Body Positivity + Weight Loss = asjkadsads

periphrastic

Hello!

I've been on and off this website for a few years, but this is my first time posting in the community. So, hi! Sorry this intro post is so long -- (TLDR; trying to continue liking my body/self and be patient with my progress while also losing weight. Plz advise.)

A bit about me: I'm a 25-year-old writer/journalist/nerd entering my final semester of undergrad as an English major. I love to cook, I watch way too much netflix, and I love fashion... but usually from afar, because school and my commute eat anything leftover from my paychecks. In the past I struggled a lot with body image issues and eating disorders. 4 or 5 years ago, at my lowest point, I thought about the way I treated myself and I finally got angry. Learning to love my fat body was a rebellion, and it changed me for the better.

I'm here on MFP (again) because I want to lose weight, but this time I think I need some friends who get it. I always struggle to reconcile my desire to respect my body the way it is alongside the effort I'm making to change it and make it slimmer. Sometimes the distance between those two goals feels almost too wide to bridge, but it's crucial to me that I continue to love myself and my body through my weight loss.

I'm not trying to become thin--my goal weight right now is 200 lbs, and to get there I'll have to drop 20 lbs. If I get to that point, I expect to move on to new goals from there.

It's usually pretty tough for me to talk about weight loss, partly because the language and politics of it can be so toxic, and partly because my past experiences with weight loss were frequently unhealthy and deeply rooted in shame. Even compliments or well-meant comments about my progress make me uncomfortable, because there's an underlying suggestion that slimmer means prettier/better/more in control/etc, and that's a mindset I've done my best to leave behind. It's complicated enough to moderate my own feelings about my body, let alone dealing with everyone else's! How the heck do you change the most public part of yourself--your appearance--privately?

I've found that pretty much, you don't. So I'm trying a different approach this time: slow, gentle weight loss and attainable goals, while trying to relax my own insecurities not just about the way people see me, but about the way they see my weight loss. Easier said than done, right?

Is anyone else dealing with these same feelings or issues? How do you stay positive and on track?

Tblackdogs

That's a lot to deal with all at once. I'm double your age and I've never been very overweight but being a woman and having a teenage daughter means that I can definitely appreciate what you're talking about. What I would say from my 50 year old vantage point is that you should definitely love yourself and that means both your inside and your outside. Does it mean that you'll win a Pulitzer Prize or be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition? Of course not. What it should mean is that you like that you're a big reader or that you are a good friend or that you cook delicious food. It can also mean that you think you have gorgeous eyes or lovely feet. As for how much you weigh, you should aim for health and comfort. Trust me when I say that spending the next 25 years uncomfortable or on all sorts of meds will suck (and I use that word sparingly!). Since becoming a parent I've gotten the perspective that I want to be the best me I can be to set a good example for my kids. I want them to have a mom who will swim in the pool or ride bikes with them. I also want them to see me cook real food and know about healthy choices. Do we eat raw cookie dough together? Definitely! Can they do more pushups or run faster than I can? Definitely. But I really like myself and even though I don't love the flab around my middle, I do have awesome freckles, nice legs and yes….lovely feet. Don't obsess. Just do your best to be your best. Good luck!

CollieFit

I think many people grapple with these issues.
Personally, I find that they are rarely resolved by only addressing the "outside".
Carl Rogers, a well known British psychoanalyst, once said "“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
I believe there is a profound truth in that quote in that often when we can't accept ourselves first, things like diet and exercise become yet another stick to beat ourselves with rather than something which is meant to be positive, and nurturing and helpful. x

seltzermint555

I can relate SO MUCH to this and a lot of what you have said here is stuff that I still feel, or have at various times in my life. I'm much older and really spent a lot of years feeling pretty darn okay with myself despite weight issues. I have lost over 100 lb so it's a pretty drastic change and I still struggle a lot with the whole outward part. I feel great when some people say things that are really positive in my eyes (like how cool it is that I hiked a difficult trail, or my BFF saying I look great in my new dress and boots) but most of the time I don't want the attention or the little pat on the head from others "you aren't fat anymore, good job!". A lot of people don't get that. I didn't go to a the funeral of a pretty close friend recently because I could imagine twenty people screeching about how "thin" I am now...and that might sound self-absorbed, but last year it totally HAPPENED at both of my grandparents' funerals and it made me sick. I'm not one to join a workplace Biggest Loser. I would rather die.

One thing though...a big positive side to all of this...it is likely that changing your physique might satisfy you a lot more than it does some other people who are seeking a very strict ideal. I have found this to be true for me personally. My original goal was 220 and while I'm now a long way beneath that pound wise, I am so pleased with my body and I feel a newfound freedom to jump & run and dance randomly. I am not thinking about thigh gap or getting into a 2. Maybe you will be similar. I believe embracing and accepting our bodies is good no matter what we weigh...I don't hate my 300 lb former self at all. In fact, loving myself is what helped me make some positive changes in my body and my life.

edited to add: ADD ME if you like!! I am not super active on my friends' walls but I'd love to have you.

sarahstamberg1

I can relate to this as well. I'm 19 and have struggled with my body image and eating disorders since I was little. I'll support and help you any way I can! Please feel free to add me, I'm always here! (:

gracielynn1011

The best thing that helps me is to honestly and plainly remind myself that this is about health. I know it sounds cliche, and everybody says it, but it's true. Any time I feel down about myself, I instantly give myself a firm talking to that this is about being healthy, being strong, being happy.

It also helps that I now have a daughter and some nieces. One of my nieces is very outspoken and would often tell me,that my belly was fat, or I look like I have a baby in me. As I'm getting in shape, they notice. Now I hear "You're strong." "My mom never does that (referring to my workouts that they see when they stay over)." I tell myself and the girls that we don't work out and eat healthy foods to be skinny, we do this to be strong and so that our bodies work properly and healthily. The good looking body just comes along with it.

And I was 210 lbs at my highest weight. This me that I am now has been years in the making, and I still slip up. Just keep going, you can do this.

montanamegs

Hey! I'm almost 26, and have very similar goals to those which you have. I'm also close to graduating and one of my majors is English lit! This is not my first go round trying any of this out. I'm really looking for positive motivators as I try to hold myself accountable aND mI've forward. I'm also looking to be a positive motivator for others so feel free to add me!