Anyone else have a life long bad relationship with food?

ashesfromfire

I grew up a chubby kid with a bulimic mother who told me when I was about 6 that no one would ever date/love/marry me if I didn't lose weight, and from then on made me stand on a scale in front of her once a week while she yelled at me about my weight, I wasn't allowed to eat/drink anything without permission (not even a cup of tea). I became anorexic as a teenager. Once i recovered my mother said I should stop eating again because i looked better that way. It was madness. Now, as adult, I struggle having a positive relationship with food because every single food has been demonized for how it would effect my weight....I want to be happy and healthy and feel good in my body. How do all of you handle the daily ins and outs of eating?

Asher_Ethan

We may be long lost sisters because you just described my mother. Even now, I told my mother for once I was happy with my weight and I was told I should lose another 10 pounds. Thankfully, I'm older so it doesn't get to me as much as when I was a kid. It's still hard for me and constant battle everyday.
MFP has helped a lot because I can still eat what I want but feel better about eating it because I know it's in smaller portions.

rmdaly

What terrible things to endure growing up, especially from the people who are supposed to be supporting you.

Have you looked into "self-compassion" and mindful eating? There has been a lot written about being kind to yourself and enjoying the food you eat while changing your relationship with food.

Good luck.

kristysaurus

I have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food (I am working on it!). As a kid I would eat to cope with my feelings and was heavy for a long time. In my teens I started to restrict a lot and was diagnosed with anorexia which later developed into bulimia. I lost 60lbs in three and a half months and I almost died. I lived like that for quite some time but I started recovery about 6 years ago. In university, however, I switched back to using food as a coping mechanism and gained a ton of weight and now here I am. I see food as both comfort and the enemy which is a struggle.

I've been working on fitness instead of losing weight. I go to the gym and do rigorous classes and weight lifting and can see my body change. My goals are no longer defined so much by losing weight.

As for food, I have found that pre-planning has been helpful. I eat specifically what I plan and no more and no less. It makes it so food is no longer the focus of my life and isn't the only thing I can focus on.

ahoy_m8

Your story is really touching and I'm sorry you went through what you went through. I have two thoughts.

First, I don't know how to answer your question directly, but I'll try. In the morning with my first cup of coffee, most days I sit down at my PC and think about what I would enjoy eating that I have on hand. I log it and see how the totals look. Maybe I'll add something or take away something else to adjust the macros. I don't eat out much, but when I do, I will look at the menu beforehand if possible. If I can pick what looks best to me, then I can sort of make the other meals fit around that. It takes a couple minutes, maybe 10 minutes if I'm looking up a menu. In any event, most days, I have a plan for what I will enjoy eating. Emphasis on enjoy.

My second thought doesn't address your question. Someone I admire often says each person is a miracle--how you survived what you went through, how you arrived at this moment... it's miraculous. He urges people to think back to the attributes they relied on to get through prior tough times. The answer is already inside you someplace. If you look deeply, you will find it within you, not from some outside source.

My teenage relationship with food was atrocious, and little by little it has gotten better every year. There's always hope. I wish you all the best and love your screen name!

Whitezombiegirl

Similar here. My mum was more obsessed with our weight than our grades. It upset her if i ate sweets- so as a teen, if we had an argument i would binge on sweets in secret because i knew it would hurt her. Then, being a people- pleaser i would over restrict so i didnt get fat and dissapoint her. I gained weight at university and she made me feel so ashamed and told me all the horid things people said about me. I have only really stopped the binge-restrict cycle as a reactipn to stress since she passed when i was 38.
In other ways my mum was loving and caring. She was just messed up in various ways ( not just food) and passed it onto us kids. I dont blame her.

I have a really supportive husband who doesn't judge what i do or dont eat and this helps.

eadams103

i have had a terrible relationship with food since i was about 7. i lived with a stepmother who had food issues of her own. she would force my brother and i to eat massive quantities of food. it was appalling. we would find ways to dispose of it, but she would catch us. needless to say, i was a fat kid. in my adult life, i've managed to get a hold of my weight, except for a few more pounds. and those last few are so hard to lose, because i still can't shake this binge eating. it's drastically reduced to seldom, but still when it happens, it'll come like a tidal wave and last for days.

at the request of my therapist, i'm enrolling in a group for mindful eating through my health care provider. i'm hoping some good will come of it.

it's just so frustrating, being 33 years old and i still can't shake it.