Issues with body image. Please help me!

gelormini473

I have this friend who lost a massive amount of weight (because he basically starved himself and exercised like a dog). I've been struggling with my weight for as long as I can remember and gotten nowhere. I've grown to hate him. He's constantly rubbing it in my face. Whenever we talk I can feel him looking at me and judging me. I've always been sensitive about my weight, so I'm not strong enough to not be bothered by him.
It's gotten to the point where I feel ashamed to eat whenever he's around. I can't be me when he's around, which is problematic for many reasons one of which being I like to eat -- so, when he's not around I make up for all the things I couldn't eat. He makes me feel like a failure. I hate how he makes feel.
I'm not sure what to do. We live together, so I always see him (which means I always feel bad about myself). I've tried talking to him, but he took it as a point of pride, for some reason.
There are moments when I realize that I actually don't want to be very small, I just want to lose a couple of pounds; but he inspires in me a desire to lose more and more weight because he makes me feel like a hideous monster. If I become very, very skinny, then at least I'll have him off my back, I tell myself.
What should I do?

Thank you,
Geloromini473

CoffeeNCardio

You have to lose weight because YOU want to lose weight. I would also highly suggest dumping this arrogant and abusive person from your life. No one, not even family, has a right to lord their successes over you and make you feel inferior. They only get away with it because we don't punish that behavior by avoiding them.

If you're serious about losing weight because it matters to YOU, because you have reasons not related to this person that you want to finally do it, then you've come to the right place. Be sure you're starting your weight loss journey of your own volition. You will absolutely fail if you try to do it because of someone else's reasons.

ncboiler89

If what you say is true then it sounds like you need a new friend. However could you be reading more into it then what there is? For example you say, "Whenever we talk I can feel him looking at me and judging me." Unless you are psychic that seems like a bit of a stretch.

gelormini473

Thanks for the replies, guys!
Honestly, ncboiler89, I don't think I am because he looks at from head to toe and gets this weird look in his eyes (like crushing his friend is the greatest victory). I know this person far too well.
Also, I don't think I mentioned this above, but I've been trying to the weight for as long as I can remember.

2essie

No one can make you feel inferior without you permission. This statement has got me through over the years when I come across arrogant people. I agree that maybe you could be reading more into it than is there but if you are not, then I think you need a new place to live, or he does. No one should make you feel like this. It is bullying.

bendyourkneekatie

Can you clarify what exactly he does? All you've put in your op is that he looks at you. The rest is how you feel, which may be a valid reaction to his behaviour, or may merely be you projecting your insecurities onto him. Honestly, most people dgaf about other people's bodies/appearance.

It's also possible he can sense your disdain (starved himself and exercised like a dog? Pretty judgmental) and is reciprocating.

Sued0nim

Why is this person your friend?

You don't like him, you feel he judges you, you are jealous of his success and he makes you uncomfortable?

You can't fix him ...you have to work on you. Sounds like you are letting your feelings about him stop you finding your own path

Losing weight is hard but you need to commit

Every day

Start logging your calories
Start moving more ..you don't have to exercise madly

You do you and take your victim perception of being judged out of the equation because that over-emotionality is not helping you achieve anything

ReadyWillingEager

Jeez these replies care pretty harsh!
I think you should just talk to him less, give him a hi but don't have conversations and slow just move him out of your life.
Let go of that which no longer serves you (in this case, him).
If you actually want to lose weight, start here. Start by logging what you eat and being honest. Don't go too hardcore or extreme. Just simple 1 lb./week and go from there.

jusbar71

What a horrible person you are living with. It sounds to me like he may of lost the weight but not in a healthy way. If you want to lose some weight do it for yourself and nobody else. Try and push away his awful negativity towards you, he certainly can't be your best friend to treat you that way. You needs enemies with friends like that. Go tell him to do one!!!

danika2point0

It sounds like there is a serious amount of projection from your part onto the situation because of your acknowledged insecurities. You don't actually provide any details of the apparent ways he lords it over you - can you be more clear about what he says? Saying 'he gets a look in his eye' sounds a bit paranoid. What does he actually say? Without further details, it's impossible to provide advice because it's not possible to tell how much of this is you projecting and how much of this is him actually being a jerk.