Sabotauge or just clueless???

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Love_Is_My_Fuel
Love_Is_My_Fuel Posts: 211 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm seriously starting to think that my mother in law is sabotaging this weight loss for my husband and I. A couple weeks ago she picks up my 3 year old daughter for a breakfast date and sends her home with chocolate and a big tub of gummy candies. Gummy candies was something I was very much addicted to before and it took everything in my power to not eat any of them and throw them in the garbage. I did throw them out and felt good about it but would have rathered them not be in the house in the first place. Yesterday we met her in Walmart and she picked out a big box of freezies and 2 cartons of chocolate milk..passed us 10 dollars and told us to buy it for my daughter to bring home. She then said "you better buy her that stuff because it's from grammy". So my 3 year old is expecting these things to come home, I kinda had no choice because then I'm the bad guy. My point is....does she even care that we are trying to make this a healthier household?? Why is it so important for her to have this junk in the house for my daughter? It's taken me awhile to clean this house out of junk and provide her with sensible healthy snacks instead and it makes me mad that my mother in law thinks it's so important for her to have these treats. I am fighting a food addiction and need her to understand that I'm trying to stop the cycle with my daughter. There's a long line of diabetes and heart disease and other weight related diseases in this family and I'm doing my best to make sure she makes healthier choices growing up. Sabotage or just clueless???
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Replies

  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    It's probably just ignorance. The next time she hands you money and says you better buy something just stand up and say you'd rather not. Explain to her that you and your husband are trying to make better choices and that while you appreciate the offer it is easier for you if certain foods are not at your house right now. If Grammy wants to keep treats at her house for your 3 year old that's great, but what enters your house is your decision.
  • Coyoteldy
    Coyoteldy Posts: 219 Member
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    I will go with clueless.... might want to sit her down and explain the house rules to her...let her know that you are happy to have your daughter enjoy these things at HER house as a treat but that's not what you bring into yours... stick with it...you are doing the right thing for you and your family. My co workers constantly bring in yummys, stuff I find hard to resist, even though they know I have been dieting and changing my lifestyle.... I now do not allow them to bring them into my lab to "share".. they can have it in the office area and I simply don't go in there. Many many people equate food with caring so I prefer to see it as a nice gesture, but something I do not partake of. It took them awhile but they eventually get it.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Unless she's force feeding you then no...not sabotage.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    I've found the word 'No' is very useful when communicating your desires with someone.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I don't think there is anything wrong with telling Grammy you don't want your child eating so much junk! One small chocolate bar is a treat, a family size box of sweets is ridiculous!
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
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    I can't believe she's strapping you and your husband to a chair and force feeding you! SABOTAGE! jk.

    No seriously.... you can do this with willpower. You don't have to eat it if it's in the house. Make conscious changes. Talk to a professional about your food addiction and how to handle outside influences. The mother in law isn't the bad guy or scapegoat.

    A box of freezies for your kid in the summer isn't the end of the world.
  • Sublimely_Self_Righteous
    Sublimely_Self_Righteous Posts: 429
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    Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

    Stop it. It's more complicated than that. Clearly, Grammy has a very complex and subtle plan to sabotage their weight loss plan. It starts with the children, because everyone knows that grandparents like to buy treats for their grandchildren. The next step to watch out for is Grammy is going to offer to cook everyone dinner for a holiday meal. Be careful! She is trying to sabotage you!
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    yes. sabotage. just break up.

    next question?
  • SidsMom80
    SidsMom80 Posts: 97 Member
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    I'm sure she doesn't understand, and I would suggest sitting down and talking with her. She probably uses food as a way to show love so when your daughter wants junk she wants to give it to her. I went through a similar issue with my ex mother in law. I tried talking and it didn't work. I finally just explained to my son that it's not good to eat that kind of food all the time, and it wouldn't be in our house, but grandma's house was grandma's house.
  • GiGiBeans
    GiGiBeans Posts: 1,062 Member
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    Healthy choices are definitely a good thing to teach but so is portion control. You can explain too much is not good but small amounts in a well balanced diet are fine. Maybe that mentality will help later when she's a teen discovering booze :tongue:
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I've found the word 'No' is very useful when communicating your desires with someone.

    Yep.

    Also moving 1500 miles from my family helped.
  • Zombella
    Zombella Posts: 490 Member
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    I don't know her but I definitely do NOT think she is clueless. First I want to say that you or your husband have to sit down to tell her that you are making changes, and that includes for your daughter because you want her to have a healthy life, PERIOD. If she doesn't respect your decision, then she isn't respecting you. You need to let her know this now, before it gets out of control and your daughter ends up being addicted to food, or at least junk food.
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
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    I'm seriously starting to think that my mother in law is sabotaging this weight loss for my husband and I. A couple weeks ago she picks up my 3 year old daughter for a breakfast date and sends her home with chocolate and a big tub of gummy candies. Gummy candies was something I was very much addicted to before and it took everything in my power to not eat any of them and throw them in the garbage. I did throw them out and felt good about it but would have rathered them not be in the house in the first place. Yesterday we met her in Walmart and she picked out a big box of freezies and 2 cartons of chocolate milk..passed us 10 dollars and told us to buy it for my daughter to bring home. She then said "you better buy her that stuff because it's from grammy". So my 3 year old is expecting these things to come home, I kinda had no choice because then I'm the bad guy. My point is....does she even care that we are trying to make this a healthier household?? Why is it so important for her to have this junk in the house for my daughter? It's taken me awhile to clean this house out of junk and provide her with sensible healthy snacks instead and it makes me mad that my mother in law thinks it's so important for her to have these treats. I am fighting a food addiction and need her to understand that I'm trying to stop the cycle with my daughter. There's a long line of diabetes and heart disease and other weight related diseases in this family and I'm doing my best to make sure she makes healthier choices growing up. Sabotage or just clueless???

    Why not just say, "Oh, how about instead of that, we get her some of this... she loves this!"?

    I swear some people act like they have no voice.
  • Camera_BagintheUK
    Camera_BagintheUK Posts: 707 Member
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    Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

    yeah but don't you think there's a bit of a difference between buying something and giving it to the grandchild yourself, and foisting it on the mother and demanding she buys it for you? One is granny treating the grandchild. The other is a bit intrusive and controlling.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    Just say NO.

    You can be polite and say NO thanks, NO thank you, NO because, NO and I am trying to educate my kids and myself with more healthy eating.

    NO but I understand you want to give the grandchildren a treat, can you help to find something more helpful, maybe a hula hoop that they can enjoy
  • labeachgirl
    labeachgirl Posts: 158 Member
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    She's just clueless. Tell her she can buy it for her house when your 3 year old visits, but otherwise it's your house, your menu.
  • Love_Is_My_Fuel
    Love_Is_My_Fuel Posts: 211 Member
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    Forgot to mention that she is also aware of the risk of diabetes to my children ( 1 in 7 ) with an unhealthy lifestyle. Also knows about my addiction to sugar and how hard it's been to give it up. It's not even the fact that she can buy it for her house, she doesn't go there regularly enough to worry about it...it's the fact that she wants my child to eat sugar and junk food being well aware of the consequences. I know it's normal for grandparents to want to treat kids but why not a hoola hoop?? That was a good point...why does the treat have to be food? I am trying to teach my daughter good eating habits and exposing her to these treats are kinda disrespectful. She's aware of everything and refuses to change, I have a voice and its the reason why we don't get along.
  • twinmoon
    twinmoon Posts: 108 Member
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    I agree with twinketta - be clear, say No. You can't control her home - I know it's disrespectful. Frankly, it's beyond that - a 3 year old's sugar consumption has to be monitored. It's not just unhealthy, it impacts her development.
    Maybe get some age appropriate books about healthy foods for your daughter. Here are a couple suggestions from Amazon. Also, maybe buy toy foods that reflect your healthy choices, like fruits and veggies.

    http://www.amazon.com/Good-Enough-Eat-Guide-Nutrition/dp/0064451747/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372633156&sr=1-1&keywords=healthy+child
    http://www.amazon.com/dp/0316787086/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=1-2&qid=1372633417

    51lbs - that is amazing and not for the faint of heart. You're a strong woman and a good role model for your daughter.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Forgot to mention that she is also aware of the risk of diabetes to my children ( 1 in 7 ) with an unhealthy lifestyle. Also knows about my addiction to sugar and how hard it's been to give it up. It's not even the fact that she can buy it for her house, she doesn't go there regularly enough to worry about it...it's the fact that she wants my child to eat sugar and junk food being well aware of the consequences. I know it's normal for grandparents to want to treat kids but why not a hoola hoop?? That was a good point...why does the treat have to be food? I am trying to teach my daughter good eating habits and exposing her to these treats are kinda disrespectful. She's aware of everything and refuses to change, I have a voice and its the reason why we don't get along.

    With many older people, food goes hand in hand with love. I'm not saying it's right, but It is pretty common. The suggestion of a small toy for a treat is a good one. Ask her to do that. Tell her that you are trying to reduce her sugar consumption on the advice of her pediatrician. It's a lie, but if she thinks it is coming from a doctor, she will probably be more likely to abide by your wishes.

    Sometimes, it's simply a case of older people thinking that if it was okay for them and for their children, then it is okay for their grandchildren. I honestly don't think she means any harm.

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