Hate when my husband leaves town.

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  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    When I was Military and I was away from my family & couldn't communicate. We would all write down the things we miss doing together and when I got home, we would put them all in a jar and pick one out each day and go do it. WARNING!! Umm, the "personal fun" between the spouses should be in a SEPERATE jar :wink:

    LOL...this idea and the last comment in this paragraph=WIN
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.

    I didn't try to belittle your struggle...so don't belittle mine. Thank you.
  • Martucha123
    Martucha123 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    I have been on the phone with his mom when she calls to talk to both of us-so I know for a fact that this is where he is going-so I'm not worried that he's actually going somewhere else or that something might happen...I just hate when he leaves.

    this is not "normal", you are checking for where he is going in case if he is not telling the truth, and you are very stressed about 5 days of no communication, this is not something that everybody go through. Like few people said, looks like you have some trust issues and abandonment issues and you might want to work on them.

    Now to answer your question: if my partner is away (we both travel quite a bit) I just enjoy having house to myself, watching my favourite shows, eating my favourite food. If he left for longer (5 days, or a week) I would plan something extra nice for me, shopping trip, maybe spa day
  • Martucha123
    Martucha123 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife.

    I go to visit my family or on family vacation wothout my partner all the time. We both have limited time off work, so why not make best of it? He spends time with his family / friends, I spend time with mine. We also go on vacation together, nothing weird abput that
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    I have been on the phone with his mom when she calls to talk to both of us-so I know for a fact that this is where he is going-so I'm not worried that he's actually going somewhere else or that something might happen...I just hate when he leaves.

    this is not "normal", you are checking for where he is going in case if he is not telling the truth, and you are very stressed about 5 days of no communication, this is not something that everybody go through. Like few people said, looks like you have some trust issues and abandonment issues and you might want to work on them.

    Now to answer your question: if my partner is away (we both travel quite a bit) I just enjoy having house to myself, watching my favourite shows, eating my favourite food. If he left for longer (5 days, or a week) I would plan something extra nice for me, shopping trip, maybe spa day

    The shopping trip is something I'm planning on if I can save a little-get some fun summer things (shoes especially)

    The first part about checking on where he was-that was more to head off any comments that might have come up (as often do on the forums ) such as "Do you think he's cheating" or..."Do you know where he is going"...

    I wasn't saying I was checking on him-I was saying that I know where he's going, so please don't make comments about whether or not he could be cheating...as I try to explain myself, it makes less sense.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.

    I didn't try to belittle your struggle...so don't belittle mine. Thank you.

    The fact that you're "struggling" over 10 days of being apart speaks volumes. Good luck!
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.

    I didn't try to belittle your struggle...so don't belittle mine. Thank you.

    The fact that you're "struggling" over 10 days of being apart speaks volumes. Good luck!

    Wait, wait...I'm not allowed to miss my husband when he goes away?

    I'm so glad I have you here to tell me how I'm allowed to feel.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule.

    I don't find that odd and I don't find it "odd" that he couldn't plan it to fit in his schedule. It could very well be that the trip was planned a year or more ago and her schedule changed and she couldn't go last minute.

    My husband has taken his mom to Mexico for a week plus without me because I couldn't get the time off of work to go with him. I never found that weird in the least.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule.

    I don't find that odd and I don't find it "odd" that he couldn't plan it to fit in his schedule. It could very well be that the trip was planned a year or more ago and her schedule changed and she couldn't go last minute.

    My husband has taken his mom to Mexico for a week plus without me because I couldn't get the time off of work to go with him. I never found that weird in the least.

    I don't find it weird that he's going without me. His work has a better time off benefit than I do. He hasn't seen his family since our wedding last August and I know he'll have fun. He planned another rafting trip for us when he gets back into town and I'm looking forward to that.

    I just feel like people missed the whole purpose of this post...
    My husband is leaving town for over a week and I'll miss him a lot. I wanted ideas on how you all spend your time when your S/O is out of town...I did NOT, however, ask for people to ridicule how I feel and to assume I need therapy because I miss my husband when he is out of town. I think I'm entitled to miss my spouse.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule.

    I don't find that odd and I don't find it "odd" that he couldn't plan it to fit in his schedule. It could very well be that the trip was planned a year or more ago and her schedule changed and she couldn't go last minute.

    My husband has taken his mom to Mexico for a week plus without me because I couldn't get the time off of work to go with him. I never found that weird in the least.

    I don't find it weird that he's going without me. His work has a better time off benefit than I do. He hasn't seen his family since our wedding last August and I know he'll have fun. He planned another rafting trip for us when he gets back into town and I'm looking forward to that.

    I just feel like people missed the whole purpose of this post...
    My husband is leaving town for over a week and I'll miss him a lot. I wanted ideas on how you all spend your time when your S/O is out of town...I did NOT, however, ask for people to ridicule how I feel and to assume I need therapy because I miss my husband when he is out of town. I think I'm entitled to miss my spouse.

    I hope you're not responding to what I posted above, rather what I quoted.

    I am in agreement with you. When my husband is gone for a week after the first two days I miss him. He was gone this weekend and by Saturday night I missed him so I know where you're coming from. I did, however, enjoy some me time but it got quite boring LOL.

    As long as you fill your time with things like shopping, cooking, reading, playing with the dogs etc. then I think you won't be *as* lonely. I know that night time will be hard but just cuddle a pillow and think happy thoughts about him. :smile:
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule.

    I don't find that odd and I don't find it "odd" that he couldn't plan it to fit in his schedule. It could very well be that the trip was planned a year or more ago and her schedule changed and she couldn't go last minute.

    My husband has taken his mom to Mexico for a week plus without me because I couldn't get the time off of work to go with him. I never found that weird in the least.

    I don't find it weird that he's going without me. His work has a better time off benefit than I do. He hasn't seen his family since our wedding last August and I know he'll have fun. He planned another rafting trip for us when he gets back into town and I'm looking forward to that.

    I just feel like people missed the whole purpose of this post...
    My husband is leaving town for over a week and I'll miss him a lot. I wanted ideas on how you all spend your time when your S/O is out of town...I did NOT, however, ask for people to ridicule how I feel and to assume I need therapy because I miss my husband when he is out of town. I think I'm entitled to miss my spouse.

    I hope you're not responding to what I posted above, rather what I quoted.

    I am in agreement with you. When my husband is gone for a week after the first two days I miss him. He was gone this weekend and by Saturday night I missed him so I know where you're coming from. I did, however, enjoy some me time but it got quite boring LOL.

    As long as you fill your time with things like shopping, cooking, reading, playing with the dogs etc. then I think you won't be *as* lonely. I know that night time will be hard but just cuddle a pillow and think happy thoughts about him. :smile:

    Just gotta say thank you :) What you said there is exactly what I'm saying. I'm able to find tv shows I enjoy (pretty little liars, etc) that I enjoy watching and he doesn't...I work on cooking, baking...go on hikes...but night time especially is lonely. You seem to understand where I'm coming from and I appreciate it. The cooking is something I'll focus on a lot-try some new recipes :)
  • becka63
    becka63 Posts: 712 Member
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    OP, I hope now that people have felt justified in telling you how much / little you can miss your husband, how much therapy you need for your trust / abandonment issues, how weird it is that you should miss your husband so much for such a relatively short period of time etc that people begin to answer your question!

    I went away with my parents for 5 weeks leaving my partner at home. I missed him terribly as I was enjoying lots of holiday experiences he would never have. Regarding communication, for the days I was unable to text, phone or email him, I would arrange a day when I would be back in a reception area and make that a plan. What did he do whilst I was away? I think he enjoyed the independence of not having to conform to our daily 'routine', he could get up when he liked and do stuff around the house that he probably wouldn't have done had I been there, he could go to bed early or late, if he woke up at 3 in the morning he didn't have to feel concerned he was disturbing me if he got up....most importantly, he had more time to spend with his mother, as she, feeling he would be lonely without me (!) came round most days with lunch for him. This was really special as sadly this was to be her last summer and I know he cherished that extra time they got to spend together.

    Maybe between your working and general 'routine' there could be a project you undertake? Either something just for you that you wouldn't normally make time for if your husband was there, maybe something you could enjoy together when he gets back, maybe the opportunity to spend time with a friend who is more your friend than 'you-as-a-couple' friend.

    Whatever you choose, I hope you enjoy it!
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule.

    I don't find that odd and I don't find it "odd" that he couldn't plan it to fit in his schedule. It could very well be that the trip was planned a year or more ago and her schedule changed and she couldn't go last minute.

    My husband has taken his mom to Mexico for a week plus without me because I couldn't get the time off of work to go with him. I never found that weird in the least.

    I don't find it weird that he's going without me. His work has a better time off benefit than I do. He hasn't seen his family since our wedding last August and I know he'll have fun. He planned another rafting trip for us when he gets back into town and I'm looking forward to that.

    I just feel like people missed the whole purpose of this post...
    My husband is leaving town for over a week and I'll miss him a lot. I wanted ideas on how you all spend your time when your S/O is out of town...I did NOT, however, ask for people to ridicule how I feel and to assume I need therapy because I miss my husband when he is out of town. I think I'm entitled to miss my spouse.

    I hope you're not responding to what I posted above, rather what I quoted.

    I am in agreement with you. When my husband is gone for a week after the first two days I miss him. He was gone this weekend and by Saturday night I missed him so I know where you're coming from. I did, however, enjoy some me time but it got quite boring LOL.

    As long as you fill your time with things like shopping, cooking, reading, playing with the dogs etc. then I think you won't be *as* lonely. I know that night time will be hard but just cuddle a pillow and think happy thoughts about him. :smile:

    Just gotta say thank you :) What you said there is exactly what I'm saying. I'm able to find tv shows I enjoy (pretty little liars, etc) that I enjoy watching and he doesn't...I work on cooking, baking...go on hikes...but night time especially is lonely. You seem to understand where I'm coming from and I appreciate it. The cooking is something I'll focus on a lot-try some new recipes :)

    And FWIW, I actually prefer to spend time with my husband and we do pretty much everything together.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    OP, I hope now that people have felt justified in telling you how much / little you can miss your husband, how much therapy you need for your trust / abandonment issues, how weird it is that you should miss your husband so much for such a relatively short period of time etc that people begin to answer your question!

    I went away with my parents for 5 weeks leaving my partner at home. I missed him terribly as I was enjoying lots of holiday experiences he would never have. Regarding communication, for the days I was unable to text, phone or email him, I would arrange a day when I would be back in a reception area and make that a plan. What did he do whilst I was away? I think he enjoyed the independence of not having to conform to our daily 'routine', he could get up when he liked and do stuff around the house that he probably wouldn't have done had I been there, he could go to bed early or late, if he woke up at 3 in the morning he didn't have to feel concerned he was disturbing me if he got up....most importantly, he had more time to spend with his mother, as she, feeling he would be lonely without me (!) came round most days with lunch for him. This was really special as sadly this was to be her last summer and I know he cherished that extra time they got to spend together.

    Maybe between your working and general 'routine' there could be a project you undertake? Either something just for you that you wouldn't normally make time for if your husband was there, maybe something you could enjoy together when he gets back, maybe the opportunity to spend time with a friend who is more your friend than 'you-as-a-couple' friend.

    Whatever you choose, I hope you enjoy it!

    Thanks, becka :)

    I also think you're right. I do tend to get into a routine and maybe breaking away from this will be good for me. It'll also be good quality time with my dogs-one of which is still quite young and training her and preparing her for her first dog show could be lots of fun.

    Also thanks for not making assumptions or talking down to me. I appreciate the polite and helpful response :)
  • ToriFierro
    ToriFierro Posts: 4
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    See if he'll leave you a few voicemails to listen to while he's gone, I had mine do that while he was deployed, it helps to hear their voice. Other than that, the only thing that would help me is working out and blaring my music while I clean to drown out the silence of an empty house.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    OP, I have been married for 21 years. If we have to spend a night apart, we miss each other. If it were 10 days, I would miss him terribly. There is nothing wrong with missing the one you love. Just because it's "only" 10 days and not a year doesn't mean you miss him any less.

    When I have to travel for business, my husband usually hides a few love notes in my luggage. We talk on the phone several times a day (we do that when I am not traveling) and email each other.

    He works long hours on some weekends (he is a chef for a wedding venue) and I work a 9-5 M-F, so I don't get to see him some weekends for more than an hour or two. I used the time that he's at work to get some of the extra deep cleaning done around the house. To me it's theraputic to do a real scrubbing on the house and it keeps me occupied while he's gone.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    See if he'll leave you a few voicemails to listen to while he's gone, I had mine do that while he was deployed, it helps to hear their voice. Other than that, the only thing that would help me is working out and blaring my music while I clean to drown out the silence of an empty house.

    This is actually not a bad idea. I do like having a clean house and the house could use it. It'd be nice for him to come home to a clean house too. :)

    Per the advice of an earlier poster, he'll be writing me a letter to read while he's gone...he said he'd call when he has reception so I can hear his voice too. :)
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    You sound a little needy. I don't mean that as an insult because some people are just like that. But it sounds like you need to find things you would enjoy doing independently. Call your friends, go out, see movies, etc. Don't just try to distract yourself. Learn to enjoy things independently from your husband.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    OP, I have been married for 21 years. If we have to spend a night apart, we miss each other. If it were 10 days, I would miss him terribly. There is nothing wrong with missing the one you love. Just because it's "only" 10 days and not a year doesn't mean you miss him any less.

    When I have to travel for business, my husband usually hides a few love notes in my luggage. We talk on the phone several times a day (we do that when I am not traveling) and email each other.

    He works long hours on some weekends (he is a chef for a wedding venue) and I work a 9-5 M-F, so I don't get to see him some weekends for more than an hour or two. I used the time that he's at work to get some of the extra deep cleaning done around the house. To me it's theraputic to do a real scrubbing on the house and it keeps me occupied while he's gone.

    Thank you for not belittling my feelings and understanding how it is to miss your spouse.

    The cleaning does sound like a good idea...especially my kitchen. Nothing better than a squeaky clean kitchen to cook in...(and get messy again)

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