I just need someone to talk to...

QueenofHearts023

I'm sorry I just need to get this off my chest before I comfort myself with food or something.

Apparently these days I can't do anything right in anyone's eyes.

First, my brother yelled at me and called me a lazy b!tch because I didn't contact HIS insurance that's supposed to fix HIS house. I'm sorry, when the heck did YOUR house become MY problem??

And second, I tried telling one of my friends that she shouldn't take the emails she got seriously because they are just spam, I know from past experience. Now she's yelling at me because I'm a "Know-it-all" and I think I'm better than her....

I wish I could just dissappear or something. Seriously I'm not in anyone's way. I have my own house, my own job and I don't rely on anyone.

QueenofHearts023

Sorry for the rant. I just needed someone to talk to...because my only friend thinks I'm a snob.

deanaferrari

I know how you feel. My brother lost his place (they sold his building and it was reclassified to commercial and the tenants evicted) then fell and ended up in and out of the hospital since before Halloween. I was stressing out about it so bad, I nearly jeopardized my job with an emotional blow-up. I've sought counseling since and realized (I mean, I knew that I wasn't my brother's keeper but I still felt like I owed him) that I suffer from "thriver's guilt" - kind of like survivor's guilt, but is a condition where I felt guilty for having a more successful life than my siblings. I was allowing that guilt to hold me back in so many areas of my life -- it definitely drove me to eating many, many boxes of chocolates! You (and I) need to keep in mind that our siblings have their own lives to live - and it's up to them to take charge of their own actions/requirements, etc. All you need to do is keep focusing on what makes you successful and happy. I'm a MUCH happier person now I have drawn that mental line. They still held expectations of me for a while but when they realized I wasn't "reacting" or jumping to save them at every turn, they eventually stopped making demands and whining at me. They still gripe and complain and speak as though expecting me to offer to help them, but I hold my tongue now and just let them ramble, and their "expectations" just roll off my back (for the most part - hard to do all the time). I hope you too can draw that line and find peace of mind!!

QueenofHearts023

deanaferrari wrote: »

I know how you feel. My brother lost his place (they sold his building and it was reclassified to commercial and the tenants evicted) then fell and ended up in and out of the hospital since before Halloween. I was stressing out about it so bad, I nearly jeopardized my job with an emotional blow-up. I've sought counseling since and realized (I mean, I knew that I wasn't my brother's keeper but I still felt like I owed him) that I suffer from "thriver's guilt" - kind of like survivor's guilt, but is a condition where I felt guilty for having a more successful life than my siblings. I was allowing that guilt to hold me back in so many areas of my life -- it definitely drove me to eating many, many boxes of chocolates! You (and I) need to keep in mind that our siblings have their own lives to live - and it's up to them to take charge of their own actions/requirements, etc. All you need to do is keep focusing on what makes you successful and happy. I'm a MUCH happier person now I have drawn that mental line. They still held expectations of me for a while but when they realized I wasn't "reacting" or jumping to save them at every turn, they eventually stopped making demands and whining at me. They still gripe and complain and speak as though expecting me to offer to help them, but I hold my tongue now and just let them ramble, and their "expectations" just roll off my back (for the most part - hard to do all the time). I hope you too can draw that line and find peace of mind!!

Yeah that sounds like me. Usually I never stand up for myself and I jump at the snap of their fingers. But lately I've had the feeling that enough is enough and I just felt a sense of being a little stronger emotionally to be able to make my own decisions when it comes to their stuff.

And now for the first time EVER I'm standing up for myself and I'm saying NO to them. And now I'm the worst person on the planet for this. The irony is that my brother is the one who told me I shouldn't let people walk over me and I need to stand my ground...and now that I'm doing it its wrong.

august29th2013

I'm so glad you reached out for support. Sorry you had such a lousy day. Your insight is great - you were concerned that your emotions could cause you to stuff your feelings with food, but you didn't do that. Be proud - really proud of yourself for doing that and for reaching out instead! When people try to make you feel guilty or bad, or to blame you for their problems, just remember that no one's problems are your responsibility. You have a right to be treated with respect, and you have the right to end conversations with those who don't give you the respect you deserve. You haven't done anything wrong. Keep doing what you're doing, which is taking care of you!

Psychgrrl

Sounds like your brother meant you shouldn't let people walk all over you, except for him.

You're not the worst person on the planet, nor are you here to do their bidding. Relationships are respectful and built on mutual support, love and compassion. If they can't do that for you, they have no reason to expect that from you.

Sometimes the reaction people have to us doesn't have anything to do with us. We're just the ones who get the brunt of the frustration. In the end, you're the one who has control over who's in your life.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

deanaferrari

Standing up for yourself and holding yourself first is hard to do when you're just learning the process. Give yourself time and patience and acknowledge sometimes you'll help, sometimes you won't --- and that's OK too. After a while, you'll notice you feel stronger and more confident for practicing "no" - it's a wonderful, freeing feeling. I wish you luck. And I agree with August29th... You haven't done anything wrong and keep up with taking care of you.