Upcoming surgery and depending on others for food...worried

debrakgoogins

earlnabby wrote: »

Good luck on your surgery (I have one coming up in a few weeks too, but I will have strict dietary rules and I live alone so I don't have your problem).

The best solution I can see is, as soon as you can, babysit him in the kitchen. Stand or sit there while he cooks so you can make sure he does what you want and you know exactly what he is putting in the meals. you are right, he is a wonderful, helpful man but he doesn't "get it".

I know your intention is good but I don't want to hover over him and make him feel like he is inadequate or that I underestimate his ability to do things right. I feel like dictating to him in the kitchen would cause hard feelings and resentment pretty quickly. I know I wouldn't take kindly to that if I were in his shoes.

To the individual who asked if my cooking is bland. No! My cooking tends to be pretty elaborate and flavorful. He likes to keep it simple when he is cooking. If it involved cutting up vegetables or adding seasonings, he will probably skip it for burgers on the grill.

Thank you to all how responded. Thank you especially to both men who responded with genuine comments and suggestions from a man's perspective.

I'll start planning some main dish meals and get them into the freezer. I'll buy plenty of frozen vegetables. I'll portion out snacks. That's probably the best I can do.

AliceDark

Like everyone else is saying, freeze everything you can before then. Talk to your husband about healthy, low-calories snacks, breakfasts and lunches that you'll enjoy, so if he gets creative with dinners it won't impact you too much.

But after that, let it go. Stress and worry will absolutely make things worse, much more than eating some extra pepperoni. You will almost certainly gain some weight immediately following the surgery -- water retention and swelling are fun like that. Try to stay off the scale as long as you can afterward, and give your body time to process everything and get back to normal. If the worst-case scenario is that you cannot cook or meal prep for the full 8 weeks, how much weight could you really gain in that time? (Discounting the 5-10 pounds of water retention, which will go away on their own eventually). Whatever you gain, you can lose again; if you did it once, you know how to do it again.

dubird

Actually, freezing meals is a good idea too. You can make a list from recipes you like and do all the prep in one day for a LOT of meals! Especially if it's just the two of you. I took 4 recipes and a couple of crock-pot recipes and spent about 3 hours putting them together. The crock-pot stuff just when into a single bag to freeze, and then just stick in the crock-pot in the morning. The others, since it's just the two of us, I got 3-4 meals out of each recipe, so all total I ended up with about 15 meals ready to put in the crock-pot or oven, no prep required! Look into doing that before your surgery, if you can. Get your husband to help if he wants, makes it go faster.

azulvioleta6

debrakgoogins wrote: »

I am having a full abdominal hysterectomy and at the same time, there are a few veins that are being closed as well. My recovery will be 6-8 weeks. I'm not sure at what point I will be up and walking. I'm not worried about losing weight and eating in a deficit but I do worry that I will not be able to work out 6 days a week like I do currently and that I will gain weight that I have worked hard to lose. I just want to prevent gain as much possible during my recovery and until I am able to begin my exercising and eating like I am used to.

I've been through this, as well as two other major surgeries during my weight-loss process.

All I want to eat for several weeks is soup, yogurt, pudding and applesauce in very small quantities. You might not be up to full meals for quite a while.

I would suggest stocking up on things like those above, plus making and freezing some pre-portioned soups, stock and meals.

By the time you start feeling hungry again, you will probably be capable of cooking on your own.

victoria_1024

We went through something similar. My husband had two major surgeries this fall and was hospitalized for many weeks. We have four young kids so people in the community wanted to help by doing a meal train. So for many weeks we got meals and I had no idea what was in anything. All I could do was make a guess from the mfp database and eat reasonable portions. At that point I had other things on my mind so I couldn't get hung up on it. I maintained for a couple months during all of this and I was fine with it.

I agree with advice to either focus on your recovery and not losing weight or prepare meals in advance. Big picture, this is temporary so it really would be ok to eat mindfully and not be as focused on calorie counting.

fiveminutes

I'm currently recovering from a partial knee replacement and for the first couple of weeks or so, I was at the liberty of others to make meals for me. I didn't worry about weighing at all, because honestly, my body just wanted to recover - and I was sleeping a lot from pain meds. I'm almost 9 weeks out, and I have just been able to get back to the gym last week, and so I've started tracking everything again. IMO, I say listen to your body, during this recovery do not be so hell bent on counting and meeting deficits, etc. because it's just going to prolong your healing time. I'm still not 100% at the gym, but I'm still going. I'll be preparing for the next knee this summer, and I plan on taking the same route I did with this knee. Listen to your body.

namelesshere

Remember: This plan is calories in < calories out. That said, just eat less of whatever he is preparing, log it the best you can, and worry about recovery. Yes, you will not be able to exercise, yes you may gain a few pounds but it is not the end of the world. You can still weigh your portions, perhaps peruse a new cookbook or two. Crockpots are wonderful and there are some Fix and Forget It cookbooks with caloric count so not a lot of meal time prep. Wishing you a speedy and complete recovery.

youngmomtaz

I agree, eat to heal. Eat at maintenance for a couple weeks, you body uses a lot of calories to recover. You could do some prepping of single serve meals for just you or for both of you and Pop them in the freezer to be microwaved or heated in the oven. Have your house stocked with fresh veg and fruit for the first week just in case you husband has to little time to grocery shop and possible a bunch of frozen produce as well. Bonus that it will save you chopping when you do start moving about more and you will just have to do some dump and heat instead of too much time on your feet. Do you have an understanding friend you could get to help? Throw some of your grocery budget their way and ask if they could make doubles of what they are healthy cooking for their own family? Do some brainstorming and planning if you feel it will stress you out to not be in control. But really, extra cal for a bit won't hurt you and you can cut back again once healed. Good luck with your surgery.

booksandchocolate12

Lounmoun wrote: »

You could cook a bunch of meals in advance of your surgery and freeze them so he just has to take it out and heat it up.

I think this is an excellent idea.

DYELB wrote: »

I usually just break down in tears and tell my spouse that he doesn't really love me anymore and that this is how I know he's been cheating on me and why don't we talk anymore and who was that b*tch you were on the phone with last night?

This made me laugh out loud. My husband and I have both been known to wail, "YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" over the most trivial things. In jest, of course.

Not saying your problem is trivial, OP. Not at all. @DYELB 's answer just tickled me.

ZeroDelta

debrakgoogins wrote: »

I have made great progress and am very good at planning my own meals. I have a major surgery scheduled for next month. My biggest fear is not being in control of what is provided to me for meals. I talked to my husband about it. I told him we need to plan ahead and that he has to stick to the meal plans I provide for him. He says he understands but I still worry. He is a lobsterman and works long, hard hours which keep him pretty fit all the time so he doesn't pay attention to what he eats like I do.

As an example, he made dinner last night while I was at the gym (which I GREATLY appreciate - please don't misunderstand). He made pasta with meat sauce. I gave him the ingredient list and had all the items weighed out before I left for work. I asked him to not mix the sauce into the pasta so that I could weigh my final portions when I got home. I went to weigh my food and noticed big chunks of pepperoni in the sauce that were not in the ingredients I had planned for. Delicious...but I hadn't accounted for it in my meal planning. I had already saved quite a few calories knowing the calorie intake would be high for the meal. I asked how much pepperoni added and he said, "I have no idea. I wanted to spice it up for you." I love this man and he means well but he just doesn't get it when it comes to food. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is helping the best he can.

Anyone else go through something like this and have ideas for how to have this conversation with him? Men, I would appreciate your input.

Wife did something similar to me once. I politely told her I can't eat is and made myself something I could. Maybe you could pre-make meals and freeze them?