Sabotauge or just clueless???

Love_Is_My_Fuel

I'm seriously starting to think that my mother in law is sabotaging this weight loss for my husband and I. A couple weeks ago she picks up my 3 year old daughter for a breakfast date and sends her home with chocolate and a big tub of gummy candies. Gummy candies was something I was very much addicted to before and it took everything in my power to not eat any of them and throw them in the garbage. I did throw them out and felt good about it but would have rathered them not be in the house in the first place. Yesterday we met her in Walmart and she picked out a big box of freezies and 2 cartons of chocolate milk..passed us 10 dollars and told us to buy it for my daughter to bring home. She then said "you better buy her that stuff because it's from grammy". So my 3 year old is expecting these things to come home, I kinda had no choice because then I'm the bad guy. My point is....does she even care that we are trying to make this a healthier household?? Why is it so important for her to have this junk in the house for my daughter? It's taken me awhile to clean this house out of junk and provide her with sensible healthy snacks instead and it makes me mad that my mother in law thinks it's so important for her to have these treats. I am fighting a food addiction and need her to understand that I'm trying to stop the cycle with my daughter. There's a long line of diabetes and heart disease and other weight related diseases in this family and I'm doing my best to make sure she makes healthier choices growing up. Sabotage or just clueless???

JenAndSome

It's probably just ignorance. The next time she hands you money and says you better buy something just stand up and say you'd rather not. Explain to her that you and your husband are trying to make better choices and that while you appreciate the offer it is easier for you if certain foods are not at your house right now. If Grammy wants to keep treats at her house for your 3 year old that's great, but what enters your house is your decision.

Coyoteldy

I will go with clueless.... might want to sit her down and explain the house rules to her...let her know that you are happy to have your daughter enjoy these things at HER house as a treat but that's not what you bring into yours... stick with it...you are doing the right thing for you and your family. My co workers constantly bring in yummys, stuff I find hard to resist, even though they know I have been dieting and changing my lifestyle.... I now do not allow them to bring them into my lab to "share".. they can have it in the office area and I simply don't go in there. Many many people equate food with caring so I prefer to see it as a nice gesture, but something I do not partake of. It took them awhile but they eventually get it.

Contrarian

Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

PikaKnight

Unless she's force feeding you then no...not sabotage.

brower47

I've found the word 'No' is very useful when communicating your desires with someone.

TavistockToad

I don't think there is anything wrong with telling Grammy you don't want your child eating so much junk! One small chocolate bar is a treat, a family size box of sweets is ridiculous!

vjohn04

I can't believe she's strapping you and your husband to a chair and force feeding you! SABOTAGE! jk.

No seriously.... you can do this with willpower. You don't have to eat it if it's in the house. Make conscious changes. Talk to a professional about your food addiction and how to handle outside influences. The mother in law isn't the bad guy or scapegoat.

A box of freezies for your kid in the summer isn't the end of the world.

Sublimely_Self_Righteous

Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

Stop it. It's more complicated than that. Clearly, Grammy has a very complex and subtle plan to sabotage their weight loss plan. It starts with the children, because everyone knows that grandparents like to buy treats for their grandchildren. The next step to watch out for is Grammy is going to offer to cook everyone dinner for a holiday meal. Be careful! She is trying to sabotage you!

BrainyBurro

yes. sabotage. just break up.

next question?

SidsMom80

I'm sure she doesn't understand, and I would suggest sitting down and talking with her. She probably uses food as a way to show love so when your daughter wants junk she wants to give it to her. I went through a similar issue with my ex mother in law. I tried talking and it didn't work. I finally just explained to my son that it's not good to eat that kind of food all the time, and it wouldn't be in our house, but grandma's house was grandma's house.

GiGiBeans

Healthy choices are definitely a good thing to teach but so is portion control. You can explain too much is not good but small amounts in a well balanced diet are fine. Maybe that mentality will help later when she's a teen discovering booze

AllTehBeers

I've found the word 'No' is very useful when communicating your desires with someone.

Yep.

Also moving 1500 miles from my family helped.

Zombella

I don't know her but I definitely do NOT think she is clueless. First I want to say that you or your husband have to sit down to tell her that you are making changes, and that includes for your daughter because you want her to have a healthy life, PERIOD. If she doesn't respect your decision, then she isn't respecting you. You need to let her know this now, before it gets out of control and your daughter ends up being addicted to food, or at least junk food.

MzManiak

I'm seriously starting to think that my mother in law is sabotaging this weight loss for my husband and I. A couple weeks ago she picks up my 3 year old daughter for a breakfast date and sends her home with chocolate and a big tub of gummy candies. Gummy candies was something I was very much addicted to before and it took everything in my power to not eat any of them and throw them in the garbage. I did throw them out and felt good about it but would have rathered them not be in the house in the first place. Yesterday we met her in Walmart and she picked out a big box of freezies and 2 cartons of chocolate milk..passed us 10 dollars and told us to buy it for my daughter to bring home. She then said "you better buy her that stuff because it's from grammy". So my 3 year old is expecting these things to come home, I kinda had no choice because then I'm the bad guy. My point is....does she even care that we are trying to make this a healthier household?? Why is it so important for her to have this junk in the house for my daughter? It's taken me awhile to clean this house out of junk and provide her with sensible healthy snacks instead and it makes me mad that my mother in law thinks it's so important for her to have these treats. I am fighting a food addiction and need her to understand that I'm trying to stop the cycle with my daughter. There's a long line of diabetes and heart disease and other weight related diseases in this family and I'm doing my best to make sure she makes healthier choices growing up. Sabotage or just clueless???

Why not just say, "Oh, how about instead of that, we get her some of this... she loves this!"?

I swear some people act like they have no voice.

Camera_BagintheUK

Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

yeah but don't you think there's a bit of a difference between buying something and giving it to the grandchild yourself, and foisting it on the mother and demanding she buys it for you? One is granny treating the grandchild. The other is a bit intrusive and controlling.

twinketta

Just say NO.

You can be polite and say NO thanks, NO thank you, NO because, NO and I am trying to educate my kids and myself with more healthy eating.

NO but I understand you want to give the grandchildren a treat, can you help to find something more helpful, maybe a hula hoop that they can enjoy

labeachgirl

She's just clueless. Tell her she can buy it for her house when your 3 year old visits, but otherwise it's your house, your menu.

Love_Is_My_Fuel

Forgot to mention that she is also aware of the risk of diabetes to my children ( 1 in 7 ) with an unhealthy lifestyle. Also knows about my addiction to sugar and how hard it's been to give it up. It's not even the fact that she can buy it for her house, she doesn't go there regularly enough to worry about it...it's the fact that she wants my child to eat sugar and junk food being well aware of the consequences. I know it's normal for grandparents to want to treat kids but why not a hoola hoop?? That was a good point...why does the treat have to be food? I am trying to teach my daughter good eating habits and exposing her to these treats are kinda disrespectful. She's aware of everything and refuses to change, I have a voice and its the reason why we don't get along.

twinmoon

I agree with twinketta - be clear, say No. You can't control her home - I know it's disrespectful. Frankly, it's beyond that - a 3 year old's sugar consumption has to be monitored. It's not just unhealthy, it impacts her development.
Maybe get some age appropriate books about healthy foods for your daughter. Here are a couple suggestions from Amazon. Also, maybe buy toy foods that reflect your healthy choices, like fruits and veggies.

http://www.amazon.com/Good-Enough-Eat-Guide-Nutrition/dp/0064451747/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372633156&sr=1-1&keywords=healthy+child
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0316787086/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=1-2&qid=1372633417

51lbs - that is amazing and not for the faint of heart. You're a strong woman and a good role model for your daughter.

Contrarian

Forgot to mention that she is also aware of the risk of diabetes to my children ( 1 in 7 ) with an unhealthy lifestyle. Also knows about my addiction to sugar and how hard it's been to give it up. It's not even the fact that she can buy it for her house, she doesn't go there regularly enough to worry about it...it's the fact that she wants my child to eat sugar and junk food being well aware of the consequences. I know it's normal for grandparents to want to treat kids but why not a hoola hoop?? That was a good point...why does the treat have to be food? I am trying to teach my daughter good eating habits and exposing her to these treats are kinda disrespectful. She's aware of everything and refuses to change, I have a voice and its the reason why we don't get along.

With many older people, food goes hand in hand with love. I'm not saying it's right, but It is pretty common. The suggestion of a small toy for a treat is a good one. Ask her to do that. Tell her that you are trying to reduce her sugar consumption on the advice of her pediatrician. It's a lie, but if she thinks it is coming from a doctor, she will probably be more likely to abide by your wishes.

Sometimes, it's simply a case of older people thinking that if it was okay for them and for their children, then it is okay for their grandchildren. I honestly don't think she means any harm.

unFATuated

Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

Why do 'treats' need to come in the form of junk food? Kids don't need any of it. Why can't treats come in the form of time spent with the child? Or if money needs to be spent - books, toys or other non-food gifts. I think more does need to be read into it, because even if she's not consciously trying to sabotage the new lifestyle she needs to learn that buying junk for a toddler isn't the best way to give 'treats'.

pkw58

Honestly, my grandma kept cookies and cakes ready for us and I think it is jus ttime you set her down and explain the obesity epidemic and how life is better if we are in a healthy weight range and eat healthy. Your child needs her sleep and doesn't need to be up all night hocked up on sweets. If you make it all about we know better now, it is a different story.

Contrarian

Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

Why do 'treats' need to come in the form of junk food? Kids don't need any of it. Why can't treats come in the form of time spent with the child? Or if money needs to be spent - books, toys or other non-food gifts. I think more does need to be read into it, because even if she's not consciously trying to sabotage the new lifestyle she needs to learn that buying junk for a toddler isn't the best way to give 'treats'.

Please see my above post.

stardancer7

If this were happening in my household, I would make sure my husband was playing an active role in communicating our wishes to the MIL, too.

FearAnLoathingJ

Listen the only way someone could sabotage you is if they were sneaking in while you are asleep and shoving ding dongs down your throat.... Otherwise you are sabotaging yourself. Willpower is key.

lovingbears2

I'm sure she doesn't understand, and I would suggest sitting down and talking with her. She probably uses food as a way to show love so when your daughter wants junk she wants to give it to her. I went through a similar issue with my ex mother in law. I tried talking and it didn't work. I finally just explained to my son that it's not good to eat that kind of food all the time, and it wouldn't be in our house, but grandma's house was grandma's house.

I agree with this. As both you and your HUSBAND have a weight issue, she probably did the same thing to him as a child, as other people mentioned, equates giving treats and food as an expression of love. I would simply tell her that because both you and your husband have a weight problem, that you don't want to pass it on to your child, and want the child to have HEALTHY snacks and treats. She may look at is as the child is being "deprived" of goodies because you and your husband are "dieting". Let her know that children with overweight parents are more likely to be overweight. Remind her that most children in the USA now are having earlier and earlier health issues, including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and becoming Type 2 diabetes before they get out of high school, which is becoming more and more prevalent, and you don't want your child going there, or to learn to equate food with love and emotions. Healthy choices are fine, if she wants to buy them (or make them ) for the child, but NO JUNK FOOD! By appealing to the grandmother's sense of helping you to protect the child's health, rather than your own weight loss issues and concerns, you stand a better chance of having her as an ally in your PROTECTING your child rather than an adversary against your own weight loss concerns. Best of luck!!! Be strong!:flowerforyou:

kdeaux1959

Could be neither; many have a skewed sense of "healthy"; for example I have been told by co-workers that I have become too thin and that I don't need to lose any more weight. I have even been referred to as "emaciated"... All that being said, understand that I am (and was at the time) 225 lbs 6'3" with a BMI of 27-28.... Far from emaciated ... But people have become so accustomed to overweight being acceptable that a healthy weight seems unhealthy... People who do not watch what they eat feel that you are trying to deprive yourself and your children... perhaps it is just a phase and if they prod enough, maybe you will get over it and get on with your life; all that being said, you have to control your own house and as long as what you are doing is healthy, you are doing the right thing. Best wishes!

CarterCantStop

I understand your frustration i live with my family still and they will buy things that i love for me and then get upset when i dont eat it knowing its not in my diet and i really do think my family means well but it upsets me and i know that if i ever have kids i want them to know what a heathty life style is like because i didnt get that growing up so i would say thank you for the offer but we dont keep those things in our house anymore and i would appericate it if you would keep that in mind when your eating with or buying food for your grand daugther

gigglybeth

She's aware of everything and refuses to change, I have a voice and its the reason why we don't get along.

She's not going to change. The only person who you can consciously change in this situation is you. Inform her that food treats aren't welcome anymore, but books, stickers, bubbles whatever your daughter likes are more then welcome. Tell her food treats are either going straight in the trash or home with her, then stick with it. Your 3 year old might be annoyed if you have to send back the popsicles or whatever, but she'll get over it.

lilpoindexter

Of course she is sabotaging your work, DUH. Let me guess...she is fat, right? You losing weight makes her look like a lazy fattie. If you lose weight, it makes her harder to make excuses for not losing weight.