Trying not to throw in the towel

Makoce

I lost 65lbs three years ago. It was so easy.
Suddenly Started struggling with binging. Two years and still packing on the pounds and white knuckling eating day to day.
Been on medications, to therapy, and everything in between and I just am never full and never satisfied.
I want to give up. I don't know what to do

Ugh.
Sorry I just needed to rant.

star1407

Aww mate we've all been there, don't give up

Have you set your calorie limit right so you are eating enough? Sometimes we have a never ending hunger that isn't hunger for food. Is there some sort of stress in your current or past life you need to deal with? I used to eat to fill up that empty feeling until I had therapy to deal with my issues
Do you have a support system? Partner? Family? Friends? Are you able to exercise? It can help to raise your feel good hormones. O you need help setting your goals?

Makoce

I exercise daily whether it's walking or cardio or weight lifting.

I've tried eating back exercise calories.
Eating FITBIT adjustment calories
Eating TDEE of my goal weight
And intermittent fasting.

Hell I even tried maintaining for awhile.

This is all over the course of 2 years.
Nothing helps. I know I'm eating enough because I'm gaining. I just feel out of control.

I have support but honestly I don't think I'm eating my feelings, I think my body thinks I'm starving because I actually got down to 100lbs at one point that's when I started binging. My brain is stuck perminant let on "eat" I don't know how to assure my body I'm okay.

star1407

Have you tried re reading the sticky posts? Sometimes that helps me refresh my mind. Are you weighing and measuring? Could it be muscle weight?

Fursian

Makoce wrote: »

I lost 65lbs three years ago. It was so easy.
Suddenly Started struggling with binging. Two years and still packing on the pounds and white knuckling eating day to day.
Been on medications, to therapy, and everything in between and I just am never full and never satisfied.
I want to give up. I don't know what to do

Ugh.
Sorry I just needed to rant.

Hi Makoce,

What were you doing three years ago, that you're not doing today? Something that you could pick back up and sustain? 65lbs is no joke, and you may want to credit yourself for that.

Makoce

Three years ago I was obsessively weighing food and eating junk food to lose. I was constantly hungry and shaky and it was easy to me SOMEHOW.

I switched to Paleo and did amazing for 8 months - not hungry always full, happy -- and that's when I started binging out of no where..probably because I got down to a unhealthy weight.

I try to eat healthy and eat moderate amounts of food so I'm not restricting and not starving again but something clicks and I just binge out on sugar. ( or anything really )
Moderation just isn't working like it use to.

Some of it is muscle weight but most of it is fat because I constantly test my body fat percentage. Not to mention I can tell looking at myself or pictures.

Fursian

Weighing food seems like it became a negative experience for you. While that's a shame, as it can help with weight loss (as you found out), it's by no means the only way to do things, and if weighing food brings about issues for you, then don't, and don't feel pressured to.

Your time with Paleo is looked back on fondly, but brought about binging, is this right? I'm not too familiar with what Paleo entails, but I feel like my hunger was kept in check by meeting my daily protein and fat goals.

It's good that you're eating "healthy", and If you can fit things into your calories, you certainly can have the things you'd normally shy away from (unless instructed not to by your doctor, of course)

ilex70

Maybe time to do some observation and gather some data.

You say you are never full and never satisfied. I doubt that is true.

Prove it to yourself. Give yourself a a few days, maybe a week, and make it a project to eat until you are full and satisfied. Caveat: track it all. Keep notes on how you feel before/after eating...how long you stay full.

Try some different foods you like to see what is most filling and satisfying for you. It does vary.

I like steel cut oatmeal. But if I eat that for breakfast then I'm more hungry all day long. So protein for breakfast it is. A lot of people here like soup and feel full from it. For me, soup is good at first, but I get hungry again more quickly than if I eat something solid.

Do you have less hunger with small frequent meals, or fewer bigger meals? Best way to find out is to try both and see. I seem to get hungry every few hours and it doesn't matter if I just had a feast or a snack.

Next I would just track eating normally (not dieting/restricting) for a week or two so you know what your baseline is, IOW how much you are eating and if your weight is trending up/down or at maintenance.

Personal experience, tracked and the charts said what I was eating should be maintenance for someone about 20 pounds lighter, while I was steadily gaining. It is what it is.

Once you have your baseline and some self-knowledge re:what types of food/timing works best to keep you satisfied you will have a better shot at success.

starwhisperer6

Are you still below a healthy weight?

Makoce

Thanks guys.

And no starwhisperer, my BMI Is on the border of overweight now.

CalorieCountChocula

Makoce wrote: »

Thanks guys.

And no starwhisperer, my BMI Is on the border of overweight now.

So? What about your body fat percentage? I only ask as it is probably a better indicator of health than BMI.

DaFibble

Four years ago I bounced from a real low weight back up to overweight due to incredibly strong food cravings. I, too, attributed this to having reached an unhealthy weight for my height and build. It just seemed like that had to be the reason. I craved food all the time, like my stomach was growling and clawing at me constantly. After I'd eaten a full meal I'd feel like I wanted to run off to get some extra food to top up. Often I'd crave the worst kinds of food. I joined MFP in part to undo the damage I'd done from over eating. No guarantees this would help you but these are some things that stopped me being hungry:-

• Protein rich foods appeared to stave off cravings better than other foods.
• Learning to calm myself down, even regularly meditating, really helped take the edge off.
• Adjusting my diet to healthier, satiating foods, i.e. natural appetite suppressants.
• I took lots of supplements related to health and longevity.
• Telling myself that if I really was going to let go and eat something I probably shoudn't, I'd exercise enough *first* to compensate. Usually this meant a long cycle ride with a meal mid-way or near the end.
• Romance, sex, friendship, fun, new things to explore, getting high on...um...life. All these distracted me from hunger or diminished its impact.

Eventually I got to the point I never felt hungry when I shouldn't. Its like my cravings kind of gave up nagging me. Then I started to loose about 1lb a week consistently and slowly. Well, consistently until November last year, when I started to eat sugary things and those cravings came back. Mostly knocked that on the head now.

I know you say your eating isn't emotional, but feeling great really helps get a grip on things. Even though you're feeling somewhat defeated right now, trying to improve your overall emotional health will probably boost your willpower some considerable amount.

Makoce

CalorieCountChocula wrote: »

Makoce wrote: »

Thanks guys.

And no starwhisperer, my BMI Is on the border of overweight now.

So? What about your body fat percentage? I only ask as it is probably a better indicator of health than BMI.

It's about 26% now last I checked. My stomach carries most of my fat and it's really bothering me.

IdLikeToLoseItLoseIt

How is your mood? Do you feel moody/cranky, easily irritable? Would you describe the overeating as "emotional overeating"?

Makoce

I have BPD, depression and anxiety problems. They never stopped me from loosing weight before though so

RodaRose

Is your weight loss goal aggressive? Maybe set it for 1/2 pound a week for now?

Yi5hedr3

Obviously that's not a recent pic. Get plenty of Vitamin B complex, and lots of fish oil. That should help relieve the depression, and then maybe you can get control of the eating.

IdLikeToLoseItLoseIt

I'm going to send you a link to a book I found particularly helpful, perhaps the description will ring true to your situation (feel free to disregard, of course). Best wishes, I hope you find a solution!

jessicaloves7

I've struggled with emotional eating and the occasional binging most of my life. I feel you on the anxiety, the obsessiveness of what is to eat next, the blocking out of accountability and the stuffing - the calmness you get for just a little bit after the storm of eating. Then when you start to feel anxious again its like.. where is the next hit gonna come from! Hurry before I feel these things! Distract me!

But, lately, these things have really helped me recently.

1) Eating ENOUGH fat. You've done paleo, so I am sure you are aware of the effect on your hunger/satiety.
2) I make sure to drink at least a cup or two of water when I am "hungry" (a lot of times we think we are hungry when we are really only thirsty). Wait 20-30 minutes and if you are still "hungry", then you are probably hungry!
3) Taking my time preparing my food. THIS is a biggie. And it's hard for me. And some people may find it a little woo-woo-foo-foo. But because I am so used to doing so many things quickly and efficiently, and because I'm used to stuffing food - whatever I can grab -this kind of goes against my normal way of being. We are such a "just order it!/just unwrap it!" society. But I find that taking the time to clean, cut, chop, bake, cook, and plate the food, and then sitting down to eat it, brings me so much more fulfillment and peacefulness around my needs and my hunger. It's all one - your body, your feelings, your mind, your heart. It took me a while to realize my body wasn't this other "thing" I was fighting against. It is me. Literally. So, I guess the preparation and plating helps me honor the nourishment and the body I am putting it into and build a more intimate and compassionate connection with myself.
4) And lastly, is the accountability. Accountability in logging every single thing no matter how over or unreasonable or embarrassing it is. Building that contract with yourself that even if you mess up, you won't lie about it. Yeah - it SUCKS to log a bag of doritos or 5 martinis or an entire pizza. But maintaining integrity with yourself is the most important thing - being able to build up that trust. Beccause it's that integrity that will get you through the finish line! So are you sure you are logging everything little thing? Because it only takes a few "handfuls" or snacks to throw everything completely off course.

If none of that stuff really works, maybe get a full body check up? Bloodwork and hormones and all of that. I was super frustrated at nothing "working" for me several years ago - even after training for a half marathon for months, so I went to the doctor. Turns out I had PCOS all along! And knowing those facts helps me make a better plan. Sometimes people burn out, suffer from adrenal fatigue (esp if you've been extremely stressed for a long period of time, or experienced bursts of trauma), or the lack of key essential vitamins and nutrients mess you up/slow you down.

Best of luck! I am here for you sister! Add me or msg me any time!

Francl27

I just want to say that I sympathize! I'm a bit in the same boat, although it's only the 2 weeks before my period that I struggle... I'm just crazy hungry and end up eating over maintenance every other day (but sometimes 1000 over maintenance!). I had no problem losing but this started happening when I got close to my goal weight.

I do have 2 weeks when I'm fine though but it just means I'll pretty much have to 'diet' for 2 weeks every month of my life to make up for PMS and I'm not even sure it's going to make up for it long term (especially if I can't lose this Holiday weight because of it... then vacation weight etc).

It's easy to say 'just cut 250 calories a day' but just overwhelming and depressing when you're so hungry that even maintenance calories don't cut... even eating high protein and fat... so I hear you My advice is just to do the best you can... Keep a deficit, and make sure you stick to it on days when you're not that hungry...

Makoce

Thanks everyone! Yeah I might go get blood work

vivmom2014

jessicaloves7 wrote: »

3) Taking my time preparing my food. THIS is a biggie. And it's hard for me. And some people may find it a little woo-woo-foo-foo. But because I am so used to doing so many things quickly and efficiently, and because I'm used to stuffing food - whatever I can grab -this kind of goes against my normal way of being. We are such a "just order it!/just unwrap it!" society. But I find that taking the time to clean, cut, chop, bake, cook, and plate the food, and then sitting down to eat it, brings me so much more fulfillment and peacefulness around my needs and my hunger. It's all one - your body, your feelings, your mind, your heart. It took me a while to realize my body wasn't this other "thing" I was fighting against. It is me. Literally. So, I guess the preparation and plating helps me honor the nourishment and the body I am putting it into and build a more intimate and compassionate connection with myself.

I think there's a lot of wisdom here. Particularly the bolded.

It's not necessary to prepare every meal from scratch, obviously, but doing so when possible does have merit. I find cooking to be a creative process in which I can also control quality and end up with delicious food to eat.

OP, are you restricting a lot of foods? You say you had success on Paleo but then it all went up in smoke. I tried cutting out entire categories of food (a long time ago) and I could never sustain it. Choose a reasonable calorie goal (don't rush) and include all the foods that you love. Commit to trying a new recipe now & then. Take the small steps and believe in them.

stoneymatthews

This is hands down 100% me!!

I lost 35-40lbs ... Easily ... And did it in a healthy way ... Quickly ... And kicked my butt to do it.

Now?
It's like I can't stop eating!

It's the weirdest thing.
I means, I can eat and eat and EAT, and yet nothing??

It's a terrible feeling.
Feels out of control.

I've went from 140 to 160 in less than a year and I'm like WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

I wish I knew what could help you ... Us.
Just letting you know you aren't alone

wuxitan

Go see your doctor. Get your thyroid checked, have blood work done for diabetes, and read the full label on your medications. Your medications could be at fault if they've changed in the last two years. Also look into a binge-eaters anonymous group.

Makoce

This all started before I went on the meds but it is a good thought.

cross2bear

You seem to be saying that you feel out of control - you cant seem to stop yourself from doing things that are not what you want to do. I hear ya!

I think the best advice has already been given and that is journal journal journal. You may find an awful lot of calm doing it as it may seem the ONLY thing you can control. And plan plan plan - for all your meals, snacks - any eventuality. Think of alternatives to the things you find you binge on most - see if you can find a healthier alternative. I find that Medjool dates taste remarkable caramelly and chocolatey, and they have helped me through some tough times.

Good luck sister, I feel your pain.

kshama2001

Makoce wrote: »

Three years ago I was obsessively weighing food and eating junk food to lose. I was constantly hungry and shaky and it was easy to me SOMEHOW.

I switched to Paleo and did amazing for 8 months - not hungry always full, happy -- and that's when I started binging out of no where..probably because I got down to a unhealthy weight.

I try to eat healthy and eat moderate amounts of food so I'm not restricting and not starving again but something clicks and I just binge out on sugar. ( or anything really )
Moderation just isn't working like it use to.

Some of it is muscle weight but most of it is fat because I constantly test my body fat percentage. Not to mention I can tell looking at myself or pictures.

How about going back to Paleo but with a lower deficit and switching to maintenance earlier so you don't get down to an unhealthy weight again?

kshama2001

Makoce wrote: »

I lost 65lbs three years ago. It was so easy.
Suddenly Started struggling with binging. Two years and still packing on the pounds and white knuckling eating day to day.
Been on medications, to therapy, and everything in between and I just am never full and never satisfied.
I want to give up. I don't know what to do

Ugh.
Sorry I just needed to rant.

Does your therapy include cognitive/behavioral strategies for the binging? That's considered to be the most successful.

ahoy_m8

jessicaloves7 wrote: »

3) Taking my time preparing my food. THIS is a biggie. And it's hard for me. And some people may find it a little woo-woo-foo-foo. But because I am so used to doing so many things quickly and efficiently, and because I'm used to stuffing food - whatever I can grab -this kind of goes against my normal way of being. We are such a "just order it!/just unwrap it!" society. But I find that taking the time to clean, cut, chop, bake, cook, and plate the food, and then sitting down to eat it, brings me so much more fulfillment and peacefulness around my needs and my hunger. It's all one - your body, your feelings, your mind, your heart. It took me a while to realize my body wasn't this other "thing" I was fighting against. It is me. Literally. So, I guess the preparation and plating helps me honor the nourishment and the body I am putting it into and build a more intimate and compassionate connection with myself.

This whole post was so good. I'll just add that, IMHO, this point is not woo. Years ago I read a study showing people who plan, shop for and prepare their food eat less than those who are not involved in the preparation. (Sorry guys, long time ago, will really have to dig for the link.) Anecdotally, I agree with you. I do the lion's share of planning/shopping/prep in my household, and I do think it gives me a sense of satisfaction beyond the consuming. It feels bad to inhale in 2 minutes something that took 45 minutes to make, so I think it slows down my eating, too. Also anecdotally, I have a friend who loves baking sweets but can no longer consume them. Baking delicious creations for others gives her real satisfaction.

Francl27

ahoy_m8 wrote: »

jessicaloves7 wrote: »

3) Taking my time preparing my food. THIS is a biggie. And it's hard for me. And some people may find it a little woo-woo-foo-foo. But because I am so used to doing so many things quickly and efficiently, and because I'm used to stuffing food - whatever I can grab -this kind of goes against my normal way of being. We are such a "just order it!/just unwrap it!" society. But I find that taking the time to clean, cut, chop, bake, cook, and plate the food, and then sitting down to eat it, brings me so much more fulfillment and peacefulness around my needs and my hunger. It's all one - your body, your feelings, your mind, your heart. It took me a while to realize my body wasn't this other "thing" I was fighting against. It is me. Literally. So, I guess the preparation and plating helps me honor the nourishment and the body I am putting it into and build a more intimate and compassionate connection with myself.

This whole post was so good. I'll just add that, IMHO, this point is not woo. Years ago I read a study showing people who plan, shop for and prepare their food eat less than those who are not involved in the preparation. (Sorry guys, long time ago, will really have to dig for the link.) Anecdotally, I agree with you. I do the lion's share of planning/shopping/prep in my household, and I do think it gives me a sense of satisfaction beyond the consuming. It feels bad to inhale in 2 minutes something that took 45 minutes to make, so I think it slows down my eating, too. Also anecdotally, I have a friend who loves baking sweets but can no longer consume them. Baking delicious creations for others gives her real satisfaction.

Agreed too. Plus when I make a meal that takes 30 minutes to cook, I'm too busy to think about snacking!

Also... one of the reasons I'm against meal planning... sometimes I just want something specific, and ending up eating something else 'because it was planned' is not as satisfying, and that's when I'm more likely to rely on sweets for satisfaction (and in truth? it doesn't work and I'll just eat more sweets to make up for it). If, instead, I ask myself 'what do I want to eat right now' and make that, I'll be much more satisfied and less likely to want dessert.

So yeah, I do groceries 2/3 times a week, ask myself what I feel like eating, research recipes online, base my purchases around what I've been craving (instead of just buying chicken breast because it's on sale, but I'll pick the store depending on sales and my shopping list), make sure to limit the 'this needs to be eaten today or tomorrow' purchases as much as possible (unless it's what I actually crave, obviously), this way if I decide that I just want something else for dinner, I know that what I bought can last a couple more days.

In the end my meals are more satisfying that way.. I eat what I really want without needing to order out and it's often much less calories than if I had ordered out too. And I'm much more likely to pass on dessert, unless it's something I've been really craving lately.

RicMackie

I stopped at JessicaLove's comments above because they are 100% what I'd also say. And there is no rush. We did not get here overnight, so we should treat ourselves like we would treat a best friend. Slow and steady, and allow ourselves to be imperfect, make mistakes, learn, grow, be health"ier" day by day.