Starting Over... AGAIN...

DoOver90

Not really "getting started" as I have been obese my entire life, even when I was a kid. So, dieting and falling off the wagon and gaining even more weight than when I first started is by no means new to me. Hit my highest when I was 17 and maintained it until two years ago ( I was 116 Kg or 256 lbs), at 164 cm or 5'4, I felt like.. there is really no way to describe it. But suffice to say that I couldn't walk 2-3 minutes without feeling like I am going to die. At 19 I got gallstones and at 22 I was hiding at home ( by that time, I graduated and before that I practically studied at home and only left the house to attend exams; no exaggeration) by then, I was completely okay with my situation, I didn't even think there was something wrong with me, I was comfortable except when I had to go somewhere, which I rarely did anyway. I was literally living to eat, I was eating everything in sight, because why not? I am 22 and I have no life and it's not like it can get any worse. Then, I went to see a dietritian -because of my mom- and I went down to 104 Kg or so (230 lbs) and something felt different. I can actually find clothes that fit again, I can go out and see people and most importantly, I can move without feeling like I am going to die. As expected, that change/feeling/motivation ran its course and I went back to my old life style in no time and in no time I went back to my old weight ( and all was right in the world again : D )
Two years ago, out of no where, I lost a couple of kilograms and I remembered how I felt like when I was -healthier, lighter, more normal ... whatever you want to call it- and it was the first I came here; I wasn't 100% dedicated and I had bad days more than I had good days but over the year I lost about 5 kgs. Then my dad got sick -he was super obese- and he suffered a great deal because of his weight before he passed away 11 months ago. That was my wake up call. That is what I am looking forward to if I continued living the way I am. -by that time, I was mentally devastated; I hit bottom months ago after a year and a half of graduation and staying at home- and I finally decided I don't want that. I was 23 and have no job, no life, I had/have friends but I pushed them away because I didn't want to leave the house. in short, it wasn't a life I wanted or cared about anymore, but I also wasn't just gonna sit there and cry, something had to change. That's when I started using MFP again, I was serious this time and I did my research before I started, I got down to 100 Kg (220 lbs) in -what seemed like- no time, after that I started hitting the gym. I was really motivated and I started doing things that I could never do before, I started getting out, I loved buying new clothes and I loved people telling me I look like a new person and asking me about healthy/nutritious eating and how to lose weight... etc
Three months ago, I don't know what happened but I stopped going to the gym, I deleted my old MFP account and I decided to just live a normal life. I don't think I have put on much weight since then -if any- but I don't feel like that person I used to feel like that last year. I stopped losing! Isn't that bad enough?
So today, I woke up and I decided I am going to start again, only this time I will be better.
I will reach my goal weight and by the end of this year I am going to look like I would never have dared dream in my wildest dream to ever look like.

I would never have thought I would write all that on an internet forum, but I guess I wanted to hold myself accountable and I wanted to have some friends who are on the same boat as I am to start that journey together. So, sorry for the rant and feel free to add me if .

Current status, 12 Jan. 2016:

Weight: 88 Kg ( 194 lbs)
Height: 164 (5'4)
Body fat: 42% (I know, I know)

My 1st goal is to lose 20 Kg and 17% body fat and then I will see from there.

Me at 116 Kg ( that pic is 7-8 years ago! )



Me at 88 Kg ( that pics was 10-15 minutes ago : P )

x_ashuhhlee

good luck on your journey!

hollen_carol

Just wanted to say, you look amazing!!!! You got this. I will be super excited to see you get to your final goal. I really know you can do it. Every day is a brand new day. Just make the best choices you can each day and if you have a bad day, no worries cause the next day will be better with more focus! Good luck to you

Passionately_Positive

Friend request sent!! Congrats on your journey so far and good luck for the rest of it

hanniejong

Congratulations on your journey so far, you can do this. I have been of here for 3 months and havew recently started logging again, I am at the moment 92.3kg am facing major surgery and need to get the weight down too. feel free to add me.

inmiami4u

Hey, thats an amazing story and journey.....do you mind sharing some tips??? plus i want to join you in loosing what you have left.

briggsykim

Your story feels a lot like my own. Don't let excess weight drag you down and stop you from being great. I'm back here too for the same reason. I'm ready to lose weight!