person to gain weight more healthily?

hgycta

Understand it's you up against your body, and your body knows it needs to gain weight and thus is fighting for it. I've been in a situation similar to that so I know it isn't easy, but try to address other factors leading up to the binges. Do they generally occur around the same time every day? On certain days of the week? When you're with certain people? When you're going through certain emotions, etc.? Try to pinpoint when you're most likely to binge, and then try to understand why these factors influence you so strongly.
If it's generally at a certain time of day, maybe try taking a bath, or going to sleep a little earlier, or watch television as far from the kitchen as you can, or read a book. Anything.
If it's when you're going through certain emotions, maybe try relaxation techniques or changing whichever situation is stressing you out; do you need a new job? Are you trying to accomplish too much schoolwork?
I think you can see where I'm getting at.
Of course, it also helps trying to keep tempting foods out of the house, but depending on your living arrangements I understand that isn't always possible.
Try not to loathe yourself after a binge, just look up and say that you can't change the past, you can only work towards a brighter and healthier future.
It may also help seeking a therapist or other medical professional. Have you ever gotten professional help for your eating disorder? Maybe you should stay in close contact with that person if so, or seek someone if not. Do your family or friends know what you're going through? The more people you surround yourself with who genuinely care about you, the better, although in some situations this may backfire if they try to help out with the best intentions but actually make it worse - such as encouraging you to binge to gain the weight back.
I wish you all the best of luck; eating disorders are very serious and hard to recover from, so be patient with yourself. You will get through this, and it will get better

malibu927

The best thing to do would be to speak to your treatment team

tendaichisoro

I don't have a treatment team....

kaylasaurus

I had problems binge eating after periods of long restriction - the main thing that has helped me is to shift your attitude about food. I know that this is something that you've probably heard before, but when you put it into action it helps so much. Try to eat healthy foods 80% of the time, and realize that no foods are off limits. Food is fuel for your body and mind. Also if you are up for it, maybe start an exercise regimen. When I start taking care of my body I tend to care more about what I put into it - just a thought. I hope this helps, if not I wish you the best. I know how hard recovery can be.

MelaniaTrump

This is NOT the place for you. MFP can be extremely dangerous for people with eating disorders/anorexia.
Do not use this place unless you have supervision from a therapist.

alp_19

I'm working on recovering from disordered eating to a less extreme degree. Never full blown anorexia, but binging and restricting. I completely understand how terrible it is and how hard of a reality it is to break.

I'm going to agree wholeheartedly with others here - you need to work with a professional if you can. They'll help you create a plan to tackle anorexia gradually and in a healthy way. You don't want to just transition from anorexia to bulimia but that seems to be where you're heading. You're going to have to deal with your concerns about your body and rework your relationship with both your body and food. It's not going to be easy but it's necessary.

I'd be happy to be a resource/source of support if you'd like to stay in contact. I'm not a professional but I can speak from personal experience and give you as much advice as I can. I think MFP can be a resource IF you are in the recovery mindset and you have a strategy for using it. But I agree with JanetYellen that it can also be dangerous. So please be careful with it.

KelpyG

Someone I am very close to went through this. Until they were back to a healthy weight (which was initially 5 pounds heavier than before they were anorexic), they were extremely hungry to the point where they binged every day (after deciding to stop restricting). She was super bloated every night, but the binges gradually got smaller and the hunger leveled off. Within 5 months the "extra weight" came off and she was back to her initial weight. I think she was anorexic for 6 years though. Anyway, my point was that you are probably going to continue to feel the urge to binge until you are at/ above your "natural" weight. I read something about leptin (a "fullness" hormone) being produced by fat tissue, so maybe you won't have enough leptin to feel full until you have enough fat to produce it. Also, I would resist the urge to purge-- I knew a bulimic, and that is not a path I would wish for anyone.
Disclaimer: I am just a person on the Internet, a specialist would know best.

worddigger

I am recovered from an eating disorder. I encourage you to get into a treatment program to help you recover in a healthy way... It can be done, it is a very serious and dangerous disease when not treated properly... It's all part of the lies believing anything else. I wish you good health in your recovery...do it now.

psuLemon

tendaichisoro wrote: »

I don't have a treatment team....

There are a lot of free resources if you need one. Below might be a good starting point, but having a treatment team is very beneficial.

https://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/portal/articles/1575987-eating-disorder-resources